The Thoughts of A Crazy Fanboy Who Wants To Be An

Yes, I know it's a music label, I know.. *sighs* but how is me saying that so unprofessional? How could anyone have remotely interpreted that as me being biased toward the label's music because I work in it? and anyway if you didn't want me to say something you could've just told me beforehand.. I was just trying to be friendly and open, maybe get some of the people talking with me.. I like talking to people.. it doesn't even make sense to me that you thought what you thought :(

and I thought you were my friend, it doesn't feel so great to be chewed out by you for "making us look bad" and the way you said "it's just business" ..what kind of mindset do you have anyway? I don't know why I call you my friend.. like at kcon, you got mad at me when you got all claustraphobic and had a mini panick attack, I was trying to help you but you got mad at me..

and i've told you about some of the things that happened in my life, and got no response other than a thumbs up. How could you respond so sarcastically to some of the shit i've been through? 

I've been trying my best to help with the label, but you've been mean to me more than once.. I really really want to be involved in this, but you just keep.. :(

You know, it doesn't feel good, the way you're acting..

I haven't been on tumblr for a while, but I decided to go on for a bit. I don't feel so great. Today has been up and down with all kinds of emotions.

Why is it like my friend doesn't give a shit anymore?

How is it that my bf can think so lowly of me?

Like seriously.. I've been trying to be a good boyfriend, and i'm just thought to be doing things for other motives the whole time.

Or i'm just not impressive enough.

but I can't tell him that I'm feeling so down..

I don't want him to think what he thought before,

that I only talked about myself..

it's so not true..

I care about him.

I wish I had you... </3

  so bad..

  you're the most gorgeous person in the world,

  and so precious..

Why is it that the better looking I get,

the more I hate myself?

The more weight I lose,

I haven't puked in like 5 days. (because my throat needed a break.)

but I've still been losing. :)

I'm sad though. I'm lonely as fuck. My phone ran out of minutes. I hate being alone at night..

Perfect kibum.. I wish I could know you. I cry for you..

I've been losing more weight..

I was sick all week and super weak. I fell behind on my school and everything. But at least being sick made me lose another couple pounds.^^

Besides being the title of a SHINee album,

I'm experiencing some symptoms because of all I do.

-shaky body

-really sore throat

-seeing stars

-getting upset and sobbing for over an hour at night

-wanting more and more to be perfect with each passing day

-being able to eat less and less every day without getting hungry

-puking getting easier

My throat is just killing me today.

It's buring up on the inside.

It hurts to breath.

It hurts to swallow.

Is it because I puke?

Or because I sing myself hoarse?

Maybe both.

Probably both.

Going for perfection aint easy.

But it's worth it,

I haven't puked anything today, and even though besides the drink I'm having right now I've only consumed 774 calories today, if I have ANYTHING to eat when I go home I am puking it up.

I can't help it, I'm just..

  I'm really getting worse everyday.

I wanna pass an audition so bad, I'm being so extreme with trying to look good, rap good, dance good, and everything else. I wanna be like one of the kpop boys.