#jp.

“axel, jp, maddie, valentin, and dom.”

maddox

It was like coughing up seawater. His throat was hot and itchy and no matter how hard he tried to clear it something was there choking his breath. The world around him was blurry and bright and he could only make out enough of it to further build his anxiety. This was a hospital. Maddox's head turned quickly only further disorienting himself.

john-paul

He didn't remember falling asleep, but he got so little of it keeping vigil that he'd also lost track of how many involuntary naps he took waiting by Maddox's bedside. Much like he was now - hands intertwined, head down, as his rhythmic breathing filled the silence between the sounds of the machines. It was the rustle of movement and the sounds of Maddox's cough that shook him from his rest with a start.

"Duck! Oh my God!" he exclaimed with an excited huff, albeit through hushed tones as he rushed to stop him from moving. "Hey, hey. Duck, you're okay. You're okay. I'm here," he continued on in reassurance, reaching gently to hold him steady by his face as he pushed the call button for the nurse, the quickened beeping of his heart monitor giving away his rising anxiety.

maddox

Ducky weakly squeezed the hand in his own looking for reassurance. He could hear Jp speaking and he willed himself to calm, as little as he could, if only because he could see how terrified John-Paul was.

The next ten minutes were a blur of activity with people and faces crossing in and out of his field of vision as he slowly acclimated to what was happening to him. They removed tubes and brought in doctor's and at one point Maddie and his parents finally came in. Jp stayed through it all, and Ducky's hand fought to be within his whenever possible. Things had started to calm considerably and a few minutes of peace were promised. It had been clear who Ducky wanted to spend these few minutes with and they sat together in his hospital room.

john-paul

John-Paul did his best to stay out of the medical staff's way as they unhooked the machines and checked his vitals, doing a dance of sorts to keep his hand within Duck's as it searched for his whenever they were forced to part. He slid his phone out and texted Madison that their brother was awake in the chaos and the Coopers appeared, adding their bodies to the shuffle. Under different circumstances he would have made a joke about just how much it felt like the damn good Christmas they'd just shared at Birch's. But all he could think about was getting the damned doctors and nurses out his their way so he could get back to Maddox's side.

Once the havoc died down and it was just the two of them again, John-Paul sat next to Duck, this time on his bed because the chair just wasn't close enough. And he just sat. Hand in hand, in lap, staring adoringly. He had so much he wanted to say and do and his mind was running a mile minute and his heart was racing and he was just so fucking happy Mad was awake. But he was also terrified this was just the calm before the storm. "Sorry. I ain't mean ta stare at'cha. It's just…you've been sleepin' a long time," he finally said, giving a small, soft smirk and forcing himself to stop looking like a peeping creep. "Thought I'd lost ya for a second there," he said, a hand instinctively going to caress the scar at his chest in an attempt to soothe the pounding beneath it with the thought, tears welling in the corners of his eyes. And it would have been just his luck too. "M'glad I didn't 'cuz there's somethin' I really needed ta ask ya 'bout," he went on, clearing his throat of the sorrow that had begun to swell in his throat. "It's 'bout this 'puttin' a plant in my place' business. Just how many we talkin 'cuz if it's like jungle level, I might still take back your key," he joked with a gentle chuckle as he wiped his eyes dry, trying to keep Maddox's spirits up as much as possible. "I love ya," he added, finally bringing his gaze back to his love, pressing a kiss to his hand.

maddox

He was of the belief that the only reason he wasn't shaking was because he lacked the energy for it. He felt groggy and the world around him was getting sharper. Flashes of the night of the crash played in his mind as he tried to piece together how he got here. His fingers flexed tighter around Jp as his brain jumped from their midnight kiss to Ducky's car rolling and the sound of metal clanging in his ears like lightening all aroud him. His eyes were wet as he leaned against John-Paul's shoulder and tried to drink in his presence. There was a clear need in Maddox's grip that made it clear he wasn't letting Jp go any time soon--thankfully each time Duck lifted his heavy eye's to his boyfriend's he was assured that Jp shared the sentiment. "You stayed?"

Maddox didn't think he was capable of smiling right now but Jp's comments still managed to wring a small one from his lips. "Just short of jungle level, I promise." And yes--that was a short joke.

He watched as John-Paul lifted Ducky's hand to his lips. "I love you too." It was automatic. Like breathing.

Time had passed, Ducky knew that much. He'd sometimes heard voices talking to him. Maddie, Emily, Nathan, Ashton, Fitz, Aggie, his parents--his aunt??--and of course, Jp. It'd felt dreamlike. Some uncanny valley between awake and asleep where he was powerless to reach out and tell his friends that he was here. But he wasn't powerless anymore and despite all the fear and anxiety there was no second guessing the question he was about to ask. Loving John-Paul had always been easy. Every day Ducky discovered something new about him and fell in love all over again. The way his southern drawl chewed on words Duck had never heard him say before or the sunlight simply hitting him from a new angel. It was all so beautiful and Ducky yearned for a future together more and more every day.

"Marry me." Maybe it wasn't a question. Ducky put his face close to John-Paul's. "I don't care if it's today, tomorrow, or five years from now. But marry me."

john-paul

"Of course I stayed," he answered with ease, though his heart skipped a beat or two with the tightening of Duck's grip and the quiet shock in his voice. He hated being helpless against the distress he was obviously going through. He cradled his head as he leaned it against his shoulder and pressed a kiss to his temple. "I'm not going anywhere," he added, putting no effort to hide the insinuations behind his words. Maddox was his world and if he -- well, John-Paul had refused to even think of one without him in it. Leaving hadn't crossed his mind.

Weak as it may have been, the sight of Maddox's smile sent a wave of hope through JP and he laughed softly when his height was poked fun at. "Alrigh'. I guess you can keep the key for now," he finally conceded playfully. As if he ever actually considered backing out.

"What?"

He'd said it before he even realized his mouth had been moving. Marry me. His entire chest warmed and his heart felt like it was going to beat right through his chest. Time froze and John-Paul got lost in Mad's gaze, the world around them disappearing. He knew he could do nothing to hide the fact that his hand had gone clammy from the shock of Maddox's words, "That you or the drugs talkin'?" he blurted out with a huffed chuckle, his monstrous anxiety still vying for control. That was until the rest of his proposal came and quieted his worries, reminding him why he loved him so much.

"No, that's not…drugs. I didn't mean… Yes, yes, of course Duck, yes," he started rambling as his mind started rebooting to the reality of them. He risked pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, tenderly leaning their foreheads together to steady himself as he caught his breath and slowed his mouth before he making bigger fool of himself. "Sorry," he apologized, finally leaning back enough to catch his gaze. "I just can' help but get nervous 'round you," he admitted through a soft laugh. "You turn me into tha' Hatch guy," he teased of himself with a soft laugh, unknowingly using the wrong name.

maddox

He knew he was putting something big out into the universe but Maddox believed in it so sincerely that nothing could shake the confidence of his love for Jp. He nestled into his boyfriend's neck so he could plant soft kisses. "I was just reminded how terrifyingly short life is. I know what I want and I'm not apologizing for it." Not that Jp seemed to be asking for it.

maddox watched in admiration as john-paul hung another hand-made ornamet with care. most of these decorations had been made or given to jp by his sister, birch, who was impressively crafty. it was easy for ducky to appreciate their relationship when he had a strong sibling bond of his own.

"i've been meaning to set expectations." setting expectations was a ducky-ism, a common phrase from his vocabularly that made total sense to him and he assumed made total sense to everyone else. it was his way of cutting through the bullshit of social cues and subtles to say this is what it is. "i know i told you i get busy around the holidays but it's going to be busy." like, maddox wasn't sure he was going to have a chance to catch his breath until new years, busy.

he had food drives and toy drives and was always on call for the local crisis support line. the animal shelter needed help doing their santa paws photo day and adoptions drive && the YMCA was impromptly restarting their jr. volunteer drive so maddox had to figure out what to do with a bunch of 5th graders.

"i'm sorry." maddox felt like he had to preemptively apologize for his abscence. they'd been dating for eight months and this was their first christmas, but maddox was sentimental and felt guilty.