just like the moon

prologue

chapter one

chapter two

chapter three ♰

chapter four

chapter five

chapter six

chapter seven

chapter eight ♰

chapter nine ♰

chapter ten

chapter eleven ♰

chapter twelve ♰

chapter thirteen

chapter fourteen

chapter fifteen

chapter sixteen ♰

chapter seventeen ♰

chapter eighteen ♰

interlude ♰

chapter nineteen ♰

chapter twenty

chapter twenty-one

chapter twenty-two

chapter twenty-three

chapter twenty-four

Javier lays you down with surprising gentleness, fingers curling in the sheets under you. The rough denim of his jeans presses against your clothed sex, pulling a gasp from your lips when you feel how hard he is already.

“God,” a harsh exhale leaves him when his lips part from yours, “you drive me crazy.”

His lips trail down your neck, setting your skin ablaze everywhere they touch. You tip your head back, giving him more access to the sensitive skin.

The familiar ache between your thighs builds quickly, heat pooling low in your belly at his ministrations and his earlier words. You know you should be afraid of how much trust you’re putting into him, but your mind is too lost in the fire burning bright between the two of you.

He mouths at your skin, slipping his hands underneath your (his) shirt. His touch sets your skin ablaze, making your body heat up from the inside out. 

“Javi,” his name leaves your mouth in a desperate whimper, needing any kind of relief to the pressure building in your body.

He hums against your neck, tracing the column of your throat with the curve of his nose. His lips meet yours again, stealing the air from your lungs as his tongue dances with yours in a bruising kiss. 

Javier stands just long enough to remove his jeans again, his cock already hard and aching again. Then he’s back on you, pulling you onto his lap and leaning back against the headboard.

You card your fingers through the curls on the nape of his neck as you kiss him, both of you breathing in deeply. Your nose bumps his, the kiss messy and full of heat.

With one hand, he unbuttons your shirt, his other hand steady on your lower back, pressing you flush against his chest.

“Are you okay with this?” he asks against your lips, palming your breast once the shirt is open.

You furrow your brows at that, not quite sure about what he means. “With you touching me? Yeah.”

A breathy chuckle escapes him, you pulling back to meet his eyes. You rest your hands on his broad shoulders, squeezing them ever so slightly. His eyes are dark and half-lidded, desire written all over his face as he gazes at you.

“I mean are you okay with doing this without protection?” he restates, your mind flashing back to last night.

“We already did, Javi,” you murmur, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth, “And it was great.”

He raises an eyebrow, “Just great?”

A scoff escapes you, “You know what I mean.”

Javier chuckles again, moving his hand to squeeze your waist. “Do you trust me?”

You narrow your eyes at him, “That’s a pretty loaded question right now.”

In the back of your mind, you know you shouldn’t be so trusting with him after what he did. But your heart says the complete opposite.

If there’s anything that your mother taught you, it’s to go for what you want, when you want it. And right now, that’s Javier.

“I know, baby. And I’m sorry again,” he confesses again, looking at you with eyes that would make your knees weak if you were standing. “I need to hear you say it, though: that you trust me to take care of you.”

You’ve been at war with your own mind for far too long. You deserve to have someone who wants to willingly take care of you. Plus, it’s a little difficult to say no to Javier when his eyes go soft, staring at you like a lost puppy. 

Your resolve crumbles quickly, and you melt into him when he guides your hips closer, his hardened cock curving towards his stomach and resting against your inner thigh. 

“I just want you to relax, okay?” he murmurs, not taking his eyes off of you as he moves your panties to the side, lifting your hips a bit.

Your hands stay braced on his shoulders, shivering a bit when he slides the head of his cock through your slick folds, spreading the mess you’ve made of yourself. He presses the tip in slowly, groaning as your warmth envelopes him.

You sink down on his length with the help of his hands on your hips. Since he told you to relax, you’re allowing him to guide you the way he wants, seeing just how well he can take care of you.

He grips your hips a little tighter, the pads of his fingers indenting in your skin. Tentatively, he rolls them back and forth, noting what makes your face twist in pleasure and what doesn’t.

Sure, the two of you have been having sex for a while, but you haven’t truly learned each other's bodies, and that’s what Javier wants. He wants to know your body like the back of his hand, knowing the right amount of pressure to add, knowing what makes you moan the loudest, what gets you the wettest. 

Learning his partners is what Javier thinks his special power is. Though, lately, you’re the only one who can satisfy him and he wants to learn your body. 

He switches to guiding you up and down on his shaft, the coarse hairs on his base brushing your clit. The movements are slow but you press your forehead against his, cupping the nape of his neck with your hands. 

Javier’s lips curve slightly, “You prefer it like this, don’t you?” he coos, making you involuntarily clench around him.

Dirty talk seems to be on the list as well with you, so he plays into it.

The pace picks up, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room along with shared pants. “Ride me just like that, yeah,” he whispers, “Fuck, you feel so good,” he watches you with half-lidded eyes as your controlled sounds begin to fray.

Low moans leave you now, your fingers tightening in his hair. His words paired with his actions send a fresh wave of heat straight through you, coating his cock. The evidence of your arousal sounds in the room now, spurring Javier on.

“You like when I talk to you, princesa?” he makes a mental note of that, basking in how wet and warm you are.

You breathe out a ‘yes’, tilting your head back when he presses open-mouthed kisses to your neck, giving him more access. He nips and sucks at your sensitive skin, his hands traveling further down to grip your ass.

With anyone else, Javier would rarely speak during sex. There’s something so mesmerizing about seeing how much it turns you on, though. The possessive reminder that he’s the only person you’ve been with surges through him again, prompting something lascivious to flare in his chest.

Your brows knit when he angles your hips, searching for the spot that unravels you. “Fuck,” a sharp gasp escapes you, hands gripping his biceps, “right there.”

He smirks faintly, “That’s it,” he purrs, the curve of his dick perfectly stimulating your g-spot with every thrust, making stars burst behind your eyes. “God, you look so pretty like this: taking my cock like you were made for it.”

You whimper, nails digging crescent moon indents into his skin, nearly drawing blood as you near your third orgasm in the last 12 hours. You move under Javier’s guidance, wet skin slapping against each other, paired with your growing moans and his grunts and filthy words.

The closer you get, the less you can understand him. 

And he sees it.

His hands on your hips tighten, guaranteed to leave bruises tomorrow. Right now, you’re not worried about anyone seeing them. If anything, you’ll wear them proudly, showing the world that you have someone who makes you feel so good that your brain turns to pure mush.

“You’re gonna feel me tomorrow,” you think you hear him say before he flips you over, pulling out to make you lay on your stomach.

His cock glistens with your arousal, slick on the back of your thigh as he places a pillow under your hips, pressing his hand between your shoulder blades to keep you pinned down.

He strips you out of what you’re wearing hastily, leaving you naked and wanting. Your cheek is mushed against the sheets, your breath fans over them when Javier slams back into you. This position – you flat on the bed with your hips propped up – has him reaching places you never thought were possible, and you finish quickly.

Your walls flutter rapidly around his length, the tissue clenching while you come. Your vision goes white around the edges, hot pleasure spiking through your body.

Javier fucks you right through it, hissing and gritting his teeth at how tightly your cunt is squeezing him. His hand stays firmly between your shoulder blades, keeping you in place as his hips snap against your ass, rippling the flesh with every rough thrust.

He relishes in the noises you make, all of them unfiltered and for his ears only. Just hearing them has him nearing his peak, but he’s determined to get you off one more time.

You barely process when his entire body weight presses against you, his cock reaching the deepest depths of you. A shuddering gasp leaves your lips, your body instinctively trying to escape the immense pleasure, but his body keeps you in place.

His breath fans over your ear, whispering in your ear while he pounds you into the mattress. “Give me one more, pretty girl. I know you can.”

He may know, but you don’t think you can. The overstimulation has your thighs shaking, incoherent babbling slipping past your lips. You’re almost sure that Javier’s about to chuckle at your lack of response before his breath hitches against your ear, the tip of his dick kissing your cervix.

You expect it to hurt, your vision even goes blurry around the edges, tears pricking your eyes. But it’s a pleasant feeling. 

It would probably feel even better if you weren’t so blissed out already.

Every nerve end is set on fire, the heat between the two of you growing into an all-consuming fit of rage. You feed off of each other’s pleasure like a ravenous blaze spreading through a forest, hungry for everything in its path. Skin rubs against skin like friction against dry tinder, his hips losing rhythm as fire pools low in his abdomen.

He groans in your ear, his hands covering yours gripping the sheets to stay connected to you in every possible way. “Need you to come for me again, princesa.”

You whine in response, feeling your body give in to the need to climax one last time. Your muscles spasm under him, an explosion of blinding heat and light taking over. There’s nowhere to hide or go to as you fall over the edge again.

Javier grunts loudly, pulling out just in time to come all over your ass. The tension in his body shatters like a glass in an inferno. Hot, white, thick spurts of his release paint the plush skin, barely able to hold himself up while he finishes. 

He collapses on his back next to you, staring up at the ceiling, attempting to get air back into his lungs. Your breathing is slowly steading at his side, your eyes tracing his side profile lazily as you come down from your high(s).

Involuntarily, a smile tugs at your lips. You’re happy that it’s this man that bumped into you at the club. If he hadn’t, you probably wouldn’t be here right now: making your own decisions, taking down your father, having out-of-this-world sex.

He turns to his side, catching your gaze and mimicking your small smile. He presses lazy kisses along your shoulder, wanting to bask in the afterglow with you a little longer, his body still thrumming with satisfaction. 

He looks at you with warm, dark eyes – still hazy from intimacy. Without much thought, he strokes your hair, the action instinctive after such intense passion. 

Meeting you at the bar and driving to this hotel with you was something he was hesitant about. Steve tagged along for extra protection, though Javier told him not to engage unless he felt like it was absolutely necessary.

Javier’s gut told him that you wouldn’t hurt him, but the little voice in his head kept telling him that you would screw him over the same way he did to you. He’s glad he trusted his gut rather than his mind, because now he has you completely.

Perhaps he’s being too greedy, thinking that he can get you out of this without a single scratch. He’d like to think that he can but who knows what your father will do to you if he ever finds out.

Just thinking about it makes him sick to his stomach.

After the two of you settle into a familiar blissful embrace, Javier gets out of bed, padding to the bathroom to get a damp washcloth to clean up the mess the two of you made.

It’s little things that he does that prompt you to think about a possible future with him. But then you remember how you met and who you are. Would he seriously want to have you in his life after all of this? 

Maybe you’d go to Texas with him, go to school there, get your degree. Depending on how this goes, you might even start your mother’s fashion line back up.

And that’s if your father doesn’t bring you down alongside him.

The warmth of the cloth takes you out of your thoughts, Javier cleaning up the mess before he sets the towel aside and scoops you up into his arms. You immediately settle against his chest, his heartbeat steady under your ear.

He gently strokes your hair, lulling you into a state of tranquility. “Descansa (Rest),” he whispers, “Aquí estoy. (I’m here.)”

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“Usa la espalda, hijo. (Use your back, son.)” Chucho’s voice ringed in Javier’s ears. The two men putting back up a fence that fell during a recent storm.

“Lo entendí, papá. (I got it, dad.)” Javier replies, making sure the wooden post is secure in the dirt.

“Thank you,” Chucho breathes out, placing his hands on his hips to admire their handiwork.

Just then, a familiar car pulls up, the gravel driveway crunching under the wheels before the car is parked. Javier lifts his head, taking off his yellow aviators to watch you get out of the car. You don’t look in his general direction, too focused on getting your daughter and her stuff out of the car.

He can hear you speaking cheerfully to her, both in Spanish and English. It reminds him of the good times the two of you had before the messy divorce. Neither of you necessarily did anything wrong, you just weren’t meant for each other in the end, and decided to go your separate ways.

For the sake of your daughter, you and Javier have shared custody over her. You get her one week and he gets her the next. The two of you have been doing fine with co-parenting. As well as two exes can be, that is.

A bead of sweat rolls down Javier’s temple, and he removes his gloves to wipe it.

“Intenta no enfurruñarte demasiado. (Try not to sulk too much.)” Chucho says, earning a huff from Javier before his daughter starts running up the driveway.

“Papá!” the girl yells, wrapping her chubby little arms around Javier’s leg.

Javier grunts as he bends over to pick her up, “Hola, dulce niña. (Hi, sweet girl.)”

She wraps her limbs around him as best as she can, giving him a big hug. “Me and mamá brought crafts!”

A grin spreads across Javier’s face, “Yeah?” he asks, watching her nod eagerly. “Why don’t you show your abuelo while I talk to your mom, okay?”

Reluctantly, she agrees, planting her feet on the ground before she’s running towards Chucho, giving him the same amount of love. Slowly, you walk up to Javier, your arms crossed over your chest, your daughter’s backpack hung over your shoulder.

“Llegas tarde de nuevo. (You’re late again.)” Javier states, narrowing his eyes just a fraction.

“Hello to you, too, Javier,” you spit out.

“I thought we agreed to have her with me by noon. It’s almost 2.”

“She wanted to go to the store to buy arts and crafts so she could have fun with her father. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Tell her no?”

Javier sighs deeply, placing his hands on his hips, “No.”

“Okay then. Don’t act like that with me.”

His lips press into a fine line before he hooks his aviators into his shirt. For a moment, your gaze drifts down to his chest—golden skin with sweat dripping down from his neck into the purple fabric stretched across his broad frame. 

Your mind flashes back to the passionate nights the two of you had before everything fell apart. The whispered promises, the nail marks you’d leave on his back, the hickies he’d leave on your inner thighs. Ultimately ending with the two of you wrapped up in each other like there was no escaping. An unfamiliar pang stabs at your heart, your thighs involuntarily pressing together before you look away from him.

“How’s she been?” Javier breaks the silence, his voice soft and quiet.

“How do you think she’s been? She misses her father.”

“And what about you, huh?” he suddenly asks, taking a step closer to you.

“What about me, Javier?” you don’t back down—you never did, which is why your arguments almost always escalated without fail.

“Do you miss me? Or you still hate me for all the shit that you caused?”

“Me?” you ask with raised eyebrows, pointing at yourself. “You are so goddamn full of yourself,” you scoff, turning around to walk back to your car.

The gravel crunches under Javier’s boots as he follows after you, suppressed anger starting to rise to the surface after so long. “You believed the bullshit that your friends told you, over me!”

“You didn’t give me much of a choice, Javier,” you turn around, his body nearly colliding into yours. “Where were you when I needed you?” you don’t wait for his answer, “Oh, that’s right, you were out getting drunk instead of coming home.”

“To avoid this,” he points between your two bodies, “It was always an argument with you.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have given me a reason to argue with you.”

Briefly your gaze travels behind him to make sure your daughter and Chucho are inside before you take a step closer, crowding his space. His musky scent travels to your nostrils, the smell of wood, nicotine, whiskey, and sweat making your head a little fuzzy.

“You stopped coming home at night,” you pause, watching him avert your gaze, “And that was well before I even gave birth.”

It was easy for the two of you to fall back into this pattern again. It’s all you’ve known for the last six years now. Pain and suffering. Not knowing if he was dead in a ditch somewhere because he got too drunk and couldn’t drive himself home.

Javier was your first love. You’ll always love him, but you can’t go through that again. Having a child changed everything, and she’ll continue to be the only thing holding you and Javier together.

“We’ve gone through this plenty of times before, Jav,” you hand him your daughter’s backpack. “I’ll see you next week.”

He takes the bag, not meeting your eyes again before you get back into your car. You don’t see it, but his eyes don’t leave your car until you’re well down the road. Somehow his soul feeling like a piece of it was being taken away from him.

Biting the inside of his cheek, he turns around to go inside the ranch, the door creaking from overuse. His daughter’s laughter echoes within the walls, filling him with a sense of warmth as he drops her bag on the couch.

She’s sitting at the dining table with Chucho, her art supplies scattered across the table as she colors on a piece of paper. 

“Look daddy!” she says once she spots him in the doorway, holding up her drawing.

Javier smiles softly, stepping into the room and dropping down on one knee to take the paper. As he studies it, he feels his throat tightening. It’s a drawing of all four of you standing in front of the ranch, little animals drawn in the background.

Her smile falters for a moment when she sees Javier’s teary eyes, a small frown forming on her face. “Did mama leave already?”

He looks over at her, placing the drawing on the table, and picking her up so he can sit in the chair with her in his lap. “Yeah, mi vida. But she’ll be back next week,” he pauses, pushing her unruly curls back, “She always comes back.”

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she murmurs, “She misses you.”

Javier’s breath stutters, his hand rubbing soothing circles on his daughter’s back. He looks over at his dad, who gives him a sad smile in return.

“I miss her, too,” Javier whispers after a moment.

Around 8PM, Javier takes his bundle of joy to his own house. After the divorce, you ended up moving out and getting your own apartment in town, leaving Javier alone in a big empty house. It would’ve been the house the both of you were going to build your family in, but now it’s just where Javier showers and sleeps.

His daughter is sleeping soundly against him, the day’s activities catching up to her finally. He unlocks the door, carefully holding his girl and her things as he walks through the threshold. Leaving the door open with his foot, he reaches to turn on a small lamp on the entryway table.

He’s left the house untouched since the split, the place still nicely decorated with your touch. The lamp fills the small space with warm light, Javier closing the door with a soft click and locking it. Carefully, he takes his daughter and everything upstairs to her bedroom. He’d worry about giving her a bath in the morning since she’s completely slumped against him right now.

Automatically, she curls up against her teddy bear when he tucks her in, the one that has both yours and his voice in it telling her how much you love her. A long while ago, Javier sprayed a bit of both his cologne and your perfume on it, so in a sense, the both of you were always with her. 

He turns on her skylight and white noise machine, and leaves the door open three inches before he heads back downstairs. His feet heavily carry him to the kitchen, his body itching for a glass of whiskey to wash away his sorrows. 

It’s not clear when exactly the shift in your relationship happened, but he knows that it went on for far too long before either of you built up the courage to ask for a divorce. It was better to hold onto it rather than face the world without you on his side. He feels like a teenager again, aimlessly wandering the world, and hoping that someone else picks up the pieces he’s left behind.

But dating has been the last thing on his mind. You’re the only person he’s ever given his heart and soul to, and he’s afraid of even thinking about giving it to someone else. Growing up, all he knew was his parents’ love for one another. They had their first everything with each other, and that’s what Javier had with you. He just didn’t know that it also included a first divorce.

Neither of you were perfect–he knew that–but you were perfect for him. If this was the only way to keep you in his life, then so be it. He’ll handle it as best as he can for the sake of your daughter. 

The brown liquor stings his throat as it goes down, him automatically pouring another two fingers of whiskey, and downing it in one go. Two glasses was his limit, so he placed the glass in the sink and put the bottle away before plopping onto the couch with a heavy sigh.

He allowed himself to close his eyes momentarily, and dream of how different life could’ve been if the two of you knew how to communicate properly.

“I’m home!” Javier calls out, tossing his keys into the ceramic bowl you demanded to have on the entryway table.

The smell of Fricase de Pollo filling his nostrils before he hears tiny little feet padding on the hardwood floor. “Daddy!” his daughter yells out, popping out from the living room archway.

“Hola, mi amor,” Javier beams, picking her up easily and blowing raspberries on her clothed stomach.

Her giggles fill the house as he walks deeper inside, finding you in the kitchen hovering over the stove. Soft Spanish music plays on the radio, filling him with a sense of contentment.

You glance over your shoulder at your two loves, a soft smile on your face while you take your attention off the food momentarily. “Hi,” you greet him softly, quietly.

He greets you just the same, leaning down to press his lips to yours for a long moment. Just kissing you spreads warmth throughout his body, his mind getting lost in the sensation of your body against his as he deepens the kiss.

“Yuck!”

Only when your daughter makes a comment do you both pull apart, laughing. “What do you mean ‘yuck’?” he feigns offense.

She giggles, wrapping her arms tighter around Javier’s neck. “Kissing is gross,” she scrunches up her face in the most adorable way, shaking her head.

Javier smirks faintly, “Is that what you think?”

Your daughter nods, standing on her opinion.

“Well then,” Javier starts, “I guess you don’t mind if I do this–”

He covers her face in kisses, her giggles growing more obnoxious by the second. 

Javier’s phone ringing jolts him out of his thoughts, exhaling slowly before he sits up. Without looking at his phone, he answers. “Hello?”

It’s quiet on the other side of the line for a long moment, and he almost debates hanging up.

“I don’t even know why I’m callin’ you,” you murmur, grabbing Javier’s attention.

“Hey,” he says gently, sitting up straighter. He can hear your tone of voice, it’s that quiet, distant tone you get when you’ve been thinking about something too hard. “You okay?”

He’s not sure if it’s still his place to check up on you, but the question comes out before he really thinks about it.

You huff softly, “Am I okay?” you pause, “I’ve never been okay, Javier.”

“Have you been drinking?” he asks quietly, biting the inside of his cheek.

Chuckling softly, you respond with your free hand up in mock surrender, “You caught me.”

Javier sighs deeply, “Where are you? I’ll come get you.”

“No, I’m fine,” you claim, “You still keep that stupid skylight on for her. Y’know, she’ll never sleep in the dark if you keep doin’ that.”

He furrows his brows at that, his gaze lifting to the curtain covered windows. The small southern accent you suddenly have isn’t lost on him, but he’s more worried about where you are. Slowly, he walks over to the window, peeking out the curtain to find your car sitting idly by the curb.

“How long have you been sitting outside?” he asks as he’s actively making his way to the front door.

“Not that long,” you murmur, watching the front door open.

Just seeing his silhouette causes your heartbeat to pick up a bit, buried feelings starting to rise to the surface. Your emotions were always heightened when you were drunk, and there’s no exception tonight. You hang up the phone, rolling down the passenger's side window. 

Javier pockets his own phone, leaning into your car to speak to you. “Do you wanna come in?”

You shake your head slowly, a sluggish smile on your lips. “Just wanted to stop by ‘fore I went home.”

He frowns deeply, reaching in to unlock the doors. You watch, amused as he rounds your car and opens the driver’s side door. He pulls your car keys out of the ignition and unbuckles your seatbelt. “Out.”

“No–”

“Don’t make me drag you inside.”

You huff quietly, grumbling under your breath as you stumble out of the car. Before you walk up to the door, you watch him pocket your car keys. “Can I just–”

“No,” he cuts you off, crowding your space to urge you to move. “Go.”

Reluctantly, you walk towards the front door after staring him down. You guess you’re not as threatening or convincing when you’re drunk, because Javier walks right past you to go to the kitchen. You hear glasses clinking, water running, and then his boots on the hardwood floor as he walks back towards the living room.

“Drink,” he hands you the glass, eyeing you like a hawk.

“I don’t need the one word commands, Javier.” You take small sips of the water, letting the cool liquid put out the fire burning beneath your skin.

He huffs, shaking his head slowly before he turns around. “Unbelievable,” he mutters under his breath, sitting down on the couch.

Silence washes over the two of you. You’re not sure how long you’ve been standing and drinking your water, but Javier’s gaze is elsewhere. Like he can’t even stand the thought of looking at you right now.

You press your lips into a fine line before you down the rest of the glass. “Can I have my keys back?” you ask, holding out your hand.

Javier finally looks at you again, studying your mannerisms to see how drunk you still are. “Why should you get them back?”

“Javier,” you sigh, “you don’t want me here, and I don’t want to be here. So why don’t we just skip the theatrics so I can go home and get some sleep.”

“I can’t keep an eye on you if you go,” he states, earning an eye roll from you.

“Jesus–”

“You’re a mother. You have responsibilities–”

“I know that!” you exclaim, but he keeps going.

“and our daughter expects you to be there 100% of the time. Why the fuck would you go out and get drunk on a weekday?”

“No,” you point at him, “you don’t get to judge me. You coming home with the stench of alcohol on your clothes was constant–”

“Oh, here we go again–”

“No, you let me fucking finish. You had responsibilities when we were together. You disappeared on me the second you saw those two pink lines, and what did I do? I stayed and dealt with your fucking bullshit because you were the only thing that I knew.”

Javier stands, towering over you. “Maybe I shouldn’t have been. I know damn well that you wouldn’t have wanted to see me drunk out of my mind every night.”

“I have loved you since we were 16,” you shake your head slowly, “You don’t think I’ve seen every side of you?”

“I didn’t know what you wanted from me–”

“I wanted you to want me again!” You burst out, sniffling while trying to gain your bearings again, “That’s what I’ve always been trying to fucking tell you.”

“What?” Javier asks, bewildered.

“Do you know what it feels like to not be desired by your husband anymore? After carrying his baby for nine months, only to become a second thought afterwards.” You take a deep breath, barely able to hold the tears threatening to spill over.

“Is that what you think of me?” he asks, almost hesitantly.

“You don’t look at me the same anymore. You look at me like I’m some sort of monster for tearing our family apart—“ you choke back a sob, the tears you were trying so hard to fight finally spilling over.

You turn around, but Javier immediately pulls you back into his chest. The moment he does that, it’s nothing beautiful about your crying anymore. It’s all loud sobs, snot, and coughs as you soak the front of his shirt.

But Javier doesn’t complain. He just holds you protectively. One hand in your hair while the other one rubs soothing circles on your back. Your body shakes with the force of your sobs, your hands clutching desperately at the man you once tried so hard to push away. 

He presses his lips against the top of your head, breathing you in but also pressing you closer against his body. Trying to give you as much comfort as possible.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers against your hair, “I’m so fucking sorry, cariño.”

There it is. The name you’ve longed to hear since the divorce. Just hearing it makes you sob harder against him, your breathing getting a little difficult to maintain.

“Breathe, baby,” Javier murmurs, “I’m right here.”

Suddenly, you shove at him, nearly knocking the air from his lungs. “No!”

You weakly swing at him, letting out hushed curses while streams of tears still tumble down your face. “You were never there for me then!”

Javier stands still, letting you get everything out, letting you beat on his chest like a bongo until exhaustion takes over your body again, and you slump against him.

Wrecked sobs still escape you, along with a few hiccups every now and then. He keeps his hand in your hair, his lips pressed against the top of your head, your temple, your forehead–anywhere he can reach to soothe you.

Only when your grip on his shirt weakens does he exhale, feeling your arms wrap around his waist. He doesn’t even think to let you go, only holding you closer, pressing your ear right against his chest so his heartbeat can soothe you.

Immediately, you melt into him. Too casually. Too normal for this to be happening between two exes.

But it feels so right.

Neither of you pull away. Neither of you say anything. He just holds you, protectively – like his life depends on it.

One of you should back away eventually, but Javier can’t find the guts to when you hold him tighter, the exact same way you used to. He strokes your hair gently, murmuring against it, “I’m sorry, cariño. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there. I’m sorry that you think I don’t love you anymore.”

You finally pull back, wiping your face before you glare up at him. He can see the familiar fire beginning to burn behind your eyes again in real time.

“It’s a little too late for sorries now, isn’t it?”

Before Javier can even get another word in, another voice cuts in.

“Mama?”

Both of you look down at your daughter, neither of you even heard her come down the stairs, and she was clutching her teddy bear in her arms.

“Hey, mi amor,” you say gently, kneeling down to speak to her. “What are you still doing up?”

Her little hand comes up to wipe under your eye, “You were crying,” she murmurs.

You smile faintly, wrapping your hand around her wrist to press your lips against it. “I’m fine, honey. I need to speak to your daddy, though. So you need to go back to your room, okay?”

She frowns deeply, looking up at Javier. “Are you guys going to make up?”

Her innocent question nearly crushes your heart, but you somehow manage to keep it together for the time being. “We’re talking, yeah.”

“Abuelo Chucho says that the proper way to make up with our loved ones is to hug and kiss, papá. Did you and mama do that?”

You glance up at Javier, watching him bite the inside of his cheek.

“Did he now?” he quietly asks, earning a nod from your daughter.

“And he said that you and mama will always love each other no matter what.”

You hum in acknowledgement, smiling faintly while you brush her unruly curls back. “Guess I need to have a little chat with Chucho then, huh?”

She crosses her arms over her chest, holding her bear close to her heart. “No!” she suddenly bursts out, “Abuelo is right!”

Javier says her name once, warning her. “Is that any way to speak to your mother?”

She pouts, “I’m sorry. I just don’t like when you guys are fighting.”

And she didn’t even know half of it.

You slowly stand up, Javier watching you intentionally putting distance between the two of you. That alone feels like a stab to the heart. You’re standing so close, and yet, you feel so far away from him. He has to resist the urge to pull you right back into his chest again.

Your daughter looks up at you, anticipation filling her big brown eyes. It’s almost enough to make you give in to her pleading. 

“Mi amor,” you say quietly, gently, “your dad and I have a lot to work out–”

“Just one kiss, mama,” she cuts you off, pleading, “Please.”

You exhale slowly, your gaze drifting towards Javier. Just looking at him after everything that’s happened has your heart feeling heavy. Like it’s ready to escape from your chest just to avoid being broken again.

He doesn’t move. Not until he sees or hears you give your consent. When you nod slowly, the both of you close the space between you cautiously. Your daughter watches with bated breath as you and Javier press your lips against one another’s after so long.

It steals all the air from your lungs for a second, then it’s warm and familiar. It almost feels like home.

Javier’s hands come up to cup your face gently, breathing in deep because this might be the very last time the two of you ever do this. He wants to savour it. Keep it locked away in his memories like it’s something sacred.

And to him, it is something sacred.

You’re something sacred.

The love you feel for Javier rises to the surface quickly. Nearly suffocating your heart to the point where it hurts to beat. And yet, you don’t pull back from him.

When Javier’s lips leave yours, you nearly chase them, but he doesn’t go very far as he presses his forehead to yours. Your breathing is in sync. Both of you breathing heavily while the feelings settle–or try to, at least.

Even your daughter is eerily quiet. Maybe she’s smiling, you don’t know, but when Javier opens his mouth to speak, you almost smile.

“If you’ll have me,” he whispers, “I’ll do better, I promise. I miss you, cariño, and I want to fix things. I want to go back to the way that we were.”

Are his words enough for you to believe him?

part 2

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“It’s your lucky day, Peña!” 

Javier glanced up from the pile of paperwork scattered across his desk to acknowledge the voice coming from the doorway to his office. 

“What do you want, Carter?” 

Javier's voice half grunted in response, his eyes shifting back down to the pile of papers on his desk. In his doorway stood his office mate, Detective Eric Carter. When Javier began his new position with the Laredo County Sheriff's Department 4 months ago, it took everything in him to keep from calling his new co-worker Steve. At a glance, he looked just like his old DEA partner. Tall, lanky, with a wiry head of blonde hair and bright blue eyes. 30 seconds into meeting Carter, it didn’t take long to realize looks were about the only thing he and Steve Murphy had in common. Eric Carter was a human ray of fucking sunshine, and his chipper demeanor was blinding Javier this early in the morning. 

“It’s your turn!” Carter replied in a sing-songy voice, slapping a red file folder onto Javier’s desk, covering the papers he had been sorting through. Javier picked up the folder and crinkled his brows in confusion. He turned the cover towards him, holding it just far enough away so that his squint trying to read its contents wasn’t too obvious. God, he just needed to give up and buy reading glasses already. 

As he got the folder just the right distance away from his face, he gave Carter a look that said absolutely fucking not. The folder read D.A.R.E school assembly lessons, with a picture of the Lion mascot giving a big thumbs up in his black D.A.R.E shirt. The office had recently been recruited by Laredo Public School District to start giving presentations to the Elementary schools, using the program aptly abbreviated for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. 

“Just take away the “R” and rearrange some letters and it spells DEA!” Carter laughed to himself. “It’s like it was made for you!” 

“No.” 

“Sorry Peña, you’re bottom of the totem pole this week. We’ve all done our time, and you’re the last one left in the office who has yet to go present. It’s not even that bad, you just basically go talk to these kids for an hour and tell them drugs are bad, don’t do them, yadda, yadda, yadda, you get the gist, and then it’s done. Piece of cake!” 

“I’m not fucking going.” Javier scoffed. “I have shit I have to get done.” Gesturing in annoyance to the piles of papers on his desk, now in disarray from the folder being thrown on his desk. 

“Not a choice, Mr. Peña.” 

A new voice passed by the doorway, and a much broader frame stood behind Carter’s. Chief Deputy Dean Morris, had joined the conversation, knowing that it wouldn’t end easily for Detective Carter if he kept harassing Javier about it. Morris was head of the department, and what he said, went. Coming from a background in the Air Force, Morris knew how “civilian” a position at a sheriff’s department must have felt for Javier after his time in the DEA. 5 years ago, it seemed fair to think that neither of them would have assumed paperwork, mundane training programs, and now, arguing over talking to 10 year olds about the dangers of doing drugs would have played any importance in their jobs. 

 “Right of passage. Ever since the school board dropped this on us last year, we’ve all done our time. Believe me, no one wants to do it, but like Carter said, today is your lucky day!” Morris’s voice oozed with sarcasm, knowing that Javier would absolutely hate every second of what he was about to have to do. 

“You lucked out on your day to go too, Peña. It looks like you get to go to the school with the hot teach-OW! Hey! What was that for?!” Morris had slapped Carter’s shoulder before he could get out the rest of his sentence. 

“Keep it in your pants, okay Carter?” 

Carter let out a huff of defeat. “I’m just saying, he could have gotten worse days to go…” 

“Just read from the notes, let the kids ask a couple of questions at the end and then you’re on your way. Easy peasy. When you get to the school office they’ll let you know where to go.” 

Javier opened his mouth to rebuttal, but before he could even get out a word, Morris held up his hand to stop him. 

“Not a choice. I’ll have Carter help you finish sorting paperwork, so don’t try to bullshit me and tell me that you have too much work to get done.” 

Javier let out a sigh of frustration that was a little louder than he intended it to be. His hands rested on his forehead as he rubbed the bridge of his nose before replying. 

“Fine. But this is one and done.” 

“Good man.” Morris reached over Javier’s desk and gave him a pat on the shoulder. He and Carter started to make their way out of Javier’s office when Morris turned his head over the back of his shoulder. 

“Carter’s right about the teacher, too. She’s a catch.” He winked and shut the door behind him. 

Javier gathered his things and made his way through the office, passing by Detective Carter’s desk. 

“Have funnnnnnn! Say ‘hi’ to the hot teacher for me!” Carter mocked, twinkling his fingers, waving at Javier. 

Without saying a word, Javier flipped him off, and kept walking. 

Settling into his truck, Javier set down his belongings in his passenger seat, and opened up the red file folder to see where his unexpected journey was taking him. 

This is fucking ridiculous He mouthed to himself as he cranked up the AC in the truck with one hand, and rummaged the other through the items on the seat. Reaching next to him, he grabbed and opened the folder, and grazed his index finger down the inside cover, where a schedule of schools, dates, and times were printed. At the bottom, he found 

5/27/97- Alma Pierce Elementary School, 12:00-12:30 pm, school cafeteria

 Javier’s heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. He read the line several times, re-checking the location and date to make sure what he read was true. 

Fuck. 

To any of his other co-workers who had been tasked with giving one of these D.A.R.E. presentations, the elementary school they were assigned to that day most likely held little to no significance. Of course, out of the 16 elementary schools in the Laredo Public School District, Javier was assigned to the one that held the most significance to him. 

The school that his mother taught at for her entire teaching career before she passed away. 

Since returning home from Colombia, Javier had been avoiding human contact like the plague. He had returned as somewhat of a “hometown hero” after his accomplishments with the DEA but couldn’t have felt further from it. He had become Laredo’s hottest topic. 

“What was it like to help catch Escobar?! The Cali Cartel?!” 

“We’re so proud of you, the DEA couldn’t have done it without you!”

“When are you going to come over and tell us all about Colombia? We want to know everything!” 

Each question, compliment and conversation about his time in South America was like a knife to his heart, slowly twisting with each word that came out of someone’s mouth. He could feel the guilt and burden of his time away growing heavier and heavier as he politely smiled through these conversations. 

But worse than the strangers who felt entitled to berate Javier about his time in Colombia, were his friends and family who he had been actively avoiding since returning home. Besides his father, Javier hadn’t seen anyone close to him since his mother’s funeral 8 years ago. It hurt Javier knowing that he had returned to Laredo a changed man, haunted by the things he had seen and done. His mother’s closest friends, those that she worked with at Alma Pierce Elementary School, had promised to fulfill Lucia Peña’s dying wish that they would look out for Javi and made sure that he came home okay. 

Well, Javier was home. He wasn’t quite sure how to break it to them that he wasn’t really okay. 

As he drove and parked in front of the school building, Javier’s heart began to beat heavier in his chest. His fingers drummed on the steering wheel as he started at the entrance to the school. He couldn’t decide if the feeling swirling around in his stomach was comfort or terror, knowing that Alma Pierce Elementary looked exactly the same as it did the last time he was here 9 years ago with his mother. 

He did know that part of that feeling definitely had to be terror, as he began to think about the fact he was about to be interrogated relentlessly by his late mother’s closest friends. Might as well sign these women up to work for the DEA- they were probably more terrifying than anyone Javier had encountered in his time working there. 

After a few more deep breaths, Javier gathered his things out of his truck and headed towards the main doors. Each footstep felt like he was walking through wet cement, questioning if it was too late to turn around.

Practically tip toeing in to the office, hoping to be as inconspicuous as possible, Javier let out a soft “Hi, I’m from the sheriff's department, I’m here for-“ 

Before he could even finish his sentence, the office secretary, a tiny and graying Señora Gutierez was thrusting her arms across the threshold of the office desk to wrap Javier in an impressively strong hug. 

“JAVIER PEÑA. I cannot believe it’s you! oh my sweet mijo, look at you! The older you get, the more like Chucho you look, dios mio! Why haven’t you stopped by?! We have all missed you so much, what have you been doing? It is so good to see you!” 

Here we go.

“Hola, Señora.” Javier half grunted from how tight he was being squeezed. “It’s nice to see you too.” 

“I have lots to ask but I know you need to go, or they will know that this old woman has been running her mouth, making you late.” Señora Gutiérrez began shooing her hand, as to send Javier on his way. 

Javier chuckled. He felt his body begin to ease slightly, letting the familiarity of friendly faces bring him a small sense of comfort. 

“I would hope after this VERY LONG time that you have not been to see your mamà’s dearest friends, you still remember where the cafeteria is?” She gave Javier a playful grin.

“Sí, Señora.” 

“Everyone will be so happy to see you, mi amor. Now go, or everyone will be after me for keeping you!” 

Grabbing his things, Javier made his way down the bustling hallway. Tiny faces stared up at his, as he shuffled his way towards the cafeteria doors. There, he was greeted by a sea of children chatting amongst themselves and 3 smiling faces, patiently waiting for his arrival. 

“JAVI!” 

Out of any of the faces he was bound to see today, these were the 3 he would recognize anywhere. The ladies who stood before him were the fellow 3rd grade teachers who had taught alongside his mother for almost 20 years. 

The ladies surrounded him in a bear hug, Javier quietly noting to himself that he had definitely reached his hug quota for the next several weeks. 

“It’s so good to see you, Javi.” The first of the 3 women spoke, her words sweet like honey. Linda Garcia was short and stout, her gray bangs brushing over the brim of her glasses as she looked up at Javier. Linda had always had a soft spot for Javi, and reminded him the most of his mother. 

“It’s good to see you t-“ 

“PENDEJO. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! WHY HAVE YOU NOT CALLED?! WE SWORE TO YOUR LATE MOTHER THAT WE WOULD TAKE CARE OF YOU, AND IF IT WASN’T FOR CHUCHO KEEPING US UPDATED TH-” 

“Maria, let the boy breathe, this is the first time you’re seeing him in years, and this is the route you’re going to take? Dios Mio.” 

Standing next to Linda were her 2 partners in crime, Maria Rogers and Estelle Lopez. 

If you didn’t know Maria Rogers, you would be shocked to see the ferocity that came out of such a tiny woman. Javier’s mother used to refer to her “el vòlcan”- a matching nickname for her fiery personality. 

Estelle, on the other hand, was one of the most soft spoken people that Javier had ever meant. If she had something to say, he knew it was time to listen. 

“Hi everyone, it’s really great to see all of you.” Javier meant it. As overwhelmed and flustered as he was, it brought him peace to know after the hell that these last 8 years had been, some things never change. 

“MRS. ROGERSSSSSSS. WHEN IS THIS GONNA START?! I’M HUNGRY AND I KNOW LUNCH IS AFTER THIS.” 

“BE QUIET, MICHAEL. YOU KNOW WE’RE STILL WAITING FOR ONE MORE CLASS. YOU’RE SO ANNOYING.” 

“AM NOT!” 

“AM TOO!” 

Chatter and fidgeting amongst the 3rd graders instantaneously increased, the crowd of children now growing restless. 

“Oi, these niños will be the death of me, thank goodness this school is almost done.” Maria mumbled under her breath, the other 2 teachers rolling their eyes and laughing in agreement. “We’re just waiting on one more class, but they should be here any minute.” 

Overhearing the conversations shouted across the cafeteria, Agent Carter’s voice wandered through Javier’s thoughts. 

“You get the school with the hot teacher!” 

Obviously, Carter was not referring to the 3 women who stood before him. Although he wasn’t one for crude office banter, Javier couldn’t help but wonder if Carter’s statement really held true. With a genuine curiosity and a slight smirk on his face, he leaned back, arms crossed and asked, “Yeah wait, there’s still four 3rd grade teachers right?” 

The women all shot him a look that took him aback, their eyes burning a hole though Javier. 

“Jesus, you men really have a one track mind don’t you. Yes, I’m sure all of your friends from the department have been more than happy to tell you about our new teacher who just joined us. She is a sweet girl, and I am sure she is sick of getting harassed by all of you.” 

“Maria, I was just asking a quest-“ 

“Javier Jesus Peña, I have known you since before you were born. Wipe that smug look off your face, I know exactly why you asked the question”. 

Yup, things haven’t changed a bit. 

Before he could retort, the cafeteria doors began to swing open, followed by a long line of children, and you. 

“1, 2, 3, eyes on me!” 

“1, 2, eyes on you! 

God, the amount of times you’d had to repeat that phrase as the end of the school year approached, you might as well have gotten it tattooed on your forehead. 

“Okay 3rd graders, we’re already 5 minutes late for our assembly, and I’m sure the other classes are not going to be happy that we’re holding them up, and probably making us late for lunch after” 

The chatter stopped. With only a few days left in the school year, you were running out of ammunition to keep your class’s attention. At least the threat of being late to unch would work for now. 

A little hand shot up from the middle of the line you were about to trail down the hallway, like a mother duck with her babies following in line. “What’s your question, Jaun?” 

“Do you know if it’s gonna be the same guy as last time? He was kind of scary.” Mumbles of agreement came from the voices surrounding him. The Laredo Sheriff's Department had sent in a slew of their employees each week for these presentations, and you had been convinced none of them had ever even attempted to talk to a child. Last week’s presenter, Martin, Michales, something like that, had spent the large time of his presentation talking about getting murdered by the Cartel, leading to tears from many of your students, and a prompt request to not have him back. 

“I don’t know sweetie, it seems like there’s someone new who comes every week, but I sure hope it’s not him.” The class let out a small giggle. These were the moments you loved about your job as a teacher, especially now that you had moved to an older grade where your kids finally picked up on your subtle jokes with them. 

You had been with your class since after Christmas break, filling in as a long term sub for a 3rd grade teacher on maternity leave. The job followed an impromptu move from Chicago to Texas after breaking off your relationship with your boyfriend (regrettably, almost fiancé)  of 3 years, who had been cheating on you behind your back for 2 of them. You felt like an idiot that you hadn’t seen it coming, but it still hit you like a ton of bricks. Paul had plenty of red flags, but your optimistic demeanor and the mounting peer pressure of watching your friends get married and start their own families made you feel trapped. It still stung to think you would have settled for a miserable life with Paul out of the fear you wouldn’t find anyone else. 

 Desperate to get as far away from Illinois as possible, you packed your bags and made the nearly 4 day drive down to Laredo, Texas. Laredo,  a strange choice to many, but made nothing but complete sense to you. Your best friend since the 2nd grade, Sarah Alverez, had moved to Laredo your Freshman year of high school, her father accepting an agricultural engineering position in ranching country. You spent every summer until college visiting her and her family, having nothing but the fondest of memories for a sleepy town outside of San Antonio. It was a stark chance from the hustle and bustle of Chicago suburbia where you had spent your childhood. Long, carefree summer days made you promise yourself that if you ever did leave Chicago, you’d find yourself here. Well, you had made good on your promise, but for reasons that still made your stomach churn in gut-wrenching knots. 

You and your class journeyed down the hallway to the cafeteria. Thank god it was a short trip, because you were far too tired to put up with the bickering and shenanigans the back of your line often seemed to plague you with. Just as you were entering through the cafeteria doors, you promptly turned around, your body facing the line as you walked backwards further into the cafeteria. “Isabella and Jorge, keep your hands to yourself! You two know you’re not supposed to be in line togeth-” Before you could finish your sentence, the back of your body collided with one behind you that you hadn’t seen since turning around to stop a near WWE smackdown in the hallway. You had bumped into kids more than once who weren’t paying attention to their surroundings, but it became very clear, very quickly, that the body you had backed yourself into was not a child’s. 

The body you had backed yourself into was much taller and broader than yours. Two large hands firmly, but gently grasped around the middle of your upper arms to catch you without stumbling backwards any further. An overwhelming scent of cedarwood and sage cologne filled your senses. This obviously was not one of your coworkers, either. 

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorr-“ you started to apologize as you came to face the body that had stopped you in your tracks. Your apology halted as you were met by incredibly broad shoulders covered by a navy blue suit jacket. As your gaze continued upwards, the shoulders were followed by a strong square jawline and plush lips, the upper covered with an impeccable mustache. Continuing up, you were met with the most beautiful, deep chocolate brown eyes, whose soft stare soon met yours. There was no denying that this man was devilishly handsome. Realizing that you had most definitely been starting too long, you restated your apology. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you were behind me.” Your eyes shifted away from his and darted down to the floor. 

A small smirk formed on his face as he looked down at you. He didn’t realize it, but he couldn’t help it. You were wearing a yellow sun dress that hit just above your knees, covered by a light washed denim jacket. Your dress swayed beautifully as he watched you take your last few steps backwards, making him question himself if he let you run into him on purpose. You smelled like vanilla and something sweet that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Pink embarrassment flooded your cheeks as a soft smile on your face met his. He now too realized that he had been staring a little too long, and that he still had his grasp on your arms as you had turned around to look at him. 

“No it’s okay.” He let out a small laugh under his breath. “I just didn’t want you to go too much further and trip over anything else.” He gently let his hands leave her arms, and watched as she brushed a piece of hair out of her face and looked back up at him. 

“Should we go sit down now?!” A small voice shouted from your line, causing you to snap back to reality, realizing that you had a line of children still standing behind you. 

“Yes, sorry sweetie” you replied, brushing your dress down back into place. “You guys can go find a spot behind Mrs. Rogers’ class.” Your class passed by you, paying no mind to the interaction that just took place between you and the man you had just bumped into. 

As you watched your class pass by, you turned back around to find the man still staring at you, causing your heart to palpably beat in your chest. The same strong hands that had caught you were now extended in your direction, offering a handshake to introduce himself. “I’m Javier Peña, uh Javi, actually” as your hand met his, realizing how small they felt in his grip. “I’m from the Laredo Sheriff's department, I uh, I’m the one that’s supposed to be doing the whole presentation thing today.” Your hand stayed in his as you introduced yourself. God, his hands were something else.

His grip loosened as your co-workers began to move towards you. You began to realize how hot your face felt, knowing that you were flushed with embarrassment not only from almost falling into a crowd of 10 year olds, but from how awe struck you were by the man who had caught you.

The three women on your 3rd grade team had taken you in as one of their own when you started your job here. They had been more than happy to step in to help you with whatever you needed, including trying to set you up with every single man your age that they knew. With the exception of the parade of overly forward sheriff's department members who had been at your school every Wednesday. Those 3 had no problem telling those men to fuck right off and leave you alone (in the nicest way possible.) The ladies slowly crept closer towards you, sly grins stretched across their faces as they giggled like school girls. 

“OH, so it looks like you met our sweet Javier!” Linda said with over exaggerated enthusiasm. 

“Sweetie, you’re SO good with the technology around here, you know how us old ladies are. Maybe you could help him set up the video he needs for his presentation today?” You knew damn well these women knew how to press play on a VCR. You grimaced your face at Maria. While you couldn’t see your face, you were absolutely positive your expression was screaming “Oh my God, could you please make it any more obvious that this man is insanely attractive and you don’t need to add to the embarrassment after I already ran into him like an idiot?!” 

“Yeah, of course, I’d be more than happy to help!” You pointed towards the stage that sat in front of the cafeteria. “Just come this way and I’ll show you how to set it up.” 

Following behind you, Javier leaned his head down towards yours. “Must be the most complicated VCR set up I’ve seen in a while.” 

You let out a giggle. “Yeah, they're all very sweet, but not the most skilled with anything that has to do with technology. When our principal had mentioned the idea of us potentially getting a computer lab, they just about had a heart attack. Setting up the TV to play a video should be no problem.” You gestured towards the stage at the front of the cafeteria where the TV cart was kept for presentations. He followed behind you, keeping a respectful distance.  Not respectful enough to keep himself from staring at the curve of your ass in your dress as you walked up the stage stairs. 

“Do you have the tape you need to show?” Your words went in one ear and out the other. Carter and Morris weren’t kidding. He hated to admit that those idiots were right about anything, but God, you were beautiful. His gaze was locked on you as squatted down next to the VCR, ejecting its previous contents. It seemed in that moment that you very much both realized that when Javier stood in front of you, you eye level with his waist, staring up at him, dangerously close to his coc- 

“Uh, yeah, yeah sorry,” he shook his head slightly to snap himself out of the thought he was about to have. “Thanks.” he smiled sheepishly. 

“Well I’m no technology expert, but all you should have to do is press play wherever you need to, and you should be good to go! Let me just roll this cart out for you and we’re good for you whenever you’re ready!” You began pushing the cart out onto the stage, but before you could get anywhere, Javi had his hand over yours. 

“You don’t have to do that. I’m sure it’s probably heavy, I can push it.” He insisted. 

You raised your eyebrows and gave him a look that made him step away. 

“What, you think I can’t do it?” Defiantly, you pushed the cart out to the middle of the stage to prove a point, looking back at him and shrugging with an “I told you so” look on your face. Any other woman he had met would have thankfully given up the task, let alone offer to do it at all. At that moment, Javier Peña knew you were not just any other woman. And that- that terrified him in the best way possible.

 Just before you hopped off the edge of the stage to re-join your class, you looked up at him as he ran his fingers through his locks of thick, curly brown hair, trying to regain his composure. 

“Good luck up there, Mr. Peña.” 

Javier couldn’t even tell you what had happened in the 30 minutes that he was up on stage. There were many times throughout his career where he had stared out into a sea of blank faces as he gave a presentation about intel, informats, wire taps… but having the eyes of 80 9 and 10 year olds glued to his every word was an absolutely terrifying experience. Not because he was nervous about the judgment of a child who may or may not even be able to tie their shoes or wipe their nose, but because of what they may say about him to you. It took everything in his power not to stare at you the entire time he was up there, but every time he glanced in your direction, your face lit up with a reassuring smile. You had even given him a little thumbs up when he had successfully started the VCR, playing a clip of Daren the D.A.R.E Lion. 

As the presentation finished, the kids applauded and gave a unanimous “thank you!” prompted by the teachers. 

As your class gathered behind you to walk down to the cafeteria, Maria tapped your shoulder. 

“Take a picture, mija, it will last longer.” 

You were too busy staring at Javi to even notice that Maria was talking to you. Her words went in one ear and out the other. 

“Huh, what? Sorry, did you say something?” 

“I said, take a picture, it will last longer.” Maria laughed to herself. “I don’t think your eyes have left him once since you walked in here.” 

You hated to admit it, but it was true. You had known this man for less than an hour, and he already had butterflies dancing around in your stomach. God, what were you, 12?! Pull it together. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Maria.” Of course you did. If you were wearing pants, they would be up in flames. Liar, liar, pants on fire. 

“I’ll take your class to lunch today. I’ll be back to help stack all of the chairs in a few. I’m sure he could use some help cleaning up, and I’ve heard that VCR is really difficult to work.” Maria nudged you before she turned around to collect your class and parade them out of the gym. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” 

Trying to contain your excitement, you playfully rolled your eyes and shook your head. 

The other teachers and students left, leaving just you and Javi. He gathered his things that he had left on the stage and started to make his way back down the stairs. It took him a moment to realize you were standing at the edge of the steps, arms crossed over your chest, smiling up at him. 

“I’m sorry if the kids were rowdy. It’s been a zoo since there’s only a few days of school left.” You both let out a small chuckle. Now that you two were alone, you became very aware of how nervous you were.

“You did a really great job! Honestly, you’re the best person we’ve had since we’ve started doing these presentations. The guy we had last time, I can’t remember his name, something with an M?! Anyways, I don’t think he’s ever spoken to a child in his entire life, and there were definitely some tears.” 

Definitely Morris, Javi noted to himself. 

“Thanks, I uh- didn’t think I’d be so nervous to talk in front of a bunch of kids. I’m glad it wasn’t too bad. I should thank you for helping me with that video. Didn’t need to get my pride bruised in front of 10 year olds.  Also glad I didn’t make anyone cry.” 

You both let out small laughs, your cheeks revealing small smiles across your faces. While the silence between you grew, the distance between you began to shrink as you both subconsciously took a small step towards each other. 

He watched as a small wave of sadness flooded your expression. “Stinks that this is the last week of presentations before the school year ends. it would have been nice to have you back.” You looked at him with a half hopeful smile. You saw the same feeling reflected back in him as his brow scrunched and bottom lip entered a small pout. 

“Oh shit. Yeah, I uh, I guess I forgot it’s the end of the school year. That would make sense there wouldn’t be anymore presentations.” He rested one hand on his hip, as the other traveled through his thick, brown locks. You bit down on your bottom lip, stunned by his broadness and shoulders to waist ratio, which was made even more apparent as his fingers combed through his hair. His deep brown eyes met yours, melting you instantly.  “If I had known that you would have been here, I would have signed up to come a lot earlier.” 

Before you had a chance to recover yourself from the puddle you had just turned into, the cafeteria doors swung open once again. Maria was a woman on a mission. Her tiny, thin frame marched with purpose towards you both. 

“Oh good thing I caught you, amor! I was just thinking that I had something important to tell Javier before he left and I’m so glad you’re here to hear it too. Javi happens to be a dear familiar friend, and I was just telling him before the presentation how excited I am to see him and his father at my cookout this Saturday! I know you had mentioned you were thinking about going! You’ll be there, won’t you Javier? Aren't you so excited to come to the party this Saturday?”

Maria and Javier entered a silent stare down. Their expressions allowed them to have an entire conversation without speaking a word. 

There’s a party on Saturday? What are you talking about? What does this have to do with anything?

Dios Mio, Pendejo. Take the hint. I already invited her. She will be there on Saturday so you can see her again. Don’t mess this up. 

“Oh really?” You chimed in, perhaps a bit too over enthusiastic. “I wasn’t really going to know anyone besides the staff at school, so it would be nice to see another familiar face!” In all honesty, you were trying to find a way out of going before just now. Huge social gatherings of strangers weren’t really your thing, but if it meant it was a chance to see Javi again, you would brave it. 

“Oh yeah, the uh, the cookout! Yeah, uh, yeah, I’ll be there. It would be really nice to see you again, too.” Although Javier’s tone carried a tint of confusion, his smile was confirmed that his statement was genuine. 

“Bueno!” Maria clasped her hands together and shook her head in delight. “So you will BOTH be there on Saturday!” 

You could already feel your heart swelling at the prospect of seeing Javi again. 

“Oh and mija”, Maria turned towards you, your face lighting up, wondering if she had even more good news to deliver. “They need you in the office. Isabella and Jorge got into a wrestling match in the cafeteria and the secretaries needed to call their parents. Oi, these niños are like wild animals, summer cannot come fast enough!” 

“Of course they did. They might as well put WWE referee under our job description because it seems like that’s all I’m doing all day. It’s like herding feral cats.” you groaned. “Those two cannot be together next year…” 

Javi let out a snort. “Sorry”, he said, trying to contain his laughter. You joined in, realizing the ridiculousness of your statement. 

“Alright, well I guess that’s my cue to go. It was really nice to meet you, Javi. I’m really glad I get to see you again.” It took every ounce of strength in your body to move yourself out of the cafeteria doors. As you walked away, you turned once more to look back over your shoulder, to find that Javi’s eye’s hadn’t moved from your direction since you turned around. “See you on Saturday.” 

Even after you were out of sight, Javi still stood frozen, his eyes wide and jaw still half open. 

“Hola, earth to Javier, are you there?!” Maria interjected, waving her hand in front of Javi’s awe struck face. 

Snapping out of his trance, Javier began to speak, but was stopped before he could get out a single word. 

“Listen to me mijo. I want you to be happy. That was all Lucia asked for before she passed. So first and foremost, you are welcome.” Maria gestured, alluding to the fact that Javier owed her big time for what had just happened. “Secondly, she is a sweet girl. If you do anything to break her heart, so help me, I will come to the ranch and run you over with your father’s tractor. Understood?” 

“Understood.” Javier understood that this was not a threat, it was a promise. 

“Good. She’s a good one, Javier. She reminds me so much of your mother. Lucia would have loved her.” She reached up her hand to cup the side of Javi’s face, before bringing her other arm around him for a hug.