“Shh! There’s a baby inside her! The baby’s going to be like, no, I’ll stay in here, thank you!”

“I have a piece of paper here. Floor 3, Row 7, Seat 3. Rachel. Where are you, Rachel? Now, I don’t know… I hope this isn’t a surprise to you. You’re pregnant. Rachel, you’re pregnant. I was about to ask your name. Rachel! How far along are you, Rachel? Five months. First of all, congratulations. Do you know what you’re having? I do! So, SHHH, THERE’S A BABY INSIDE! Baby’s like, ‘No, I’ll stay in here!’ Rachel, first of all. Couple of things. One, there’s not many surprises left in life. Would you prefer to wait to find out? Just checking. Secondly, are you okay with me telling you? […] I’m gonna tell you what it is. I feel like there should be more of a crescendo. If you’re gonna have a baby, you need a chime! A PREGNANCY CHIME! Rachel, how do you want me to do this? It feels like too big of a moment. I feel like I should have balloons… something to say ‘YOU’RE HAVING A BOY’! YOU’RE HAVING A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rachel is having a boy. Are you happy? She’s like, ‘I bought LOTS of stuff in yellow!’”

“I have a piece of paper! Floor 3. Row 7. Seat 3. Rachel! You’re pregnant! How far along are you? 5 months? Congratulations! Do you know what you’re having? Because I do!”

“maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too…. but you, you never do……. do you?”

“Can I read this? ‘I’m gonna come out to my parents because of you.’ Are your parents here? Where are they? In a hotel room. How far is the hotel room? 4 miles. I think if it gets quiet, what’s your mother’s name? Tina. It’s quite possible I’m gonna tell Tina before you get a chance. Shh! SHH! This is a FAMILY SHOW! ……..or is it?! SHH! SHH! [clears throat] TINA!!!!!!!!!! SHE’S GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TINA SAYS, shh!! TINA SAYS SHE LOVES YOU! CONGRATULATIONS! I’m very happy for you! TINA, SHE’S GAY!!!! 1, 2, 3, [entire crowd screams] TINA, SHE’S GAY!!! I’ve gotta put it on a t-shirt.”