Start again..

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

I like it better when it hurts.

„Am wichtigsten ist, dass du einen wahren Freund findest, Jules.“ – „Dein wahrer Freund ist jemand, der immer da ist, der dein ganzes Leben an deiner Seite geht. Du musst ihn finden, das ist wichtiger als alles, auch als die Liebe. Denn die Liebe kann vergehen.“ (Wells 2016, S. 33)

I could be laughing, falling in love, horrified, excited, afraid or ecstatic but all of these states seemed to be temporary, soon to be replaced by the same familiar fall.

I think I'm losing my mind.

 Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It's the fear of failure, but no urge to be productive. It's wanting friends, but hate socializing. It's wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. It's feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb..

It hurts just to wake up.