i guess we're back

in aotearoa, june isn’t our pride, it’s theirs. marsha p johnson and sylvia rivera are their historical figures, not ours. the phrase that “you owe your rights to Black trans women” is true there, but here we owe our rights to (mostly) Māori historical figures. i have the freedoms i do because of the legacy of an entirely different set of people operating in an entirely different context at entirely different times.

But because of american cultural imperialism, most queer people in Aotearoa don’t even know our own queer history. Carmen Rupe, Ngahuia Te Awekotuku, the Dorian Society, Gillian Laundon, Georgina Beyer, and the Wolfenden Association are some of our queer history. We should know their names! we should know what they did for us! but because of the power of the american imperial machine, we don’t.

our national pride month should be july, the month that the Homosexual Law Reform Act passed in 1986. our two largest cities hold their pride festivals in february and march, respectively. american queer history has very little (or nothing, depending on who you ask) to do with our queer history. anecdotally, from my own queries, queer youth in aotearoa know more about american queer history than our own.

I really just have to summarize Thomas's entire life:

He was in a committed relationship with a male swan named Henry for 18-24 years before a female swan named Henrietta showed up and mated with Henry.

Thomas was initially jealous of the pair and attacked them, breaking 2 of the 5 eggs Henrietta had laid. However, once the remaining eggs hatched, Thomas warmed up to them and helped raise them.

Henry couldn't fly because of an injured wing, so Thomas taught the cygnets how to fly.

When they needed to reduce the goose population in the pond where Thomas and the swans lived, they dyed Thomas's feathers red so he wouldn't be separated from Henry.

Henry, Henrietta, and Thomas remained in their happy throuple for years and raised 68 cygnets before Henry died in 2009. After Henry's death, Henrietta found another swan and flew away, leaving Thomas alone.

Thomas finally met and mated with a female goose in 2011 and had his own babies. However, another goose named George stole them and raised them himself.

As Thomas grew elderly and blind, he was relocated to a wildlife center where he raised orphaned cygnets.

His caretaker at the center described him as "pretty high maintenance."

Thomas died in 2018 at the age of around 40. He had a funeral that included a small coffin and a procession that was led by a bagpiper. He was buried under the stone where Henry was buried, the two finally reunited in death.

Glad someone added these tags because bioessentialism is such a big part of the conversation around cheating and one that took some time to unlearn. Cheating and sexually abusive men have convinced society that uncontrollable sexual urges is something inherent to male sexuality. It is not.

Also adding that cheating can be abusive and traumatic because people in the comments are jumping to "it happens to almost everyone, get over yourself". It doesn't excuse manipulation and controlling behavior, but being gaslit to question your own perception when you notice things that aren't adding up about what your partner is telling you, finding out they've been living a whole double life or finding out new things over and over again, having to adjust your perception of the life you've been living with this person can fuck you up long term. Went to therapy for what was in a broader sense cheating, thought "it can't be that bad, it happens to almost everyone" and first thing my therapist did is put me in trauma therapy. We do not always respond to the same bad situations equally bad as other people.

And because people in the notes also say "If you don't trust this person, leave them", that's a stupid blanket statement. Just because you have trust issues, doesn't immediately mean you need to leave your relationship; that's a case by case decision. You can work on those issues. There's therapy for that. I went into a relationship where the trust issues I got from a previous one came up suddenly and while I was already in it. I never violated my partner's boundaries but I absolutely had very bad trust issues. One year of therapy later and they're almost gone. What's important is communicating and sticking to the agreed upon boundaries even if everything inside you is screaming you need to check stuff to protect yourself from being hurt emotionally.

I love this but not for the intended reason

Characters who’ve been told that’s why your important. Your worth something because this other person/ thing is important, and you are here solely to keep them safe.

Once a mama’s boy…

Crosshair 🔄️ Ogata