send your roughest songs by t. swift to the guy you're with to get the real vibe check.

FUCK JOHN MAYER

I KNEW HE WAS TROUBLE! I KNEW IT!

@conwaytiddy Son, I don't want to see you hanging around with that McAfee boy anymore.

Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I know you're still mad but he let me talk to Randy when Pat had to pee and it was pretty cool. Being a voice? Pretty cool!

My brother. Stay safe. Unless she's worth it, then in that case -- 🤝

My brother in Christ, how many times has that happened to you.

I'm gonna hope and assume that life has improved for you, because if it hasn't then I'm gonna get my mom, and we're gonna throw a pussy party.

I'm not gonna lie, brother, that sounds like an awful hour and a half. With like a minute of joy.

I feel no sympathy for you. Unless you got wings after.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT OUTSIDE OF HER BOYFRIEND'S BEST FRIEND'S WORK. COME ON, BRO.

but I want to.

You’re gonna need a time machine. And a Mitsubishi Lancer.

Well, that doesn't feel very life lesson-y, but I'll do it!

but I want to.

im sorry i said "awooga" when u took off ur clothes do u still wanna fuck?