#feeling down

Me: How did you know?

Also me:

pulled out my teeth to stop the bleed

// a life once healed what a //

I assume this will be the one more post before day camp takes over. Years past I've had no time or energy to journal during day camp, and I see no reason why this one will differ. Other than, perhaps, having two assistants; and thus a couple fewer missions to write, and more energy from the day. So hey - maybe.

Looking to be a good day camp, so far. We're doing the bulk of the planning tomorrow. I've got the planning doc all set up and detailed; so it'll be going over the location and story with them, dividing up innkeepers, outlining missions, and whatever other detail work we can get done or that folks want to do. I'm looking at testing out a couple changes for this upcoming year, to do either with how certain game skills are taught or ways of managing player actions or consequences in the game. We'll see how they go.

The story will hopefully be simpler, too. I don't want another repeat of FalJL this year, and there are going to be a bunch of young and inexperienced players. Straightforward is good in this case. Enough about day camp prep, though - let's other things.

Today's been a bit of a pacing-the-cage kind of a day. Not enough enrichment, I suppose, and expecting too much work from myself. Lots of sort of unfulfilling board games, and some Spirit Island with Hearthsnail of course; and mostly... otherwise meh. I made some fried cinnamon sugar tortillas tonight partly to use up the last of a tortilla bag, but mostly because I wanted to. I love that shit. It's so hard to go wrong with cinnamon sugar.

Been feeling kind of... hm. Glum isn't quite right, but it'll do for now; as well. Mostly feeling like a failure for all the usual response time issues, in all parts of my life. Emails, actions, commission responsibilities, friends... it's all the same. Wish I could figure out how to get over that particular bump, at least some of the time. This year has been the worst year by far, and I can see places it's starting to cause much larger problems. To say nothing of, the sapping at self worth and feeling like a competent human being. Would like to talk to someone about it, but my therapist is still on sabbatical and has been for nearly a year now; and the only other person nearby who has what I need has a schedule I can't match. Well. I suppose maybe I could during the summer. But we're already weeks along, and I'm not sure it'd be worth it for one or two sessions.

Still filled with other feelings, too. This one's a stubborn one. Then other feelings all over again, looking later in the month and things yet to come... It's going to be, I suppose, an interesting month.