i'll be alright

As a bisexual woman, I can safely say that, first of all, most of the marginalization bi women faces comes directly from our attraction to women. We are never encouraged to date women, and we are told that our attraction to women is fleeting, temporary, promiscuous, attention-seeking, or experimental. Our attraction to women is sexualized - as is the case for all lbpq women - and much of the abuse, harassment, and stereotyping we confront result from our attraction to women. That is absolutely undeniable. So I, frankly, think that the whole “you don’t support bi women if you only support them in f/f relationships!!!11!” type posts aren’t that meaningful in an overall societal context, given the fact that bi women are never, ever supported or encouraged in their love for women. And the violence bi women face in heterosexual relationships stems from their attraction to women - Johnny Depp’s abuse of Amber Heard is an example. He abused her because she is a bisexual woman. He accused her of cheating on him with women. He prevented her from hanging out with her fellow wlw friends for a very specific reason. 

However, if a 15-year-old bi girl is writing a - perhaps poorly worded - post about how bi women in heterosexuals relationships are still bi, she’s not asking lesbians to defend m/f relationships. I don’t think lesbians have any obligation to do so, and in fact, telling lesbians that their “hatred of men is biphobic” is lesbophobic. Lesbians, especially the ones who have trauma directly related to men, have no obligation to care about heterosexual relationships, and they have no obligation to defend men. To expect that out of them is lesbophobic and misogynistic. 

Again, I think that the problem is that intra-community biphobia and lesbophobia still remain prominent, despite strides at lbpq solidarity. We have to recognize that lesbian hypervisibility is not the cause of bisexual invisibility. We have to recognize that bisexual women, whether they are in relationships with women or not, are still bisexual, still wlw, and still belong in lbpq spaces. And we have to recognize that we are not the cause of each other’s oppression - we are united by the fact that we are oppressed because of our attraction to women. While horizontal hostility exists and is a problem, it is not the main problem that plagues our community. Our oppressors are, first and foremost, cishet men, who created heteropatriarchy in the first place. We are not each other’s enemies. 

I also think that bi women are scared off by TERF’s posts. When they see things like “bi women are men-attracted women” or “bi women in heterosexual relationships don’t belong in lbpq spaces” or “bi women aren’t allowed to call themselves gay”, they question themselves and the validity of their attraction to women. Such posts are biphobic and misogynistic, especially because relating bi women to our oppressors - aka cishet men - harms us. Bi women have to be reassured that they are still wlw, just like any wlw who is single or in the closet has to be reassured that she is still as valid as a wlw who is out of the closet and/or in a relationship with a woman. As it is, bi women are blamed for the high rates of intimate partner violence they face. Both heterosexual people and lesbians refuse to date bi women because we’re told that we’re inherently adulterous and promiscuous. And there’s always some unfounded, biased post going around that bi women only ever end up in relationships with men. How anyone can quantify that is beyond me. 

Something else: these posts ignore that all wlw struggle with compulsory heterosexuality, including bi women. It also harms lesbians who once identified as bi women or bi women who once identified as lesbians. A lot of this rhetoric plays into gold star politics as well - the notion that lesbians who once dated men can’t be “true lesbians”. So yes, I definitely agree that lesbians have no obligation to care about m/f relationships. In fact, as a bi woman with a preference for women, I don’t care about m/f relationships all that much either. But the fact remains that 1) bi women in m/f relationships are still bi, still deserve a place in lbpq spaces, and are still marginalized because they’re bi and 2) harassing 18 and under bi women and driving them into hysteria or panic attacks is biphobic and really cruel. 

Priest: what’d u do

Me: I drew myself as an anime boy

Priest: that’s not a sin. Jesus loves anime

Me: really? oh thank God. I brought a drawing of it actually

Since I started talking about how Gillian Anderson is transmisogynistic/a SWERF (one day ago), I have lost 90+ followers including mutuals, I have received over 150 messages, I have been told to kill myself multiple times, I have been vageued about and called ableist, and that’s just the beginning! This is what happens when trans women speak out about transmisogyny. This is what happens when we dare crticize one of wlw Tumblr’s Chosen Ones™.