#dogdad

The pink and red everywhere made him want to flee the city - except that probably didn’t help, because the rest of the country was just as into Valentine’s Day as Caston was. He was running late, and the decorations everywhere didn’t help with his annoyance. The big day was three days away, but Ben was already fed up with it. At work they’d worked on a new album to release especially on Valentine’s with a bunch of local singers, and even though he was just an assistant, he’d been forced to help out finding songs for the album. Not just that, but as the day got closer, everyone was talking about dates, love, boyfriends and girlfriends … and Ben had none of it. Well, that wasn’t entirely correct. He had Cullen. Who was his … good friend. Close friend. Literally close to him. Sometimes so close they even touched. With their lips.

It was terrifying, because Ben was certain all his (confusing) feelings for Cullen would disappear once the guy moved away from the city, and stayed away for almost a year. That should break down the .. whatever they had. Instead he felt an intense longing after him every time they texted or face timed each other. After Cullen’s return they had somehow managed their way back to almost the exact place they were before he left. Which didn’t help Ben and his confused mind. As he finally opened the doors to the cafe, he searched around and spotted Cullen not too far from the entrance. “Fuck, sorry. Work was hell,” Ben apologized as he rushed over and grabbed a chair opposite of him. A sudden - and strange - instinct wanted him to lean over and kiss him, but naturally, as they were out in public, he didn’t. Also, what the fuck was with him.

Cullen could’ve sworn he almost...---No, he wouldn’t have, would he?  For a split second, Cullen was almost sure that the blonde was going to lean in and kiss him.  For a split second, they were so close, but then he was sitting in the chair, and it was as if nothing happened.  Sometimes, the confusion Cullen had about the two of them made him dizzy.  It was so odd, despite never saying they were anything but friends, Cullen honestly felt like Ben acted more like a boyfriend than any of his previous boyfriends had (although, that could be saying something about Cullen’s past relationships).  Maybe it was the way they talked, the way they goofed around, or the way Cullen felt this immediate sense of ease and belonging when the two hung out.----God, he needed to snap out of it.

“Hey man, no worries.  I may be a lone man adrift in the land of the unemployed, but I understand.  Sometimes time just slips away from you, right? --- What’re you working on anyways?” he asked, but before Ben had a chance to answer Cullen spoke up once more.  “Oh, right, this is for you.” he said, nudging Ben’s normal coffee order in his direction.  

His fingers tapped an unsteady beat on the laminated wood of the table as he waited for his...Friend?  God, why was he so high strung?  It was just Ben.  But maybe, that was the issue.  It was Ben.  Cullen had been such a mess since coming back home, his feelings stronger than when he had left.  Seems like distance really does make the heart grow fonder.  Cullen was the sort of person who fell hard and fast but then fell out of it just as quick.  He was almost sure that once he went to Sacramento, got a taste of the people out there, he’d forget about Ben in the romantic sense, and they’d go back to being friends.  But upon getting back and seeing the blonde in person rather than through face time, his heart squeezed in his chest, and his stomach fluttered.  What in the hell was that about?  He had been infatuated before, but this wasn’t that, and that made him nervous.

His eyes couldn’t help but take note of all the pink and red decorations hung around the coffee shop.  God, was it almost Valentine’s day already?  The fast approaching holiday only served to remind him how...undefined everything was.  His future career?  Undefined, stagnant.  His relationship with Ben?  Undefined, stagnant.  He needed to start making moves in all aspects of his life.

“Ah, so I take it that Ben made you go for that run.I look at it this way, if it’s imporant to you, you make time for it. And exercise is important to me so I make time.” Gwen shrugged before reading the menu description of the meatball sub. “It looks like it’s just a meatball sub smothered in cheese. And don’t even joke, you jerk. My eggs are going to dry up before I even get a chance to start a family. At this rate, immaculate conception is my best option.”

          “And why should I care about that?”

“I get your whole thing isn’t giving a shit about anyone else, Roman, but that’s a really fucking lonely way to live.”

Maybe he had said too much. Maybe it was a terrible idea to talk about it after all. He was starting to feel a little uncomfortable as the guilt came creeping up on him, feeling like a heavy lump in his chest. The situation also started to make him feel like he was back in high school, talking to his teacher because of his bad behavior. “He didn’t do anything,” Benjamin mumbled, barely loud enough to be heard. “I did it because I didn’t want him around. — Maybe we should drop this.” Even though Cullen said he wouldn’t judge him, he was certain that would change when - or if - he heard the whole story.

It was so strange talking to someone about it like this, from this perspective. And so calmly. His former conversations with both Tyson and Alycia had not been as peaceful and the atmosphere of this little talk made him feel more safe and comfortable than any of his two other friends had managed - not that that was any of their fault. “You’re not gonna judge me? Don’t say that if you don’t mean it. And no, I didn’t steal his girlfriend. I probably drew some dicks on his face, but I can’t remember and that’s not what it was about either.” Chewing on his bottom lip he tried to figure out how to phrase himself. “He was … sort of my best friend. — It’s not like with you and Sonny. He was straight and all. But-..” He sighed. “I kinda … told some people he wasn’t.”

“Well, I am the bigger and better sister. I would only make sense that I’m smarter. Actually, I must’ve just got the good genes because I basically eat whatever I want and my body bounces back. Although, I do go to the gym everyday, or at least when I get the chance. That might mean something.” Her eyes scanned the menu to no avail. “They don’t have toasted raviol’s but they have fried ones. That’s probably the same. Do you want that? And would you wanna split a meatball sub? You could always take it home. Oh! And calamari! I want calamari! Yikes, I must be getting my period because I just wanna eat everything.”

“You can bet your ass he did,” he muttered, replying even though he figured it might have been a rhetorical question. Upon hearing Cullen’s next question, he couldn’t stop himself from snorting and almost laugh. “No… no, trust me, I’m not just being hard on myself. I was an ass. And– yeah. I would hate me too,” he added, assuming that’s exactly how Rowan felt about him. He knew for sure his old friend didn’t want to be around him anymore, at least that’s what he’d told him.

When he finally looked up, he noticed Cullen had moved where he stood only a minute ago. Good to know he wasn’t the kind of guy to come running after and force him to talk, he thought. However, he’d try walking away once already without an explanation and he couldn’t do that again. That was actually unfair of him. Folding his arms, he shrugged as if he didn’t know. “He … well, I ran into him a few weeks ago. I guess that’s why,” he said, and added in a lower tone: “It didn’t really end so well.”

Narrowing his eyes, his eyes glued to Cullen as if he was evaluating whether he could trust him or not, whether he wanted him to know. And honestly, that was exactly what he was doing. Maybe it would be nice to tell someone. To be able to talk to someone about everything. “It’s—” As soon as he opened his mouth he regretted it, turned around and headed for the door. “I gotta go,” he muttered, and opened the door. Then - again - changed his mind, shut the door and turned towards Cullen. Maybe he could share a little. A small part. “There was… it was just these guys. Or, this one guy. In high school. And, well,” he shrugged, not wanting to look at Cullen as he said it. “We- I was kind of an ass to him.”