[very clearly indulging the urge] im fighting the urge

driving my wild boar and i feel a slight bump and i look in the rearview mirror and see a squashed honda civic

charismatic but in the sense that being an absolute freak does interest & compel people

like hey. What’s up with this guy then

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

i just became a brand ambassador for a 1,000 year old sacred grove

your twenties are Also about discovering that you’re not a bad person in all the ways you believed you were but you’re a bad person in completely new and exciting ways

"visual learner" this "auditory learner" that well I'm an oral learner. put it in my mouth

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

They say ooooh be a good boy for daddy and you'll get a reward. But then the reward is just gay sex. This is bullshit. I wanted a skateboard

Then they say if you're a bad boy daddy will punish you. But what's the punishment? More gay sex! You can't escape it. This whole damn place is in the pocket of Big Sex