defender;

"You really are doing a public service to her, plus the longer I stay out... The more she's going to get paid. Although she acts like I wouldn't pay her for the full time even when i come home early. I try to show my appreciation for her but I also thinks she enjoys spending time with Lucia and knows how badly I need to get out and get a life." mateo let out a small laugh.

Cormac leaned on the bar, listening to Mateo. "Sounds like she knows what's up," he said, chuckling softly. "Good for her. Anyone who looks out for your kid and still pushes you to try new things is priceless, even if it costs you a bit more. Think of it as community service, decent pay, and growing as a person. Hitting all the marks."

Samaira hadn't had much of a chance in her life back in New York to feel grounded. She had always felt like she was rushing to get to the next step, the next meeting, the next appointment but here in Windsor Bay she was going to allow herself to just be and part of that was something like this. Where she was listening to him intently, actually absorbing his words and smiling as he spoke about the changes he wanted to bring into this next year of his life. "I honestly love that," she admitted softly, taking a slow sip from her glass before nodding with real encouragement. "I think that's the beauty of life, we're constantly evolving and we don't have to figure out everything right away," she added with a smile. "You're on the right track in my eyes, and I think it's going to help this year be a good one for you," her eyes twinkled with excitement because for this one moment it felt like one of the few real conversations she'd had since being back in town. She didn't feel the need to be 'on' and appreciated that. "I didn't thank you earlier but you walking around like this with me, it really took some of the pressure off."

Cormac let her words sink in; they were the kind that just felt right, no need to change a thing. He gave a slow nod, like he was really getting it. "That means more than you know," he said softly. "Coming from someone who's seen people at their rawest… I'll take that as a good sign." He took another drink, then added, "I sometimes forget it's fine to not always be chasing the next big thing, that staying put isn't the same as falling behind."

A wave of relief washed over her after hearing Cormac confirm that he understood where she was coming from. To hear that it worked made her genuinely smile as she gave a nod of affirmation, knowing that was the intention that she was going for. Now at his chosen word, Cassandra had to hand it to him as it was a really good one. “Given that you are aware of all that, I have no doubts that the steadiness will come to you. Just saying and thinking about it is the first step.” 

Cormac watched her for a bit as the room got loud again. It was like he wanted to remember how the night was before all the noise took over. He gave a firm nod when she talked. "Yup," he said, the word meaning more than it seemed. "That's that." He let out a gentle breath, the kind you do when you can finally relax. "I'm really glad we bumped into each other tonight," he added. "Take care, Cassandra."

It’s been a while since Cassandra felt understood, in fact she really wasn’t sure how to react when Cormac admitted that he was in the same boat as her. “When you put it that way, then that’s exactly how I feel.” They were existing and present, nothing more, nothing less and to Cass, she was actually okay with that. There was no sense of urgency, guilt or doubt, no inner critic telling her any next steps—she was simply living in her own shell of a body and being aware of that wasn’t as scary as it would normally be. 

Cormac quieted down again. He let her words sink in, not wanting to rush his answer or make them less important. The room's chatter seemed far away, like it was happening on a different night. "I know you weren't," he said softly, when she brought up therapy. "And I think that's why it worked." A small smile touched his lips. "You were just yourself, not some therapist. That's more important than most people realize."

Cormac laughed, shaking his head as he tossed the rag on the counter. "Pretty, huh?" he repeated. He snorted at the dating profile comment, rolling his eyes. "Nothing says romance like a guy losing a fight to a faucet before noon." Still, a lighter feeling flickered—easy banter he didn't have to overthink. He liked that more than he'd ever admit.

In other words, Cassandra said it like it is and for once it felt freeing being honest without having to hold herself to a standard. “Same…” she murmured as she took a look at the crowd as it kept growing in numbers. She then looked over at Cormac and chuckled as she could agree with him on that point. This was as real as it could get and she wouldn’t ask for it any other way. “You’re right…” she said at first. “Existing is more than enough.” For once Cassandra felt more at peace, which was a rare feeling and almost like she didn’t deserve it. However, as she sat there in silence, her shoulders dropped a tad bit before relaxing in itself as she could feel herself being present in the moment. For once, despite the many distractions around them, her mind felt quiet—something that rarely happens as she was used to it in a way where it was always racing, especially against time. “Would it be corny to say this is probably one of the best new years eve I’ve ever had? You're actually great company, whether you believe it or not. I definitely needed to hear all this.”  Pausing, she then added, "And I hope somehow your night—your year—ends on a positive note. No matter how big or small the impact is, it's still something."

When she said that, Cormac felt a knot in his chest loosen. It wasn't exactly relief, more like someone gave him permission. Like he didn't need to try and be quiet, or explain why this felt better than loud parties. He looked at her for a moment, then let out a soft breath. "If it's cheesy," he said softly, "then count me in." He smiled. "This might be one of my better nights too." He rubbed the edge of his glass with his thumb, trying to keep himself grounded. "And I don't think it's just because of the night, I think it's because I'm not trying to be somewhere else."

Samaira was quiet for a moment, letting his words settle somewhere deep inside of her instead of rushing to answer them. When she finally spoke, her voice was calm almost a bit thoughtful. "That’s the thing, isn’t it?" she asked quietly, "fear seems to wear a lot of different disguises, sometimes loyalty, duty, and even love." She gave a small shrug then before looking back at him. "I didn’t realize how heavy it all was either. I just thought that’s what life felt like, constantly bracing yourself for the next argument, the next fight." Her eyes lifted to his again, wondering what he was thinking that moment. “Letting it all go wasn’t graceful. It was messy. But the relief...that part was real." Normally Samaira wouldn't be this honest but something about Cormac possibly going through the same made it easier.

Cormac stared into his glass for a second, watching the light, buying time. He breathed out slowly, then looked back at her. "Starting fresh for me…" he repeated, more to himself. A small smile played on his lips, but it didn't quite stay. "I think it'd be a lot calmer than people expect." He gave a little laugh. "Less fixing things, less trying to prove I have everything sorted." He moved, his shoulders rolling as if letting go of old stress. "I’ve spent a long time being the one who keeps things going. For my kids, the brewery, everyone else. And I don’t regret that," he said fast, honestly. "But I think starting fresh means letting myself be not perfect sometimes. Saying no when I'm tired, letting others help me without feeling like I owe them back." His eyes softened, looking inward for a moment. "It also means admitting I don't really know what I want yet," he said, and that idea was both worrying and a relief. He met her eyes again. "That might not sound huge or brave," he added, a bit unsure. "But for me? That feels like a real beginning." His lips curved into a small, real smile.

“Yeah…” was all Cassandra could say as she took in what Cormac had relayed to her. Hope was the easiest choice, but not the most convenient as it could backfire instantaneously, especially when you’re holding out on it. “It’s not the type of thing you admit out loud, you know.” she mused with a dry laugh before falling silent. She only felt comfortable talking about this because it was Cormac out of all people, he understood it best and for once, Cass wanted a real conversation rather one that was covered up with white lies to make others not worry about her. At least with him, it was a judgement free zone and the reminders here and there were warranted and what she needed. 

Cormac shook his head right away, like the idea wasn't even worth thinking about. He stayed there with her in their little bubble of quiet. "You didn't kill the mood," he said softly, a bit more sure of himself this time. "You just put a name to it." He let out a breath through his nose, almost a laugh, but heavier. "I'm not exactly dying to go pretend I'm having the best time out there." He glanced at the crowd, then back at her. "This," he vaguely waved between them, "this feels more real than champagne and fake smiles." He had a quiet thought he didn't say: he didn't feel like putting on a show tonight. Standing here with her, talking like this, felt like a break, not something he had to do. He met her eyes again, softer now. "If the last hours of the year are about anything, I think they're about finding a place that doesn't feel like work." He paused. "And right now, this doesn't."

"This is true, exactly. I have a smart ass babysitter which is good for Lucia, but I mean not the best for me." Mateo replied to Mac as he looked at the other man. "I will tell her that you stopped me from leaving and she will be looking to thank you so don't be surprised if I try to get in contact with you so that she can thank you herself." Mateo replied to Cormac as he smiled and shrugged his shoulders a bit.

Cormac chuckled softly. "Clever babysitters are risky," he said. "They see right through you. Don't be surprised if she's already caught on to your escape plan." He shook his head, looking amused. "If she comes to thank me, I'll deal with it. It feels like I'm doing a public service at this point."

Listening attentively to Cormac’s response, Cassandra remained silent as she wanted him to convey his own truth without interjecting. “I resonate with that, it becomes a choice of convenience at times…I’m not the type that’s always willing to want to explain myself.” His questions towards her had Cass reflecting for once as she couldn’t think of an answer right off the top of her head. There was no gut feeling or trust, it was more so caution as she wasn’t sure if she’ll ever pull through since there are times where she couldn’t. “A bit of both…I think…” Her voice trailed off as her expression shifted into a tired one, “I try to be honest, to lead by example, but I also realized I’m masking a little too hard when I know I shouldn’t. It’s another reason why I chose to make this move. I felt more supported here and I thought, maybe this would help ease my soul a bit…” She shrugged and emitted a dry laugh, “So far I haven’t felt a difference, but only time will tell and with the new year, at least it gives me an excuse to anticipate rather than carrying it out.” Cassandra wasn’t proud of her answer, especially when she’s using her reasoning as crutches to tackle the bigger issue at hand, but it was her honest take. 

Cormac listened without saying anything, like he was scared if he spoke too soon, he'd mess something up. He nodded once, slowly, and put his glass down for a second as if he needed both hands to keep himself steady. Thinking about it instead of doing it… that hit a bit too close to home. He took a steadying breath. "Sometimes hope feels safer when it's just an idea, like if you don't fully go for it, it can't let you down." He looked at her. "You're not wrong for hiding things," he added, firm but kind. "You do it because you've had to. Because others relied on you, or thought you had it all together, or because falling apart didn't seem like an option." His jaw tightened a little. "But that doesn't mean it stops being tough."

“Illusion is one way of putting it.” replied Cassandra with a faint smile. “However, many cling onto it to the point where it becomes hope.” Both adults had a realistic mindset, especially since life had already made them this way, but seeing everyone enjoying themselves, some in each other’s arms, some drinking and dancing away, while it was temporary, she did sort of envy them for having the opportunity to feel that way. 

Cormac got quiet then. He thought about the word honest, like he was checking how heavy it felt. It sounded easy, but it never was. He glanced at the room again for a second, at all the sparkly things, champagne glasses, and people holding onto each other like they were drowning. He gripped his glass a little tighter before he spoke. "Maybe," he said slowly. "I think I've been… honest when it suited me for a while." He let out a little, knowing laugh. "With everyone else, with myself. You tell people you're fine to keep things going, to stop them from worrying, to keep the show on the road." He looked back at Cassandra, his gaze steady and open, which he didn't do often. "Being honest feels riskier," he said. "It means saying 'this is real' instead of where I'm supposed to be. And sometimes where I'm at isn't that great." He paused. "Or fun." A small, real smile formed on his face. "What about you?" he asked. "Do you want to be more honest this year or are you already doing it, and just tired of doing it by yourself?"

His relationship status was said in a way that signified a little more to the story but Sam didn’t pry. They weren’t friends, not really…so she didn’t want to be too intrusive. Cormac was being gracious enough to spend this time with her and giving her an out from socializing so she needed to be just as gracious back to him. “That makes sense, sometimes…no matter how much effort you put in, things aren’t meant to last. So long as your kids are happy…that’s the important part,” she told him with a smile, listening with intent as he spoke about their ages and how they were the best thing to happen to him. She could understand that, having helped so many kids come into the world, she understood that feeling all too well even if she’d never experienced it for herself, and probably never would. 

Cormac just nodded, taking in what she said instead of jumping in. He liked that about her – she didn’t try to fit things into perfect answers. A bit of both felt more real than anything else she could've said. He stared off for a second, not really seeing the room, just looking past it. "Holding onto stuff often pretends to be loyalty, but it's really just being scared." He'd learned that the hard way. "Sometimes you don't even know you're carrying a heavy load until you finally drop it and your shoulders feel better." He looked back at her, a thoughtful look on his face. "Choosing to start fresh," he said, softer now, "that takes more guts than people realize. It's easier to say you're just getting back on track – less risk that way." He paused. "Starting over means you have to admit the old you isn't in charge anymore." There was a quick, vulnerable moment before he hid it with a small, relaxed smile. "Sounds like you're being really honest with yourself," he added. "That's a big deal, especially after everything you've already been through. Windsor Bay could use someone who actually wants to be here, not just because of the past."

"It certainly was an attempt at an Irish goodbye and it's not going to happen clearly so you certainly won this one." Mateo replied as he looked at the other male and then nodded. "Yeah she threatened to quit if I decided to come home early so I mean I can't turn that away. She's an amazing babysitter and Lucia really likes her so I'm going to have to just keep myself occupied until at least after midnight." Mateo said. "I'm sure that it'll be fun but I just need to get in the mood, maybe you stopping me was going to make that happen." Mateo chuckled as he looked at Cormac.

Cormac slowly nodded as Mateo spoke, listening intently. That's the thing nobody tells you—that stepping out means letting new things in. He took another sip of his drink, letting the cold drink calm him before he replied. "Sounds like you've got a smart babysitter," he said with a small grin. "Anyone Lucia likes automatically trumps our comfort, those are the rules of parenting." He looked at the crowd, then back at Mateo. "If me stopping you helps even a little, I'll take it."