ctrisweb

the day was gloomy, the air felt heavy, heavy like the amount of stress on your shoulders. it was a rough day at the company today. long hours of practice continuous singing and dancing all day long. you barely slept the night before. not to mention you had also been sick for the past week. it was pouring out as you drove home, the noise of the rain drops landing harshly as you drove home. you tried to block the noise of the rain falling by turning on your chill playlist hoping for some cool tunes in this weather, only to be played sad songs that ruined your mood even more. you ultimately decided to turn the radio off and listen to the rain, a sort kind of white noise to maybe calm yourself.

you had been texting martin all day telling him about your day being completely transparent about how you weren’t doing well at all. although you’ve been sick these past couple of days you still felt like you had to give it your all when you really couldn’t at the moment.

babyyy. i wish i could be with you right now im sorry your feeling this way. i know no matter what you gave it your all today no matter how tired you are. i love you baby i’ll be home as soon as i can to cheer you up.

the message pop up on your carplay, pressing the small screen to display the message. martin knew exactly how to always cheer you up. he always brought flowers, food, goodies and anything you asked for when he knew you were upset and that’s what made you love him more. he has always been an amazing partner to you. you both are each others number 1 supporters.

the rain had slowed down when you pulled into the parking garage of your building complex. the air felt muggy as you walked into the building making you feel more overstimulated than you already were. you took the elevator up to your dorm, as you stepped out the cold air followed surrounding you. all you could think about is how you could of done this and this different throughout the day, why you couldn’t hit this note, and why you were so out of sync with your members.

although your members reassured you, it still didn’t feel like enough. as you walked up to your door you noticed a small envelope on the floor. all that came to your mind was a fan leaving this small present for you right infront of your home but, as you got a clearer glimpse of the writing on the envelope it read “martin.” a confused expression was left on your face. from martin?

you reached down for the envelope. as you stood back up you look to your sides making sure it couldn’t have been something more. there was nobody in the hallways so you decided to open it.

“when you go inside close your eyes. - your secret admirer”

ok that sounded creepy but martin always signed your card with secret admirer but wasn’t martin still at the company? well you were about to find out i guess?.. you unlocked your door, you doubled check making sure this wasn’t some attempt of someone casually breaking into your dorm. you were in the clear. you turned the key, a small click sounded when the door was unlocked. you open the door to a dark lit space, it seemed like none of the other girls were back home yet.

you did what the card instructed you to do and flicked the hallway light on, tooking your shoes off by the entrance and place them onto the shoe rack hoping they were in your rack.

you were kinda of scared now. you didn’t see anyone down the hall but that message was clearly from martin. if this was someone messing with you, you were in some serious danger.

“umm… is there anyone there?” you peaked through your hands covering your face.

you gave it a shot. “umm.. martin?” no response.

“ok your scaring me.” you said approaching closer to the open space. that’s when stringy pink stuff flew at you.

you screamed your hands flying up to protect yourself from this unknown substance. your eyes closed as a form of protection.

a familiar chuckle came from a few feet from you. it was martin. your eyes flew open.

“MARTIN! YOU SCARED ME OMG.” you panted, putting an hand up on the wall trying to catch your breath. your heart rate scorched high was he scared you. “YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK.”

all you could hear was that cute laugh of his. the one where he knows he’s in trouble but he knows it was absolutely hilarious and that you were gonna find it funny too after a few seconds.

there it was, you were laughing. martin knew how to switch your mood instantly. you practically blacked out and haven’t been able to see, only the audible sound of martin voice and your voice being heard. you finally saw him standing there, you look beside him. flowers, food, a drink, and an adorable stuffed animal all waiting for you.

you could cry. you actually felt yourself tearing up. an instant switch between intense emotions always made you cry no matter if it was from happy to sad or sad to happy. all you could do is run into martins arms. you threw your hands around him. he picked you up, you wrapped your legs around him. the sound of your small cries in his neck.

after a brief moment of being held by martin he placed you back down wiping the tears of your face.

you both walked over the couch settling down. you sank onto the couch with him, taking a sip of the drink he had brought, and nuzzled the stuffed animal he’d picked out.

“you always know how to fix everything,” i whispered, and martin just smiled, brushing my hair back gently. he always had that same sparkle in his eyes.

he pulled you closer as he laid back grabbing the remote to switch on a movie.

you pulled the stuffed animal tighter. “hey. no more scary movies.” you said giggling.

lights strobed around you, neon pink and purple cut through the dark, you could feel the bass rattle in between your ribs. you could feel the heat coming off of everyones warm bodies. the music pounding in your ears, you were having the time of your life.

it was minju’s 19th birthday, and you’d come out to the club to celebrate. you were very much a let’s go out kind of person. always agreeing to plans to have the chance to add some lore in your life to tell your kids one day.

minju invited a whole bunch of people, way more than you expected. about two months ago, you just broke up with your boring ex of six months. emphasis on the boring part. you didn’t really know why you stayed with him for so long, but whatever you told yourself you wanted to focus on yourself now.

you were in the moment, muffled conversations, and voices. you didn’t notice who was right beside you.

minju partially screamed into your ear. “y/n i’m going to take picture with everyone i invited come join!”

“you know i won’t turn down a picture.” you jolt a little, not expecting minju to disrupt you from your little moment.

minju put her hand out, grabbing it to guide you through the crowd. she dragged you into a small corner in the club, where familiar faces from your group gathered. it was your first time at this club. it was elegantly decorated in a mermaid theme, unique from most clubs you’d been too. the walls were decorated in pearlescent colors mostly filled in shiny aqua tiles and vintage decor. you’ve never seen something as beautiful as this.

“everyone i know it’s very squish right now, but i need to get everyone in this picture so im so sorry to say this but get closer!” minju said, yelling over the music. directing everyone to move closer together.

everyone shuffled closer together, you were next to a few girls you met tonight you guys were right in the center of the photo. you all turned to the side, your right hand was placed on the other persons waist. the rest of minju’s other friends did different poses really expressing each and everyone’s personalities into one photo.

you obviously wanted to look good in the photo, so you fixed your hair and moved part of it to the front.

while adjusting your hair, from the corner of your eye you notice a group of 3 guys rush in.

“wait! we’re here!” one of the guys said, putting his hand out signaling for minju to not take the photo just yet.

the man caught your eye first, compared to the other guys. he was fairly tall, wearing a dark jacket over what appeared to be a deep red long-sleeve shirt and a pair of dark-wash jeans. his hair was messy from partying all night.

they rushed over to fill the empty spot behind you. the guy made eye contact with you. he nodded his head slightly quietly greeting you. you returned the same gesture towards him. you didn’t see where he went after he passed you. infact you didn’t want to look and do a double take.

“OK! now are we ready? is everyone here?!” minju confirmed.

everyone shouted different words letting minju know everyone was now here.

“perfect! ok. 3…2…1” minju counted down.

the flash went off, freezing the moment in. cheers followed immediately after, loud conversations around you. you laughed with the girls beside you, while taking a look around you catching a glimpse of everyone that was there.

that’s when you really noticed him. he was really attractive. he was standing a few feet away from you now, this time his features really stood out to you the second time. the group had separated out a bit, some going back on the floor, while others remained in the same area were the photo was taken.

he finally caught your wondering eye. “shit!” you thought to yourself. you immediately looked away. god that was awkward. you felt a small portion of blood immediately rush to your cheeks.

“y/n look at the pic!” minju said walking towards you. “i love it, this is perfect! man i should of done like a selfie with everyone but it’s ok! i have plenty of photos with roughly everyone already.”

she handed you her phone, minju resting her shoulder on yours, giddy to let you see the photo.

you zoomed in to see yourself clearer. he was just one people down from you. you weren’t sure if you should ask minju who he was. she knew you wanted to stand on business and focus on yourself, but maybe just asking won’t hurt.

“hey who is this?” you asked curiously, looking at her to see if maybe if she picked up on what you were hinting at.

“oh! thats james, he’s a mutal friend. he’s pretty chill why?…” she paused, her mouth went wide thats when it clicked.

“oh!!!! does somebody have a crush?!” she teased.

your face turned red. you put your hand up to your mouth to silence her. “minju!” you look around, making sure no one heard that especially james.

“girl. i thought you were tryna work on yourself!”

“i am!” you lied.

she knew you were obviously lying. minju raised an eyebrow, slightly smiling.

“ok well see about that.” she said, you grabbed your hand and dragged you back onto the dance floor.

you were closer to the dj set this time. the bass rattling in your chest only intensified even more. minju and you were having the time of your lives, singing along to the songs you knew, and making up lyrics for the ones you didn’t.

in the darkness, the lights flashing colors from green and white, you noticed a small smirk form on minju’s face, as if she was holding a secret back. she leaned in closer to you whispering to you.

“what?” you said. you stared as minju got closer, a soft smile appeared on your face following with a confused gazed, reflected by your eyes and eyebrows.

“so you know james… one of his friends are throwing some kind of like function after this if you might want to go and maybe get to know james better.” she said adding a wink at the end of her sentence, bumping your shoulder.

your eyes widened. that did not seem like a bad idea. the adrenaline rushing through your body, made this idea thrilling. but, you remembered about that whole new mindset of being by yourself and.. whatever bullshit you said. that was established a few months ago and that just ended about 2 seconds ago. you looked at minju she could tell by the grin coming from your lips it was obvious you were down.

“i mean… i’ll go.” you said letting a small chuckle out.

“i knew it! a few others will be there it’ll just sort be like a hangout. their all pretty chill so don’t be nervous.” minju assured you.

minju and you continued to danced together for a bit longer before you guys headed out.

Closer - Kings of Leon started playing.

this was your song. you absolutely loved this song. minju and you squealed from the song choice. you guys slowly danced together, singing along. you looked around trying to capture the moment, that’s when you caught his eyes. james.

he was maybe 5ft away from you standing with some of his friends, drinks in their hands, mostly chatting. but, he was already staring right at you. one hand holding a drink the other in his pocket. his body was facing you, he was staring at you while he bite his lip light softly. in that same moment, the bass dropped. the lights changed from white to red.

a sudden rush hit your chest, a strong unfamiliar sensation flowed through your body. you were staring directly at him now. the music, the lights, the environment seemed to slow down, fading away creating this moment that only belonged to the both of you. it felt as if a tunnel formed, you on one end and james on the opposite end, nothing in between the both of you. the feeling felt intimating but also strangely exciting, your heart pounding a bit faster.

you looked away, looking down at the floor a confused smile on your face. your stomach felt as if it dropped a bit. minju noticed but she was too busy singing along.

after an hour, the crowd starting dying down indicating it was time to head out. minju gathered everyone, you followed her off the dance floor to find the group heading back to james’s friends place.

you were excited but your stomach twisted knowing james was going to be there. you didn’t know the people coming, aside from minju. you spotted the same group james was with earlier standing by the entrance, they were standing waiting for everyone.

as you got closer you could hear them try to figure out rides.

“i can fit like 2 others into my car.” said one of james friend.

minju put up her and also dragged your hand up. you still hadn’t caught anyone’s names beside james.

“y/n and i can go into your car!” minju said.

“bet, okay, let’s head out.” he said.

minju and you both stepped out the club. the cold night breeze hitting your warm skin. he pointed out toward his parked car, which was not far from the entrance.

you turned to minju whispering something in her ear as you guys walked.

“uh, what his name. i don’t know anyones names.”

“oh right! the one we’re going with is nolan.” she replied.

when you guys reached the car, noah? or was it nolan? opened the back doors for you both. you felt uncomfortable being in a strangers car, but at least minju was with you which calmed your nerves. you sat on the left side, minju following in after you. you buckled your seatbelt on, looking around at the interior of the car. the car had a nice leather black interior and the car smelt like fresh cologne.

nolan? finally got in, starting the car but it seemed like he was waiting for somebody.

“sorry ladies, i’m just waiting for james.”

your eyes widen, immediately turning to look at minju. you hadn’t seen james when everyone was gathered around so you just assumed he went to the bathroom or something. minju almost bursted out laughing from the look on your face.

noah? turned attempting to face you, but failed. he looked into the rearview mirror. “oh! i’m nolan by the way, what’s your name?” he said.

“y/n! nice to meet you.” you said, feeling a slight bit embarrassed.

“nice to meet you too!” he said seeming embarrassed too from the awkward introduction. he cleared his throat, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

just then the passenger door opened.

it was james, he greeted everyone before hopping in. as he looked back, his eyes met yours a surprise flicker appeared across his face, followed by a soft smile. your heart felt like it stopped when he looked at you. a hint of blush forming on your face, quickly trying to hide it by looking down.

“finally! what was taking you forever.” nolan said throwing his hands up.

“sorry, i was talking to matt just giving him the location.” he said.

when he got in he pulled the passenger side overhead mirror down. the small light turned on above him. he ran his fingers through his hair, staring at himself in the mirror. once he was done, he flipped the mirror back up then rested comfortably back into the seat.

nolan started playing some music to ease the awkward tension. they started chatting about the night, you tried to include yourself but you felt awkward to say anything. you barely knew them, although on the other hand minju knew both of them roughly well. so you decided to remain silent and stare out the window listening to the music, carrying yourself off into your own world.

“y/n, right” said a familiar voice.

you turned to the direction of the voice. it was james who called your name. a small sensation of butterflies fluttered in your stomach. you didn’t expect him to know your name at all. you’ve never met before until tonight, maybe he’s seen you on insta and like somehow figured your name through that.

“oh, um yeah.” you mumbled your heart racing again.

“did you have fun tonight?”. he said his voice curious for your answer. you turned and flicked a short gaze at him. you noticed him take a quick peak at your outfit. you had on a dark purple halter dress, beige heels, and soft curls in your hair.

“oh, yeah i actually had a lot of fun!” you said.

you reached for minju’s hand. tonight being all about her. minju’s face lit up a bright smile on your face, as she squeezed your hand.

james noticed the heartwarming interaction between you both a smile tugging at his lips. nolan caught it in the mirror, a small chuckle coming from him.

james leaned back “i could tell. i saw you a few times and i could tell you were enjoying yourself.”

the memory from the dance floor instantly flashed to your mind. he had noticed you throughout the night. especially the brief moment when you looked up and caught him already watching you.

“yeah.. i guess i was.” you admitted.

minju decided to say something. “yeah y/n’s pretty outgoing. she's actually pretty lively once she’s comfortable.” she said smirking.

“once i’m comfortable?” you said curiously.

“you were quiet at first tonight. i get it. it takes a little adjusting at first.” minju said.

nolan spoke from the driver seat “hey it’s ok that’s normal. but don’t worry james and i were chill.”

you nodded, at the same time a laugh came out of you. james watched you just before facing forward to stare out the window.

the quiet now felt comfortable. during the car ride you would occasionally take a few small glances at james.

you arrived to weston’s house, who’s name you just figured out on the car ride here. nolan opened the door for you. you stepped out and looked around. the house was a small two-story house. it was a nice modern home, it was pretty nice. you turned around to find minju only to make eye contact with james.

“pretty nice isn’t it?” he said staring at the house.

“yeah it is.” you said quietly.

you all headed in. weston opened the door and introduced himself to you.

“hey y/n right? minju talks about you all the time. next to finally meet you.” he said putting his hand out.

you shook his hand “yeah! nice to meet you too.” you were a bit taken aback, you didn’t expect people around your age to start shaking hands. god you were getting old now.

“come on in guys, make yourself at home.” he said opening the door wider allowing you guys to come in.

the inside of the house was even better than the outside. purple led lights glowed softly, the atmosphere felt dreamy, and relaxing at the same time the perfect mix of a afterparty and hangout.

more people arrived and got situated on the couch. minju and you walked over to the couch and the only opening for both were next to james. minju pushed you lightly infront of her, she took this as an opportunity for you to sit next to him and chat it up. you looked at her nervously before you took a seat.

there were atleast 8 people here right now. some on the couch others in the kitchen. you sat down the fabric of the couch was soft. minju right beside you. you glanced over at james. he looked at you giving you a soft smile, before looking away.

your heart skipped. you weren’t aware of how close you were to him. you felt this sort of tension between you which might of been one-sided at this point. you tried to act normal, adjusting yourself into your seat. you kept your hands in your lap, twiddling your thumbs.

the boys turned a basketball game on, displaying it on the TV. everyone began to chat, laughter coming from the kitchen, teasing coming from the guys.

everyone seemed to have gotten comfortable snacking and talking. minju and you started chatting and catching up on any drama from tonight.

minju gossiped with you. “omg i got ready with steph tonight, and when we got to the club apparently audrey was wearing the EXACT dress as her and she lashed out on her. it was this huge argument I WISH I DIDN’T MISS IT BUT I DID!”

“that’s crazy what! i wish i saw this go down what happened after?” you said.

a deep voice beside you said. “they both got into this huge physical fight and got dragged out of the club.”

it was james who informed you both of the news, waiting for the perfect moment to chime in.

you both looked at him, at the same time saying. “WAIT, HOW DO YOU KNOW?”

“i saw it happen.” he said a laugh coming out of him.

“yeah it was quite the scene.” he said.

you felt your cheeks heat up. you tried to foucs on minju asking him more questions. it felt impossible not to notice him.

after a few minutes of conversation with the both of them, you felt a bit hungry reminding yourself you haven’t ate since before going to the club.

i nudged minju and looked at james. “hey i’m gonna head into the kitchen and look for something to eat i’ll be back soon.” you said smiling lightly at the both of them.

“hey bring me something!” minju said before continuing the conversation with james. james watched you as you headed into the kitchen, he took his eyes off of you once you weren’t visible anymore.

“what?” minju said to him.

“oh nothing.” he said. his cheeks turned a light shade of pink after your best friend caught him watching you.

“you like her or something.” minju said.

james froze. “uh.. ma— uh no just making sure she’s ok.”

“mhm yeah… from here to the kitchen? she’ll be alright.” minju teased him.

james chuckled placing his hand in his lap and staring down knowing minju got the hint of where this was going.

you walked into the kitchen. you found nolan hanging out in there eating some crackers and charging his phone.

“oh hey y/n! you hungry?” he said offering a cracker.

you grabbed the cracker and ate it. you settled next to him to go on your phone and snacked on the bag of crackers between you and nolan.

you both chatted about your lives and talked about random things. you enjoyed the conversation he was really friendly and extremely hilarious.

“you should of been like this in the car! it would of allowed me to open up more.” you said giggling as you bumped his shoulder. having a cracker half-way being placing into your mouth.

after a few minutes nolan finished eating and went upstairs. he told you he was staying the night here and how he wanted to go up and prepare his air mattress for the night telling you he’d be back down in a few.

you sat there, after he left. you connected your phone into the charger nolan had just disconnected his phone from. you sat there, elbow resting on the counter as you scrolled on your phone.

you heard faint footsteps walking towards the kitchen, you looked up. when they turned the corner it became visible who it was.

it was james. you felt your heart race a lot faster now. it was just you and james together right now.

“y/n.” his voice calm. he looked at you a light smile on his face. he casually leaned against the counter facing you. there was tension between the distance now.

“james.. hi.” you said.

“uh.. you hungry?” you said nervously. the tension was making you nervous. your heart hammered against your ribcage. every sound became loud, the hum from the refrigerator, the faint voices from the living room all too loud.

“not really, i just wanted to get away from everyone.” he said, his voice low.

the look in his eyes caught you off guard, it felt almost vulnerable. you couldn’t look away. he looked really attractive tonight. throughout the car ride you tried to convince yourself otherwise so that this small little crush would go away, so that you could stick back to your “stay single work on yourself” mentality, but seeing him standing here, in front of you, really wasn’t helping.

you felt like he could hear how fast your heart was racing. his proximity, his voice, his lo—. god control yourself.

“you know.. you look really good tonight.” a small smirk formed on his face as he put his head down.

ok, now you we’re gonna collapse. is he flirting with you or just giving you a compliment to not make this interaction uncomfortable…

“oh thanks! um.. you look really good tonight too.” you gave him a soft smile, your cheeks burning up almost instantly. god maybe you shouldn’t have said that.

you heard him chuckle under his breath. did you say something wrong. now you were panicking, you gonna say something else but then, your phone rang. a call was coming through.

it was your sister. what was she calling you for? seriously right now?.. in front of james!

“oh, i’m sorry i have to answer this.” you said awkwardly, voice low.

“oh, don’t worry i’ll be waiting.” he said.

you practically ran off. he’ll be waiting? you were too nervous now you didn’t want to go back to continue the conversation with him.

there was a hallway just in front of the kitchen, you could see james from all the way back here which did not help your current state.

you answered your sister.

“y/n where are you? i thought you be home by now it’s 12 am!” she said.

“yeah i know! i’m with minju at her house!” you lied.

“ah ok… how was the club? she asked.

it was really fun, yeah… i have some gossip to tell you when i get home. its about steph.”

“OMG WHAT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME NOW!’ she pratically screamed.

“woah, i can’t not right now!”

“why!!!” she said. it took you a few seconds to make an excuse. during that silence the voices in the house got louder.

“are you really at minju’s house or are you at some other party?” fuck she caught you.

“i’m just at minju’s friends house.” you said.

“ah. some boys house right?” she said.

“no!”

“yeah mhm… well did you at least meet someone tonight??”

“no, well… no!”

“so you did! OMG WHAT’S HIS NAME… OMG DID YOU GUYS—”

“NO OMG… look i’ll see you later.. bye.” you hung up quickly. you exhaled out after that conversation. you leaned back into the wall, staring down at your phone.

james had been watching you throughout the whole conversation with your sister. you hear faint footsteps head towards you. you refused to look up. you were practically panicking at this point. why is he coming over here?

his shadow grew larger, and then it stopped. you looked up. it was dark, but not dark enough to not be able to recognize his unique features. he put all his weight onto the right side of his body, leaning against the wall.

he looked up at you, taking in all of you. he licked his lips, then bite his lip. “who was that?” he said.

you fidgeted with your phone in your hand. “oh, it was just my sister.”

his eyes were low, dark, the hammering in your chest only continued to intensified.

“hmm…” he groaned lightly. he pulled himself off the wall and walked up to you. he was only a few inches away from your face. his hands in his pockets.

you were glued to the wall. you looked down, avoiding eye contact with him. my face felt like it was on fire.

he noticed your nervousness, the way you avoided his eye contact. he lifted his hand up, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. a soft smile formed on your lips, as you still kept your eyes down.

you could feel him slip past your ear and whisper, “have i told you how pretty you look tonight.”

fuck you were gonna lose it. you looked up at him, a significant height difference between the both of you.

you grinned, “yeah, you actually have.” you twirled the bottom of a strand of hair, somewhere to put your nerves into.

god. what is happening right now. you stared deeply into his eyes, a smile displayed onto your lips. you could feel him inching closer, his head tilting the side a bit. you followed.

“may i?” he said. you nodded.

you felt his hand sink into the back of your head, his fingers in between your hair. your lips crashed together. the kiss felt desperate, as if you haven’t seen each other in years. funny thing was you only just met tonight. you placed a hand on his chest. his breath hitched.

you both were panting. there was a small pause in the kiss where you both pulled apart only to stare into each others eyes, just to continue shortly after.

minju walked into the kitchen looking for you. “where is y/n? i wanted my food!” she said playfully as she went looking for you. she was about to leave the kitchen space before turning her head over into the dark hallway. “OH!” she said quietly to herself. she minded her business and went back to the living room to wait for you to debrief with her later.

hands were everywhere. your fingers in his hair, his cupping your face. the warmness of his lips pressed against yours. when you finally both pulled back, you rested your foreheads together. a small laugh coming out the both of you. a smile left on both your faces. your arms around his neck his hands around your waist.

the night came to an end and you and minju headed out taking an uber back to her house. you decided it was too late to go home, not only that you guys needed to debrief on the night. especially about james.

when you both settled into the uber you both turned to look at each other. both shouting at the same time.

“I SAW THE KISS.” said minju

“I MADE OUT WITH JAMES.” you said.

you were shocked how did minju find out? you hadn’t even told her. oh no. did she see you.

“I SAW YOU GUYS KISSING I SWEAR I DIDNT MEAN TO.” minju said putting her hands out to defend herself.

“OH GOD.” you put your hands over your face, your cheeks heating up in embarrassment.

“IT SEEMS LIKE YOU WERE ENJOYING IT!”

“MINJU!!” your face turned white. your cheeks were on fire now.

“was it for real good tho?”

“yeah..” you chuckled feeling embarrassed to admit it.

“YESSS Y/N!!! GO GET YO MANNNN”

——-

your alarm clock blared in your ear, waking you up. all the thoughts from the previous night flooded back through your mind. you sat there in silence, staring at your wall, the thoughts consuming you. you couldn’t help but let out a sigh. you zoned out, and after what felt like an eternity you finally turned over to turn off your annoying alarm clock. you didn’t want to get up to go to work, most of all you didn’t want to deal with martin at all today.

well you didn’t have too. you could basically ignore him for the whole day, or even the rest of your life. but you loved him a lot. actually too much. you guys had been together for almost 2 years, you’d had your ups and downs, you had been there to support him when he was a trainee, and he was there for you when work got tough. you guys always motivated each other to keep going and never give up on your dreams.

martin knew you like the back of his hand at this point. he could read your moods from across a room, he knew when you needed space and when you needed him.

all you could think about is whether you being too dramatic? maybe your just pushing it at this point. but the hurt in your chest felt real. the distance between you felt real, and it kept growing even more within this past week. sometimes your relationship felt distance, but not like this. sometimes his eyes just gave it away, he wasn’t present.

yesterday went well, until later. this past week you’d just been overthinking and creating negative scenarios in your mind. you couldn’t help but just creating more—

ok enough, if you don’t get out of bed soon or later you were gonna be late for work. you swiftly sat up and got off your bed. you never forgot to make your bed every morning, your mom said “people who made their bed everyday were more likely to be rich?” something along the lines of that. you didn’t really believe it but who knew one day you become a billionaire thanks to your mom. you walked to your bathroom, turning the light switch on, followed by the familiar hum of the fan. you took a quick look at yourself in the mirror. your eyes swollen, lips dry, eyes a bit red. you turned the faucet on, adjusting to a cold temperature to wash your face. once, you finished washing your face you dried your face with a small towel, you tossed the towel aside, landing on top of the toilet seat cover. you grab your tooth brush and ran the water again, letting your toothbrush get a bit damp.

as you were brushing your teeth, you suddenly remembered about your phone. the calls. the messages. you rolled your eyes at your reflection in the mirror. you quickly finished brushing your teeth, drying your hands into the small towel you threw earlier, and walked to check on your phone.

the number of messages and calls only grew over night.

[babe💓] 40 missed calls

[babe💓] 121 messages

“oh my fucking god.” your expression shifted to annoyance instantly. you honestly had no clue what to say to martin, or when to even respond. you needed to talk to someone about what happened. juhoon. you unlocked your phone, searching for his contact and gave him a call. ”please be awake.”

“hi y/n”

“juhoon.. hi”

“hey, umm… martin told me about last night.”

you rolled your eyes.

“bruh, what did he tell you?”

“he didn’t tell me everything but, he just said how you were like extremely mad at him for canceling plans, and idek.”

“yeah.. well there’s more to that but.. i was gonna tell you last night before i stormed out but i was just really upset and just wanted to get home.”

“its ok, i understand.” he said in a reassuring manner.

“so… where do i start… hm. well idk, i know you guys have been busy working on the new album, promotion, and all that stuff. its just martin has gotten really distant with me this past week, he’s barely responding, and—” your voiced cracked.

“hey take your time its ok. oh also do you work today?”

“uhh yeah. anyways but i dont know, just by looking into his eyes he doesn’t look present when were together. i mean yesterday was fine until it wasn’t.”

every now and then, juhoon would respond with a quiet “mhm” letting me know he was still listening.

“he lied to me and said he wasn’t gonna be able to make it to our plans that he made saying, oh i’m gonna be here till late, just to leave at around the time he’d told me he would be done at, and just go out with james and keonho. like he could of just told me.” you went silent before asking.

“juhoon, do you think im overreacting?”

“no i don’t think so at least.”

“ok.. idk i feel like i am but like i don’t know, i don’t know how to feel.. well i mean i’m obviously really hurt, so..” you weren’t able to expression yourself properly, with your frustration and hurt.

“yeah no, i feel you y/n. your feelings are valid and honestly i’m gonna try to talk to martin and see what’s up and i’ll let you know, ok? obviously, i won’t mention you asked or anything.”

“ok, thank you juhoon. i really appreciate it i’ll probably call you after work today.”

“ok, sounds good with me, i don’t have anything scheduled for later.”

you wanted to say something sarcastic and joke about the situation with martin, but you didn’t.

“perfect, i’ll talk to you later.”

you hung up the phone, while you were talking to juhoon you were putting on your clothes. you checked the time. 7:47 am. you had to leave by 8:00.

“fuck.”

you quickly slid your shoes on, and rushed back into your bathroom to apply a good amount of concealer around your eyes to hide your tears from last night.

“ok i guess that will do.” you quickly packed your bag slipping your laptop, notebook, and other essentials in. you partially sprinted into the kitchen to quickly make lunch. the time now being 7:56.

“fuck it, i’ll just buy something there!” already frustrated you grabbed your keys and walked out of your apartment, locking the door behind you.

you made it to your car on time, breaking a sweat you let out a big exhale and turned your car on. the weather out felt as gloomy as you did, including it was fairly foggy out so you had to be more careful today.

your drive to work was filled with nonstop thoughts of martin. you shut them out by playing your music louder.

The Sound - The 1975 played as you pulled into work.

you parked your car, and turned it off. you opened your door and grabbed your bag from the passenger seat, and got out. walking into the building the air felt cold, almost as if the weather felt the weight of your emotions.

the building was filled by the warm hue of lights, the air was fairly cool. you scanned your id and walked back into your office. you greeted your co-workers, when you got to your desk you unpacked your belongings and organized them. you took a seat and placed your bag right under your feet. you cracked your laptop open and unlocked it.

all of a sudden the messages from martin came flooding through. you rested your elbow on the table your head in your hand, your heart thudding as they popped up.

you quickly skimmed through the recent ones, you hadn’t read. most of the text were just him spamming your name. asking if he was blocked, and him apologizing. you slightly grinned, a chuckle leaving your lips. you cleared your notifications and got straight to work. you opened up your schedule for today.

Wednesday 10:30 am team meeting 11:30 am client emails 1:00 lunch break 2:00 concept designs 3:30 presentation prep 4:15 wrap up.

you had busy schedule today, and got to work immediately. on top of whatever was going on between martin and you, there were rather much more things you should be more concerned about, the photoshoot, and the model show both being next week.

as 10:20 rolled around you hadn’t thought much about martin. your focus was on reviewing your work, and chatting with your co-worker lena, who had brought some coffee by for the both of you. the clock hit 10:25 so you knew it was time to head on into the meeting room. the meeting was mostly about next week’s photoshoot. you shared your concept photos and also your designs for the brand which all the other staff approved of. after, the meeting you felt giddy from your co-workers approval.

you confidently walked back to your desk, you started responding back to some client emails just before lunch.

the clock hit 1:00 pm, you were famished you were in a rush this morning you forget to bring at least a snack. the office building had some tasty bakeries and cafes nearby you often enjoyed ordering from. you decided to go to your usually go to cafe “brew haven,” they had delicious sandwiches, bagels, you name it. the cafe was a quick 3 minute walk from the building. on your way out you talked to clarissa your supervisor before you both parted ways. the air was now humid, it felt gross out. you scrolled through your socials as you walked to the cafe.

next thing you know this man walked straight into you. “hey! watch where your going!” you snapped. the man was extremely tall he hovered over you, he was dressed in an all black streetwear outfit, you looked up to continue scolding him about how he should be more careful, but the words got caught in your throat, your heart started beating rapidly.

it was martin.

all you could say when you were able to clearly recognized him was “what the fuck are you doing here?!”

your expression froze in shock, your eyebrows furrowed, your stomach dropped, a rush of heat flowing down your back.

“ok, ok, calm down!” he said putting his hands up trying to calm me down.

“look, i just wanted to talk to you.” he said in a calm manner, but nothing about this made sense.

“i’m at work! and— and you should be at work too?!” you took a pause before yelling at him again.

“were not doing this here, you need to go.” you quickly moved out of his way.

“no! i skipped work just to come talk to you, don’t ignore me.” he blocked you off.

you rolled your eyes and looked around. we were creating a scene now, all you wanted to do was eat lunch peacefully but now you can’t.

“get out of my way!” you shoved him away, and stormed off.

in the distance you could hear him yell, “y/n…y/n!!! come on…!” his voice getting quieter as you walked farther. you didn’t look back, you kept walking till you arrived at the cafe.

you finally made it to the cafe. all you could think about is how the hell did he find you? your location. you opened my phone and turned off your location for him. the soft click sounded as you turned your phone off. the cafe was full but it felt empty, the music was loud, people sitting at tables quietly getting their work done as they enjoyed their coffee and food. you got into line, checking the menu by habit already knowing exactly what you were gonna order.

“next person!”

“hi, can i do a medium vanilla latte, and a chicken cesar sandwich please?”

“of course! will that be all?”

“yes.”

“that will be $11.99”

you pulled your card from out your wallet and tapped it on top of the register.

you stepped aside shoving your card back into your wallet, and walked to the back of the cafe to take a seat. you loved this cafe a lot it was filled with warm wood colors, plants, and contained lots of natural lighting.

a sudden call came through. it was martin. you didn’t know what to do. you stared at his contact name and photo. the photo being from when you guys first started dating. you decided to let the line ring. a server came by and dropped your latte and food off, you thanked them.

the chicken cesar tasted amazing as usual, you had been texting juhoon a bit while you were eating, updating him about your encounter with martin.

“no way! i swear i thought i saw him earlier in the practice room but i guess not.”

a few silent giggles slipped out of me during our conversation. by the time you finished your food it was about 1:30 pm and it was almost time to head back to the office. you collected your belonging and got up heading towards the front of the cafe doors. a wave of anxiety hit you. what if martins was still waiting for you outside? you shook your head trying to remove that worry from out your head.

the walk felt a lot faster this time, you didn’t bump into martin again, and were able to get back to the office on time before you had to preview concept designs. you enjoyed this part of work, being able to see different kinds of work and build on your creativity really inspired you.

after that the rest of the day went by quick, the next thing you knew was you were wrapping up the presentation prep, and heading back to your desk to finish one last thing before you left.

finally, you were able to go home, you were almost done with your coffee so you decided to chug the rest so it didn’t go to waste. you walked to your car and unlocked it. you opened the door stretching towards the passenger seat to place your belonging down, then hopping in.

throughout the car ride juhoon and you called, talking about work and each others day, bringing up what happened earlier with martin and continuing that conversation.

you pulled into your parking spot and got out the car, you walked into the lobby of the apartment, greeting the staff. you waited for an elevator to come down.

a message pop up it was from seonghyeon.

seonghyeon: “yo idk what happened with you and martin but i think yall need to talk.”

“thanks for distributing my peace.” you quietly mummed to yourself. you hadn’t thought about responding to martin all day. the temptation now felt too strong. the elevator doors opened, you stared down as you walked in rereading the message as the elevator went up.

when it got to your floor you walked out of the elevator and put your phone into your bag, you got to the door and unlocked it, when you walked in you set your stuff down. the lighting in your apartment was warm as it was almost sunset soon. you unwinded by eating some lays chips, then heading into the shower.

finally you had some time to unwind before you made yourself some dinner. you sat on your couch and turned on your show. The Pitt. you had been obsessed with this show, especially now since the new season just started to air. you were able to catch up on the past 2 episodes before you started feeling hungry and decided to get up and make some dinner. you walked into your kitchen and looked in the fridge searching for ingredients.

“hmmm…”

you couldn’t find anything, so you switched on over and looked into your pantry and found some pasta.

“this will do.”

as you were filling water into your pot, your doorbell rung. you just assumed your amazon package came in and let it sit out for a bit, as you put the pot on the stove and let the water boil you headed out the door to go pick up your package, but instead you found a bouquet of roses sitting on the floor with a small note. “seriously” came out of your mouth.

this was definitely from martin.

you peaked your head out the door looking both left and right, checking to see if maybe he was there.

there was no sign of him. you bent down and quickly picked up the bouquet of roses and the letter. you closed the door behind you, your left hand filled with the gifts from who you assumed to be martin. in the distance you could hear your phone ringing. you put the gifts down on the kitchen counter and checked your phone.

it was from unknown number. it could of just been spam so you declined the call. before you opened the letter you remembered about the boiling water. “shit!” you rushed over to the pot and poured the pasta into the water and lowered the temperature just a bit. you stirred the pasta around until it was fully submerged, you set a timer, and let it sit until it was done.

you grabbed the letter and opened it. a notebook sheet of paper was inside. it read.

“Meet me at the rooftop at 7:30.”

you knew this was martin, it was exactly in his handwriting. you checked the time. 6:43 pm. your stomach knotted. you placed the letter down the same careful way you opened it. you stood there your mind telling you to go, not to go, you didn’t know what to do.

martin never wrote letters unless it mattered. you stared back at the time. 6:44 pm. without realizing you were biting at the skin around your nails. your heart was racing. maybe it was time for you to talk to him. you felt like you were being dramatic, but you couldn’t let your guard down so easily for when you see him.

fuck, were you really going to do this. you placed both your elbows down onto the counter your head resting in your hands, the letter right below you. you kept rereading it over and over. the rooftop, martin and you occasionally had dates on your rooftop, you both would cook at your place and bring it up, not forgetting to bring either ones laptop to watch a movie, create some cute long-lasting memories up there.

the timer went off, making you jolt. you rushed to get a plate out and serve yourself. you went back to the side of the counter you were basically pondering your whole life at to slowly eat your feelings away.

7:05 pm. at this point your nerves stopped you from having an appetite, you gave up on trying to shove food down your throat and instead shoved the leftovers into a small container and place it into the fridge.

you walked to your bathroom to brush your teeth and clean any residue from the red sauce off your face. you hadn’t answer seonghyeon text, or even updated juhoon about what just happened. maybe you should call juhoon, and listen to his opinion, even though you’ll just do whatever you decide in the end. you walked towards your closet tearing it apart to find a somewhat comfy outfit to meet martin in. there were multiple pieces of clothing placed on your bed, your chair, and on the floor all just to wear leggings and a light-grey hoodie.

the time was now 7:26, you were so nervous you could probably faint, which might as well be a good thing, to avoid this talk with martin. but, you knew you had to be mature and confront martin. you slid out your front door carefully, shutting it quietly. you walked up the stairs to waste some time, whispering to yourself about how nervous you were, then switching to giving yourself some positive prep talk which didn’t help the anxiety filled knot in your stomach.

by the time you made it to the rooftop door, you were winded. “i should of just taken the elevator,” you said as you put your arms on top of your head to inhale more air. you stood there for a bit until your heart was beating at a more steady rate.

you opened the door, trying to make it quiet, but the weight of the door worked against you, the screeching of the door broke your cover. as you looked off into the distance the sky was a deep dark blue, a noticeably tall figure stood resting on the railing.

it was martin, he was still dressed in the same black outfit from earlier, he was looking off into the distance facing the opposite way of you. you walked towards him, the knot in your stomach was gone, but now it filled all around you creating an awkward lead up towards him. your heart was beating so fast, you thought you were going to have a heart attack. he heard your footsteps and shifted his stance now, facing in your direction.

even though, it was dark you could see him bite the inside of his cheek, a habit he’s always had. when you were close enough to him you separated yourself from him and laid back on the rails about 2 feet away from him, turning you face away from him.

“why are you so far?” he said with a chuckle.

you didn’t respond, your body felt stiff.

even though you weren’t looking at him you could feel his gaze on you. you could hear sudden footsteps move closer toward you. martin was now in front of you. he lightly grabbed your chin forcing you to stare up at him.

“this is better.” he said, clearing his throat.

“look. i’m sorry about yesterday and i should of told you that keonho and james invited me out. and i’m sorry about that. but don’t you think your being overly dramatic—“ you couldn’t control yourself, your face felt tight, the area around your eyes had so much pressure around them. when he said the word “dramatic” you just pushed him. not a hard push but one where he could feel your frustration. his hand had dropped from your chin.

tears slowly begun to stream down your face.

“yo, don’t push me!” he said collecting himself.

“well i’m not being fucking dramatic! don’t act like you weren’t being distant this whole past week.” your voice broke.

“what?! i haven’t been distant.”

“yes you have!”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“the messages, calls, you barely see me and everytime we hangout, that spark in your eyes isn’t there anymore!” your tears now staining your hoodie. no matter how many times you wiped them away, they always came back blurring your vision.

“look. i know your stressed about work and shit but why can’t you at least give me the bare minimum… i mean you’ve been good at it… until recently.” you could already tell your eyes were gonna be so swollen tomorrow. when you usually cried like this your face would be red, including your eyes.

all martin could do was stare at you. you couldn’t honestly tell how he was feeling, you couldn’t see his through his body language or his expression. it wasn’t a clear answer anyways.

he put his right hand on the back of his head, exhaling slowly, he turned around and took a few steps around pondering his thoughts before he returned back to you.

“y/n i think your overthinking this whole thing…” he said crossing his arms.

“then why do i feel this way!” you threw your hands over you face, you turned facing off into the city avoiding any form of eye contact with him now.

“these are my emotions and feelings and your hurting them! you know exactly what you’ve been doing quit playing dumb!”

“i’ve been busy you know that! i mean we’ve both been busy!”

“yeah but this is how i feel! last week and yesterday obviously mattered and effected me a lot why can’t you see that!” a big exhale left your mouth, a small cry came out of you.

“i’m sorry.”

“stop saying that! you obviously didn’t feel sorry yesterday.”

“i did! i obviously feel bad!”

“no you don’t!” he stood quiet for a bit. before speaking again.

“look… i’m trying so hard right now. im busy and i’m stressed. i’m also trying with you it’s just i don’t have the energy to handle this pressure.” he said.

your stomach dropped. your eyes furrowed, your tongue slide over your teeth. you turned around.

“what pressure? am i the pressure? so i’m pressure now, right!” your voice getting louder after each assumption.

“no! no, no that’s not what i meant!”

“no i see what this is, when you get stressed i’m the person. the thing. you pull away from, ok i think i’m done here.” you threw your hands up in frustration and stepped away from him.

his hand reached for you, pulling you back.

“no let’s talk and resolve this shit.”

“look i’ve been stressed a lot too, i’ve been dealing with so many emotions and feelings it’s been hard, but you haven’t noticed that. you never asked!” you had to calm yourself down before telling him the truth.

“i feel like i’ve been drowning in my own thoughts, in front of you! i just wanted you to be there for me. i’m not the type of person to just expresses myself in this sort of way—“ you gave up on trying to explain yourself. from him now being distant, it was a lot harder to talk to him about how you had really been feeling throughout this past week.

you looked back at him while you wiped your face off. you saw his eyes turn watery, his face seemed to be holding something back, he put a hand up just to bring it down, almost as if he wanted to wipe your tears off.

“i’m sorry.” he said, but this time it sounded different. he pulled you into his arms, a hug that felt like he was going to lose you, forever. you froze and stood there, you’ve never seen martin cry, not like this. he gasping for air, his chest rising fast. you knew how much he hated seeing you cry, and you hated most when he cried.

with the height of all these emotions you gave in and hugged him back.maybe this is what you needed after all. a moment where you were actually able to get him to listen to you. your forehead rested on his chest. your hands holding his shirt tight. he put a hand on the back of your head pulling you closer to him. he bent down a bit to place his head on top of yours. his chin brushing your hair.

the quiet was filled by our soft cries, nether of you spoke. you could feel the amount of stress and emotions you both had been holding back just by being close this close to each other.

he picked you up, carefully. your breath was shaky, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders resting your head in between his neck. he held you as if you were light as a feather. you wrapped your legs around him.

“i’ve got you.” he whispered running his fingers through your hair. a quiet sob escaped from your mouth. you could hear his heartbeat. it was fast.

he stood there, carrying you, letting the truth run between you both. the weight of everything you’d both had been holding back, finally being shared. you knew that maybe there was much more behind this than you thought. you still had your worries but in this moment that was the less of your worries.

you had just woken up and all you could hear was martins light snores. the light beamed in illuminating martins room. he had his arm wrapped around you, your head rested on his shoulder. you watched his chest rise and fall each time he breathed. his room smelt like fresh clean laundry.

you started feeling hot, you carefully started removing the two blankets you had places on top of you off, and the challenge of trying to get out of the sheets you and martin were under being careful not to wake him. despite your best efforts of carefully being able to move his hand off you weren’t able to get out of all the blankets and the sheets without waking him. his head was facing the opposite direction of where you were laying. his hand started searching for you before he was fully awake. you cursed under your breathe.

when he was fully awake he turned to face you. his face was puffy and his eyes were slow, squinting to focus on you. when his focus was finally clear a small smile light up on his face.

“good morning babe” he said, his hand lifted to your cheek brushing it lightly.

“sorry.. i didn’t mean to wake you up i started to get hot..” you said a slight chuckle between your lips.

“it’s ok” a delayed laugh left his mouth followed with a small sigh, he pulled the pillow under closer to him, his other hand reaching out to pull you closer.

you followed him into the position he settled into. he rested against your back, his chest rising and falling as his breathing slowed, he fell right asleep. you tried to fight the sleep but right before you knew it, you were asleep.

keonho busted into the room “hey lovebirds wake up!” the sound of keonho’s voice shook martin and you awake. “we’re awake!” martins sleepy voice yelled sounding slightly irritated. he pulled you closer not wanting to get up and leave your side. he softly kissed the back of your shoulder. the sensation slightly lingering on your back. he pulled the sheets up and got up, he sat on the side side of the bed he rubbed his face and checked the time.

11:30 am. he tried to figure out what time he was woken up at earlier from when you were hot. but his brain still half-asleep he gave up trying to figure it out. he finally got up from the bed, he grabbed his phone from off the counter. he took a glimpse of you laying in bed. you looked peaceful and calm you didn’t get up after keonho busted into the room.

martin had practice at 1 pm and was gonna be back at home by 4 pm, so you decided to sleep in just a bit longer.

after what felt like a short nap, you were softly nudged awake. your eyes dry when you opened them, you couldn’t fully understand what was being said but just by hearing the voice you knew it was martin. you turned around and faced into his direction.

“hey baby i’m leaving now i’ll see you later, i have a few things planned so be ready when im back.”

you nodded, a quiet “mhm” slipped from your lips. martin bent down placing a kiss on your lips, then gently placing his hand on the back of your head and placing another kiss on your forehead.

he always made sure to say “i love you” to you before leaving. no matter if he was heading into the next room, handing you something, or even stepping away. a small and sweet affirmation that always meant so much to you, the both of you.

martin had recently been working till late working on the new album. he was able to have a day off yesterday thankfully and he invited you over to sleepover and spend some time together.

this past week he’d sometimes message you at almost 10pm-12am telling you he just got off of work. you knew his schedule would be hectic around preparing for a new comeback and promotion. yesterday, just consisted of a whole bunch of cuddles and watching movies together. you knew he was under a lot of pressure, you could see it on his face, by the way he’s been acting distant, and just by how quiet he’s been recently.

when martin closed the door behind him, it took you a few minutes to finally get out of bed. 1:00 pm. this was the latest you’ve woken up in a while. you work as a graphic designer working in the entertainment industry usually having some days to work at home. this past month, you’ve had a bunch of workload which had been taking a toll on your mental health.

you’ve been prioritizing self-care and journaling to understand yourself better and mostly importantly take care of yourself. you headed into the kitchen to make yourself some breakfast and finish some work, and answer emails.

the dinning room smelt like fresh pancakes and eggs. the air conditioning lightly humming in the distance. when you were done eating you washed your plate off and placed it into the dishwasher, you headed back to the table to finish a project and submit it to a client. the project you had been working on was a logo for skincare brand. this brand used soft pastel colors, their products often named by fruits. you found it hard to design this logo incorporating these two elements, but you got it done. feeling a sense a relief. it was still the beginning of the week, tuesday, i had a photoshoot coming up and most importantly a model show next week, where my work would be displayed at, so i was just going through my schedule and checking everything was organized and ready for the day of.

by the time i finished it was 3:00, martin would be coming home within the next hour so you headed into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready. during your shower shower you wondered as to what martin had planned for us this evening. once you got out the shower you put your robe on and started blowed dry then later straighten your hair, in the background you played some music.

Helicopter - A$AP Rocky was playing.

when you had just started to apply your makeup a call came through. martin was calling, you turned down the music.

“hey baby, what’s-“

“i won’t be able to make to our plans”

a wave of sadness flowed through your face down to my chest leaving it tight.

“oh- oh.. it’s okay babe.”

“im so sorry, it’s been a stressful day today and i still have so much to work on.”

“i understand, don’t worry. i love you.”

“i’m so sorry baby, i gotta go bye.”

he hang up fast. he didn’t say i love you back? this was the first time he’s never said i love you apart from the beginning of your relationship where the both of you were to shy to say it to each other. your chest felt tight, your stomach twisted into knots. your hair was all done, you were now just halfway into your makeup. you sat there in silence staring at yourself in the reflection of the mirror. a small tear fell down your cheek.

you couldn’t help but start to overthink. you immediately thought of this past week where you guys barely texted. martin was only texting you in the morning to say good morning and tell you he was off to work, and only to reply to all your messages from throughout the day once you were asleep.

you weren’t sure whether to leave the dorm and head back to your apartment at this point. you weren’t sure what time martin would come back at, and you had work in the morning. you whispered to yourself “ok.. well if he’s not back at 7 then i’ll just leave.” you finished doing your makeup and put some comfy clothes on just incase.

7 rolled around and you were seated on the couch watching gossip girl. you heard the door swing open. just by the sound of the door opening you were excited expecting to see martin walk in, but instead it was juhoon.

“oh hi, y/n i didn’t expect to see you here still.”

“uh yeah” you left a small chuckle come out. you scratched your head staring at juhoon like you had a question. he noticed the way you were staring at him. “what’s wrong?”

“uh, do you know where martin is? is he still working?” a sigh left your mouth between the questions.

“oh, i think he’s out eating with keonho and james.”

are you fucking kidding me. all the sudden you felt angry, frustrated, actually. why didn’t he text you about this at all?

“oh, ok thanks juhoon.” he put a small thumbs up in the air, nodding his head and headed into the kitchen to make himself dinner.

you bite your nail, the thoughts started to come back, but you pushed them aside. you grabbed your phone that was beside you on the couch and starting calling someone. you knew keonho would always answer and tell you the truth.

“hey keonho!” your phone in hand, elbow resting on the back of the couch. you bite your lip.

“hey y/n, what’s-“

“what are you doing”

“oh i’m just eating out with martin and james right now.”

“huh, i see can i talk to martin, please?”

“oh yeah sure.”

a few moments had passed, that’s when i heard martins voice through the line.

“uh, hey baby.” his voice was uncertain, guilty almost.

“did you lie to me or what? you could have just told me you would have rather gone out with keonho and james tonight.”

“no— no, look i didn’t mean for it to come off that way. i did have something planned for us-“

“pass the phone back to keonho”

“what- no.”

“now.”

the line went silent.

“y/n what’s wrong?”

“what time did you guys get off of work?”

he hesitated. “uh at like 4:30, almost 5 why?”

unbelievable. you hung up right away. you got up from the sofa and headed straight into martins room to pack up your stuff and head back home. juhoon heard the quick pace shuffling from the living room and went out to check on you but you were already gone.

you packed your makeup, skincare products, blankets, and your clothes. you were at least were kind enough to make the bed. you went to go look for juhoon and say bye to him. just as you were searching for him he walked into the living room at the same time as you.

“oh, leaving already?”

“yeah, early morning tomorrow.”

juhoon and you have a good friendship and were able to relate and share a lot together but right now you couldn’t.

“ah, ok i’ll see you soon ok. take care, call me!”

“haha, yeah i will. bye.”

juhoon noticed the shakiness in your voice, the way your eyes looked watery, how your eyebrows looked relaxed and faced downwards. he knew something had happened but knew it was best to ask later since you probably weren’t ready yet. he watched as you walked to the front door and waved bye to him.

the ride home felt you even more irritated, your driver would not shut up, he just kept talking and talking. you loved talking and getting to know others, but you just needed for it to be quiet, you even put on your headphones hoping your driver would notice that would wanted to end the conversation. no, that didn’t help.

when you got back to your apartment you finally checked your phone.

[babe💓] 12 missing calls

[babe💓] baby i’m sorry atleast answer my calls so we can talk this out?

you couldn’t deal with this right now, all you wanted to do was take a cold shower and head straight to bed and deal with this in the morning.

another message + call came through.

[babe💓] did you block me? babe answer me please.

you walked over to your nightstand and plugged your phone in. you clicked on the pile of message martin sent to you, skimming through them. you were too upset to continue reading them. all you could do was let out a sigh, a small stream of tears fell down your face.

you turned your phone off and flipped it over placing it onto your nightstand. staring down at your floor, you wiped the tears from off your face. your eyes shifted and fell into the direction and sight of your towel, you walked over and grabbed the towel that was hanging on the door and went to the bathroom. you started the shower and let the water run for a bit before getting in.

your chest felt tighter than it did earlier. the tears became endless now from the time you fell asleep. after your shower you turned off all the lights and threw yourself on your bed. you curled up into the fetal position, hugging the weighted stuffed animal martin had gotten you for your birthday. the pillow now wet from your tears and from all the thoughts that crossed your mind about martin and you, work, and your mental health. throughout your shower you wondered if maybe you were pushing it to far, and being too dramatic, but these are your feelings and you feel hurt, and lied to by the man you love. all you could think about is why didn’t he just cancel on me and just tell me the truth. the thoughts of this past week still crossing your mind, not hearing “i love you” on the other side of the line, hurt most.