🎪 welcome to the show! i'm your entertainer for tonight, Mel! my gender is female, and my pronouns are usually she/her but its also whatever makes the joke funnier.
🎪 in the day, i'm a college student with bad time management and taste for men, at night, i perform in this personal stage of mine! this is mostly a personal blog with the occasional shitpost and yumeshipping. it's been a while since i've used tumblr written (haven't done so in about- hmm, 2 years? ) so please forgive this fool if my writing is quite bad. ehe.
🎪 im so deathly, obsessively in love with themes of carnivals, deceit, performance, lying, and things related to that. im also obsessed with the idea of someone putting their hands around someone else's neck lovingly and watching the life flicker from their eyes looking like they wouldn't want to be anywhere else. im so very sane about this i promise.
🎪 my inboxes are as open as my le- kidding! so feel free to send me anything. all my rants will be tagged "#mel'crows" bc im not gonna shut up. "#mel'shows" is for anything i write.
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🎩 my current fandom fixation is currently genshin impact, and has been for about five or so years. my other top fandom includes danganronpa(thh, goodbye despair, and v3 my fav) and minecraft. i'm mostly into video games, anime, cartoons, etc. other fandoms i know but i don't feel particularly strong about:
🎩 hollow knight/silksong, deltarune/undertale, hermitcraft, life series, unstable smp, pokemon, stardew valley, cookie run kingdom, etc.
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🪄 this blog has about as much censorship as your average ao3 fanfiction. i will swear like a sailor, and i will talk about i will talk about nsfw on occasion. so if your a minor, DNI. can't have children ruining my show:/
🪄 i won't tolerate rude behavior. feel free to be as weird and as free as you want to be in my inbox, but genuine hate, harassment, homophobia, etc. are off the table. if i see that kind of thing here on my stage im going to mentally kill you with my bare hands<3
🪄 what is on the table in my blog, you ask? hmm~ i suppose anything, except incest. its just... really weird when you're not on only child(unfortunately). other than that, i'm not particularly uncomfortable with anything yet. this will probably be updated one i find one.
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🎭introducing my genshin self-insert oc: perewyn! who also shares the title as me(melange phantomime) depending on what backstory i fancy her to play. mainly shipped with my beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous, handsome, exquisite, lovely, beloved darling lyney<3 and more recently, lohen. unfortunately. god he's hot i hope that bastards explodes so i can eat his corpse in a lowkey really suggestive way:/ occasionally i do ship her with other characters.
🎭a genderbent ver. of perewyn also exists, which is so intelligently named, perevyn. referring to them, their nickname's are perry and vinnie respectfully. teehee.
🎭i have more ocs to who i ship(platonic or romantic) with other characters. but i'll probably talk about them seperately.
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and so ladies, gentlemen, and all inbetween. i hope you enjoy my show!
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having my activity shown to me on Tumblr and seeing people like and reblog and comment on my posts is doing terrible things for my sense of achievement.
related to my previous post ranting about lohen's characterization.
imagine reader who has a potential one-sided unrequited love with lohen stumbles onto an abyssal anomaly whole patrolling monstadt. and against their better judgement, decide to investigate it themselves, only to end up pulled in to discover a different stream of fate.
a world where lohen was not kidnapped as a child, nor was he traumatized by eroch's actions. a world where lohen was not the vice captain of the fifth company, but instead, a bowmaker living in millhaven.
he's nicer than you thought he'd be. kinder, too. it's off-putting, in a nice way, more than you expected it to be. yet there was still something about the way he gazed at you – with that smile, more familiar than you preferred it to be – that made you unnerved.
maybe it was the way his eyes darkened as he watched you get comfortable in his home. or maybe the way he'd tighten his grip on his bow as lohen watched you chat with a knight, overcome with a dark, vile urge to pierce an arrow straight through his skull. or the way his corners of his lips with would lift up into a thin smile every time you'd so much even mention the idea at going back to your original monstadt. to your original lohen.
you were happier here, weren't you? that lohen didn't love you, he did. he wanted to be your lohen. not that other one. that version of him didn't deserve you. he could treat you so much better. he wanted to keep you here! where you were happier with him! that was what you wanted isn't it?
maybe lohen just needs to convince you harder then! that's okay. he'll just have to convince you to stay.
and if that doesn't work, well, you wouldn't mind if he used a little force, right? that was how you liked him after all.
not in the mood to try being descriptive about it. thinking about writing it, but I'm not sure if I'm good enough at writing yandere. hmm.
[for anyone who's saw this post again, check the tags.]
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so embarrassing that my first tumblr post isn't even about my husband lyney. screw you lohen, you asshole. there is an mmd playing of you dancing on the screen right now. you drive me more insane than you have any right to be. there's something about his character that's so interesting so i want to talk about my impression of him(which might be my characterization of him? hm. not sure if i can call this a character analysis)
[btw for anyone seeing this post again, check the tags!]
Spoilers below about his Story Quest and his Character Story 1 for those who haven't played or seen it.
where should i even start?
lohen is selfish. that much is for certain. it isn't made all that obvious until you get further into his story quest. he doesn't seem to particularly care for other people and lives for the thrill of a fight and the pursuit of power. so what can we glean from this so far?
(bitch. the devil was celestia's muse when it made you. smug asshole.)
lohen seems like the kind of person who chases short term pleasures. always living in the moment, never thinking too far about the actual future about what he wants to do. he seems to just do what he wants, either in pursuit of power or because he's bored. him joining the knights of favonius seemed like decision motivated by both. he knows he wants power, he wants to get stronger, he wants to fight enemies because it gives him that thrill. due to this, he also gives me the kind of impression that he plans to die young. growing old and becoming an old man like adorno where one day he might no be able to hold his weapon seems like the kind of thing he dreads.
his pursuit of power is due to a trauma he'd developed after getting kidnapped by eroch's goons(hehe, goons) as a child. i was able to get his character story which gave me a glimpse of what he was as a child. apparently, he grew up under two bowmakers as his parents, who both actually cared for him(hilarious. he has two living, loving parents and then he's just like that.) who was trained basic archery skills, but was not actually taught how to use a bow.
he'd spent ten years growing up under them, and for a while, he'd thought that was how he was going to spend the rest of his life, in the stray, unchanging routine he'd soon dread. then, one day, he was on a caravan with his father to deliver an order to the city, when it was attacked by bandits who kidnapped the little lohen, until him and he other children who were also kidnapped were saved by adorno, who was the benevolent knight at the time.
(imagining an au where lohen was never kidnapped as a child. quietly making bows in some village in millhaven. skin smooth, unmarred by scars of battle. hands calloused not from training, but from carving wood and kneading leather. a smile, gentler than it should've, softer than we'd ever known was possible. what a terrifying thought. would you have been content with that domesticity? or would your heart still yearn for the song that sings in your veins in between life and death?)
after that, his parents had become afraid became afraid of losing him again. but lohen, now motivated in his quest for strength, began to make his own weapons and practice in secret on the surrounding monsters. his actions soon gained reputation which was how he ended up joining the adventurer's guild(and how we ended up seeing that stupidly gorgeous outfit. hoyoverse works hard, but the people who modded lohen's adventurer outfit into the game work harder. and with one hand probably.)
beyondd that, that was all i could get from his character story, so im going to say... handpick my impression of him from it?
(god i should've taken more pictures of you. you know your handsome dont you. i bet you enjoy knowing that.)
I feel lohen had developed this very subtle fear of losing something once he gets too comfortable with it, like domesticity for example, which results in him also distancing himself in a way where he won't become attached to it, and why he always breaks away from routine to do something exciting and thrilling instead. i know it sounds overused, but please hear me out.
in my opinion, it could explain several things about his personality. firstly, i think he has a bit of a shallow relationship with other in a way where he doesn't have anyone who's all that close to him except for a few he's already known for so long(ex. adorno and theodore). he also doesn't really have interest in actively making friends(he's surprisingly a bit introverted. i hate how cute that is.) i mean come on, he literally had to bribe the traveler and paimon to pretend to be his friend. i think that its him trying to put distance between him and others in the event they get inevitably torn away from him. not in some cathartic, dramatic way where you could say "no! they didn't deserve to die like that! how could this have happened?" but more in a realistic, quiet way. everyone is bound to die someday, and it can happen at any moment, whether someone likes it or not. knights can die in the battlefield, yada yada.
his dislike for routine and domesticity can also be partly explained by that. when lohen was kidnapped, he had thought about how if his father could've tried harder or if lohen himself had been quicker and more alert, then things wouldn't turn out the way they did. i don't think he thought it in a hateful way though, i think it was more like a realization; that people live in every moment of their peaceful lives defenseless and weak, unprepared for the event it might cruelly be taken away from them. he doesn't want to get attached to that harmony knowing at any moment it would be disrupted and he would be too weak to do anything about it. that love for adrenaline and fighting and pursuit of power, is a way to both make up for that weakness and cope with that lack of connection. and just to clarify, i dont think he particularly hates the idleness itself.
while i do believe that before his story quest that his intentions in the pursuit power were purely selfish, i think that at least a small part of his motivations after were to protect the weak and their peaceful lives.
("but mel!" you cry, sticking your head out. "how does that explain his crazy personality? his habit of poisoning people? trapping people? his sadomasochism?!"
"it doesn't." i would respond, shoving you back in the shoe box. "the fucker is just like that.")
this part is more self-indulgent, since its just me ranting about how lohen would view love in my eyes.
I know that lohen's probably the type to keep things shallow with others, but i don't think he's entirely incapable of forming an attachment to someone(again, adorno).
but I think that with his tendency to chase short term pleasures + his underlying fear of getting so used to something when eventually it'll be ripped away from him + his somewhat shallow relationship with the people around + his dislike for routine and domesticity + his love for adrenaline + his blasé attitude for anything else other than his pursuit of power or anything else that doesn't interest him = would make him probably uninterested in the idea of romantic love. it's not like he's actively searching for it, nor does he really need it. especially since love ties him down. i also think that it's a bit hard for him to be vulnerable with another person, since it makes him feel exposed and weak.
if he ever was interested with, i feel like he'd kinda throw the idea in his head around for a little while before deciding to do something about it.
what he does really depends - he could tease you, mess with you, maybe even challenge you to a spar or poison you for a bit. or he could just. straight up avoid you. distance. feelings are complicated for lohen.
but i feel like if you can get look over his sadomasochism and his attachment issues and be really stubborn(and annoying, but lohen said that, not me.) i think you can win him over the idea of letting himself be vulnerable just a little and love you. at least maybe then, it would be a good motivation for him, just so he can protect you and your happiness. whatever it takes.
(still, it doesn't convince to completely let go of his need for control. i can't delve into how lohen would treat a lover because i have multiple ideas that would drive me up the wall-)
