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in whatever way youâre celebrating today, take a second to recognize and remember that the fight for independence didnât start with george washington, continental army, and the colonies fighting the british. for so many, independence wasnât really obtained in 1776⊠nor did it begin with the revolutionary war.
it started with captured africans jumping off boats before they were forced to shores of the americas. it started with indigenous communities fighting against european colonizers and settlers. it started with black people in many parts of the americas working to free their loved ones, each other, and themselves by risking their limbs and lives and running away. it started with maroon communities being forged by escaped enslaved populations and indigenous communities who also rebelled against entire militaries that sought them either subservient or dead. it started with slave revolts.
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summary: the empire begins to fall and emotions are high.
contents/warnings: Mature (18+ MDNI!) - canon violence and raids, cartel and DEA talk that's probably inaccurate, family problems, angst, original characters + some from Narcos, funeral, me and my homies hate JerĂłnimo, sneaking around, forbidden love, feelings, daddy issues, talk of implied murder, arguments, no uses of y/n. Apologies if I missed anything.
wc: 4400+
song: daddy issues by the neighbourhood - "go ahead and cry, little girl"
a/n: the self-titled chapter curse... i apologize in advance ngl. we're nearing the end of this story and im actually so upset (i don't want it to end) but thank you to everyone that's been reading and thank you to kat for proofreading and translating as always! took inspo from s1ep6 of Narcos and also an episode of scandal that i don't remember. gif credit
â± part 5 | series masterlist | soundtrack | read on ao3
The scent coming from the cartel gets stronger and stronger every day. Javier can feel it. You havenât told him where your family has moved yet and he doesnât think you will. Honestly, he doesnât blame you because itâs for your safety as well; but he also doesnât know where to find you and that worries him more.
Itâs been radio silence from you since your uncle was killed and heâs getting antsy. Work keeps him occupied during the day, but at night when heâs alone in his apartment and the chaos settles, anxiety gets the best of him. He canât sit still, sending you messages from his pager constantly, only to get no response.
He shouldnât think about the worst case scenario, but knowing your father, who knows what he couldâve done to you by now.
Raids have become routine at this point, hitting every lab location you gave him and the ones Search Bloc found. The ambassador had the bright idea of setting up a tip hotline to gain more information as well. Sometimes they get lucky, but most of the time, people call in just to fuck with them. Specifically kids that have been given a handgun by your father.
Since the death of JerĂłnimoâs brother, heâs retaliated by paying more people in the city⊠and setting off bombs. He canât get close to anyone of authority, so he hurts innocent citizens instead.Â
It makes Javier sick to his stomach.
He keeps a cool facade at work but his thoughts are constantly whirring; causing him to act out of emotion rather than rationality. And tonight, heâs had enough.
The tip they got was useless yet again, leading them to a big empty house on a hill in Cartagena. Javier can feel his anger and frustration beginning to burn in his gut, the wild goose chase getting old and relentless. His gun weighs as heavy as his heart in his hands, searching the house high and low. The only thing they find is a maid with a bullet in her head.
Botero is another drug lord in Colombia. He works out of Cartagena but does a lot of business with your father in MedellĂn. Theyâve been âpartnersâ for the longest time. He isnât as loud and violent as JerĂłnimo, making him less of a threat to the government.Â
To Javier, theyâre all the same.
Steve believes that someone in Sombras de la Cruz is trying to rat him out and get him caught. Truthfully, Javier wouldnât put it behind them. It would get them out of the spotlight for a little so they can slip away yet again. But apparently SebastiĂĄn is smarter than them, seeming to have escaped capture by a hair.
Javier stares at the maidâs lifeless body, his mind briefly picturing it as you instead. The thought shakes him, spreading goosebumps across his skin. It could easily be you if neither of you are careful enough. He might be unsure of where you are but he doesnât believe that youâre dead.
At least thatâs what he keeps telling himself.
âColonel!âÂ
Javierâs eyes snap up at the sound of Trujilloâs voice, momentarily taking his focus off of the lifeless body.
âÂżTiene identificaciĂłn? (Does he have identification?)â Carrillo asks, wondering why this is being brought up in the first place.
When Trujillo says yes, he asks what the problem is.Â
âTiene una ametralladora en el maletero. (He has a machine gun in the trunk.)â
The tone shifts immediately. Itâs not abnormal for a politician to carry a weapon, but a machine gun? That is unusual. Itâs usually just a handgun, not an automatic weapon.
Javier watches the two men go, eyes landing on the maid once again. He canât understand the pit in his stomach at the sight, turning around before his emotions get the best of him. Over the balconyâs railing, he can see the man they stopped in front of the house. Heâs clad in a dark suit, looking the part of a senator.
Involuntarily, his mind flashes with you again: your voice, your soft hair, your curves, your touch. Being down here in South America, Javierâs learned to turn off his feelings the best he can⊠until you came along. Thereâs an invisible string keeping him attached to you and itâs making him avoid using his usual coping mechanisms.
It may not have been said yet, but now that your feelings are out in the open, heâll be loyal to you. Itâs killing him inside to not have that physical release with the shit month heâs had, but he also understands the life youâre stuck living and the need to be alone sometimes.
To say he misses you is an understatement. And to Javier, that is absolutely terrifying. The last time he gave his heart to somebody, it was chewed up and spat at his feet. He doesnât talk about Lorraine much. Honestly, thereâs not a lot to say.
He thought it was love. She wanted to trap him in a marriage by faking her pregnancy. The night before their wedding is when he found out. He hasnât seen her since.
Of course, youâre nothing like her and heâs grateful for that. But heâd be lying to himself if he ignored his worries of tainting your heart. The life he lives isnât something he wants to drag you into and possibly put you in life-threatening danger. Youâve already been put in that position one too many times in your life.
He meets everyone outside, being informed that the manâs identification checks out.Â
âNo conozco a ese tal Botero del que hablas (I donât know this Botero person that youâre talking about),â he claims, not convincing either Javier or Carrillo.
âÂżDĂłnde estĂĄ tu guardaespaldas? (Whereâs your bodyguard?)â Javier cuts him off promptly, feeling his nerves begin to get the best of him.Â
His patience is wearing thinner as the situation goes on, everything that has (or hasnât) been happening lately weighing down on him in full tonight. âEstas solo en el carro verdad? (Youâre alone in the car, right?)â
The man steps closer. He has at least two inches on Javier, trying to seem intimidating by looking down at him. Javier doesnât flinch under his gaze, his jaw set so tight his teeth ache.
âEscĂșchenme (Listen to me),â he starts, pointing at Javier.
Right there, he nearly snaps his finger like a carrot when he looks down at it. But he holds back for now.
âTe vas a arrepentir si no me dejas ir ahora mismo (Youâre going to regret it if you donât let me go right now.)â
Javier nods slightly, humming in acknowledgement and not scared of the empty threat in the slightest. The man looks him up and down before Carrillo hands him his ID back.
âDanos un momento. (Give us a moment.)â
He shoos the two of them away, giving them space to talk. Javier keeps him in his peripheral vision, biting the inside of his cheek. âNo le creo. (I donât believe him.)â
âYo tampoco (Neither do I),â Carrillo states, noticing Javierâs fingers twitching. Itâs a tick heâs recognized within his time of knowing him, only coming out when heâs anxious or fighting the urge to pull his gun. Horacio assumes the latter option.
âNo puedo correr el riesgo si realmente es quien dice ser. (I canât take the risk if he actually is who he says he is.)â
Javier shakes his head, âNo, you canât.â
Instead of listening, he pulls his gun out of his waistband, cocking the chamber and firing a shot at the manâs thigh. He doubles over, screaming out in pain as he falls to the ground. Javierâs footsteps are heavy, the built up rage and frustration boiling over.
He wraps his hand around the back of his neck, squatting and pulling him up. He speaks through clenched teeth, his voice seething with anger. âEl prĂłximo⊠lo meto en la cabeza! (The next one⊠goes in your head!)â
The guyâs âintimidatingâ persona drops immediately, stuttering and scrambling to give him what he wants. âÂĄEstĂĄ bien, estĂĄ bien! (All right, all right!)â
âÂĄHabla, malparido! (Talk, bastard!)â Javier spits in his face, shaking him by the neck like a dog.
None of your family have spoken to you since his death, making you feel more alone than you already felt in your own home. The whispers about you have gotten louder, they donât hide their disgusted expressions anymore, and one of your younger cousins even went as far as to spit at your feet.
You donât necessarily blame them, but since then, youâve realized that his death was not your fault. You didnât rat him out to Javier or the cops. You didnât reveal the location of that lab because you didnât know about it until that day.
They can believe what they want to believe. Soon enough, youâll be rid of them for good.
JerĂłnimo stands next to you in the front, his head hanging low as the officiant rambles on about a man he didnât even know. The dewy grass makes your heels unbearable to be in, poking at your feet and making you feel gross. A big pair of sunglasses sits on the bridge of your nose, hiding half of your face.
A single tear slips â but itâs not from the service, itâs from your TĂo Luca and TĂa Luciana whispering about you right behind you. You turn your head slightly to the left, making it obvious to them that you can hear them. Immediately, they shut up, focusing on the speech instead.
This is how itâs been since your uncle was buried six feet under.
Youâre a stranger in your own home; being shut out by absolutely everybody and not trusted with anything. Sure, you put yourself in this situation but it doesnât make it any less painful.
You lay in bed at night, trapped inside your mind: thinking of Javier, missing the love from your father that was supposed to be unconditional. The more you think about it, the more you realize that youâve had to beg him to love you your entire life. Now it means nothing to you.
Thatâs all you want. Itâs all youâve ever wanted â to be seen by your father instead of looked at like a liability.
The pager Javier gave you has been buzzing nonstop, and today, you finally build up the courage to go see him. You sit quietly in the back of the SUV as Francisco drives, wearing a black sweat set. Comfortable and expensive.
Every now and then, you can feel his eyes on you in the rearview mirror, checking up on you without saying anything. Also making sure that no one is following the two of you. Your dad isnât too worried about where youâve been going anymore since youâve only left the house on occasion and youâre always with Frankie.
Heâs the only one who hasnât shut you out, and you think itâs about time that he meets the man youâve risked your life for.
The gravel of the driveway crunches under the tires as he pulls up, putting the car in park and assessing the surrounding area. âÂżEstĂĄs segura de que esto es? (Are you sure this is it?)â
Youâre not. And youâre sure heâs only asking because it doesnât look like a government-funded house.
âEs una casa franca (Itâs a safehouse),â you explain, âNo se supone que deba parecer costoso. (Itâs not supposed to be expensive looking.)â
âRight,â he murmurs.
You move forward, slipping between the front seats to sit in the passengerâs seat. âDonât you watch any crime shows?â
Frankie shakes his head, glancing at you sideways. âNo, maâam.â
âThat is sad,â you tease lightly, your lips curving slightly for the first time in a while.
He doesnât respond, senses on high alert. âThereâs no one here.â
Itâs only then that you take in your surroundings, not seeing Javierâs Jeep anywhere. You hum faintly, pulling out the pager he gave you from your pocket.
âDid you let him know you were coming?â Frankie asks, eyeing the rearview mirror as dirt picks up in the distance.
âI did,â you murmur, checking the last messages that were sent and received.Â
The screen stares back at you, the only thing Javier sent you being the letter âKâ. âMaybe he doesnât want to see meââ
âIs that him?â he cuts you off, nodding at the car pulling up behind the SUV.
Without being subtle at all, you turn half of your body around to look out the back window, trying to make out the driver. The tinted windows are a blessing and a curse, but youâd recognize Javier anywhere.
The relief you shouldâve felt when you saw him last finally washes over you, your hands moving faster than your mind to open the car door. Frankie yells after you, easily moving quicker than you and blocking your way just in case it isnât Javier.
He turns around when the carâs brakes screech to a stop, protecting you with his body, his hand hovering over his gun. You know better than to say anything when he gets like this, considering the many failed attempts youâve had before when it came to getting him to move. For now, you keep your place, standing behind him like a little girl.
You tilt your head to see past his brawny frame, watching Javier and Steve get out of the car. Javierâs aviators sit perfectly on his aquiline nose, his lips pursed underneath his mustache. When he sees you, the corner of his mouth twitches, extending out his hand to shake Franciscoâs.
Introductions have you yawning before you launch yourself into Javierâs arms, not budging when he almost loses his footing. He wraps an arm around your waist, cradling the back of your head tenderly.Â
âI missed you, too, cariño,â he whispers, intended for your ears only.
You run the tip of your nose along his neck, inhaling his scent after whatâs felt like forever. Eventually, you pull back, looking up at him. Your reflection in his sunglasses stares back at you, subconsciously fixing your hair.
âThey know,â you murmur, watching him nod slowly.
He removes his glasses, hooking them in the front of his button down. âI figured that when I didnât hear from you.â
The crease between his brows deepens, brown eyes roaming across your face like heâs memorizing your features for the last time. You know his mind is running a million miles a minute, trying to figure out a way to get you out of this.
Your love for Javier hasnât been the thing ruining you.
It was hope.
Itâs not what you want â you want to be with Javier. But itâs not worth it if he tries to sacrifice himself for you and both of you end up dead. The two of you were never going to end up together and it was foolish of you to believe so.
You wish things were simpler, you do. But it was never meant to work out. He had one mission coming here to Colombia: to get JerĂłnimo and move on. That was before you came along and made things ten times more difficult.Â
âWhat?â he whispers, his hands tightening on your waist, keeping you from moving. âWhat are you talking about?â
Silence washes over the two of you, your eyes discreetly falling on Steve and your bodyguard. Javier understands easily, taking you by the hand and dragging you inside the house. The feeling of your hand in his feels perfect: gun-calloused but always so soft with you.
His boots are heavy on the hardwood floor, leading you towards the back of the house. He pushes you inside the bedroom, closing the door behind himself. It takes him a minute to turn around and face you, eyes red-rimmed and exhausted.
âWhat the fuck are you talking about, Mimi?â
You have to make it hurt. Make him hate you so he doesnât get himself killed over you.
âMy dad wants you dead, Javier,â you admit, already feeling your tears prick your eyes. âI cannot be the reason that you die.â
He shakes his head, averting your gaze and putting his hands on his hips. âYou shouldâve thought of that before you made me fall for you.â
Youâre taken aback by that, âI didnât make you do anything.â
âAll those things you told me,â he starts, taking a slow step closer to you but stopping when you take one back. âYour dreams, the life youâd rather liveââ
âYeah, and you were lying to me the entire time,â you bite back, starting an argument that neither of you want to have right now. âYou have all the information you could ever need about my father. Why do you still need me?â
âYou know why,â his voice rises, patience finally snapping. âI know what I did wrong, you donât have to keep throwing it back in my face!â
âHow can I not when our whole relationship is built on a lie?â you match his tone.
âIâve already apologized for that shit,â he spits, âIâm not doing it again just because youâre afraid of how this will end.â
A scoff leaves you at his words, running your hands through your hair. âYou said it yourself, itâs too dangerous for us to be together. I didnât want to believe it but now I have to.â
âWhy?â he asks, clenching his jaw twice.Â
âTheyâre blaming me for my uncleâs deathââ
âThat wasnât your fault,â he cuts you off, telling you what youâve already concluded.
You take a quiet deep breath, âIt doesnât matter. To them, Iâm a rat that got her own flesh and blood killed. Itâs only a matter of time before theyâŠâ
âBefore they what?â he asks when you trail off, though he knows exactly what you mean.
It means that youâll be killed by your family. âAn eye for an eye,â is what they call it. In this world, itâs normal for people like them to âtake careâ of the threats that come their way. Unfortunately, youâre now viewed as one and Javier refuses to let anything happen to you. Regardless of if he can lose his life in the process.
Youâre too precious for this world. Youâre too precious to him.
You clasp your hands together, holding them in front of your mouth. âWe canât be together, Javier.â
âYou donât think I know that?â he queries, taking a cautious step forward. Itâs more obvious than it should be to him that your resolve is crumbling the longer you stand in front of him. âIâve been fighting with myself for months. I know Iâm no good for you, I know this can end badly. But I canât stay away from you.â
The tear finally falls and Javier wraps his arms around you, pulling you in close. He rests his forehead against yours, breath mingling with yours.
You can deny it all you want, but you know he means more than he should to you. A shuddering exhale escapes through your lips, your hands gripping his biceps. âWe shouldâve never gotten involved with each other,â you whisper, closing your eyes. âThat would make this a whole lot easier.â
He doesnât answer, pressing his lips to your temple instead and letting you fall apart in the safety of his arms.
For the third time this week, youâre out on the balcony smoking. The city twinkles, mocking you and your lack of freedom. Seeing Javier was nice but you couldnât stay long.
The sliding door behind you opens slowly, not even needing to turn around to know who it is. This will be the first time heâs even acknowledged you since that night, and you almost consider walking right past him and into the house.
You stay quiet, unsure of where he could possibly be going with this. To you, heâs lying through his teeth. He never tried to be a father to you. He threw money at you and expected you to obey his every command like a well trained puppy. The one time that you donât, he drops you like youâve never meant anything to him at all.
JerĂłnimo sighs, almost dramatically, before he continues. âPuedes salir por tu cuenta, tal como quieres. (You can go out on your own like you want to.)â
That gets your attention but you donât look at him, realizing that heâs trying to get a reaction out of you to see if youâll admit to playing both sides.
He almost walks away to leave it at that but you open your mouth to say something. âAre you fucking kidding me?â
When he doesnât say anything, you stand up straight, deciding to speak about everything thatâs been bothering you. âYouâve trapped me here. You were never a fucking father to me and it baffles me that you even think that you gave any effort at all.â
âI didââ
âIâm not done,â you cut him off, stubbing out your cigarette. âI have always been a disappointment to you. It doesnât matter what I do.â
âYou didnât want me in the first place and itâs been obvious my entire life,â your voice wavers, making you take a deep breath to keep your emotions from spilling over. You refuse to cry in front of him because he doesnât deserve your tears. Heâs not worth the emotional toll to cry over.
âI have had to beg you to love me constantly, and for a long time, I thought that was okay. I took whatever you gave me because I thought that was your way of showing that you care. But Iâve been wrong. Again and again, youâve proved me wrong.â
The lack of emotion on his face makes you want to slap him, but you keep your calm. âA parentâs love is supposed to be unconditional. I shouldnât have to beg to even get you to look at me. I didnât want all the expensive things your blood money could buy, I wanted my father to see me and appreciate me and love me.â
You shrug, shaking your head. âYou never did any of that because you never saw me as yours.â
âÂżY crees que esos estadounidenses pueden? (And you think those Americans can?)â he opens his big mouth again, making your anger boil over.
You scoff, shaking your head. âGod, you really canât see the issue here, can you?â
âWhat I can see is that youâre willing to destroy everything that Iâve built for you over an American,â disappointment drips from his words, trying to make you feel bad. âI am building an empire for you.â
You shrug faintly, pressing your lips into a thin line. âItâs not for me. Itâs always been about your legacy.â
JerĂłnimo clenches his jaw, towering over your frame. âEres una mocosa malcriada y desagradecida (You are an ungrateful, spoiled little brat),â he spits, voice seething with fury. âY quiero que te vayas de esta casa. (And I want you out of this house.)â
You donât flinch under his gaze, looking up at him with a defiant glint in your eyes. âNo.â
He steps closer, leaning down to be eye level with you. His lips twitch underneath his thick mustache, âYou are no longer my daughter, and I will not protect you.â
âAll because you believe them and not the person you had a hand in reproducing?â your voice is low, tired of the circles all of you keep running around. âYou can believe what you want but Iâm not going anywhere.â
literally how I felt all chapter!!! Iâm really at the edge of my seat here on how this story will play out. so many many emotions in this chapter but like ugh I just want Javier and Mimi to run away together⊠pls?đ„Č
honestly, thank you for hosting this challenge and getting me out of my writing slump, my love đ« these two are very dear to me and im holding on to the motivation i have desperately đ
summary: you're thrown into your father's world and Javier starts having second thoughts. things within the cartel begin to crumble when a major problem occurs.
contents/warnings: Mature (18+ MDNI!) - canon violence & gore, raids, drugs, cartel things, and alcohol, arguments, family problems, cartel and DEA talk that's probably inaccurate, angst, forbidden love, sneaking around, playing detective, grief, more background on the Cruz family and how they handle business, Sara lore, original characters + some from Narcos, me and my homies hate JerĂłnimo, the beginning of the end, catcalling, mentions of throwing up, character death, no uses of y/n. Apologies if I missed anything.
wc: 7100+
song: the greatest by billie eilish - "doing what's right without a reward"
a/n: this part was soo fun to write đ€ we're diving into the more tactical side of things now that javi and mimi's relationship is established. tyyy to kat for proofreading and translating for me yet again. love you lots đ gif credit
â± part 4 | series masterlist | soundtrack | read on ao3
Frankie stares at you with a stunned expression. You trust him enough to where it didnât take much convincing for you to get in the car with him.
Now, the two of you sit in the driveway of your home, his mind trying to wrap itself around everything youâve just told him.
âDi algo, por favor (Say something, please),â you murmur, watching his grip on the steering wheel tighten until his knuckles are white.
âNo es estĂșpido (Itâs not stupid),â you claim.
âNo?â he looks at you dead-on, raising his brows. âYou just signed everyoneâs death certificate, Mimiââ
âDo you think Iâd let anything happen to you?â you query, narrowing your eyes by a fraction. âIâve thought this through, Francisco.â
He presses his lips into a thin line, averting your gaze.Â
All you can do is watch.
You really have thought this through. Javier, Steve, and whatever cops they can muster up would start picking off the labs one by one, making your father weaker business-wise. Thereâs a big chance that heâll throw a party for damage control, trying to prove to the other cartels that he hasnât lost his touch and he isnât as weak as they think.
Being viewed as a weak kingpin is the last thing JerĂłnimo wants, and youâre going to make sure it happens.
As for you, you have to get involved in business without actually doing anything.
How?
Your father is only going to let you in if you learn first. Thereâs no way heâd let you handle anything major straight off the bat. Heâd probably put you with a family member instead of himself because he rarely gets his hands dirty unless itâs absolutely necessary, like killing an enemy, for instance.
But the only way all of this can happen, is if you get Francisco to cover for you. Technically, you can order him to do so since he works for you and not your father. But you need to know that you can trust him 100%. If he comes to the conclusion that this is the best option on his own, then you know you can.
You need one last person to prove that they arenât a complete disappointment to you, and youâll be set to take down your father and his cartel.Â
Youâre aware of how all of this could backfire: Javier could be lying to you again, you can end up caught in the crossfire, ending up being brought down alongside your father.Â
To keep your sanity, youâre choosing to believe that the American isnât lying to you yet again. Agents are just as greedy as the criminals that theyâre paid to capture, but no one would speak of that.
âBien (Fine),â Francisco finally sighs, locking eyes with you, âPero lo hacemos de manera inteligente. (But we do this smart.)â
You beam, clapping your hands together, âSabĂa que cambiarĂas de opiniĂłn. (I knew youâd come around.)â
He shakes his head slowly, âI still think this is stupid. We could be killed for this.â
âDonât worry about that,â you reassure, âIâll make sure none of this falls back on you, and you get away scotfree.â
âWhat about you?â he asks, raising an eyebrow. âDon JerĂłnimo will not go lightly.â
Instead of answering, you put your sunglasses back on, exiting the car. Frankie scurries to follow behind you, carrying your bag.
âFirst rule: donât question my decisions,â you announce, sauntering towards the front double doors like you own this very land. Your heels clack on the smooth pavement, Frankieâs dress shoes sounding at the same time as your shoes.
He stays quiet, keeping your pace while you continue.
âSecondly, I will handle my father personally. Donât bother talking to him, because last time I checked,â you turn around, stopping in your tracks, âyou work for me, not him.âÂ
Frankie freezes â actually freezes when you turn around. His lips are slightly parted, eyes flashing with recognition of someone he used to know.
You furrow your brows, âFrankie?â
He hums in acknowledgement, blinking rapidly. âÂżSĂ, señora?â
âÂżMe oĂste? (Did you hear me?)âÂ
He nods slowly, clearing his throat. âI did. Itâs justâŠâ he trails off, narrowing his eyes at you.
âJust what?â your patience grows thinner, wondering why he looks like heâs just seen a ghost.
Francisco is quiet for a moment, eyeing you from head to toe. You donât move under his gaze, but you do tilt your head to the side in curiosity.
âYou look just like her,â he whispers.
Your breath catches faintly at the whispered statement, knowing exactly who he means. No one besides your father ever openly talks about her in front of you, so this is a first. An unfamiliar ache tugs at your heart; not necessarily grief, but more like honor. An honor that youâve kept her alive through yourself and itâs visible to others.
Perhaps this is your way to start chipping at your fatherâs throne from the inside. If Frankie thinks that you look like your mother, then everyone else will too.Â
Itâs worth a shot, at least.
The two of you stare at each other for a moment, not quite acknowledging the somber feeling that rolls over both of you and smothers your chest. The feeling presses in on all sides, like a brewing storm creeping in and turning the sunny sky grey.Â
âYouâre the only person I trust here,â you admit quietly, swallowing your pride, âPlease donât screw me over.â
Despite the weight on your shoulders, understanding passes between the two of you, Frankie nodding his head once in acknowledgement.
You school your expression, slipping into character behind your sunglasses as you both walk to the door. Your dark brown fur coat sits on your shoulders, giving you a sense of authority in your own mind.
This is your game and you aim to win.
Frankie unlocks the door for you, your duffel bag dangling in his hand. You give each other one last lingering look before you open both doors, sauntering into your home. Your heels sound in the foyer, catching the ears of your family members gathered in the living room. They openly gawk at you, watching Frankie stand behind you, his posture rigid.
Itâs only then that you remove your sunglasses, putting them on top of your head and flipping your hair. âÂżDĂłnde estĂĄ? (Where is he?)â
One of your younger cousins points upstairs, earning glances from your tĂos and tĂas.
You huff faintly at their faces, spotting your leather jacket draped over the back of an armchair. Finding out who stole it is a conversation for a different day. Right now, you need to talk to your father.
You swipe it before you disappear upstairs, Frankie trailing close behind. You slow your steps so he can walk next to you, your fatherâs office door just down the hall and ajar.Â
âI need to talk to him alone,â you murmur, looking over at him. âHeâll ask about you most likely, but Iâll cover for you. You donât have to answer to him because you donât work for him, okay?â
He doesnât respond but he does glance at you sideways, giving you the faintest nod. You can tell that he doesnât want any part of this, but this is how you escape â it has to be.
Without another word, you walk down the hall, your mind whirring as you put your sunglasses back on your face. You have to trust that JerĂłnimo will believe you. Honestly, he has no solid reason to believe that you havenât blabbed your mouth to the Americans, and heâd be right to do so. But this stopped being about politics for you a long time ago.
Youâve been good for too long, doing what you were told without complaint, bathing in shiny silver things, letting other people do the heavy lifting â the picturesque dutiful daughter.
People whisper around you, keeping secrets, talking about you, about your mother, about your legacy. Theyâd never speak about you to your face, too afraid of hurting precious cargo and in return, dealing with your fatherâs wrath.
But itâs time to take your life into your own hands.
You want to see everything your family has built be burned to the ground. Everything that has been so carefully crafted, every dollar made, every house built, every frenemy made, every piece of designer that was bought to keep your mouth shut â all of it has to go.
If that means you go down with it, then so be it. Death is inevitable regardless.
You open the double doors without announcing yourself, seeing his face drop in real time when he realizes youâre there. He nearly drops the landline, his skin a little pale, hair mussed. He looks like a fragile version of himself, like heâs holding himself and the cartel together with toothpicks.
A smirk almost tugs at your lips but you keep your expression neutral.
Francisco takes your coat off of your shoulders, closing the doors behind you so you can talk to him alone.
âHola, papĂĄ (Hi, dad),â you say sweetly, tossing your jacket onto a chair across from his desk and plopping down into it. You cross your legs, resting your arms on the chair, bringing a hand up to your face to hide the curve of your lips. âÂżMe extrañaste? (Did you miss me?)â
He clears his throat, hanging up on whoever he was on the phone with. âÂżDĂłnde demonios has estado? (Where the hell have you been?)â he queries, his voice rough.
The bastard doesnât even look apologetic, intertwining his fingers and placing them on the desk in front of him. âÂżCĂłmo estĂĄ tu pequeño estadounidense? (How is your little American?)â
Your face nearly drops, but you know thereâs no way he knew where you were. Not if Steve was sitting in the parking lot for those two days.
âÂżCĂłmo podrĂa saberlo? (How should I know?)âÂ
You stay silent, allowing him the space to get everything off his chest. His words hurt â what heâs saying now and what he said before you left â but you refuse to let it show. You clench your jaw, the muscle visibly ticking as you continue to listen to him.
You shift in the chair, inching yourself back and feeling the microphone in your jacket poking the back of your upper arm. The reminder that Javier used you to get ahead in his career gnaws at you once more.
Are you making a mistake by trusting him?
God knows youâve done it once before already and look where that got you.
You just have to hope that youâre not completely wrong about him; that heâs not going to fuck you over entirely and get you killed in the process.
âMaybe thatâs true,â you murmur, âPero es lo mismo que hizo mamĂĄ, Âżverdad? (But itâs the same thing that mom did, isnât it?)â
JerĂłnimo narrows his eyes, his gaze darkening at the mention of his late wife. âDeberĂas avergonzarte de ti misma (You should be ashamed of yourself),â he spits, âSacarla a colaciĂłn en cada discusiĂłn solo porque quieres tener la ventaja. (Bringing her up in every argument just because you want the upperhand.)â
The conversation is getting a lot heavier than you intended, a familiar lump forming in your throat as you process his words. Heâs right, you use your motherâs name in vain to get a hold of the argument when you donât want to speak to him anymore. He never really responds when you bring her up, seeming to shrink into himself at such a low blow from you.
She wouldnât be proud of either of you, and that hurts more than his words and actions ever could.
You want to make her proud, you just donât know how to without the proper guidance. Your father is not someone youâve ever looked up to â itâs always been Sara. Though, now you have to look up to him⊠or at least pretend to.
A single tear slips from your eye and you wipe it from your cheek quickly. For a moment, his mask slips and he looks at you like youâre still a child; his baby girl that had a nightmare and needed consoling to fall back asleep.
âI know,â you whisper, sniffling, âIâm sorry.â
You swallow the lump in your throat, straightening the way youâre sitting because you know heâs caving. This may actually work the way you want it to.
âBecause Iâm your daughter.â
The police station bustles with life: cops in Search Bloc gearing up for yet another raid. Javier and Steve have been working closely with Carrillo for the last month, going over all the information you gave Javier and putting it to use. Carrillo and his men were already gathering possible lab locations, but now their findings are confirmed from your cooperation.Â
This is the beginning of the end of Sombras de la Cruz, and they couldnât be happier. The cartel has been looming over Colombia for far too long and itâs about time that they take their country back.
Carrillo loves to remind Javier and Steve that they are the gringos in this case. When all of this finally ends, he wants a Colombian police officer standing over the bodies of JerĂłnimo and the rest of your family.Â
Javier can understand that, but it also reminds him that the Colombian officers have more to lose down here than he does.
Well, that was the case before, at least. Now, thereâs a big chance that he can lose you.
He doesnât want to fail you and leave you to fend for yourself, but he also knows that thereâs no possible way that the two of you can work outside of this world. Youâre used to wealth and prosperity, and he canât give you that life. He remembers the things youâve told him about the life youâd rather live, but thatâs all just a dream, right?
You may be rid of your family after all of this, but the Cruz bloodline will never leave you.Â
An unused signal crackles to life on the wiretap reels when everyone begins to fizzle out, your voice coming in barely audible and hushed. Some shuffling is heard before a loud slam⊠followed by your fatherâs voice.
Thereâs no time to think too much about it before they have to get going, adjusting straps on bulletproof vests and loading into squad cars.Â
The roads are bumpy, jostling Javier and Steve in the front seat. He looks over at his partner in the passengerâs seat, deciding to speak up about something thatâs been gnawing at him since the very beginning of this whole operation. âIâm sorry for getting involved with her when I wasnât supposed to approach her.â
Steve huffs, shaking his head and looking over at Javier. âNo youâre not.â
A smirk tugs at his lips, putting his eyes back on the road. âNo, not really.â
They share a laugh, appreciating each other without ever saying the words. Steve has been Javierâs best friend down here in Colombia, and he felt horrible about betraying his trust⊠for a little bit, at least. Now that Steveâs met you, he feels better about the decision he made for the case. It got them their biggest lead yet.
Everyone parks a good distance away from the lab, wanting to get the element of surprise. Snipers hide in the hills, while everyone else is running boots on the ground.Â
Javier leans against a wall, gun in hand as he waits for a sniper to take out the two guards blocking the door. Once theyâre out, they can move in. The men drop like flies, silent bullets taking them down and giving everyone else the go-ahead.
The doors bust open at the same time, and the team get to work. They arenât like the cartel, no. They only kill when itâs necessary. Javier doesnât hesitate to take a shot at whoeverâs shooting at him first.
Colombian officers spread across the lab, covering it inch by inch, floor by floor. Javier stays downstairs while Steve and Carrillo go upstairs. He studies the cocaine the men were making, the strong stench of chemicals giving him an instant migraine. He doesnât stay inside the lab longer than he needs to.
Some people are killed but most of them are taken alive⊠including you.
He freezes when he sees your tear-streaked face, wondering why youâre here when youâre supposed to be keeping a low profile.
JerĂłnimo has been locking himself away in his office since the big move. Either that, or heâs nowhere in the house. You have a feeling you know whatâs going on but you probably wonât know for sure for a while.
Being his latest project also means that you havenât seen Javier in a month. The pager he gave you has been your best friend lately when it comes to contacting him. Heâs convinced that itâs best for you to lay low until they can get to your father. But you grew up around the man. You know that if you sit around and do nothing, heâll get suspicious of you and think that youâre waiting for something major to happen.
Itâs best if youâre getting involved. At least thatâs what you keep telling yourself.
Lying low was what you did while your family was moving house. Now itâs time to get your hands dirty.
After rummaging through boxes of your motherâs clothes, you settle on a short white dress and thigh-high stockings. Small black polka dots are scattered along the length of the dress, black lace framing the hem of it.Â
From what you remember, this was an unreleased dress from Saraâs fashion line. You remember seeing her make it for the first time when you were a little girl. You sat in her office chair while she stuck it with pins and needles, making her sketch of it come to life. Watching her turn her favorite thing to do into her job was almost like a dream to you. It reminded you that if you put your mind to something, you could achieve it regardless of how many people told you you werenât capable of doing so.
While youâre in the closet, you decide to hang up a few things on the empty side. Itâs a giant walk-in closet and all this space is going to waste, so you might as well, right? Lord knows that your father isnât going to unpack any of her stuff.
You only put a dozen of dresses on the hangers, each piece of fabric carrying an old memory with your mom. You like to think that sheâd be proud of you. Maybe not with trusting an American agent, but at least with who you are as a person.Â
Her and your grandmother were so persistent about you getting out into the world and exploring. After they passed and you were left with your father, you lost your way. The spark you envisioned the world with dimmed completely until everything was just dark.Â
Now that you potentially have a way out, the light is slipping through the cracks again.Â
For how long? Who knows.
You take out one final dress, sending an old jewelry box tumbling out of the cardboard. Slowly, you place the dress on top of the counter in the middle of the room, picking up the box with careful hands. The material of it is cracked from use and love, a little gold heart standing out to you. The initials âSVCâ are embroidered in white underneath it, making it clear that it belonged to the woman who gave you life.
You hesitate but eventually open the box. White pearls, diamonds, and gold stare back at you: probably thousands of dollars in the jewelry box alone. They all still look the same as they did all those years ago. Your father never gave his wife fake material assets. Not when he could afford it a million times over because of the endless amount of money made from selling drugs.
Itâs unsure to you how long you spend going through the box, but youâre sitting on the floor now, your legs criss-cross. You pick up a double pearl bracelet at the bottom, the piece reminding you of a ring that she gave you when you were younger. Your fingers were too small for the ring so she kept it in a drawer for you until it was able to fit you.Â
But now that youâve moved, you have no idea where it could possibly be now. Without a second thought, you slip on the bracelet, setting out to find the ring that matches. Naturally, you start in your fatherâs room, rummaging through the drawers of his dresser. All you find is clothes, so you move on.Â
The next place you think to look in your room is the box of your motherâs things that you keep under your bed. You donât ever remember putting the ring in here but it doesnât hurt to look for it here.
The box is filled with photographs, handwritten letters sheâd give you before school, the pincushion she used to hold her needles, faded receipts for the hotels you stayed at with her, and various other things, but no ring.
Before you look in the next place, you close the door to your room, not wanting anyone to walk in on you. In the old house, you had a loose floorboard in your room that youâd hide things under. The new house didnât have that so you had to lift one yourself.
You press your stocking-covered foot against one side, the other lifting with ease. The things you have under there are all things none of your family need to see: your gun, wads of U.S. dollars, the bag Javier gave you, a pocket knife, and other items youâd need if you were to leave.Â
Itâs not there either so you move on to your closet, pulling out the duffel bag you used when you ran away some years ago. You remember tossing jewelry into the bag without really looking at it. Maybe you tossed the ring in here and didnât realize.
Relief floods your senses when you find it in a side pocket, slipping it onto your finger with ease. It finally fits, the singular pearl white and shiny. You fidget with the band, staring down at it on your finger. Like you thought, it goes with the bracelet perfectly.
In a way, wearing Saraâs things makes you feel closer to her; like youâre keeping her beautiful spirit alive through yourself.
If she was still here, would you still be going through with this?
Your mother was innocent all the way to her death, but a part of you still wonders.
âVas a convertirte en una mujer muy fuerte (Youâre going to grow into such a strong woman),â she told you once. Tear tracks streaked your face and she wiped them away with the pad of her thumb.
You didnât want her to go; the two of you were supposed to have more time together. When sheâd repeat to you that it was just her time, it made you frustrated at everything: the world, her, yourself â it didnât matter. The most important person in your life was being taken and you had no control over it.
You miss her tremendously and you wonder if sheâd be proud of the things youâve done in life.
Eventually, you get up to go downstairs, but you stop in your doorway. Your fatherâs office door is ajar, no sound coming from inside of it. Briefly, you get an idea, looking back at the loose floorboard in your room.
âThat is a transmitter. I need you to plant it for me.â
Javierâs words repeat in your mind, making you realize that you never went through with it.
After grabbing the transmitter, you slip into your fatherâs office, finding it empty for once. Quickly, you move over to his desk, noticing a thick file on top of it. You flop down in his leather chair, looking for an unnoticeable spot to plant the bug. Though, your eyes keep landing on the file, curiosity gnawing at you despite you knowing better.
You pull open the middle drawer, feeling under it to see if thereâs any dead space you could put it in. You study the bug, trying to figure out how to turn it on. Itâs all confusing to you but you just press the obvious red button in the middle. It flashes at you, signaling that itâs on.
âJavi?â you ask quietly, knowing that youâre not going to get an answer back. âI donât know if this thing is on, but if it is, I did what you asked,â you murmur, sticking it on the bottom of the drawer.
A relieved exhale escapes you, though you feel his eyes boring into the back of your skull.
The ride with your uncle is excruciating. He wouldnât stop asking you questions about Javier and whether youâre still in contact with him or not. You donât blame the man for being suspicious, but it gets to a point where itâs just annoying.Â
The warehouse smells of must, chemicals, and gunpowder; 3 rows of wooden workbenches sit on the first floor, men sweating bullets and listening to music as they make what you assume is cocaine.Â
A vulgar, drawn out whistle cuts through the room, directed towards you. The sound makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, the building full of men looking up from their work and finally noticing the woman theyâve never seen before.
You cross your arms over your chest, suddenly feeling like a piece of meat under their intense stares. One even goes as far as licking his lips as he looks you up and down, the hunger evident in his gaze. âÂżCĂłmo te llamas, linda? (Whatâs your name, little mama?)â
âYa es suficiente (Thatâs enough),â your uncle scolds, though you know he hates your guts and would never defend or protect you unless he was asked by your father.
âWhat the fuck is this?â you ask your uncle, meeting his eyes with wide ones.
He pulls out a pocketknife from his back pocket, flipping it open and pointing behind you with it. âClose the door.â
Your eyes dart between him and the terrified man, his wide pupils staring deep into your soul.
âAhora! (Now!)â your uncle yells, making you jump and scramble to close the door.
You keep your palm on the cold metal of the frame, trying to keep your emotions from bubbling up your throat. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth, disgust and distress. You donât exactly know what your uncle is going to do, but you have a pretty good feeling. Youâve gone your whole life knowing what bad people your family are but itâs different actually seeing it.
Youâre not sure what your uncle is saying to the man, effectively drowning out his voice while your heart pounds in your ears. The sight of him has your stomach churning violently; you can barely keep the bile down your throat.
This isnât your scene and this shouldnât have been the first thing your father sent you to do. If anything, you wouldâve been fine with going with him rather than your uncle because you know he only gets his hands dirty on rare occasions.Â
The bile threatens to come up in full force now, covering your mouth to contain it and also muffle your cries. Hot tears stream down your face as you back into the corner, nearly beginning to hyperventilate. The only person youâve seen slowly die in front of you was your mother. But even then it wasnât as brutal and bloody as this.Â
The day it happened, you were out with your grandmother. During that time in your life, sheâd take you out a lot to get your mind off of your motherâs state. Sometimes it worked.
Sometimes.
You stay put when he leaves the room with his gun drawn; your back against the wall, hands shaking as you watch the light leave the manâs eyes and his lifeless body slumps forward in the chair. Your breath hitches before a shuddering cry escapes from your lips, suppressed by the palm of your hand.Â
JerĂłnimo set you up â had to have. Heâs more than well aware of how violent your uncle is, and he sent you with him. What made him think that this is what the first thing you tagged along for shouldâve been?
He drops to his knees, the copâs narrowed eyes noticing you in his peripheral vision. They snap to you, his hard features softening slightly when he realizes the state that youâre in.
âLevantate (Get up),â he orders, his gun still trained on your uncle, though his eyes are on you.
In the state that youâre in, you barely register when your hands are cuffed behind your back: the metal biting into your skin. Youâre led downstairs, being traded off to another man in a green uniform.
Finally, you can see what all the noise was. The warehouse was raided, the men that were making cocaine either have bullets in them or are being dragged out of the building in handcuffs. You can hear your uncleâs loud mouth outside, yelling obscenities at the officers, threatening to kill them and their entire families.
The sun blinds you when you get out there, squinting your eyes and stumbling in your heels. The cop tightens his hold on you, keeping you upright as you make your way down the stairs, only to be met with Javierâs face. His lips purse under his mustache, brows knitting in confusion.
You should feel relieved at seeing him. But after what you just witnessed someone you used to call family do inside, you donât feel anything.
âUncuff her,â Javier tells the man holding you.
He furrows his brows, âBut-â
âI said uncuff her,â he repeats, leaving no room for questioning.
The man hesitates again before he ultimately reaches for the key on his belt, freeing your wrists from the handcuffs. Instinctively, you rub the raw skin, soothing where the metal was biting into.
Javierâs expression softens the moment he walks away, leaning in closer to murmur to you. âWhy are you here?â
You shake your head faintly, not answering him as you watch the SUV your uncle was shoved into drive off. For some odd reason, you feel responsible for getting him caught while you get off scotfree.Â
But then something dawns on you.
Within all the locations you gave Javier, this wasnât one of them. You didnât even know about this place until today. So how did he find it?
âWho told you about this place?â you ask quietly, not in the mood for another fight but you want answers. âI didnât tell you about it and I didnât know about it until an hour ago.â
His jaw ticks once, averting your gaze for a moment, eyeing someone over your shoulder. You turn around to see whoâs caught his attention, spotting the man who restrained you in the first place.
âThatâs Horacio Carrillo,â he informs you, âHeâs the head of Search Bloc.â
Something in you shifts. You can say that you donât care about who knows about you. You can reassure yourself that youâre fine a million times but you know none of that is true. The last few weeks have been difficult â the last few months, actually. To get through this, you need as much mental and physical strength as you can muster up. But after today, youâre not sure how you can keep going.
It took one hour.
One hour for your entire view on your family to change.
You knew they were all bad but this is another level of evil, and you still have a role to play.
Truthfully, Javier felt shitty for what you went through earlier today. None of it is necessarily his fault but he couldnât protect you from the horrors of the cartel. Just like he couldnât protect you from himself. He consoled you as much as he could afterwards. You just seemed so⊠numb. From what you told him, your uncle killed someone in front of you. Just from the look on your face, he could tell that the level of violence that extreme is something that youâve never been around.
All of this was a bad idea. Itâs been a bad idea since he followed you to that club, he just didnât want to admit it. He was so convinced that this would be easy: heâd use you to get to your father, youâd hate him and go your separate ways. Never did he think that real, deep-rooted feelings would get involved and make things more difficult.
He knows heâs being selfish and unethical for wanting a life with you after all of this.Â
Will it actually happen? Who knows.
The longer youâre around him, the dimmer your light gets. Your family plays a role in that as well but itâs only getting worse with him being in your life. He draws one tiny paper cut in your soul and they retaliate by cutting a gash.
A cigarette dangles from his lips, pointer fingers jabbing at the keys on the typewriter as he fills out a report. He doesnât mention you by name in it, just âCIâ for âconfidential informantâ. Regardless of everything and his doubts, your safety is still his number one priority.Â
Steve walks down the steps, exhaling harshly when he flops down into his office chair. Javier slows his movements when the blonde man reaches for the bottle of whiskey on his desk, looking at his partner through his lashes.
Upon returning to the station, Carrillo asked Javier if he wanted to join him in the helicopter with your uncle. He hesitated, considering it before he ultimately shook his head. Steve jumped at the opportunity to be more involved and took his place without second guessing it.
Javier has already told Steve about the⊠creative ways Carrillo prefers to get information. That didnât seem to stop him though, and now he regrets it.
You lean over the railing of the balcony, looking out at the city of MedellĂn. The stars blink above you, the moon bright and full tonight. The weight of the day you had sits heavily on your shoulders. A cigarette lays idly in your ashtray, lazy tendrils of smoke swirling up into the air.
When you got home, you didnât speak to anyone. Your father wasnât home, Francisco tried to talk to you but you went straight up to your room. Immediately, you stripped to take a shower, washing away the dirt and guilt.Â
Neither him or your father probably thought about the damage seeing all of that would do to you. âYou wanted to be included,â theyâd say as an excuse⊠as if you didnât witness the man murder somebody in cold blood today. And for what, money?
Itâs all fucked.
Perhaps you deserve it. Youâre turning your back on your own flesh and blood for someone you donât know all that well. Sure, youâve gotten naked for Javier plenty of times, but you donât truly know him. Not to mention the fact that youâve fallen in love with him regardless of the lack of knowledge.
You take a drag of your nicotine stick, blowing out clouds of smoke.
âAhĂ estĂĄs (There you are),â JerĂłnimoâs voice pulls you out of your thoughts, his body mimicking your position on the railing.
âAquĂ estoy (Here I am),â you murmur, taking another puff from your cigarette. Honestly, youâre not in the mood to have a conversation with him, so you stay silent and let him ramble on about whatever he needs to.
JerĂłnimo is quiet for a moment, looking out at the city alongside you. âHow was your day with my brother?â
A huff escapes through your nostrils, shaking your head slowly.Â
When you donât answer, he continues. âHow is it that you made it home but he didnât?â
âThe cops didnât have a reason to hold me,â you finally meet his eyes, his brows raising by a fraction when he takes in the exhaustion on your face. âThanks for the set up by the way.â
His gaze darkens, not entertaining the bratty comment just yet. âÂżAsĂ que crees que estĂĄ bajo custodia policial? (So you think heâs in police custody?)â
You furrow your brows, confused by the question. âAhĂ fue donde lo vi por Ășltima vez. (Thatâs where I saw him last.)â
âThatâs not where he is,â he informs you, making your stomach drop when you stand up straighter. âYour cop friends killed him.â
A harsh breath leaves you, running a hand through your hair and looking into the house. Faint cries from inside reach your ears, but itâs nothing like your heart pounding in your ears, telling you that you may have just been caught⊠again.
âSo I ask you again,â JerĂłnimo starts, towering over you, âHow did you make it home and not him?â
summary: the empire begins to fall and emotions are high.
contents/warnings: Mature (18+ MDNI!) - canon violence and raids, cartel and DEA talk that's probably inaccurate, family problems, angst, original characters + some from Narcos, funeral, me and my homies hate JerĂłnimo, sneaking around, forbidden love, feelings, daddy issues, talk of implied murder, arguments, no uses of y/n. Apologies if I missed anything.
wc: 4400+
song: daddy issues by the neighbourhood - "go ahead and cry, little girl"
a/n: the self-titled chapter curse... i apologize in advance ngl. we're nearing the end of this story and im actually so upset (i don't want it to end) but thank you to everyone that's been reading and thank you to kat for proofreading and translating as always! took inspo from s1ep6 of Narcos and also an episode of scandal that i don't remember. gif credit
â± part 5 | series masterlist | soundtrack | read on ao3
The scent coming from the cartel gets stronger and stronger every day. Javier can feel it. You havenât told him where your family has moved yet and he doesnât think you will. Honestly, he doesnât blame you because itâs for your safety as well; but he also doesnât know where to find you and that worries him more.
Itâs been radio silence from you since your uncle was killed and heâs getting antsy. Work keeps him occupied during the day, but at night when heâs alone in his apartment and the chaos settles, anxiety gets the best of him. He canât sit still, sending you messages from his pager constantly, only to get no response.
He shouldnât think about the worst case scenario, but knowing your father, who knows what he couldâve done to you by now.
Raids have become routine at this point, hitting every lab location you gave him and the ones Search Bloc found. The ambassador had the bright idea of setting up a tip hotline to gain more information as well. Sometimes they get lucky, but most of the time, people call in just to fuck with them. Specifically kids that have been given a handgun by your father.
Since the death of JerĂłnimoâs brother, heâs retaliated by paying more people in the city⊠and setting off bombs. He canât get close to anyone of authority, so he hurts innocent citizens instead.Â
It makes Javier sick to his stomach.
He keeps a cool facade at work but his thoughts are constantly whirring; causing him to act out of emotion rather than rationality. And tonight, heâs had enough.
The tip they got was useless yet again, leading them to a big empty house on a hill in Cartagena. Javier can feel his anger and frustration beginning to burn in his gut, the wild goose chase getting old and relentless. His gun weighs as heavy as his heart in his hands, searching the house high and low. The only thing they find is a maid with a bullet in her head.
Botero is another drug lord in Colombia. He works out of Cartagena but does a lot of business with your father in MedellĂn. Theyâve been âpartnersâ for the longest time. He isnât as loud and violent as JerĂłnimo, making him less of a threat to the government.Â
To Javier, theyâre all the same.
Steve believes that someone in Sombras de la Cruz is trying to rat him out and get him caught. Truthfully, Javier wouldnât put it behind them. It would get them out of the spotlight for a little so they can slip away yet again. But apparently SebastiĂĄn is smarter than them, seeming to have escaped capture by a hair.
Javier stares at the maidâs lifeless body, his mind briefly picturing it as you instead. The thought shakes him, spreading goosebumps across his skin. It could easily be you if neither of you are careful enough. He might be unsure of where you are but he doesnât believe that youâre dead.
At least thatâs what he keeps telling himself.
âColonel!âÂ
Javierâs eyes snap up at the sound of Trujilloâs voice, momentarily taking his focus off of the lifeless body.
âÂżTiene identificaciĂłn? (Does he have identification?)â Carrillo asks, wondering why this is being brought up in the first place.
When Trujillo says yes, he asks what the problem is.Â
âTiene una ametralladora en el maletero. (He has a machine gun in the trunk.)â
The tone shifts immediately. Itâs not abnormal for a politician to carry a weapon, but a machine gun? That is unusual. Itâs usually just a handgun, not an automatic weapon.
Javier watches the two men go, eyes landing on the maid once again. He canât understand the pit in his stomach at the sight, turning around before his emotions get the best of him. Over the balconyâs railing, he can see the man they stopped in front of the house. Heâs clad in a dark suit, looking the part of a senator.
Involuntarily, his mind flashes with you again: your voice, your soft hair, your curves, your touch. Being down here in South America, Javierâs learned to turn off his feelings the best he can⊠until you came along. Thereâs an invisible string keeping him attached to you and itâs making him avoid using his usual coping mechanisms.
It may not have been said yet, but now that your feelings are out in the open, heâll be loyal to you. Itâs killing him inside to not have that physical release with the shit month heâs had, but he also understands the life youâre stuck living and the need to be alone sometimes.
To say he misses you is an understatement. And to Javier, that is absolutely terrifying. The last time he gave his heart to somebody, it was chewed up and spat at his feet. He doesnât talk about Lorraine much. Honestly, thereâs not a lot to say.
He thought it was love. She wanted to trap him in a marriage by faking her pregnancy. The night before their wedding is when he found out. He hasnât seen her since.
Of course, youâre nothing like her and heâs grateful for that. But heâd be lying to himself if he ignored his worries of tainting your heart. The life he lives isnât something he wants to drag you into and possibly put you in life-threatening danger. Youâve already been put in that position one too many times in your life.
He meets everyone outside, being informed that the manâs identification checks out.Â
âNo conozco a ese tal Botero del que hablas (I donât know this Botero person that youâre talking about),â he claims, not convincing either Javier or Carrillo.
âÂżDĂłnde estĂĄ tu guardaespaldas? (Whereâs your bodyguard?)â Javier cuts him off promptly, feeling his nerves begin to get the best of him.Â
His patience is wearing thinner as the situation goes on, everything that has (or hasnât) been happening lately weighing down on him in full tonight. âEstas solo en el carro verdad? (Youâre alone in the car, right?)â
The man steps closer. He has at least two inches on Javier, trying to seem intimidating by looking down at him. Javier doesnât flinch under his gaze, his jaw set so tight his teeth ache.
âEscĂșchenme (Listen to me),â he starts, pointing at Javier.
Right there, he nearly snaps his finger like a carrot when he looks down at it. But he holds back for now.
âTe vas a arrepentir si no me dejas ir ahora mismo (Youâre going to regret it if you donât let me go right now.)â
Javier nods slightly, humming in acknowledgement and not scared of the empty threat in the slightest. The man looks him up and down before Carrillo hands him his ID back.
âDanos un momento. (Give us a moment.)â
He shoos the two of them away, giving them space to talk. Javier keeps him in his peripheral vision, biting the inside of his cheek. âNo le creo. (I donât believe him.)â
âYo tampoco (Neither do I),â Carrillo states, noticing Javierâs fingers twitching. Itâs a tick heâs recognized within his time of knowing him, only coming out when heâs anxious or fighting the urge to pull his gun. Horacio assumes the latter option.
âNo puedo correr el riesgo si realmente es quien dice ser. (I canât take the risk if he actually is who he says he is.)â
Javier shakes his head, âNo, you canât.â
Instead of listening, he pulls his gun out of his waistband, cocking the chamber and firing a shot at the manâs thigh. He doubles over, screaming out in pain as he falls to the ground. Javierâs footsteps are heavy, the built up rage and frustration boiling over.
He wraps his hand around the back of his neck, squatting and pulling him up. He speaks through clenched teeth, his voice seething with anger. âEl prĂłximo⊠lo meto en la cabeza! (The next one⊠goes in your head!)â
The guyâs âintimidatingâ persona drops immediately, stuttering and scrambling to give him what he wants. âÂĄEstĂĄ bien, estĂĄ bien! (All right, all right!)â
âÂĄHabla, malparido! (Talk, bastard!)â Javier spits in his face, shaking him by the neck like a dog.
None of your family have spoken to you since his death, making you feel more alone than you already felt in your own home. The whispers about you have gotten louder, they donât hide their disgusted expressions anymore, and one of your younger cousins even went as far as to spit at your feet.
You donât necessarily blame them, but since then, youâve realized that his death was not your fault. You didnât rat him out to Javier or the cops. You didnât reveal the location of that lab because you didnât know about it until that day.
They can believe what they want to believe. Soon enough, youâll be rid of them for good.
JerĂłnimo stands next to you in the front, his head hanging low as the officiant rambles on about a man he didnât even know. The dewy grass makes your heels unbearable to be in, poking at your feet and making you feel gross. A big pair of sunglasses sits on the bridge of your nose, hiding half of your face.
A single tear slips â but itâs not from the service, itâs from your TĂo Luca and TĂa Luciana whispering about you right behind you. You turn your head slightly to the left, making it obvious to them that you can hear them. Immediately, they shut up, focusing on the speech instead.
This is how itâs been since your uncle was buried six feet under.
Youâre a stranger in your own home; being shut out by absolutely everybody and not trusted with anything. Sure, you put yourself in this situation but it doesnât make it any less painful.
You lay in bed at night, trapped inside your mind: thinking of Javier, missing the love from your father that was supposed to be unconditional. The more you think about it, the more you realize that youâve had to beg him to love you your entire life. Now it means nothing to you.
Thatâs all you want. Itâs all youâve ever wanted â to be seen by your father instead of looked at like a liability.
The pager Javier gave you has been buzzing nonstop, and today, you finally build up the courage to go see him. You sit quietly in the back of the SUV as Francisco drives, wearing a black sweat set. Comfortable and expensive.
Every now and then, you can feel his eyes on you in the rearview mirror, checking up on you without saying anything. Also making sure that no one is following the two of you. Your dad isnât too worried about where youâve been going anymore since youâve only left the house on occasion and youâre always with Frankie.
Heâs the only one who hasnât shut you out, and you think itâs about time that he meets the man youâve risked your life for.
The gravel of the driveway crunches under the tires as he pulls up, putting the car in park and assessing the surrounding area. âÂżEstĂĄs segura de que esto es? (Are you sure this is it?)â
Youâre not. And youâre sure heâs only asking because it doesnât look like a government-funded house.
âEs una casa franca (Itâs a safehouse),â you explain, âNo se supone que deba parecer costoso. (Itâs not supposed to be expensive looking.)â
âRight,â he murmurs.
You move forward, slipping between the front seats to sit in the passengerâs seat. âDonât you watch any crime shows?â
Frankie shakes his head, glancing at you sideways. âNo, maâam.â
âThat is sad,â you tease lightly, your lips curving slightly for the first time in a while.
He doesnât respond, senses on high alert. âThereâs no one here.â
Itâs only then that you take in your surroundings, not seeing Javierâs Jeep anywhere. You hum faintly, pulling out the pager he gave you from your pocket.
âDid you let him know you were coming?â Frankie asks, eyeing the rearview mirror as dirt picks up in the distance.
âI did,â you murmur, checking the last messages that were sent and received.Â
The screen stares back at you, the only thing Javier sent you being the letter âKâ. âMaybe he doesnât want to see meââ
âIs that him?â he cuts you off, nodding at the car pulling up behind the SUV.
Without being subtle at all, you turn half of your body around to look out the back window, trying to make out the driver. The tinted windows are a blessing and a curse, but youâd recognize Javier anywhere.
The relief you shouldâve felt when you saw him last finally washes over you, your hands moving faster than your mind to open the car door. Frankie yells after you, easily moving quicker than you and blocking your way just in case it isnât Javier.
He turns around when the carâs brakes screech to a stop, protecting you with his body, his hand hovering over his gun. You know better than to say anything when he gets like this, considering the many failed attempts youâve had before when it came to getting him to move. For now, you keep your place, standing behind him like a little girl.
You tilt your head to see past his brawny frame, watching Javier and Steve get out of the car. Javierâs aviators sit perfectly on his aquiline nose, his lips pursed underneath his mustache. When he sees you, the corner of his mouth twitches, extending out his hand to shake Franciscoâs.
Introductions have you yawning before you launch yourself into Javierâs arms, not budging when he almost loses his footing. He wraps an arm around your waist, cradling the back of your head tenderly.Â
âI missed you, too, cariño,â he whispers, intended for your ears only.
You run the tip of your nose along his neck, inhaling his scent after whatâs felt like forever. Eventually, you pull back, looking up at him. Your reflection in his sunglasses stares back at you, subconsciously fixing your hair.
âThey know,â you murmur, watching him nod slowly.
He removes his glasses, hooking them in the front of his button down. âI figured that when I didnât hear from you.â
The crease between his brows deepens, brown eyes roaming across your face like heâs memorizing your features for the last time. You know his mind is running a million miles a minute, trying to figure out a way to get you out of this.
Your love for Javier hasnât been the thing ruining you.
It was hope.
Itâs not what you want â you want to be with Javier. But itâs not worth it if he tries to sacrifice himself for you and both of you end up dead. The two of you were never going to end up together and it was foolish of you to believe so.
You wish things were simpler, you do. But it was never meant to work out. He had one mission coming here to Colombia: to get JerĂłnimo and move on. That was before you came along and made things ten times more difficult.Â
âWhat?â he whispers, his hands tightening on your waist, keeping you from moving. âWhat are you talking about?â
Silence washes over the two of you, your eyes discreetly falling on Steve and your bodyguard. Javier understands easily, taking you by the hand and dragging you inside the house. The feeling of your hand in his feels perfect: gun-calloused but always so soft with you.
His boots are heavy on the hardwood floor, leading you towards the back of the house. He pushes you inside the bedroom, closing the door behind himself. It takes him a minute to turn around and face you, eyes red-rimmed and exhausted.
âWhat the fuck are you talking about, Mimi?â
You have to make it hurt. Make him hate you so he doesnât get himself killed over you.
âMy dad wants you dead, Javier,â you admit, already feeling your tears prick your eyes. âI cannot be the reason that you die.â
He shakes his head, averting your gaze and putting his hands on his hips. âYou shouldâve thought of that before you made me fall for you.â
Youâre taken aback by that, âI didnât make you do anything.â
âAll those things you told me,â he starts, taking a slow step closer to you but stopping when you take one back. âYour dreams, the life youâd rather liveââ
âYeah, and you were lying to me the entire time,â you bite back, starting an argument that neither of you want to have right now. âYou have all the information you could ever need about my father. Why do you still need me?â
âYou know why,â his voice rises, patience finally snapping. âI know what I did wrong, you donât have to keep throwing it back in my face!â
âHow can I not when our whole relationship is built on a lie?â you match his tone.
âIâve already apologized for that shit,â he spits, âIâm not doing it again just because youâre afraid of how this will end.â
A scoff leaves you at his words, running your hands through your hair. âYou said it yourself, itâs too dangerous for us to be together. I didnât want to believe it but now I have to.â
âWhy?â he asks, clenching his jaw twice.Â
âTheyâre blaming me for my uncleâs deathââ
âThat wasnât your fault,â he cuts you off, telling you what youâve already concluded.
You take a quiet deep breath, âIt doesnât matter. To them, Iâm a rat that got her own flesh and blood killed. Itâs only a matter of time before theyâŠâ
âBefore they what?â he asks when you trail off, though he knows exactly what you mean.
It means that youâll be killed by your family. âAn eye for an eye,â is what they call it. In this world, itâs normal for people like them to âtake careâ of the threats that come their way. Unfortunately, youâre now viewed as one and Javier refuses to let anything happen to you. Regardless of if he can lose his life in the process.
Youâre too precious for this world. Youâre too precious to him.
You clasp your hands together, holding them in front of your mouth. âWe canât be together, Javier.â
âYou donât think I know that?â he queries, taking a cautious step forward. Itâs more obvious than it should be to him that your resolve is crumbling the longer you stand in front of him. âIâve been fighting with myself for months. I know Iâm no good for you, I know this can end badly. But I canât stay away from you.â
The tear finally falls and Javier wraps his arms around you, pulling you in close. He rests his forehead against yours, breath mingling with yours.
You can deny it all you want, but you know he means more than he should to you. A shuddering exhale escapes through your lips, your hands gripping his biceps. âWe shouldâve never gotten involved with each other,â you whisper, closing your eyes. âThat would make this a whole lot easier.â
He doesnât answer, pressing his lips to your temple instead and letting you fall apart in the safety of his arms.
For the third time this week, youâre out on the balcony smoking. The city twinkles, mocking you and your lack of freedom. Seeing Javier was nice but you couldnât stay long.
The sliding door behind you opens slowly, not even needing to turn around to know who it is. This will be the first time heâs even acknowledged you since that night, and you almost consider walking right past him and into the house.
You stay quiet, unsure of where he could possibly be going with this. To you, heâs lying through his teeth. He never tried to be a father to you. He threw money at you and expected you to obey his every command like a well trained puppy. The one time that you donât, he drops you like youâve never meant anything to him at all.
JerĂłnimo sighs, almost dramatically, before he continues. âPuedes salir por tu cuenta, tal como quieres. (You can go out on your own like you want to.)â
That gets your attention but you donât look at him, realizing that heâs trying to get a reaction out of you to see if youâll admit to playing both sides.
He almost walks away to leave it at that but you open your mouth to say something. âAre you fucking kidding me?â
When he doesnât say anything, you stand up straight, deciding to speak about everything thatâs been bothering you. âYouâve trapped me here. You were never a fucking father to me and it baffles me that you even think that you gave any effort at all.â
âI didââ
âIâm not done,â you cut him off, stubbing out your cigarette. âI have always been a disappointment to you. It doesnât matter what I do.â
âYou didnât want me in the first place and itâs been obvious my entire life,â your voice wavers, making you take a deep breath to keep your emotions from spilling over. You refuse to cry in front of him because he doesnât deserve your tears. Heâs not worth the emotional toll to cry over.
âI have had to beg you to love me constantly, and for a long time, I thought that was okay. I took whatever you gave me because I thought that was your way of showing that you care. But Iâve been wrong. Again and again, youâve proved me wrong.â
The lack of emotion on his face makes you want to slap him, but you keep your calm. âA parentâs love is supposed to be unconditional. I shouldnât have to beg to even get you to look at me. I didnât want all the expensive things your blood money could buy, I wanted my father to see me and appreciate me and love me.â
You shrug, shaking your head. âYou never did any of that because you never saw me as yours.â
âÂżY crees que esos estadounidenses pueden? (And you think those Americans can?)â he opens his big mouth again, making your anger boil over.
You scoff, shaking your head. âGod, you really canât see the issue here, can you?â
âWhat I can see is that youâre willing to destroy everything that Iâve built for you over an American,â disappointment drips from his words, trying to make you feel bad. âI am building an empire for you.â
You shrug faintly, pressing your lips into a thin line. âItâs not for me. Itâs always been about your legacy.â
JerĂłnimo clenches his jaw, towering over your frame. âEres una mocosa malcriada y desagradecida (You are an ungrateful, spoiled little brat),â he spits, voice seething with fury. âY quiero que te vayas de esta casa. (And I want you out of this house.)â
You donât flinch under his gaze, looking up at him with a defiant glint in your eyes. âNo.â
He steps closer, leaning down to be eye level with you. His lips twitch underneath his thick mustache, âYou are no longer my daughter, and I will not protect you.â
âAll because you believe them and not the person you had a hand in reproducing?â your voice is low, tired of the circles all of you keep running around. âYou can believe what you want but Iâm not going anywhere.â
series summary: Angelina follows her father's footsteps in the DEA after his death with her new partners Javier Peña and Steve Murphy. She can't entirely be trusted, and she doesn't want to be. (Story roughly follows S1-2 of Narcos)
pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (Angelina Nova)
series rating: Mature/Explicit (18+ MDNI!) Chapters will be marked individually with their own warnings.
series contents: dual POV, slow burn, coworkers to friends to lovers, forbidden love, longing, angst (this is not a happy house), degradation (not from Javi), dark romance, canon drugs, violence, and death, A LOT of mental health struggles, vomiting, alcohol, smoking, loss of a parent, grief, nightmare disorder, eventual smut, Spanish and Portuguese is roughly translated (This will be updated as the story progresses.)
status: ongoing (21.6k+ words)
updated: March 17, 2026
links: meet the characters | ao3 link | moodboard | pinterest board | spotify playlist | tag | template
Season 1
Chapter 1: Coincidence
Chapter 2: Smooth Operator
Chapter 3: Chasing Pavements
Chapter 4: Hard 2 Face Reality
Chapter 5: What Could've Been
Chapter 6: Devil In Disguise
Chapter 7: After Hours
Chapter 8: Friends?
Chapter 9: Happy House
Chapter 10: Distant Lover
Season 2
Chapter 11: American Boy
Chapter 12: Past Life
Chapter 13: Nothing Compares
Chapter 14: Awkward
Chapter 15: Jealousy
Chapter 16: Like Him
Chapter 17: Scared to Live
Chapter 18: Baptized In Fear
Chapter 19: Sienna
Chapter 20: Cautionary Tale
Season 3
Chapter 21: Forget Her
Chapter 22: All For Us
Chapter 23: Stay
Chapter 24: Oh My Angel
Epilogue: Future Days
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