I’m Lo.

I try to ignore you,

to look away every time you walk past me.

Today I noticed that you have less control over me, than a few weeks ago.

To be honest, I’m proud.

Proud of me that I’m able to move on,

but damn... you still give me those feelings.

Every time I do something that reminds me of you I get those feelings back.

I shake so nuch that I can’t even stand straight.

The problem is, I don’t shake when I talk to you

I shake whenever something has to do with you

even that I don’t become emotional when I see you...

You still control my whole life.

I talked to two friends of you and my body went crazy.

I feel your eyes on me and it starts.

Just one thought of you and — y’all know how it goes.

It drives me crazy that you take more place over my body than myself does.

I shake so much,

but I still try to shake it off.

My head already let go, but my heart is still filled with hope.

“I’m sorry you saw me shaking.”

I have never had a relapse before,

I have never been really addicted to something.

Never before I had this feeling.

But after I have lost you, I felt it...

many times.

I have already realised a few times how much you mean to me.

Or meant.

And everytime I think about the moments with you, I start to feel it again.

All those feelings I had for you.

Now they’re gone,

but when I think back, I feel it all.

And it all starts again,

I relapse.

I begin to feel everything I had for you.

I forget everything you’ve done to me and only think about all those positive vibes.

And it starts to hurt.

My heart aches,

But yet it feels good to have all those happy moments back in my head.

Every morning I walk this path to my school. And during the seasons the sun appears there in every kind of way and as a lover of nature I had to keep those moments. By now I have so many photos of the sunrise that I wanted to share them with someone because I think it’s beautiful to see how different the sun can make the world look like.

I know you’re not good for me. I have everything you’ve done to me in my head. I hate you… Or more do I hate the things you’ve done to me, with me, or the hopeless feelings you’ve made me feel. When I see you it’s a battle for me. I look at you and my heart stays cold I feel all the hate inside me But when it’s a second too long, if I look one second longer my heart begins to warm up and I could tear up every moment. By now my heart’s taking over my head. I think of the moments we shared, every laugher I had with you, every oh-so-happy-hope I had when I looked into your green shining eyes, the positive feelings I have or had for you, the love which made me believe there could be an “us”. In that moment I either begin to be emotional and drift apart or I try to stay strong and keep the feelings inside me. It’s heart against head and I never know who wins.

today I sat at the ocean with some friends we laid down and looked up to the sky

"You know, those stars up there doesn't even exist anymore. Like, it's like we're looking into the past. But it's still the present and somehow also the future."