Crescent Willow

do u feel me

Angry gator, begging miss, injury, arguing, gator thinks he’s Roy, use of word whore (you already know who from 🙄) mentions of alcohol.

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“Gator please, it’s not what it sounds like!” Gators hand wraps around your arm dragging you towards Blake’s front door, you try to dig your feet down to stop him pulling you further “listen to me!”

Silence, absolutely nothing. But the rage in his eyes as he looks down at you turns your stomach. You pull your arm trying to break away from his grip but it’s no use “please, just let me explain!” Your fingers dig into Gators hand on your arm trying to loosen his grip on you “what are you going to do?”

Gators drops your arm before lifting you up over his shoulder walking you towards the door.

“Put me down! Fuck gator!” You land punches against his back as he opens the front door “you’re over reacting!” You say as he tries to put you down outside of the door, your hands moving to wrap around his neck “stop!” You looked into his eyes as your feet reached the floor “you know me” you whispered letting one hand fall to the side of his face to stroke his cheek, gator turned his head away like your hand had burned him, pushing his hand into your chest sending you stumbling backwards as he slams the door in your face.

“Gator! Open the fucking door!” You shout as you bang on the door, heart racing. “Gator please!” You bang against the door again before turning around letting your back rest against the door before sliding down it to sit on the step. “Fuck!” You sigh, tears filling your eyes as you wonder what’s going on inside.

~

Gator sat in the car next to you, he hadn’t said a word to you since he’d got in. Fingers gripping the wheel, bloodied knuckles pulled tight.

Chest heaving, the thought of you having another man in the house, in HIS house made him feel like he could throw up. He turned to face you slowly, the guilt in your eyes pulling at his heart a little before he pushed the feeling down. He shouldn’t have left, if he’d have stayed none of this would have happened. But did that mean you could just do what you wanted? What if he’s called away for work for a few days would another man end up in your bed?

“Fuck!” Gator shouted as he slammed his hand against the wheel making you jump, you looked down at your hands in your lap.

“Why?! Why would ya fuckin do it” gator let out a low laugh, shaking his head “everythin was good, we’re havin a fuckin baby an ya let me find out like tha?”

You couldn’t answer him, you couldn’t find any words to make it right. Nothing you could say would make this better.

“Is tha baby even mine?”

He knew it was, he just couldn’t help the words that were falling from him. All of the hurt needed somewhere to go.

Your chest tightened at his words, a wave of sickness washing over you as you looked over at him.

He held your eye contact for a moment before running his hand over his face, laughing as he let his head hit the back of his chair.

“Thought I could trust ya” he spoke softly.

He wanted you to say something. Anything. But you didn’t, you sat in silence seeming to confirm his worries that were quickly turning into rage again.

~

The front door slammed against the wall as gator pushed through it, you followed behind him closing the door after you.

Gator turned towards you, tears prickling in your eyes as you looked up at him.

“No” he pointed his finger towards you “ya don’t get ta cry”

“I- it’s not..”

“It’s not wha it sounds like?” He mocked as he looked at you “ya know I did all tha today fer ya!” he stepped closer letting his forehead rest against yours “all I ever wanna do is protect ya!” He shouted, hot breath hitting your face.

“I know” you whispered taking a step back to put some distance between the two of you.

“An yer fuckin anythin ya can while I’m gone!” He stepped closer again backing you into the wall, fighting with himself not cave as he looked at the tears falling down your cheeks. “I fuckin love ya!”

“And I love you!” You shout back, pushing your hands against his chest to move him “but you left!”

“So everytime I go that’s what’s gonna happen? Ya can’t be trusted ta not open ya legs!”

“I didn’t, fuck I didn’t do that!” You pushed harder against him “you know me, gator” you tried to reason with him, hand resting softly against his cheek.

“Do I?” He scoffed as he pulled your hand off his face, holding onto your wrist as he looked down at you. “Didn’t take ya fer a whore”

“Fuck you!” You pulled your wrist away from his grip “I thought you said you’d always believe me!”

“I did!” Gator shouted as he followed you towards the stairs “but ya jus proved ta me why I shouldn’t!”

“I didn’t fuck him Gator! I just..”

“Just what?” He backed you against the wall again, chest pressed against yours as he looked down at you. “Thought ya could replace me?”

“You’re being stupid” you exhaled, gators hand pulled your chin up towards him.

“Stupid?” Gators grip tightened on your face as his eyes met yours, his nose brushing yours he was so close “that’s exactly how I fuckin feel!”

“I just wanted to feel something!” You shouted, gators mouth falling open but nothing coming out. His body filled with rage, hurt. “You left me here, I was scared! I wanted to know I could still.. feel”

Gator let go of your face shaking his head walking away, you followed behind him as he walked into your room.

“Gator? What are you doing?” You asked as you watched him pull open the wardrobe, throwing your clothes onto the bed “hey, hey..” you walked to him, hands shaking as they rested against his back “stop! Please!” You begged as he continued.

Gator pulled your suitcase out from under the bed, unzipping it before throwing your clothes into it.

“Gator” you cried as you reached for the suitcase trying to pull it away from his grip “please just hear me out, I love you” you sobbed as gator pulled it back towards him, ignoring everything you were saying as he continued filling it up.

Gators body was on fire, rage bubbling away deep inside him as he packed every last memory of you away. Everything he did for you today, to protect you making him feel stupid. Letting you into Dollie’s life for you to betray him like this, he wanted to tell you how much you’d hurt him. But he was scared if he opened his mouth, he wouldn’t be able to control what came out.

“What about Dollie?”

That snapped him from his thoughts, head turning to finally look up at you, hands stilling for a moment. He looked at you, the woman he loved with tears down her cheeks and hand resting against your small bump. The small bump that carried the baby he loved so much already, a part of the both of you growing inside. His little girl who loved you so much, having to explain to her that you were gone.

No, no, no. You’d betrayed him, that’s it.

“Just.. hear me out..” you sobbed as you looked at him, stepping closer.

“No”

Your chest tightened, one word that hurt so much to hear. You sobbed as you watched him continue to fill your suitcase.

“What about the baby? I thought we were trying to fix this for the baby” you were trying everything “he helped me carry my shopping home gator”

You closed your eyes as gator zipped up the suitcase, everything packed away. All evidence you were ever here packed up. He pulled it towards him as you stepped forward to grab it.

“We didn’t even kiss..” you sobbed “nothing, I tried I’ll be honest” gator scoffed as he shook his head “but I couldn’t do it.. I kicked him out..” you looped your hand through the handle gripping onto it.

Gators head was spinning, were you telling the truth? Would he ever know? Could he believe you? Gators grip loosened on the suitcase as he looked at you, head spinning way too fast to make sense of anything that was happening right now. Your words just sounding like nonsense as you spoke, he couldn’t do this.

“I’m not leaving!” You grabbed the suitcase with all of your strength pulling it towards you, gators already loose grip giving up completely as you lose your balance falling backwards pulling it with you. The heavy suitcase landing across your front as you land onto the floor, you hear gators footsteps getting closer before you realise what’s happening.

“Shit, shit” gator pulls it off you before pulling you up “you okay? Is the.. did it hit the..” he couldn’t get his words out, frantic as he looked at you.

“It’s fine.. I’m fine” you half smiled as you looked at him.

“No,no..” his hand pulled at your shirt as if seeing your stomach would make him feel better, guilt eating away at him “it’s small, it’s fuckin small anyway.. it won’t, it won’t take much ta..” he rested his hand against your stomach as his eyes flickered between yours and your stomach. He felt sick, why did he pack your stuff? Did he really want you to go? Oh fuck, the baby what if he’d hurt the baby. He wasn’t his dad. No, no, no. Maybe he was his dad, maybe he was always going to turn into his dad. “I did.. I didn’t mean..” you watched as gators chest started to rapidly rise and fall as he exhaled looking up at the ceiling “fuck! I didn’t mean to!” He shouted as his eyes burned down into you.

“Hey.. I know” you whispered as your hand rested against his chest, panic washing over him. Why were you so forgiving? His skin started to crawl as he thought about how forgiving his mom was when his dad hurt her, shit he was Roy. You needed to go, he needed to keep you safe.

“No!” He shouted standing up “ya need ta go” he pulled the case off the floor before heading out to the car with it.

~

“I know you don’t want to talk right now, but if you just listen that’s enough. I just.. I want you to know everything, exactly as it happened”

He didn’t acknowledge you, gators eyes stayed on the road as he continued to drive to Tara’s.

“I saw him on the way home, he helped me carry my shopping into the house. I invited him in.” You take a deep breath, guilt washing over you again as you relived it “i wasn’t me.. I felt dead inside, I thought I’d never feel normal again” you took a moment to gather your thoughts, not wanting to cry before you see Dollie “I wasn’t thinking straight.. but we didn’t kiss, we didn’t do anything..”

Gator couldn’t think straight, what you did with Blake wasn’t front of his mind anymore. The fact he was turning into his dad was, everything started to fall into place. He hurt you, he hurt the baby.

“Please don’t make me go” you whispered as you pulled up outside Tara’s. You watched as he got out, grabbing your suitcase from the back before dropping it onto Tara’s step. You shake your head as you look at him, stomach turning as he walks back towards you.

“Out”

“I’m not going, this isn’t my home Gator! I want to go home!”

Gators hand reaches across you to unbuckle you, your hands trying to push his arms away as he pulls you out.

“Gator this is ridiculous!” He locks the car leaving you stood next to it, walking towards the house. you follow behind him slowly waiting as he knocks the door.

“Mama! And daddy!” Dollie beams as she walks out towards the two of you “baby Tommy is here!” She points towards Tara holding the chunky baby. Your chest tightens as you look at her, the hard expression on her face as she looks back at you. “Oh daddy! Your hands!” Dollie gasps as she looks down at his bloody knuckles, pulling his hand towards her mouth kissing a clean bit of skin.

“S’ok baby, let’s go” gator held onto her hand pulling her gently towards the car.

“Come on mama” Dollie giggled looking back at you, making your breath catch in your throat.

“Soon, baby” you whisper blowing her a kiss, Dollie pouts her lips as gator gets her into the car. Tara’s eyes looking down at the suitcase then back up to you.

You try your best to paint a smile onto your face as you wave goodbye as the car drives away, Dollie’s sad face making you sob once the car is far enough away that she won’t see you.

“I’ve fucked up” you cry as you turn towards Tara, she exhales before stepping towards you pulling you into her.

“It’s what we do best, babe” she whispered as she kissed your cheek, you wrap your arms around them both as you sob.

~

“Right, he’s sleeping. Tell me everything” Tara sat down next to you on the sofa, soft smile on her face.

“When he left.. I let another man in the house..”

“What?!” You didn’t..”

You nod as you look down, feeling ashamed once again.

“We didn’t do anything, we didn’t even kiss..” you shrugged like it made things better “but that’s what I wanted to happen.. but it didn’t feel right”

“So you.. like the man?”

“No, god no” you scoffed “I wanted to know if I could get over him..”

Tara sighed as she looked at you, hand resting against your leg.

“You should have told him”

“I know.. Blake told him..”

Tara’s eyes widened as she looked at you, running a hand through her hair exhaling.

“Well shit”

“Mhm”

“You really did fuck up”

“Thanks” you laugh as you look at her.

“But this” she rests her hand against your stomach “this will keep you together”

“I hope so” you sighed as you looked down at her hand “do you think he’ll forgive me?”

“I know he will”

~

“Daddy where’s mama?” Dollie asked as gator pulled the covers over her “is she coming home?”

Gator sighed as he sat down next to her on the bed, hand holding onto hers.

“Daddy’s been silly again, doll” he half smiled as Dollie’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Again?” She gasped, little fingers stroking his hand softly “it’s okay to be silly sometimes daddy”

Gators chest tightened as he looked at her, nodding slowly as he swallowed down the lump in his throat.

“But can my mama come home? mama said it’s okay to be silly as long as we’re kind” dollie giggled as she looked at him “you’re a kind daddy”

“Ya think so?” Gator asked as he looked at her, her sleepy eyes starting to shut.

“Best daddy ever” she yawned before climbing out of bed to wrap her arms around him, hand resting against the back of his head as she stroked the hair there.

Gator let his head rest against her shoulder, holding her close to him as he tried to blink away the tears starting to form against his eyelashes.

“I love ya so much, dollie dot” he whispered into her hair.

“Love you daddy”

Gator held her close to him until he felt her go limp, tucking her back into her bed with her bunny.

~

You lay on Tara’s sofa, tear stained cheeks as you rest your hand against your stomach. Poking every so often to see if you got any response, 18 weeks and still not as much as a flutter.

YOU: please can I come home?

YOU: I miss you, I miss Dollie.

YOU: did you remember to check her homework?

Gator sighed as he locked his phone, bringing the beer up to his lips. 5 deep and no sign of stopping, needing to forget everything that had happened today. Thoughts racing through his mind about his childhood, all the memories of his mom with his dad. The pain, the blood, the crying, the violence.

“No..” he whispered to himself “stop it” he shook his head drinking the rest of the beer from his bottle.

The memory of his mom on the floor as his dad loomed over her as she excused his violence, replaying over and over again before slipping into what happened today. The expression on your face as he leaned over you, he didn’t do it on purpose. Or did he? Maybe he did.

“I didn’t..” gator whispered as he reached for another bottle.

Memories of you begging coming into his mind next, why didn’t he just forgive you? Did you think he hated you? Did you feel like his mom did?

YOU: I’ve been getting some pains, are you coming to the hospital tomorrow?

Gators stomach turned as he read your message, fuck was it really happening? Had he really hurt the baby?

YOU: Tara said it’s growing pains, that’s a positive.

Relief should have washed over him, but it didn’t. Dread did. Nervous about the appointment tomorrow, nervous about seeing you, nervous for bad news.

Guilt clawing at him, he knew you needed him. Especially right now, was it all worth it? He needed to make it right, but he couldn’t like this. You wouldn’t believe him if he called you drunk. It would have to wait until tomorrow, gator leaned his head back against the sofa letting his eyes flicker shut.

YOU: Gator?

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After saving the world, you're plagued with nightmares of your boyfriend falling from the radio tower.

pairing: steve harrington x henderson!reader words: 2.1k contains: heavy angst, eventual fluff, established relationship, character death (but not really), graphic descriptions of fatal injuries, nightmares, description of a panic attack, near death experienc, lots of trauma, use of pet names for reader (baby, sweet girl), female reader, no use of y/n, she/her pronouns for reader.

author's note: steve angst lovers please rise! this one got me i won't lie. i hope that the action is okay too, struggled a lot with that but we got there in the end!

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Red lightning flashed across the sky and the radio WSQK tower seemed to groan beneath you as you lean slightly over the railing to see just how high up you were. You swallow when you realise that you were so high up that you couldn’t even see the ground. The thought that this could be a mission you wouldn't come back from briefly crosses your mind.

“You be careful now, baby,” comes Steve’s voice, his hand falling on your lower back like an anchor that reels you back in. Your boyfriend seems to have a midas touch when it comes to reassuring you because your shoulders relax almost instantly, your body always so attuned to his. “Dustin will kill me if I let you fall.”

The corners of your lips twitch into an almost smile. “If I fall—Dustin would be fine as long as he got my bedroom,” you say, a quick glance back over the edge before you step away from the railing and look at Steve.

He looked stupidly good in that backwards cap that sat on top of his head. You knew he had worn it for your sake, you knew it the moment he had slid it on and winked over at you. You wanted to be mad at him but you told yourself you’d get him back for it later. If there was a later.