Cookies with Stephen

Greetings fellow cookie enthusiasts,

I know it’s been a while. I’ve been caught up in my research for the better part of a year, and I’m excited to get back in the game.

To make up for it, I’ve got a review that speaks to a very contentious issue; Big Cookie. You know them, the big cookie conglomerates that push the little guys out of business. I’m here to say that Big Cookie, when done right, isn’t necessarily Bad Cookie. In fact, these bigger guys play a very important role in the cookie scene, and anyone who went to college knows it. It may not be my preference, but I’d be lying if I said I disliked them.

Maybe I’m biased. I was fortunate enough to develop my advanced cookie palate from an early age. Not everyone was so lucky, many were forced to settle for pre-baked, mass-produced, supermarket sold “cookies”. I saw what Insomnia cookies did for budding cookie enthusiasts in Ann Arbor, it opened their eyes to show them what cookies could be, not what they had been. I have decided to put these misconceptions to the test; below are Insomnia Cookie’s results from my proprietary Cookie Calculator system. 

Texture and Consistency: Strikes an impressive balance between interior gooeyness and exterior crunchiness. It covers all bases; chewy where you want it, firm where you need it. 

Chocolate chip ratio: They used to speak of a Golden Ratio. This isn’t it (because that’s only theoretically possible), but I will say it’s close. This is potentially the cookie’s best asset – well balanced across the body of the cookie.

Price: At first glance, slightly too high; more than you’re typically comfortable spending on cookies. On a per-cookie basis however, $1.50 is reasonable. Good ingredients don’t come cheap, and I encourage all cookie enthusiasts to remember this often.

Overall flavor profile: Look guys, this is a good cookie.  Insomnia has been in the game for a while, and they know what they’re doing. Sure, kids in State College and Palo Alto are basically eating the same cookie, but like good software code, replication does not diminish quality. 

COOKIE CALCULATOR RATING: 3.9 / 5 COOKIES.

At my core, I am a mathematician, a data scientist, and a perfectionist. I believe every quantitative question has an analytical answer. But, like any successfully derived function, I also know my own limits. Usually, I prefer to rely on data to explain my thoughts, but after my most recent cookie experience, I found my standard Cookie Calculator to be insufficient in capturing the cookie’s experience. This was startling, and as a result this review will be less quantitative than normal. Rather, I’ll be making a foray into a little prose. Bear with me.

I was elated to receive a complimentary box of salted chocolate chip cookies from LoveFromLauren, one of DC’s preeminent foodies. The cookies were presented in a perfectly sized cardboard case with transparent plastic that showed off the cookie’s generous salt crystals and evenly distributed chocolate chips. You know that childhood Christmas morning feeling? I don’t, I’m Jewish. But I did receive a TI-83 calculator for Hanukah one year, and I can only assume the experiences are comparable.

Things got more complicated once I took the first bite. I immediately knew that this cookie was different. It introduced new variables, something my models and algorithms had not anticipated. Based on taste alone, I would (informally) rank it with the top cookies in Northwest DC. But it had something that I’ve yet to come across in my cookie blogging tenure; I’ve dubbed it The Homemade X Factor.

Sure, this cookie had a phenomenal Chocolate Chip Ratio (approx. 27%, +/- 3%). The Texture and Consistency? Spot on. Price? Free (I would’ve spent upwards of $4 for this, retail).  And its Overall Flavor Profile was so well rounded that I couldn’t even determine how to distinguish the inputs that run through my models. But it also had something – this X Factor – that I simply couldn’t fit into my analysis. I was stumped.

While it is troubling and nerve-racking to find something that challenges your most heartfelt work, I recognize that this is how the greats truly distinguish themselves. This cookie forced me to pause and look inward, leading me to what I believe to be my most significant conclusion since becoming a Cookie Critic:

You internalize a good cookie. A great cookie, however, internalizes you.

Accordingly, I am now instituting a policy where I analyze homemade cookies separately, outside of my trademarked Cookie Calculator. I have yet to determine the most analytically sound method to do this, but stay tuned.

I’d like to start this post by thanking the CWS readers for expressing their interest in the cookie I ate while recently on vacation in Charleston. This was not a planned post, but due to feedback on social media (IG: @cookieswithstephen), I’m putting together a quick retrospective analysis.

Please note that because this cookie was eaten while on vacation, I wasn’t able to take diligent notes on its subtleties and nuances, and that’s ok. There is a difference between cookies for business and cookies for pleasure. That being said, I’m still not comfortable providing a formal Cookie Calculation outside of strict testing conditions. I don’t want to get into the weeds here, but there are all kinds of Type 1 and Type 2 statistical errors introduced via inconsistent testing methods, but I’m willing to set those aside in favor of a high-level review for the blog (1).

This cookie came from Brown Dog Deli, a pleasant delicatessen located on Broad Street in the historic district of Charleston, South Carolina. The deli itself appeared to draw many tourists from the area, many of whom foolishly stuck to the “sandwiches” section of the menu and failed to take note of the cookies by the checkout counter.

Overall, this cookie mirrored my experience in Charleston. It was easy-going, endearing, and delicately balanced between historical charm and modern complexity. The cookie didn’t strive to be anything that it wasn’t, and if my readers have gleaned anything about me over the past few posts, they’d know that this is something that I respect.

Maybe it was the famous Charleston charm and my lack of testing equipment, but eating this cookie took me back to simpler times when I would calculate chocolate chip ratios during lunch period in the school cafeteria. There is something to be said for eating a cookie not for detailed analysis, but simply because it’s the most perfectly crafted and under-appreciated dessert in existence today.

All in all (and empirical testing methods aside), I would give this cookie approximately 4.0/5 cookies, +/- 0.2 points. I’m excited to be back in DC where I’m preparing for my next formal review in the coming weeks.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting to coming home with a Bakehouse DC cookie to rate for my second post. I had originally intended to try Blind Dog Cafe on Florida Avenue but arrived well after their cookies had sold out. Fortunately it was a nice day outside and Bakehouse DC was on the way home, so I figured I’d drop by. And boy, what a stroke of luck that was.

Situated between Policy and M2 Real Estate on T Street, Bakehouse DC offers customers a modern and minimalist atmosphere with a range of drinks and baked goods. I think this unassuming vibe took both me and the Cookie Calculator by surprise, as evidenced by its performance across the four Flavor Factors.

Texture and Consistency: This cookie is large and about the size of an average pancake. It is approximately one-sixth of an inch think. Where other cookies try to attract your gaze with gimmicks like outlandish thickness or large crystals of sea salt, Bakehouse DC’s product is no-frills, just the way I like it. The only real drawback of this cookie is its slightly inconsistent texture; while the interior is on the chewy side, the edges remained slightly brittle. This is an easily avoidable situation, and solutions have been documented across academic journals like Cookie Quarterly.  

Chocolate Chip Ratio: Spot-on. The proportion of chocolate chips is not overbearing and maintains a strong presence from start to finish. I could find no pockets of dough completely void of chocolate. It is important to note that these cookies feature dark - not milk - chocolate, which was a little unexpected, but in retrospect, wholly satisfying. Full disclosure, this blog is encouraging me to expand my horizons. Oatmeal raisin may not be entirely out of the picture.

Price: $2.25. Barring a December rate hike by the Fed, my analysis suggests this cookie is slightly underpriced.

Overall Flavor Profile: With a rare blend of bold dark chocolate chips and chewy, sugary dough, Bakehouse DC offers a product with an impressive overall balance of flavor. The dark chocolate element provides smoky undertones that are refreshingly complimented by the light sugariness of the dough.

OVERALL COOKIE CALCULATOR SCORE: 4.3 / 5 Cookies.

I’m excited to publish my first official review for CWS. I decided to start in my own backyard, and I didn’t have to travel far to find a great product. Located on 18th Street just outside Nupont, Tryst is a local favorite that offers house-blended coffee and light eats in a casual, laid-back environment. It is frequented by students and work-from-home types alike. But enough about the ambiance, it’s time to examine the results from my Cookie CalculatorTM. 

As quick note of reference for all future reviews, I will not be revealing the proprietary algorithms behind each Flavor Factor's weighting. These algorithms are empirically tested, ensure consistency, and ultimately distinguish my ratings from run-of-the mill food bloggers. Instead, I will provide a more qualitative review that breaks down each category. Let’s get started:

Texture and Consistency: Sturdy and dense composition. Approximately half an inch thick. While the chocolate chips in the cookie provide smooth and milky undertones, it is slightly dry on the finish.

Chocolate Chip Ratio: Appropriate. The cookie is neither lacking nor overzealous in its provision of chocolate chips, which come in the form of generously sized chunks distributed evenly throughout the cookie. 

Price: $2.50, very reasonable for a cookie of this quality. 

Overall Flavor Profile: A well-balanced cookie driven by bold chocolate chunks that are much larger and denser than initial appearances suggest. The high quality of the chocolate complements the simplicity of the dough to yield a satisfying experience for the palette.

Cookie Calculator Rating: 4.1 / 5 Cookies.

Greetings fellow cookie enthusiasts. Before my first cookie review, I’d like to share the scoring system that I will use as the basis for all future cookie scores. After all, consistency is paramount for any reputable food critic. 

A cookie’s overall score will be the function of four distinct Flavor Factors (TM). Each Flavor Factor - Texture & Consistency, Chocolate Chip Ratio, Price, and Overall Flavor Profile - will be scored on a scale from 1-5 and weighed relative to its importance to the final product. The table below lists the four Flavor Factors and their weightings. Note that a “perfect” cookie (should one exist) would receive a 5-Cookie Rating.

The following table provides additional qualitative analysis on how each Cookie Rating looks, tastes, and feels. 

Funny words, but this “monster” was one of the greats. His message has been watered down in recent years, but we all know what he really stands for. 

Welcome fellow cookie enthusiasts. My name is Stephen, and I intend to use this blog as a platform to share my thoughts, musings, and calculated opinions of all things cookies*. This will range from cookie industry news to my personal Cookie Calculation ranking system. The latter is proprietary scoring system I’ve developed that I will use to rank cookies in the greater Washington, D.C. area.  

I’m excited for you all to join me on this adventure. It’s time cookies got the respect they deserve.