by Gretchen Felker-Martin
I had higer expecations for this book, as it had been recommended to me as “what Camp Damascus wanted to be” … but sadly, it didn't meet the expecations at all.
The story, at first, was keeping me hooked… but after a certain point, reading had started to feel like achore I had to push through. Not enough to DNF (even though after pausing this, I was tempted to just not pick it back up) but enough to make me struggle keeping motivated to continue.
I wanted to finish this and – while I know tastes may vary – I really wanted to enjoy this book that had been recommended to me. In the end, I finished it… dragged myself through it so I would stop struggling with it, I might’ve skimmed a few paragraphs here and there but it was either that or DNF-ing.
I'm no prude nor pearl-clutcher (and I have enjoyed reading a fair share of dead doves in the fanfic area) but I feel like all the teenage sex scenes (or sex scenes in general) were irrelevant to the main plot point of the story, and added only for the shock factor and/or to make the story feel “more adult”. I really do not like to see/read teenagers doing the deed all the time in front of me. Expecially because they are *teens*.
The characters, overall, are more or less well-rounded… cringe teenager edgyness hating themselves included. Struggled a bit keeping track with the jump through different POVs, though.
Also, I found myself agreeing with other reviewers [on PageBound] that have said that the author in this novel treats her queer character with indignity.
I didn’t like how all the queerness of the character could be summed up with a “they had sexual trauma and this is how they turned out”. Why past sexual trauma is the only background given for the character’s queerness? Sounds a bit forced, and while I understand that there’s a chance that such traumas could push some people towards queerness… it feels invalidating of their identity, confirming only what the bigots in the story are already thinking of the characters.
I dunno. I know experiences might vary, but *all* of them? Dunno.
Even if the sex scene in the prologue caught me by surprise and threw me off a bit – but I guessed it made sense for adding something shocking in the story –, at first I was enjoying this book and the pacing felt right.
But as soon as the “let’s sexualise these teenagers” part started, the story started to feel like a chore to read.
Even the pacing started to not work well, stalling and jumping from point-of-view to the next, then to flashbacks, a bit too often, almost stalling the development of the story.
It felt moving forward slower than it did at the start.
I tried pausing this to focus on reading something different, to come back with a clearer mind and see if I still thought the same and if I still struggled continuing reading it.
Pushed myself to continue, so I could finally read the second part of the story (hoping that it’d compensate what didn’t work for me in the first part) and also its end.
The second part felt too rushed.
There were a few flasbacks here and there, too, but it felt more like beng used to timeskip to the next scene. I struggled for a good chunk of the book, then I reached the end and… it was like that. I had to reread some parts because sometimes I felt like I was missing some paragraph but no, it was rushed like that.
And the ending only left me glad that the book was over and that I didn’t have to fight with it anymore.
I loved the gore and the body horror, could have appreciated less piss and vomit.
And I’d like my horror without underage sex.
Star Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars - I was too close to DNF.
Personal Rating: I really, really, wished to like this more. Especially because the premise seemed intriguing and because it was recomende to me. But I struggled too much to reach the end, and at a point I risked DNF'-ing it.
