a romantic, but a hopeless one

neil didn’t respond.

“for anything i said that invoked the feeling you felt, i take it back. i take everything back i only wanted to talk to you.”

silence, again.

“please let me say i’m sorry one more time even if you feel nothing from it.”

neil laid in silence.

destroy myself,

I think i like you

best when you’re just with

me.

- neil is a big painter and loves to use just every color on the color wheel, but he’s incredibly messy. every time he paints he gets covered head to toe in paint splatters, especially on his face, and todd loves them

- pitts can’t use chopsticks. every time they go out to eat he asks for a fork

- When Neil gets tired of wearing a hat he sticks it on todd’s head until he wants it again

- when meeks can’t sleep he reads, and if that doesn’t work he goes to pitts just to complain and talk until he’s sleepy enough to go to bed

- neil would be the type of person to watch golf on the tv when he’s bored, and all of the poets are disgusted by this fact

- cameron knows how to irish jig

- todd was the kind of kid to make his bed every morning and would tuck the sheets army style

- charlie’s tell for lying is rubbing his nose

- todd isn’t good with hugs because he never got any when he was growing up. he threw up the first time him and neil hugged and he felt so bad he started crying

- knox will impulsively buy flowers every time he goes to the store in the hopes he’ll meet someone there. he never has

- todd is really good at keeping eye contact when he’s not anxious to the point where it’s almost unsettling

- pitts has incredibly loud foot steps and everyone can tell when he’s coming

- knox gets everyone’s attention by clearing his throat, but he doesn’t know how to do it and it always just sounds like hes choking

- when standing neil’s hands are always in his pockets. (if he doesn’t have pockets his hands are clasped behind his back. (he only does this because of his dad))

- cameron doesn’t tend to contribute to conversations unless he’s invited in or directly addressed

- charlie greets everyone with a nod

- meeks gets motivation through music and words of encouragement. ( his parents don’t tend to give him any, they all come from the poets)

- neil gets all panicky and fidgety over things he can’t control

and the only healer they have is todd, but he’s never healed anything this severe.

so todd is throwing everything he has at neil, every spell, every potion, every wish. he is screaming and crying and trying his best using everything he has because he refuses to stop.

his hands are shaking, his magic is fizzing out and the other poets are silently sitting by him, because they know they can’t help, and they know neil’s life is over.

but todd refuses to give up. he sits there for what feels like days to him which is really only a couple minutes, throwing everything he has until he drops.

but it doesn’t work.

neil doesn’t wake up, and todd couldn’t save him.

and todd breaks.

he screams and cries and the poets are crying to and it’s ugly and sad and, it’s miserable.

but neil’s corpse never will never rot. it will sit in that same spot for the rest of time, perfect, with a ripped shirt from todd’s attempts at healing and stained tears and blood next to it.

but todd will return every day, just to sit and cry as he knows he couldn’t save him, knowing the only thing he was good for was useless in the end.

and the poets have absolutely no idea.

until one year when the poets all visit charlie’s house for christmas break and charlie’s grandmother makes an appearance.

the poets are a incredibly intimidated by this short scary looking italian woman who is speaking at the speed of light to charlie and his mom.

when charlie responded in perfect italian back speaking at the same speed, the poets just about lost it. 6 mouths wide open, just gaping at charlie because who would have thought that charlie of all people could speak italian??

did you get enough love, my little dove

why do you cry?

and i’m sorry i left, but it was for the best

though it never felt right

did he sit and wish that his dad would come in and tell him he loved him, or do you think neil had accepted the truth in love?

he gave so much love to todd and his friends that it makes you wonder where he learned to love. i like to believe he was always so full of love, yet he was shoved into a cruel, desolate world that never showed him what he deserved.

if he could have held todd just a little bit longer in his life, he could have painted a picture so detailed in his head he could have recited it back to the stars. and the stars would’ve shown him a sight that could have sufficed for enough love to fill in the gaps of what he was missing.

if only neil had the simple chance to see that he and todd, who had held each other together in the life where they crossed that simple line between loneliness and love together, would have neil believed he was worthy of more than he was given.

i love this -

headcannons of how the dead poets would react

Neil : will stand up for anyone making fun of someone for dressing up; has no tolerance for hatred and will immediately drop someone if they’re even slightly rude about it

- very enthusiastic about asking questions about the style and why they gravitated towards that style specifically

- has asked to try on clothes before but never showed anyone once he was in them ( he was to embarrassed to show anyone else but he did tell her he liked how they looked)

Todd : isn’t affected by it but will compliment the outfits every chance he gets

- he has asked if dressing differently makes them feel more insecure or afraid of other peoples judgements, but slowly understood that it doesn’t really matter what other people think ( thinking for himself helped him be more confident in the end and actually get with neil)

- has helped with picking out outfits when asked what colors go best with what

Charlie : finds the style incredibly interesting and mesmerizing, but would whole-heartedly make fun of someone for it (all in good nature of course)

- none of the outfits phase him anymore, it’s only when they aren’t dressed up is he confused

- has swiped their makeup before to try it and had failed so miserably he wouldn’t let anyone see him for almost five hours

Knox : asks if their clothes ever gets stuck in anything while walking

- doesn’t understand what eyeliner is. whole-heartedly believes eyeliner is just part of her face

Meeks : would get distracted by the dyed hair in class when the color would first change. was never annoyed by it more or less just entranced

- has tried nail polish when asked to and liked how it looked but didn’t like the smell enough to handle it

-likes to question wether their piercings hurt or hurt when they got them (it’s the same answer every time but he likes to ask anyway)

Pitts : Pitts loves to help with picking out new hair dye color, yet will always gravitate towards blue or green

- loves to steal their favorite pair of shoes or jewelry and hide it so they have to look and find it (it’s always on the top shelf of the book case in the same place every time, but likes teasing them anyway)

Cameron : Cameron would question wether constantly wearing healed boots gets annoying and/or impractical

- laughs when their hands are stained and smudge the pages of homework with whatever color they recently dyed their hair with (he finds the different colors in books appealing and more interesting)

- neil is a huge hopeless romantic, and is constantly professing his love to others wether he means to or not

- neil and charlie have a long running competition from their first year together of seeing who can take the quickest shower (neil has never lost)

- todd is incredibly good with animals and like to feed birds and squirrels when he goes on walks

- charlie loves to have his hair played with but he won’t ever admit it

- neil started smoking when he was 12 because of his dad. and he can’t get himself to stop

- meeks sorts his halloween candy by color

- cameron sorts his halloween candy by size

- pitts thinks both of them are stupid and usually eats all his candy before he even gets home

- todd owns at least 20 sweaters and has one in every color. half of todd’s sweaters are too big on him but they fit neil perfectly so he keeps them

-knox has no sense of direction and gets lost in the woods almost every time they go out

-the first time todd and neil kissed infront of the poets was when neil almost blurted out a secret of todd’s and todd kissed him to get neil to shut up.

- pitts is a huge softie for romcoms and cries at almost every one he’s ever seen

- neil has constant nightmares that todd has to help him with almost every other night. neil finds them embarrassing but todd just likes the excuse of being able to be near neil

-charlie gives all the poets nicknames that are both incredibly endearing and funny

- the poets have only seen todd angry once and that was after someone insulted neil in front of them. ( poets have never been more scared of todd in their life and they refuse to ever get on todd’s bad side)

- the first thing todd ever noticed about neil was his eyes. he likes to tell neil they are kind and loving looking and it makes neil cry every time

- meeks’s favorite animal is a cat and he has a tabby named Einstein.

- neil loves hugs and constantly asks todd for them as well as charlie