anyone who calls me out for saying “like” every other word is not only a misogynist but pressed that i’m like smart as fuck

the fucked up thing about job interviews is that everybody Knows that youre just there because you need money to stay alive, everyone Knows that the companys interests are in your mind secondary at best to you having a home and not starving, but they still need to hear you beg and tell them how much The Company means to you and how great an opportunity it is to work for them its so masturbatory 

Most people I know had that one movie as a kid; that one movie that they would watch over and over and over to the resigned acceptance of their parents. I’ve always thought that movie says something about a person. What was your movie?

my personality issues can be directly traced to the fact that I couldn’t do the monkey bars as a child

every text is a risky text when youre a dumbass who cant use words right

Undertiddy.