ineffable

And when you talk to someone else. When you talk to someone else and look like you’re enjoying yourself, we assume that you’d rather be with them all of the time. So we leave before you can confirm or deny that.

And if you start telling us about a fun time you had with someone else it will not end well. We might be too shy to speak up about it, but it’ll still eat away at us. We’ll feel abandoned. 

And “You should have been there!” is the absolute worst thing to say. We know we should have been there. We want to have been there. We know you had fun and we’re happy that you did, but the sadness of feeling abandoned completely obliterates that. So don’t rub it in.

Instead, say, “Yeah, we had fun, but I’m glad I’m here now” or, “… that you’re here now”. It really makes us feel loved and appreciated. 

I know this barely scratches the surface of what we feel on a daily basis, but I hope this can help those who don’t know.

For example, most H&M blouses these days don’t even have boobdarts. Which means they will sit awkwardly on literally anyone with boobs, no matter the size. But on hangers or when folded on display? They look fab as fuck. Because hangers don’t have boobs. And the models chosen to show them on the catwalk are usually chosen for their lack of boobage too (unless it’s for lingerie), other requirements including ridiculous size and weight requirements. As for the average (EU available) clothing shops, the worst offender I’ve encountered yet was Zara. Everything’s way too long and way too flat: clearly aimed to look good on the catwalk models but not intended for normal people. At all.

Also sizes are just numbers. Shopping online has taught me that I’m a European M, an American XS-S, and a Japanese L-XL. And then these sizes even vary from shop to shop in the same country: I’m an XL at Apples but an S at Lola&Liza, for example. They’ve also been reducing the sizes of these numbers throughout the years to make people feel bad about themselves and to sell more weight-loss products. Don’t let a number get you down, it does not define you.

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.