no seas chismosa !

I can’t wait until it’s 2030 and one direction is having their comeback tour and I’ll hear it announced on the radio before work and my kids will run down the stairs and see mommy sipping a morning mug of vodka instead of coffee and all just /know/ but my sixth child will be too young to understand and he’ll come up to me and be like “what’s wrong mommy?” and I’ll cringe before I say it but “nothing. go get ready for school Kevin”

i don’t want to marry any of those mayo ass fuckers I’d be dead from stress by 2031 smh

why the fuck are princess doll toys and pet shop shit commercials always putting these weird theme songs in like they cant even rhyme them  theyre always like “sparkles and glitter right before your eyes!!! she talks and dances and!!!!!!!!!!! spins and flies!!! Magic Surprise!! Horse” 

just learned that my “pupil” is a muscle and that means that fact about your eyes dialiting when you see someone you like actually means that you’re subconsciously and uncontrollablely flexing at your crushes whenever you’re seeing them

Kind of like a butthole!

thanks

I work in a blood bank, and constantly refer to blood types as flavors, such as “Oh, you need two units? What flavor is he?” And my older coworkers just look at me confused but my coworker that’s my age doesn’t miss a beat and responds “A Pos”

this is probably my favorite comment on this post so far

That “yes bitch” killed a thousand people

When you deal with mental illness it becomes painfully obvious that “How are you” is a greeting rather than an actual inquiry into your well-being, so the first one is a canned response but the second one gets real

toddlers are too powerful to be reckoned with

Let trans men be as feminine or as masculine as they want

also let trans women be as masculine or feminine as they want

reblog this version too cowards.

I may be a dumb bitch but at least I’m a smart dumb bitch

something: *is none of my god DAMN business* me: 🔍👀📝

Quality. Content.