Every time she counted to seven now, she felt relief. It didn’t even matter the context, that number brought her a kind of peace she had trouble explaining to those that didn’t understand. This was a morning like any other, except it wasn’t really, because it held more significance than yesterday. She counted them out on her bedside table, like she did every morning, a ritual that gave her a sick kind of pleasure, mostly because it was terribly consistent, when nothing else really was. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, she counted in her head. Seven pills, laying on the table, next to a tall glass of water she had filled the night before. Today, she unlike the days that came before, she actually planned to wash those pills down right before bed, as she had always planned. She turned 35 today, and this had always been her deadline. There were quite a few reasons for this, many of which she had trouble explaining, even to herself, but she knew them in her mind, and they spoke to her when she began to doubt her decision to end this path she was walking. 35, a number that seemed impossible, and yet here it was, an albatross around her neck, causing her stomach to churn, and the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. He’d been 35 too, she thought to herself, realizing she’d stolen her play right from his playbook, and began to feel embarrassed about that fact. But she didn’t care why she had thought to make the deadline this day, it didn’t matter in the end, since she wouldn’t be here to dwell on the decision anymore, like she had so many of her past decisions, that have haunted her all her life. She was still sat on the end of her bed when the alarm on her phone began to ring, and she reached for it, checking the time. Seven a.m, she’d forgotten she’d even set it last night, didn’t really need to, she’d woken up ten minutes before it had gone off anyway, as she always did. Like every other morning, she let the pills sit there on the table, as she went to shower, and began her routine for the day ahead. She had that feeling in her stomach, that one you get when you can sense something is off, lurking and lingering, as she undressed and climbed into the shower; she hated that feeling, and the fact that it had haunted her for so many years of her life.Â
andulkaphoto
pixelskylines
vaporwave
prguitarman
theartofmadeline
izzy806
origamiaround
gummygunk
