drowning_vicky

We used to be best friends. "Inseparable. I haven't seen many siblings like that." My mum would say on repeat. Our tears soaked each other's tops and almost became one. We yelled because teenage hormones had a hold on us, but we were always best friends by morning. Laughing about the stupid shit we were fighting about the night before as we sit and talk about everything from dad to the imaginary worlds we escaped into and the times when we were little, learning math under blanket forts. You still tell me you'll kill me, but it feels less like a joke. You still yell at me, but it's not followed by a laugh. We still talk, but we don't know each other anymore. We still love each other, but all you see is a failure like dad... I wish you knew how I cried that night. Laughing hysterically and inconsolable because you couldn't be around me after all those years of standing at the door together, running through fields and into ocean water, standing in front of dad because he got mad and I'll never let him bruise you like he did to me. You're the best and the worst of me. You're stronger than I'll ever be, but god, you know how to stab deep in the most vital organs... I wish you could know me. I wish you knew how much it aches being everything he isn't and being perfect because everyone always holds me to the same standards I do myself... I wish you could know me and sit with me and do nothing but laugh because I never said I would always be better than dad, I only ever promised to try, and God knows I never stopped trying. God knows it hurts.

i sliced until my skin around the blade curled upwards

a canyon forming deep deep deep

until the blood was dripping down my ribs

waiting on the bone

running from my eyes

waiting on the bone

running as i rise

There is a feeling in my chest that I could rip my heart out like Antonio, the only difference being that no blood would come out because I am hollow

As hollow as the murderer's heart, my mind is filled with rage and sorrow, a sorrow so deep that no light of hope reaches it's depths and my rage so grand that it may cover the earth and plunge in into eternal death and destruction

The marrow of my being is shallow, as shallow as the murky waters in which my body lays forever floating in this vast dread