nobody talks about how exhausting it is to live in that space between "things will get better" and "i can't handle this anymore." it's like your emotions are constantly swinging. leaving you both hopeful and defeated in the same day.

the thing is i do think shane would ask ilya to fuck him like one of his Girls and then be surprised when it’s good but it’s not good, he’s not rough and he’s not as sweet either, doesn’t kiss him quite the same, nor often enough, the way ilya knows he likes, doesn’t speak to him the same either: not soft and low, voice gravelly, nearly cracked in half, russian unintelligible. shane realizes it’s like ilya’s just going through the motions, and when he finally gets bored (bc it is boring) and asks ilya to fuck him seriously, fuck him properly, he realizes just how much he can bring out of ilya, just how different it feels when it’s him, when it’s them. that there’s a side of ilya only shane can coax out of him. andddddd i do think it makes shane a bit prideful, a bit cocky…. montreal jane’s ilya’s number one girl, after all.

a perfectly ripe mango could change the trajectory of my life

I’m not allowed to cry today

Failed btw