anal

i need crossword puzzles to stop giving me sports clues. dont ask me about football stars and nba championships and baseball team names. im the kind of nerd who chooses to do crossword puzzles why would you expect this of me. cruel and unusual.

The nude beach has the best seashells. This fucking sucks. I love seashells but I hate penis.

The duality of man is thinking “children cannot help themselves and we all need to be patient with them as they explore what it means to be human in public” and also “damn, I wish this crying baby was not on the plane rn :/“

Just as courage is not the absence of fear but doing the brave thing in spite of it, patience is not the absence of irritation but doing the kind thing in spite of it.

I don't care how bad life gets i'm not watching Love Island

ocd will have me thinking i cant text "here now if you wanna head over" because i sound like blowjob mario with a walkie talkie

nobody thinks this way, you are a broken person

I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon

If only some people in my life would get this.

woman on the bus next to me furiously doing a 7x7 rubix cube at a speed that implies she's done this a thousand times. maybe i do understand lesbians actually.

got a lovehate relationship with routine and repetition. yes if you put me in a repetitive situation i will start chewing on myself like a caged animal. but also no if you interrupt my self imposed routines i will start crying. this has made me so super good at being in the workforce #trust

“i wish there was a lesbian version of heated rivalry” every day i miss a league of their own

this is my favorite 'snoopy of the day' i've ever posted

@hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard

rip to you guys but i love assembling ikea furniture its so fun its like legos

people complain about how confusing assembling ikea furniture is and meanwhile i rise above their understanding and exist beyond their pitiful mortal comprehension as i spend a wonderful day assembling two twin beds with nothing but two hex keys, hope, and a whole lot of screws. 10/10 experience would do again