Love bombing is a weapon. I feel it's the most common tool to make someone yours. And yes, in a really bad kinda way. I am someone insecure. In my mind, I know I'm a good person, and I am really happy about myself. I try to be kind as much as I can, I love deeply, I try to learn how to be healthy, how to comunicate, I'm smart, I study and work very hard, I have these big dreams, I have friends and family that love me and always reasure me. But inside, I am someone extremely insecure. Because of my body, my acne, because I talk too much, because I love to sing and maybe it's a lot, because I'm too honest, because all this little things that people maybe sometime said to me and got stuck in my mind and now I'm aware of, whatever that is.
The point is, I want to be loved. Truly. We all want that. And that's why love bombing is destructive. At least for someone like me, who gets defensive but also wants to be loved by someone who looks at me and makes me feel like I am this wonderful woman deep down, I know I am. But if on the third day we've been talking, you want to make me your wife, there's some unbalanced stuff. And this is the worst part. Sometimes, they truly feel this way. It's not like they're making all that up. But it's not something you can rely on. Because then they find out other parts of you or maybe you got mad, or you set a boundaries or maybe you don't want the same things as they do. And what if all they said to you the first week its not how they feel anymore after that? And here is when you have to pay attention to the way someone starts a relationship with you. Because it's important to know that loving someone takes time, takes to have hard conversations, takes to get to know eachother, takes to get curious and learn about the person you are taking to, not just make them fit in this idea you have of a perfect partner. People are complicated.
This took me a while to understand, but you are not less loveable because you said no, because you communicate, because you cry. You are loveable just because of the way you are for the right person. And if someone leaves you because of any of this, they just weren't the right person for you. And it's scary, and it hurts. But believe me, it's worse choosing to stay with someone that USED to treat you wonderfully, but now just complains about who you are because they couldn't see you before; than break up, choose yourself, heal your broken heart even if you feel alone, even if you only have yourself.
And it doesn't matter how good someone makes you feel. Because someone can say they love you. Someone can see those parts we try to hide and dont be bothered by them, but they can't see all of us in three days. They can love us and still have no capacity to carry out what that word means. Because love means thinking about someone else as much as you think about yourself. Love is all about mutual respectfulness. Love is considerate. And you can't be considerate unless you actually learn about someone else and get curious about how they feel loved and prioritized.
