Generally bad at conversation

Sorry for the radio silence, been caught up in a few things this month and didn’t end up drawing that much unfortunately. Here’s a little doodle of Merlin and Edda discussing a magic book with each other that I drew in the beginning of the month and still really like!

(ID in alt and under cut)

Carrot is a force for good without a doubt, but he is not the Good Man in Ankh-Morpork. Vimes is. Vimes who is deeply suspicious of just about every group in the city, Vimes who constantly has to reexamine his beliefs and prejudices, Vimes who really really wants to kick the shit out of the bad guys but never lets it happen. If you'd do it for a good reason, you'd do it for a bad one.

And it happens again with Granny Weatherwax - the one who wanted to be evil, who can feel the evil nagging at her every day, who nevertheless holds the line.

Because those books are full of anger at the world and the state it's in. Real, actual, barely-concealed beneath clever puns anger. It's a rage, not the pretty "i'm mad" calligraphied in the page in white ink. It's something like "I'm angry and you should be, too" scribbled in red ink over the pages.

But these books are so kind. So hopeful. And it's not mindless kindness, either. It's not "I'm kind until it's not easy or convenient to be anymore". It's actual kindness from people who are angry but turn that into fierce, deliberate, stubborn kindness. And of course you can despair but you can also turn it into anger and then the kind of fierce kindness that you can change the world with.

These books were so important for me growing up, still are. I literally wouldn't be the same person without them. And I reread Night Watch today, as one does, and the terrible fairness of Sam Vimes struck me. The world is a terrible, unfair place, he said, and I'm not participating in that. I'm not adding misery to it. I'm gonna be fair and I'm gonna be good if it kills me. (the same goes, of course, with Granny. It's about choosing to be good. It's about being good if it kills you. It's about desperately hoping and never letting go)

I saw a post yesterday about Discworld. The person said "and at the end of the day people are inherently good so that saves everything" and I know they meant it in jest but still, it got me thinking. Because Terry didn't write characters as inherently good. He didn't even write people as inherently good. Most times people will be annoying, whiny, entitled, selfish, cowardly. And even our protagonists—our dear, beloved protagonists—they are not inherently good.

You know what gets me every time in these books? Goodness as something learned. Goodness as something you keep working towards. Sam Vimes was an alcohol addict in the gutter, not even looking up to the stars, as Wilde would put it. Moist is a conman and a crook and he takes advantage of people because he's clever and they're gullible. Oh, sure, he justifies himself but I'm not sure even he believes it, when he sits down and really thinks about it. Granny is always this close to become a Bad Witch. Tiffany explicitly wins against the Fairy Queen because she's selfish.

Even as Good People, they have their flaws. They're authoritarian and annoying, they don't listen to people, they think they know best (they mostly do, but still), they have bias and prejudices and in-world racism.

And then they learn. Goodness is a choice. Every morning you have to choose not to be evil. Every morning of every day you have to decide to be good. And it's something they learn, too. These characters are not the same at the beginning and at the end of their arcs, or even over the course of a single book. They learn to be better.

That's what I like about Pratchett's characters. Their goodness is not inherent, it's acquired and learned. And even after they made the choice to be Good, with a gritty kindness that does the job to care, even then they still have their flaws.

Glorious 25th of may to those who celebrate

Im so scared this time if I have to sleep outside I'll get into REAL medical issue! My respiratory system will shut down. Please believe me here, I have alot of medical history with having a weak immune system, around dust, pollen, any humid or dirty place will put me in a coughing fit.