“Last night I had a bad dream, I woke up in pain reaching for my phone to call you but then I remember that we don’t talk anymore and what a nightmare I am in right now”

And the truth is, I have a habit of trying to fix things beyond repair because I simply cannot accept the fact that they’ve run their course. I’m terrified of coming to terms with the idea that some things in life are just temporary and we’re left with no choice but to move on.

“You’re not in love with me, not really, you just love the way I always made you feel. Like you were the center of my world. Because you were. I would have done anything for you.”

i start feeling like myself again, finding joy in life and finally thinking i can be happy without you.

“So you open his contact and write “Don’t fall in love with some other girls” but you can’t really press send. And you hope tonight he got drunk enough to call you // Because you swore you forget him but yesterday he smiled at you and said hi and now you’re missing him again and now you wanted to hear his voice and his laugh just like the old times // But you know it all better // If he’s drunk you won’t be the one he’s calling // And you kept screaming: Fuck I promised myself I won’t cry over you again and This is why I must get over you and Don’t fall for her please Im not ready Im not ready Im not fucking ready And it’s one hour until 11 pm The time when he used to call you But he’s still not drunk enough But he’s still not on your phone (probably on hers) And you’re still not hearing his voice And you wish the love faded away a little But it’s still there, banging on your chest, louder than your tears. And you realize how scary it is Too love someone so much it breaks you”

”You want to know the worst part? I knew it. He told me he wouldn’t hurt me. He told me he was different. But he wasn’t and I knew it. And whose fault is this? Yours? Mine? Is it your fault that you broke my heart even though you knew it was broken before? Or is it it maybe my fault? That I let all this shit happen to me all over again. One second I blame myself for letting you in, for trusting you, for doing this once again, and one second I blame you for telling me all those sweet things just to make me believe you, treating me good just to make me feel like shit a moment later. Whose fucking fault is it? I knew better and I don’t deserve this. But I don’t know shit anymore”

“It hurts doesn’t it? Seeing him fill his time with other people, keeping himself busy and avoiding having to see you. It hurts seeing him being so okay with not seeing or speaking to you anymore. It hurts because while you’re so broken and lonely, grieving the relationship you had with him and wanting it back so desperately, he seems to have forgotten about you already. It feels like he’s already moved on while your life has come to a halt. But it won’t always feel like this, you’ll find new ways to fill your days and you’ll eventually find a way to let go. There’s no rush and the horrible way that you’re feeling won’t last forever. Just trust that there are better days coming and that you’ll get through this.”