Just let me post my stuff in peace

and I believe it comes from a deep misunderstanding of one's own sexuality

After The Queer Collective Podcast came under fire, I saw a lot of people commenting about the misinformation they have been spreading. In one of their episodes they talk about the idea of the "bi-cycle", how someone's attraction can be fluid. So I wanted to share my point of view specifically about this concept as someone who is bisexual.

I'll discuss this in 4 parts: definition of the term, sharing bisexuals experiences with it, differentiating preference from sexuality and my opinion on the matter. I'll finish with an open letter to the bisexual community and some final considerations.

1. What is the Bi-cycle?

According to the sources who educate about the bi-cycle, it is described as the fluidity of attraction bisexual people experience.

Sources often cite that it can vary in phases, lasting weeks, months, even years. It is described as a change of preference up to a complete change of sexuality, where the person is attracted exclusively to one gender at a time.

Many sources present the bi-cycle as something inherent to bisexuality commonly experienced by bi people in general. According to them, bisexuals sexuality is fluid by nature and can shift at any time.

(I think you can start seeing why I have a problem with it)

2. What do people who experience it say?

In one of the posts under r/bisexuality, one bi men explains that when he was bi-cycling his attraction towards woman was much stronger. He also shared that he faced a lot of biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community and had to often shun their attraction towards women.

Another redditor shares about going through the bi-cycle while being in a long term relationship with someone of the opposite sex. She talks about only feelling attracted to women after she met a lesbian at work during a period when she was struggling with her relationship.

In summary, many accounts state that while going through a bi-cycle, they experience attraction more strongly or almost exclusively to one gender.

The triggers behind these cycles are often cited as the following: societal expectations of heteronormativity, pressure to pick a side, feeling like an imposter, biphobia, stressfull life situations, developing a crush etc

Many share that they experience a lot of distress while going through a bi-cycle and how it affects their relationships.

3. What is my opinion?

In the podcast, where I first heard about it, it is presented almost like going through "monosexual phases" that come out of nowhere and that you have no control over it. I strongly disagree with this concept. After reading many bi people's experiences with it, it seems to me that it is more of a change on gender preferences.

(Did make me very concerned reading through the accounts is that it almost feels like a supernatural force that plagues bisexuals and completely changes their sexuality. An unknown being that exists solely to make bi people suffer and that they have to accept their destiny living through this endless cycle of pain with seemingly no way to escape... okok I'll stop it)

In all honesty, I do think that the struggles bisexual people experience in regards to questioning their own sexuality are completely valid.

Personally, I've been through times where I thought I was only attracted to one gender. With time, I realized that it was actually either because of heteronormativity, trauma or a need to feel that I was queer enough. As I got to know myself better, I've learned to accept my own sexuality. Nowadays I can confidently say that I'm indeed attracted to all genders.

I believe that many people are actually experiencing a similar thing when they use the term bi-cycling. I believe many people are going through periods in their life where they feel insecure about their identity leading them to question their sexual attraction.

So if people want to use the word Bi-cycle to describe these struggles, I think that's ok. What I do have a problem with is generalizing it as something that just happens and there is no escape. I think people should instead face those struggles, try to reflect where these feelings are coming from in order to break from the cycle.

(some of you guys are talking about this like it's Mercury retrograde... this has to stop!)

Maybe, some of these people could actually be abrosexual and they don't know it, so they are using the word bi-cycle instead? However, most of the accounts seem to me more of a change in preference rather than a change in sexuality.

Also, I think that the concept of the bi-cycle could potentially be harmful for the community, by spreading harmful stereotypes. For example, that bisexuality is just a phase and that bi people are untrustworthy because they could potentially switch. Also that AFAB people's sexuality varies with their menstrual cycle. (?? seriously some of those sources were saying that).

4. Preference vs Sexuality

In this context, I'm using the word preference to describe attraction that can be influenced by external factors and that usually have a reason behind it.

For example, someone who might be t4t because they feel safer in this type of relationship, without inheritantly being more attracted to trans people.

In the context we are discussing, other examples could be: a bisexual person having a preference towards the same gender, because they feel the need to validate their queer identity. Or even, developing a preference towards the one gender after feeling pressured into oppressing these feelings in order to "just peak a side".

I know that the term preference is also used with a different meaning. For example, a bisexual person who experiences more attraction to one gender because that is where they are in the spectrum, without any reasoning behind it.

In this text, I felt the need to distinguish between these two cases. Therefore, when I use the word sexuality in this text, I'm talking about attraction that is inherent to someone's identity and that doesn't have a reason behind it.

I feel the need to clarify that preference is as valid as sexuality and no one should feel pressured into dating outside their preference.

5. Dear bisexual comrades

Stop expecting others to validate your identity. Learn to validate yourself!

I say this because I often see bisexuals (myself included) feel like their sexuality is not valid. You are not queer enough for the LGBTQIA+ community, but also not straight enough for the people outside of it. You feel excluded, insecure about your identity. Therefore you feel the need for other people to say it is ok to be yourself in order to feel like you have the permission to be yourself.

The truth is, as long as you are dependent on other people's validation, that insecurity will never go away.

Find community, be friends with people who actually respect you. Be unapologetically honest about who you are. Even if you don't agree with me (in the end I'm just a rando on the internet, I don't even know you)

(honestly I think this is applicable to everyone, not jus bi people)

6. Final considerations

I come across as harsh, but I'd rather be honest about my opinion. Opinion which is to be taken with a whole bag of salt, cause I first heard about the bi-cycle recently. This is my initial opinion after reading what other bisexual people are discussing about it.

In the end, no one can stop anyone from using whatever terms they prefer. This is just an invitation to reflect on your ideas. So yeah, feel free to share your opinion as well (this is a social network after all...)

7. Sources

At least the few I could find that educate about the Bi-cycle:

https://www.ourrainbowhearts.com/blogs/news/the-bi-cycle

https://happiercouples.com/2018/04/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-bi-cycle/

https://feeld.co/ask-feeld/how-to/exploring-the-bi-cycle-understanding-attraction-and-identity

https://lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Bi-Cycle

Compilation of different people's experiences with the bi-cycle:

https://archive.ph/yHJYF

https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/1v4d2ry/bicycle_struggles/

https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/1q97y2n/i_think_im_just_discovering_the_bicycle_and_im/

*Note: I didn't see polysexual, pansexual, omnisexual... people talk about this. That's why I focused on bisexuality exclusively. Also because that is what I identify as, I don't think I'm qualified to talk about other labels. If you identify with any of these labels, feel free to share your point of view.