Mischmasch

I am so exhausted

of this day

of this week

of this month

of this year

of this life

of this body

of this earth

of this space

Take a lemon and some salt to scrub out your sink

And the memories of the rotten meals washed down it’s drain

(Make sure to check for clogs)

Hydrogen peroxide will remove the stains from the pain in your belly that leaked everywhere while you were unprepared

Baking Soda will do for most other stains

The salt of your tears comes out with soap

Make sure to sweep behind to get rid of the dust

And the demons

Tuck in your sheet, lay fresh blankets and fluff the pillows so that later you can luxuriate in its softness

Polish the wood to make your history new

Mop the floors but wash the mop first to make sure the stink of the past doesn’t come back

Scrub and soak and lift and organise till your body is strengthened by your work

And when you are done fling open all the doors and windows

Oh God I’m freaking out right now. I’ve locked the door in both worlds and I have The

Key and I’m still freaking out. They stopped hammering on the door awhile ago but that

just means they’ve slurked off to plan something. I’m sending you this so someone will

have it, someone will remember I exist. They may be extremely good at making people

disappear but I can put up a fight.

I’m letting you in on the biggest secret in the world:

There are Other People living in your house.

***

Ever notice when you walk into a room and something’s just not right? You feel

someone else is in the room and when you turn around you swear you could almost see

them out of the corner of your eye. Or when you look up and for a moment you see a

door open, a shadow pass that has no owner or the leaves stir when there is no wind.

There’s another world just beneath this one. Normally the two co-exist relatively

peacefully, few in one world know about the other. There are rips between the worlds,

used privately by “The Caretakers,” one of their many names. But now new rips are

appearing and existing rips are widening and people, The Regulars, are slipping through.

And they can’t have that can they.

You were always the smart one, I should’ve listened to you. If I had I wouldn’t be

frantically typing this while glancing up at the door every few moments. I keep hearing

the click-click-click of the doorknob in my head.

I just want to say thanks. Thanks for everything.

Now your instructions, read this, memorize it, and then get rid of it. What you do next is

up to you.

***

***

June 12th

“Stay to get away.” That’s what all the commercials here say. I wonder if going as far

away as possible from your home and staying away for as long as you can counts.

Probably as long as they get the tourist dollars.

Trinidad. Columbus named it “Trinitaria” for the three mountains he first saw when he

spotted the island. One of the islands in The Republic of Trinidad and Tobago. National

bird: Scarlet Ibis, National Flower: Chaconia

And there is absolutely nowhere to go.

Let me rephrase that, there’s nowhere to go if your mother’s locked herself in the office

dong work and won’t take you to Movietowne, Trincity or West Mall, the beach, the

Library or and of the other places your Mom told you about when she said, two weeks

before you had to leave, that she and her friend had agreed to swap houses for the

summer and you know you may be staying longer after The Incident. A place you

haven’t been since you were five where you know no-one with your mom locked up in a

room working on her degree and you’re supposed to be having fun.

Yeah right.

She gave me this diary as a bribe. “It’ll be an adventure,” she said. Why do parents feel

the need to lie when they’re making you do something you know and they know you’ll

hate?

Well I’m already here. Might as well explore the house.

•••

•••

•••

The phone stopped ringing days ago. It was always only friends of the girl who lived here

and her mother or someone for my mom. Now they all know to call them at our house

or in the box that mom has sealed herself inside. My friends don’t call, they e-mail or I

haven’t spoken to them since The Incident.

The Incident blows.

I explored the house, not that there was anything there. It seemed big but really all it

has is a lot of space. The girl who lived here left a lot of her stuff. I left most of it alone (I

do understand boundaries) but I checked out the books. She had good taste.

There’s a pool but I don’t really like swimming. There’s absolutely nothing on TV and I’m

not even going to try getting on the Internet with my mom’s restrictions. No more than

three tabs open at a time and no videos. The only thing I could really do is stare at the

Google homepage till my eyes ache.

Hold on.

Thought I saw something just now. It was like a shadow of a cat but the shallow had

been made solid. It was longer too, the shape of a weasel and the height of a cat. I

followed it for awhile but then it just, disappeared. Like there was a hole in the air and it

just walked through it.

Maybe I’m just going mad from boredom. Maybe I should tell mom that. Then she might

take me somewhere.

I saw something again. Not the cat thing. I was in the kitchen when I heard a sound. I

turned and just out of the corner of my eye I think I saw a person. Or at least it was

person shaped. It was gone in a second but I swear afterwards I felt it staring at me. It

felt really angry.

Definitely going mad from boredom then.

•••

•••

“Good day Miss Robertson, I am Detective George today I’ll be interviewing you about-”

“She tell you I take the boy?”

Danielle Robertson sat in her the chair with her arms crossed. She stared at the detective more like she was the one about to cross examine him. Detective George did not want this case. It was early in the morning, he had not had enough coffee. Last night he had comforted the mother, as she screamed at him, demanding that the child be found and that yes, the nanny be held responsible. He thought he had done enough of his part last night. His partner had been helping with the search last night and was yet to show up. He, the poor maligned Detective George, was left to interview the irate nanny.

“This is just normal procedure Miss Robertson, we need to interview anyone who would have contact with Eli before he disappeared.”

She sucked her teeth, “After allyuh spend half of last night questioning me? And if is not you people, is my boss only screaming at me dat I take she child. Well she don’t want to listen is her fault.”

“She doesn’t want to listen to what?”  Danielle only crossed her arms and sucked her teeth again.

“All right let’s start from the beginning. Tell me what happened that evening. Did you notice anything out of the ordinary?”

“I made dinner as normal, and I went to call the children in. They mother too busy fussing over them to notice when anything wrong. Eli was acting strange. I call him one, two, three times and it like he not hearing. I had to go outside and bring him myself. His sister run in for dinner as soon as I call, like he would normally. And all through the meal he not eating, he only picking at his food, and staring at the table like it not really there.”

“Anything else?”

“No. They mother take them to bed after. In the middle of the night I feel I hear something. I wake up with a start and something in me say go check on the boy. Well I go check on him and the only thing in his bed was moonlight. I run and I wake up he parents and I tell them they boy gone and then I run outside”

“Why didn’t you check the rest of the house first?”

“I know in my bones he not there”

“How”

No answer.

“Ma’am, anything you say would help.”

No answer,

“Have you been having problems with your employer? She seems like a difficult lady to work for, someone who’s very particular about what goes on in her house.”

“I know what you getting at, I not stupid. Yes madam have a lot of rules but I don’t give she trouble. In front of she and she children I talk proper, though you Americans can’t talk at all.” Suddenly, Danielle stood up and leaned across the table. Detective George realised that she was a lot taller than she looked sitting down.

She looked him in the eye and spoke carefully. “Look Detective George, I getting tired of this. I will tell you what I think and what I know and then I will let you decide.” She sat back down.

“I am from Trinidad and Tobago. It is an island in the Caribbean. No it is not the same as Jamaica, the answer to the ignorant question people have asked me since I came to this country. I did not grow up in a city. I grew up in a village. Yes I went to school and so had my parents. Our village was small, it was the place where everyone knew everyone else. These were educated people. And still my parents placed certain restrictions over me, restrictions you would find superstitious. They would not call me by name outside after dark. There was a small bag of salt in the pocket of my dress. I had a crucifix on at all times. It is there I learnt about things you people would call folklore. Things that take advantage of that ignorance.”

“I would like a glass of water.”

“Excuse me?” Detective George was startled. It was as if her words and his exhaustion had sent him into a trance, and her abrupt change had rudely taken him out of it.

“You have kept me talking for some time, I would like a glass of water. After I will finish what I have to say.”

When he returned Danielle Robertson was in the same position as when he had first entered the room. Now he felt like she was a lot more in control than he was.

“Thank you.” She took a long sip of water.

“Now Detective George, when I ran out of that house last night, it was for two reasons. As you must have seen, the woods behind my employers’ house is very large, and dark. If anyone was to take a child, those woods would be the best place to hide. The other reason, will sound strange but I will explain. When I was call in the children that evening, when I went for Eli I heard giggling.”

“Giggling?”

“Yes. As I ran into that forest I knew what took that boy and I was praying hard that I catch them before it was too late. I was running I saw them, the little devils. Naked as anything, except for their Chinese hats. They was calling him ‘Come, come!’ Not holding on to him, just running ahead of him, encouraging him to follow. But they was fast. It was fear that gave me the strength to follow. I kept calling him, careful not to say his name. A couple of times he turn back at me but always they would entice him to chase after them. Still, I was catching up, a little more time and I would of catch him.”

“But what happened?”

“Madam follow me. I don’t  know what she see but she fool mouth call out ‘Eli!’ Well that was that. They have his name so they have him.”

“The creatures are called douens. They are the souls of unbaptised children. I saw police by the house this morning, looking at the footprints. They thought that they came up to the house and took Eli, but he ran away and they followed him. They wrong. Douens feet are backwards you see. They call him by his window and then they run for him to follow.I hear they find a hat too, one of their little Chinese hats. They never going to find those little bastards”

Danielle and Detective George sat in silence for a few minutes. The detective was at a loss. Obviously this woman was mad, her story had to either be superstitious ramblings or a cover up. For some reason, he could not think of what to do next.

“Do you have any more questions Detective George?”

“Um well, no but-”

“Then I will be leaving. Thank you for trying to find the boy.”

He watched as she got up and left.

What are you looking for?

It don't matter you been suffering longer

suffering stronger

louder

My mother and I used to think it was just the pipes, or coconuts falling on the roof. Later on, the scratching started.

We ignored it, as long as they stayed out of the house we were alright.

My grampa says he sees them at night. We used to think he was dreaming. Now we are no longer so sure.

My room is on the far side of the house. I used to think that when the scratching reached my room they would break through.

The scratching reached my room.

Now, I hear things moving, things that sound heavier than rats or manicou. I like to pretend they're just really big.

The trouble with being forewarned is

how do I love you when i know the ending

all these men i want to reach out for

grab their arms

crush their lips with mine

How do i do this when I know our love will one day be a competition

we will expand in attempts to crush each other

My Heart with Yours

a battle of the ages

And you who tempt me with balance

I think of knives sometimes

(Scalpels to be correct)

I think of carving HATRED down my side

Forever banished from the land of bikinis

So one day when I meet you tell me what you will do?

Will you be shocked and frightened? will you wonder what kind of shattered, crazy bitch has caught you? and how to get away?

Will you ask why? the feelings i don't yet know to express in words

Or will you trace them with your tongue

fingers 

thin delicate scars

and new words

until all I can scream and pant and say is

Some days all I can think about is hate

I think about you with your fucking anonymous ask

Fucking scaring everyone who read it

And I think about whether or not it was real

And I curse and I rage as I hit reblog because I'm just not fucking sure

I hate you for your 

manipulation

idiocy

malice

WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING

I want to scream

I think about what if it's true

I think about the godawful thing that someone did to you to make you do the thing you want to do

And the godawful thing that happened to them

And the godawful things that happened to everyone who ever lived ever

I want to S C R E A M