Jul 14
and there’s the going to shit right on cue
#had my 4th and a halfth date w J tonight#he wants kids :/ i’m so sad#he offered me a situationship but i am too old#and i respect myself too much to do that#and i want him for his affection and if he gives me that but doesnt date me all i will do is cry#so anyway i probably will end it soon if he doesn’t first bc we talked abt it#but also AFTER that conversation we had sex again and i went down on him#and after he finished he was like comically affectionate to me like i was still on my knees at the end of the bed#and he was like holding my face and kissing it all over and pressing his forehead to mine and laughing in pure glee like ‘that was so good’#and while i love to be good at my craft it’s starting to feel bad when my head-giving becomes their favorite thing about me#and this has happened with like all the men i’ve slept with this year i’ve watched it happen every time#like he was acting like a woman who’s just been proposed to#idek what i’m doing that’s so crazy but idk it’s smth#anyway i know what i must do but i dont wanna
