queen & borhap casts enthusiast.

He pads down the bus hallway into the kitchen area and pulls out a bottle of water from the fridge, his body swaying with the motion of the bus as he swallows the water down. He’s trying to recollect the moment of his nightmare that jolted him awake as he chugs the water when he suddenly feels a hand on the back of his neck. 

He nearly jumps out of his skin and the last remnants of water spurts from his mouth nearly choking him.

“Woah, hey, it’s me,” Calum’s voice is gruff from sleep. 

With a racing heart, Ashton turns around wiping his hand down his chest that was splashed with water. Calum’s eyes are heavy, his lips are a little chapped and there’s lines indented on his cheeks from his pillow. 

“What are you doing up?” Calum asks, his eyes are half-lidded.

“Nightmare,” Ashton mutters and moves to the couch. He falls onto it then quickly sits up resting his elbows on his knees. His legs start to shake. 

“What happened?” Calum joins him on the couch placing a comforting hand on his back. “You haven’t had nightmares since…a very long time.”

“I know. I can’t quite figure out….y/n was there but you weren’t and she was crying and there were these lights flashing…”

“Like at our show?”

“No, they were–” Ashton takes a deep breath and exhales heavily “--they were police lights.”

“Was she hurt? Was I hurt?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know why it frightened me awake!” he crushes the plastic bottle in his hand, and tosses it to the floor. Calum shifts closer.

“It’s all right, hey… c’mere,” he wraps his arms around Ashton’s shoulders and cradles his head against his chest. He kisses the top of his head. “It was just a bad dream. I’m fine, you’re fine, and we spoke with y/n before we went to bed. We’re all okay.” 

Ashton allowed himself to be comforted by Calum, he tried to focus on Calum’s gentle breaths and the rhythmic way his thumb made circles on his shoulder. Something in his gut told Ashton that something was happening, or has happened, or will happen. He just doesn’t know what and he hates how y/n isn’t in proximity so he can be sure that everyone he loves is safe and sound.

***

“Are you all right?” Luke asks Ashton just before they’re supposed to go onstage in Frankfurt. Luke stares in concern at his best friend’s eyes that look slightly crazed. 

“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine,” Ashton grunts and glances quickly at Calum. Ever since Ashton woke up from that nightmare he’s been on edge and hasn’t been sleeping. 

“You sure?” Calum asks, stepping closer to his boyfriend. “We can delay it five minutes if you need to center yourself–”

“I’m fine. Let’s have a great show,” Ashton shoves himself between Luke and Calum and joins Michael by the stairs. 

The show is incredible, the crowd is amazing and Ashton is thankful for the muscle memory that comes with playing the drums. His hands and feet are lost in the music but his mind is not. Something keeps nudging the back of his mind, it’s like an itch he can’t scratch. 

During the last chorus of Youngblood, he catches their tour manager off to the side waving frantically at him. She’s pointing at his phone that is lit up from her quick movements. 

Something is wrong. 

He nods to her and finishes the song on a high note. He doesn’t even join the others for their final bow, he drags Calum offstage and faintly hears Luke make some excuse to the crowd that Ashton apparently had to take a piss and couldn’t wait much longer.

“What’s going on?” Ashton asks Liv, her eyes are wide. 

“There was an incident with y/n…just listen to your messages,” she says handing him his phone. 

Ashton stalks off with Calum and Liv hot on his heels. Calum is badgering her with questions as Ashton quickly scrolls through his notifications. There’s multiple alerts from their home security system, about twenty missed calls from the LA Police Department and y/n’s name popping up. His vision is blurred as he imagines the worst and finally selects one of the voicemails. 

In three consecutive messages he listens to the security department. The alarm was triggered at 11:41 p.m. The alarm was silenced by 11:44 p.m. The alarm was triggered at multiple points and a phone call was sent to the Police Department. 

“Ash! What the fuck is happening?!” Calum’s loud voice pulls him back to the present and they’re somehow in the dressing room. Calum’s eyes are frantic, still wired from performing and wired now out of fear. 

“The alarm at the house was triggered and the police were called,” Ashton’s answer is toneless. There’s one more voicemail from a number he doesn’t recognize. He plays it on speaker so Calum can hear, Calum’s chest is pressed against Ashton’s arm. 

“Hello Mr. Irwin. This is Deputy Crane with the LAPD. We got a call from a triggered alarm inside your home and there’s a broken window near the back entrance. My partner and I found the two culprits and your girlfriend was hidden in the closet. We’ve taken the suspects into custody and are getting a statement from Miss y/l/n. Please, call me back at 555-0138.”

Ashton meets Calum’s gaze, his heart stopped. His nightmare came true but the details were even more horrifying.

“Where’s y/n?” Calum demands then turns to Liv. “Have you heard from her? Did the police call you? Did she?”

“Deputy Crane got a hold of me and I spoke with y/n and she’s staying with Sierra–”

“Where’s my phone? I need to call her and make sure she’s okay. She’s not hurt, is she? Ash, did the cop say she was hurt?”

“It’s right here, I can–”

“Liv,” Ashton clears his throat then holds onto Calum’s shoulder with a firm grip. “Please get her on the next direct flight to us, I don’t care how much it is.”

Liv glances at Calum before nodding and pulling out her phone to do what she was asked. 

“How can you be so calm about this?!” Calum roars just as Michael and Luke enter the dressing room. “Our girlfriend was in the house as it was broken into and you’re just standing there?! What the fuck, Ash?”

“What?!” Michael exclaims. 

Calum shoves Ashton but Ashton wrestles with him until Calum is tucked safely in his arms. Calum tries to push him away and gets in a few good punches before he finally grasps at Ashton’s back.

“She’s on her way to us right now,” Ashton says softly into Calum’s hair, it’s still a little sweaty from the show. He holds him tighter when he feels Calum’s body shake and hot tears leak onto the skin of his neck. “We’ll call her. I’m scared, too, but she doesn’t need us to be scared. We’re an ocean away and she’s the one that’s frightened.” 

Ashton fumbles with Calum until he’s holding his cheeks in his hands, his skin is glistening with his tears and sweat. 

“She needs us right now, can you do that for her, babe?” Ashton asks and Calum nods. “Let’s try and call her.”

Somehow they maneuver to the couch and Ashton taps her name on his phone. Calum wipes at his face then nods at Ashton that he’s ready. He doesn’t even know what time it is by her right now but he doesn’t care. 

“Ash, where’s Cal–” her voice is frantic and shrill.

“We’re both here, baby,” Ashton rushes. “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

Her response is a loud cry in their ears. Tears spring in Ashton’s and Calum buries his face in Ashton’s neck, his fingers are gripping Ashton’s bicep tightly. 

“We’re both here, baby, we’re right here. Liv is getting you a flight out to us as soon as she can.”

“I don’t want to be by myself!” y/n cries. “Please, can Sierra come with me, I can’t be alone, Ash. I can’t, I–”

“Of course Sierra can fly with you,” Ashton looks pointedly at Luke who nods and rushes off to find Liv to inform her of another ticket. “You’re with her now, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you hurt?” He asks again because he needs to know that.

“N-no.”

“Did they–were they near you?” Calum asks sniffling, his voice thick. 

“Almost,” she whispers, then starts crying again.

Liv returns with Luke and calls for Ashton. Calum continues to talk softly with y/n as Ashton goes to Liv. 

“I got a flight in two hours, that’s the earliest one. We’ll be staying in Frankfurt until they land.”

“How long is that?”

“Almost eleven hours,” Liv sighs.

Thirteen hours until Ashton will be able to see for himself that y/n is fine and in one piece. Thirteen more hours until they’ll get to hold her again. 

***

Calum had another eruption when they were told he and Ashton couldn’t go pick y/n up from the airport. News of the break-in traveled fast in the social media world and the airport was still swarmed with some fans and paparazzi. Calum was so angry he tried stealing his bodyguard’s keys to the car. 

It was a grueling thirteen hours. Ashton paced and Calum festered as they waited and waited. When it was time for y/n and Sierra to be picked up, Liv personally went with Ashton’s bodyguard Simon to the airport. 

Ashton wishes they were in a hotel instead of the bus. He wishes they were back home with her where she was familiar with her surroundings and not in some country she’s never been to. He wishes he was there when the break-in happened. 

He wishes it never happened. 

His phone buzzes and he looks at the notification from Liv.

Pulling next to the bus now.

“Cal.”

Swiftly but silently, the two men exit the bus just as the black SUV pulls around the back of the bus. Both of them run to the car and pull open the door before it comes to a complete stop and then she’s in their arms. 

She’s here, she's here, she's here. 

They’re a tangle of arms and hands and lips kissing through salty tears. y/n’s crying the hardest because it’s been a long thirty-seven hours. Calum’s hold on her is tight, he never wants to let her go again but Ashton pulls back a little and touches the back of her head. 

“Can I get a proper look at you, please?” he asks softly and y/n removes her face from Calum’s chest. Ashton cups her face, his thumbs rubbing at the dark circles under her eyes as if that would make the darkness disappear. Her eyes are red and puffy, he can tell she hasn’t slept. 

There’s a brokenness in her eyes paired with a fear he’s never seen before.

“Guys,” Liv says, “y/n’s things are packed on the bus and we need to get going.”

“Okay,” Ashton nods and he kisses y/n’s forehead. “Take my hand, baby.”

Their fingers laced together in a tight grip, Calum wraps his arm around y/n’s waist keeping her close to him as they guide her to the bus. Michael and Luke greet her gently and with tight hugs telling her how happy they are that she’s safe and with them all now. Sierra is welcomed by Luke next and they veer off to the couch talking quietly amongst themselves, their eyes darting to y/n, Ashton and Calum.

The three of them moved to the back of the bus where the space was larger with a bed. y/n was already in comfy clothes (old sweatpants of Calum’s and a crewneck of Ashton’s that hasn’t fit him in about three years) so she crawled onto the bed. Ashton joined her as Calum closed the door before joining them as well. 

It’s easy to hold each other even though it’s been so long since they have, Calum tickles designs on y/n’s leg and Ashton massages his fingers on her head. 

“You’re safe now,” Ashton murmurs then kisses her hair. His words cause her to cry again, her body shakes between them and they fold even closer together.

“We love you,” Calum hums and kisses her cheek. 

“I’m so tired, but everytime I close my eyes…I relive it,” she whispers. 

“No one’s going to hurt you,” Calum vows, kissing her cheek. “Try to sleep, baby.  Ash and I are right here. You’re safe.”

Ashton begins to hum a song while he and Cal continue to give y/n comforting touches. Eventually, her breathing shallows but she nestles in closer to them until Ashton taps Calum’s arm nodding towards her. Her eyes are closed. They join hands above her head on the pillows and eventually they fall asleep as well. 

***

Calum swirled awake by soft whimpering behind him. His head feels heavy and his mouth is dry but he turns around and feels y/n fidgeting in her sleep. Ashton is snoring softly next to her, one hand laid flat on his chest while the other hangs off the edge of the bed. Calum flicks on the salt lamp Ashton insisted on bringing and they were all lit up from the warm amber glow. 

“Hey…y/n baby, wake up,” Calum strokes her cheek and her head snaps in his direction. Her eyes stare wide into his as she gasps awake. “Shh, you’re alright. You’re here on the bus with me and Ash. Were you having a nightmare?”

He continues to stroke at her face as she recollects herself and slows her breathing. She finally nods in response to his answer. 

“I couldn’t find you or Ashton and I kept running and running and someone was chasing me but I couldn’t get to where you were.” 

“We’re all together now,” he affirms again and kisses her temple. 

“What time is it?” 

He cranes his neck to look at the digital clock near the headboard. 

“Almost three. Do you want to go back to sleep or talk for a little bit?”

“Can we talk? Unless you’re tired–”

“We can talk. I’ve missed our late night talks while Ashton sleeps,” he smiles. “What do you want to talk about?” 

“Anything. Tell me about your favorite places so far that you’ve visited.” 

He tells her. He tells her about the crowds and the shops and different restaurants they’ve all tried. His voice is so low as he explains that y/n is lulled back to sleep cuddled into Calum’s chest. He’s about to turn out the salt lamp when Ashton rolls over and tucks himself against y/n’s back, his face hidden in the back of her head. 

Calum smiles at them both, his heart swelling with love and happiness that they’re all together again. Then he’s reminded of the reason y/n’s here early and he gets angry. He doesn’t really want her to go back home after what happened. He doesn’t even know her side of the experience, how traumatic it was for her. 

Did she see the intruders? Did she hear them? How close exactly were they to her?

He ends up tossing and turning all night and wakes up with dark circles under his eyes that match y/n’s. While the team set up at the new venue in Ljubljana y/n was attached to Ashton and Calum like glue and they didn’t mind one bit. She’d help them with whatever they were doing so it wasn’t like she was just a shadow that followed them around. 

When it was time for them to head to the stage, they each kissed her cheeks and she went in the opposite direction with Sierra to go stand in their area that was reserved for them. Ashton requested three security guards to be with them for the whole show as an extra precaution.

The show was phenomenal and y/n had a great time singing and dancing with Sierra. And just like that, the show was over and they were being ushered back to the dressing room, y/n was buzzing from the show and as soon as Ashton saw her, he lifted her up and gave her a big kiss. 

It was full of heat and electricity and longing from being apart for so long. Then she heard Luke and Michael’s voices and she broke the kiss but her lips still tingled. She knows Luke and Michael know about hers, Ashton and Calum’s relationship but she didn’t want to weird them out or anything with public displays of affection. 

“Ash…”

“I know,” he sighs, pressing his forehead to hers, his hands holding onto her waist. “Missed you, and I’m always a little electric after a show.”

“Where’s my kisses?” Calum asks opening a bottle of water. He takes a long swallow, the plastic crinkling in his fingers. 

“Beat you to it,” Ashton grins and kisses y/n’s cheek. 

“I’ve got plenty for you,” she smiles. She untangles herself from Ashton, grabs Calum by the back of his neck and gives him a sweet kiss. 

“I need a bit more than that, baby,” Calum mumbles and sucks on her bottom lip, his fingers fisting at her shirt. 

“You know we’ve got a hotel room tonight,” Ashton reminds them quietly. y/n pulls her lips away from Calum.

“Really?” she asks.

“Mhm, a master suite,” Ashton grins.

Ashton and Calum gather their things quickly, tuck y/n between them, and make their way out of the venue and into the car that will take them to the hotel. Once they arrived, they noticed there were some fans standing off to the side of the main doors and Calum’s hand immediately found y/n’s. 

“You two head in first,” Ashton suggests, “I’ll talk with them for a bit. I’ll see you soon, baby.” He kisses her cheek.

Calum opens the door and he and y/n slip out, hurrying behind the bodyguard that’s leading them inside. y/n stays close to Calum’s side watching his and her feet on the concrete and then the one, two, three, four steps. She faintly hears Ashton’s voice and the excitement from the cluster of fans and then it’s gone and the lobby of the hotel is cool. 

People are talking in different languages all around her but she focuses on Calum’s hand in hers, she focuses on the way his thumb is grooving circles in her skin, how his smell invades her nose. Then there’s a ding and they’re in the elevator. Calum is talking quietly with the bodyguard. y/n is focusing on her breathing. 

Her head feels heavy and there’s a sharp ringing in her ears as they enter the hotel room. Five months ago she, Ashton and Calum agreed not to have sex or pleasure themselves while they were apart and to instead save it for when they were all together again. She missed them, she missed being close to them and connecting with them and feeling their skin under her fingers. 

But the scare of the break-in and being alone while it happened changed her. 

Suddenly, Calum’s hand isn’t in hers anymore and her head snaps up to see him by the windows. His lips are moving as he talks to her but she doesn’t hear the words. He closes the curtains then he says something else. His eyebrows pull together and he repeats it coming closer to her. 

His voice sounds dubbed and muffled and then it’s loud and clear as he calls her name and demands her to breathe. She’s not breathing?

“Y/n baby, focus on me, okay? Look at me,” he says gently and cups her cheeks in his hands. “Look right at me, focus on my voice. Can you hear me?” 

She jerks her head in a nod and she realizes she’s shaking, her jaw clenched. 

“Shh, shh, try to relax for me, it’s okay. We’re safe in the room. Ash will be up soon…what does he say to you when you’re like this?” The question was him thinking out loud but y/n’s mind is blank for an answer. 

“There we go, that’s a good girl…gentle breaths now, nice and slow…”

She tries to match her breaths with the slow rise and fall of his shoulders but the colors start to darken. She blinks the dark splotches and then the door slams open, she jumps out of her skin and a loud yelp escapes her. 

“What happened?” Ashton demands, his voice is stern but his hands are gentle as he removes Calum’s hands so he can hold her face. He feels her jaw is clenched. “Baby, tell me what’s wrong.”

She stares at him and Calum, their eyes wide in alarm and concern and she shakes her head looking down. Her lower lip trembles and suddenly her cheeks are wet. She’s clenching her jaw to try and stop herself from crying but she’s crying anyway.

“Please tell me,” Ashton begs, his hazel eyes finding hers. “Did something…trigger you about that night?” 

She sucks in a deep breath of air and exhales a sharp, ‘no.’

“Okay, did you see something? Hear someone say something?”

“No,” she shakes her head, voice meek and timid and more tears fall. Ashton’s thumbs swipe each tear drop. 

“Please tell us, baby, you’re frightening us,” Calum says.

She lifts her hands through the triangle of Ashton’s arms to hide her face in shame and embarrassment. 

“It’s so stupid…you’ll hate me…” she’s not even sure why she’s acting and responding so hysterically right now. 

“We could never hate you,” Ashton protests.

“You can tell us anything,” Calum confirms. 

“Idontwantohavesefmph.” 

“We can’t understand you with your mouth covered, angel,” Ashton smiles. He pinches her cheeks lightly until her hands drop and she looks at them both with her big eyes and wet lashes. 

“I don’t want to have sex yet…tonight or…or soon.”

“Oh,” Ashton’s shoulders relax and Calum lets out a deep breath. “Is that all?”

“Is that all?! It’s been five months and now because of what happened that night, I’m all messed up and my mind is…I don’t know what.”

“Baby, stop, stop, stop,” Ashton hushes her and pushes her gently on the bed. He kneels in front of her and Calum sits next to her, his arm wrapped around her back. “How could you think we’d be mad at your for not wanting to have sex? We were worried sick after what happened and just to have you here with us, sleeping in the same bed and waking up to you in the morning is more than enough.”

“I hope you didn’t feel pressured by us that we were going to have sex tonight,” Calum adds and Ashton gasps because he realizes the comment he made back in the dressing room.

“Oh, angel, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by the hotel earlier. I only meant we’d be a little more private than on the bus.”

“But you said you’re so electrice and turn on after a show–”

“Yeah, but it passes,” Ashton smiles, wiping away the last of her tears. “Honestly, I crashed on the elevator ride up here so I’m fine if we all just take a hot shower and get into bed and go straight to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” She bites her lip. 

“Positive. What do you say, Cal?” Ashton glances at Calum.

“A shower does sound nice but there’s also a very large whirlpool in the bathroom. With jets.”

“How does that sound, angel? We’ll get the pool full, me and Cal will rinse off our sweat in the shower and then we’ll just relax in the water.”

“Okay,” she sniffles, wiping at her nose. Ashton squeezes her thighs and Calum kisses her cheek. 

“You sure you’re all right now?” Calum murmurs in her ear. She nods. 

It takes about ten minutes for the whirlpool to fill, Calum and Ashton shed their clothes and hop in the shower to rinse off quickly. y/n keeps peeking at their blurred silhouettes through the shower door to make sure she’s not dreaming and they’re really there. Once they’re done showering, they exit and Calum’s feet slip on the floor and he nearly falls but grabs onto a towel rack to balance himself but the towel rack breaks clean off the wall. 

y/n’s a giggling mess at seeing him flail all naked and wet and then he breaks the towel rod? She’s laughing so hard at Calum’s cursing that she collapses onto the floor trying to catch her breath. Ashton joins in on her laughter.

“It’s not funny! I’m gonna have to pay for that and how am I supposed to explain how it broke?” Calum is trying to fix it back into place, each time he strains with it, the muscles in his arms, back and ass flex and it makes y/n laugh more. 

“I feel like you’re in a porno,” she gasps. 

“Yeah, explain that’s how it broke. We got too carried away in our throes of passion,” Ashton says and winks at y/n. 

Calum grumbles incoherent nonsense and tosses the pole to the floor. He notices the water is done in the whirlpool and he shuts it off. 

“I could have seriously injured myself, I hope you know,” he pouts to Ashton and y/n but that comment only makes them laugh harder.

“I would have caught you,” Ashton says, holding his hands out to y/n so he can lift her up off the floor. 

“But you didn’t! You would have fallen with me and we could have gotten concussed or broken a pelvis and we would be naked when the paramedics came to help us.”

“I would have draped a towel over you,” y/n giggles, unzipping her sweatshirt. 

Ashton helps her remove her clothes and Calum shakes his head climbing into the tub. Calum turns on the jets and the room is filled with the loud vibrations of the bubbles. 

“Hey, you didn’t injure yourself–or me–and y/n got a good laugh out of it. No harm, no foul,” Ashton shrugs.

“I harmed the damn towel rack,” Calum nods towards the pulled wallpaper on the wall as he holds his hand out for y/n to take. He’s momentarily frazzled by seeing her naked body again and the way her breasts shake when she laughs again. Once she’s fully seated in the water she wraps her arms around Calum’s neck. 

“I’d rather you break the towel rack than any part of you,” she tells him sweetly and peppers his cheek and nose in kisses. Ashton climbs in next to them, the water sloshes along the edges of the pool. 

“See, our sweet girl would have been devastated if you broke your pelvis,” Ashton says. 

“Now you’re just mocking me,” Calum pouts, his lips jutting out.

Ashton shakes his head because he knows he’s being a pouty baby just to get affection from y/n. Y/n knows it too but she doesn’t mind, this feels normal. This is what she needs after that horrible night of the break-in and the panic attack she experienced earlier. 

This intimacy and this knowing of each other is what she’s missed while they’ve been separated. She’s showering Calum in affection as he continues to prattle on until finally he stops because she’s slotted her lips with his. 

“Shut up,” she whispers lovingly. “If Ash kisses you, will you feel better?”

“Yes.”

She sits back and Ashton reaches over in front of her. 

“You’re ridiculous sometimes, you know that?” Ashton asks before pressing his lips to Calum’s wanting mouth. 

Calum’s a little dazed after both kisses and he smirks at his two loves.

“My ridiculousness gets me kisses though.”

***

After her episode, Ashton and Calum kept an even closer eye on her to make sure she didn’t feel pressured or triggered by anything surrounding her. They don’t press her to discuss what happened the night of the break-in, they’ll let her tell them when she’s ready. For now, they’re just relishing being in each other’s presence. 

While in Paris, the three stay in an airbnb overlooking the countryside. Ashton bought a bunch of food and Calum was inside making a large brunch spread for them. Ashton saunters out with two small cups of espresso, his mountain pants hanging loosely off his hips, necklaces dangling over his chest. 

“For you,” he hands her a cup and she takes it smacking her lips.

“Thank you.”

“Cal said about a half hour and everything will be ready,” he says and sits down in the wicker chair across from her. He pats his lap as an invitation for her to sit on his lap. She stands up gleefully and plops herself on his thighs, his arm holding her close. 

“Can we go to an art museum today?” she asks, sipping carefully at the espresso, the foam tickles her lips. 

“Sure angel,” he rubs at her thigh.

“Can we get lunch at that one cafe with all the pastries?”

“Sure angel.”

“And can we go for a boat ride on the Seine?”

“Sure angel.”

Calum comes out with his own cup of coffee and a smile on his face. He kisses y/n’s head and sits in the chair she just frequented. 

“Can we drink wine and watch the sun go down?” She twists in his lap and plays with the curls around his face.

“Sure angel,” he giggles and kisses her shoulder.

“And can we get a dog?”

“Sure angel–wait, what?”

***