ControlledChaos

The voice of confidence and the voice of doubt continued to feud in Pleasance’s mind. She’d been wanting to do this for a year but could never build up the courage to go through with it. Why did she think she could tell her tonight?

To not work herself up right before the feast, she did what she had always done, and imagined herself in her ‘meadow’. Beneath the sun on a summer’s day, sitting in a field of lavender, watching the clouds roll idly past. The image of laying amongst the soft petals while small gusts lazily shook their stems centered her. Soon after, the thoughts quieted down, and she was back to staring at herself in the mirror.

Suddenly, her door slammed open. Almost instinctively, she panickedly shoved the script into a drawer and turned to see who entered, although she already knew who it was.

“So, how do I look?” Ela asked as she posed in the doorway, showing off the seafoam green dress she was wearing, her amethyst pendant necklace she always wore swayed around her neck. “Your mother approved when I showed her before she left, so I’m taking that as a sign that this will be yet another year successfully blending in with nobles.”

Pleasance’s friend for almost as long as she’d lived and, more recently, crush stood before her. Her green eyes blazed with energy, and a large smile made dimples in her fair, bronze cheeks.

‘Gorgeous,’ Pleasance thought.

“Oh, very nice,” Pleasance replied, attempting to act casual.  “Sorry, you caught me off guard.”

“You know, you’d think your parents could negotiate an official invite for me after being your plus one for like, 10 years now,” Ela said. “Are you sure we need to be with the nobility? Your parents didn’t take us with them this year, we could go to Town Square, celebrate with everyone else instead of being in those stuffy rooms, and then do what we normally do and have the party.”

Pleasance hesitated, “You know how I wish to do that, but my parents requested for me to be there until I turn 18. This year, they instructed that it was important to leave favorable impressions of our family on the nobles I speak to. Supposedly, this year’s feast is more important than ever…”

Ela’s face dropped slightly, and a small involuntary sigh escaped her lips.

Pleasance took a small step forward. “I’m sorry, I know you hate this part of the day. This is the last year, I promise. If you want, we can meet later after the feast when we’re with the rest of our friends.” As she was speaking, thoughts raced in her mind that all of her planning, the words she’d been writing and rewriting for weeks, would all be for nothing, and questioned if she’d have the courage to ask if it wasn’t perfect. She wouldn’t be able to ask for her to speak privately with her friends around, the mere idea made her anxious. However, even as she imagined the scene of her leaning down to have their first kiss amongst the flowers in the royal garden with the sunset behind them, she knew she couldn’t force Ela to come. It wouldn’t be right. “You don’t need to attend with me.”

There was a moment of silence between the two before Ela spoke up, “Fancy dinners may be overrated, and the fact that people are still seemingly surprised to learn we’re friends when my mom is your parents’ maid, we’ve been going together for years. Besides, there are two things I get out of it.”

“What are those?”

“One, you’re incredibly socially awkward trying to talk to people you’re trying to impress, and it’d be a crime if I wasn’t there to witness it. Honestly, your parents asking you to be a sort of spokesperson for your family means this is going to be even better than normal.”

Pleasance attempted to protest but Ela continued talking.

“Two, I’ve heard the vegetarian option still has meat in it for the normal feast, and that mushroom potato soup they have is to die for. Besides, now that it’s just going to be us, I could do what I did a couple of years ago and pretend to be a noble from Zotin without your parents ruining it,” joked Ela, causing Pleasance to chuckle.

Relieved, Pleasance relaxed a bit, before being put on edge again when Ela asked, “Anyway, what was that you were reading?”

Pleasance stuttered, “Oh, um, uh, it was a, uh, a letter from Father that, um, didn’t arrive until today. When he was on that trip for negotiations between Vidale and Tevine.”

Ela raised an eyebrow, seemingly unconvinced, and a smile crept back onto her face. “Are you ready to go? We have about 15 minutes until the king’s speech, and it’ll already take 10 minutes to walk there.”

“Oh yes, I’m ready.”

“Well then,” Ela said while bowing into an exaggerated curtesy, “lead the way, Lady Thill.”

Pleasance chuckled and nudged her when exiting the room. “You know I hate when you do that.”

“Of course, that’s why I do it.”

After hurrying their way past the crowd of commoners waiting excitedly outside, past the guards, and into the Great Hall of Castle Vidale, they had arrived at the perfect time to avoid uncomfortable small talk with the nobility if they had arrived early, as well as the disapproving glares and murmurs of disdain they’d receive if they were late. Pleasance could see her mother and father near the front of the crowd exchanging farewells with members of the royal council. While they weren’t officially a part of the council, there had been recent rumors of discussions about adding the Thill family as new members. She could only wonder if that is what they’d discussed.

Conversations morphed into polite clapping as the King and Queen entered. They stood at a railing far above the crowd of well-dressed people. King Doldrer cleared his throat while a hush fell over the room.

As he began to speak, Pleasance started to do what she normally did during the King’s speech and zoned out. The King droned on and on, and all Pleasance could do was gaze at Ela.

“...thank you all…” 

‘Dear Torm, she looks amazing in that dress.’

“...celebrate the Festival of the Forest…”

‘Her lipstick is stunning.’

 “...Feast of Honor…”

‘I have wanted to confess that I want to spend eternity with you for what feels like an eternity.’

The speech concluded with more polite clapping, snapping Pleasance back to reality. The crowd slowly dispersed as the royal servants began leading groups of people up to various rooms in the castle.

“Lady Thill and Miss…” a mid-aged woman in servant’s attire trailed off as she approached the pair.

While Pleasance opened her mouth to say ‘Miss Hunt’, Ela spoke up first.

“Aveline,” Ela replied, “LADY Aveline.”

“My apologies. Right this way madams.”

Ela turned to Pleasance and winked before both hurried after the servant.

Led through the corridors of the great castle, its stone gleamed an obsidian black, the uniformity broken up by intricate inlays of swirling marble, like milk being poured into coffee. The scattered parade of ornate footwear clicking against the tile echoed just under the murmuring of polite conversations. Through the windows wafted the cheers and ruckus of celebration from below. Finally, they reached a set of open doors leading to a room with a cherry-wood table that could seat twenty people. One of the people inside stood up excitedly and called, “Ela! Pleasance!”

“Olly!” Ela shouted, and she rushed over to hug him.

Oliver, although no one ever called him that, was a fair-skinned boy with buck teeth. He scooted his way around the table, excusing himself in a bassy voice past the nobles with their chairs pushed too close to the wall. Next to Ela, he was a full head taller than her as he stood at just under 6 feet. Pleasance wasn’t as short as Ela but was still several inches shorter than Olly. She walked over and Olly quickly switched from Ela and her to give another strong hug. It still surprised Pleasance how much muscle he’d gained since he began working out with Ela a year ago. Just a short while ago, he was thin and lanky, and now, he had filled his frame out and appeared older than he was.

“I didn’t think you’d be here!” Ela exclaimed while walking to sit across from his seat.

Olly excused himself a second time to all the nobles while squeezing back towards his chair before responding, “You remember that woman I told you about that I was attracted to? Well, I’d like you to meet Rosanna Whitdrey.”

He gestured to the woman beside him that Pleasance had just sat in front. She was certainly gorgeous, with the high cheekbones, defined chin, and pointed ears most elves had. Her eyes and hair were the same rich hazel, and her sepia skin revealed not a single blemish.

She reached over the table and shook both Pleasance and Ela’s hands, saying “It’s a pleasure to meet your acquaintance. And please, call me Rose”.

Ela gasped, whirling back towards Olly, “I didn’t think you were dating a noble!”

“You’d be surprised how many people have been interested in me since I started lifting with you,” Olly boasted, before realizing what he was saying and stumbling to backtrack. “But, but, of course, I only had eyes for you,” he continued, turning towards Rose.

She giggled slightly, humoring him by remarking, “Of course. I’m not surprised that people are seeking to court a hunk as attractive as you”. She grabbed his arm and squeezed his bicep lovingly.

“You do know,” Ela interjected as she flexed her own arm, “that he hasn’t beaten me in an arm-wrestling contest yet?”

“Is that true?” asked Rose, with raised eyebrows, pivoting to Olly.

“Well, I mean, yes, but she’s been training me, and I go easy on her.”

“Ohhhh, ok, that’s why you always mutter under your breath ‘Next time’ whenever you lose to me,” Ela posited, and like a game of tennis, the ball was back in his court.

“I mean, ok, sometimes I do lose, but most of the time I lose on purpose.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I just need to make sure you feel good about yourself to train me, and by acting weaker, I can get you to train me even harder.”

“Sure.”

“You’re going to let a woman beat you?” Rose asked earnestly.

Ela let out a small chuckle and leaned forward to say, “Ok, first of all, that’s sexist. Second of all, yes.”

Olly leaned forward as well. “How about we settle this right now?” he smirked. He took off his blazer, rolled up the sleeve of his pressed button-up, and placed his elbow firmly on the table.

“Oh, you’re on.”

While Pleasance witnessed all of this, although there was the occasional, ‘Wow she’s so strong,’ most of her thoughts were more akin to ‘Oh no, how can I convince her to visit the gardens with me without Olly’. Pleasance imagined herself in her meadow again and took deep breaths to not panic in front of everyone.

Ela, of course, won, while Olly made joking excuses, and the surrounding nobles muttered about manners and respect.

The food arrived one meal after another, from juicy sirloin, to roasted lamb chops, to a whole pig. Ela, of course, instead ate the vegetarian options, which were also delicious. Their conversations continued, discussing the party they throw every year after the feast, how Twig, their dog, was doing, explaining ‘adventures’ they’d been on to Rose, and trying to convince the noble next to Ela that she was also a noble. The evening proceeded as the sun settled towards the earth, painting the sky with warm pinks and golds.

A muffled scream overpowered the volume of conversation in the room. Ela halted mid-sentence as glances passed between the friends. Some of the chatter continued because they seemingly had not heard it, but others had also quieted. With the room softened, it was easier to hear more muffled yelling and footfalls from outside. Something was happening, and the entire room was silent in concern and confusion. Another dampened shriek pierced the room. Olly stood up.

“I’ll go check what’s happening,” he announced breathlessly, much quieter and shakily than he probably intended. He hesitantly paced towards the door, stepping lightly, like the floor itself could be the cause of whatever was going on outside. He placed his hand on the wrought-iron handle.

The door slammed open, the wood cracking into Olly’s head, leaving an immediate gash from his forehead to chin. Blood poured from the wound. Olly stumbled backward, only to be lept upon by something, a flash of black. 

“OLLY,” Ela screamed beside her.

Pleasance jolted up from the table, almost tripping on the chair backing up. She couldn’t see Olly, only a mat of black fur just above the table’s edge. She felt numb, out-of-body, where she could only take in the sounds.

A gut-wrenching cry, frightened, confused, in pain.

A sickening crunch.

Gurgling.

Screams and shouts.

Distant shrieks.

Deep, distorted, raspy howls.

“PLEASANCE”

Her name brought her back in time for something heavy, something furry, to smash into her, knocking her off her feet and onto her back. She stared up at the ceiling, at this hulking creature, limbs sickeningly long, claws sharp, feet like talons, its front already caked in crimson, perched on top of her. The worst part was its head. Jagged antlers with skin sloughing off it, an elongated doglike skull with patchy fur with more still sprouting, like it was still in the process of growing, jaw open so wide it looked unhinged, teeth like a shark’s, in two rows and knifelike, and its eyes, or more so the lack of them, as one socket was a dark void, and the other was rolling backward so far where she could see the nerve.

All of this information was taken in less than five seconds as it lunged forward. All Pleasance could do was raise her arms.

A bone snapped. Pain spread like a roaring wildfire. It had bitten into her left arm, her entire elbow in its mouth. Tears blurred her vision, and she let out a guttural wail. 

Pleasance frantically looked around for something, anything. She couldn’t die; this thing couldn’t kill her. Not here, not yet.

The heavy table shook as some force struck it, she couldn’t see what did it, sending plates, silverware, and half-eaten food to the ground. A steak knife. Possibly within reach.

‘Please, oh gods, please,’ she silently begged as she desperately grabbed towards it. A fingertip’s length away, she just needed to reach a little further.

CRACK

Another wave of all-consuming pain crashed into her senses, causing the edges of her vision to go dark. It had broken through the second bone in her forearm, causing her left wrist and hand to hang limply at an unnatural angle. Another agonized howl from her lips. She felt dizzy. Tears were flowing freely now.

With all her strength, she lunged for the knife. A single finger hooked around it. She pulled it towards her, sending it skittering across the now blood-covered, was that her blood, tiles, and the handle tapped against her side.

She seized the steak knife and drove it into the thing’s neck. And again, and again. Grey brackish liquid sprayed and oozed from the increasing number of wounds while Pleasance screamed, the sound almost carrying her, where if it stopped, all strength would leave her.

Suddenly, blood splattered into her face, eyes, and mouth, causing her to gag on its rotten tang. The pressure on her arm released, and the creature slumped over. Instead of the thing’s nauseating visage, Ela stood above her, still holding onto the broken chair leg driven through its chest. The dazed look in her eyes faded as they darted to Pleasance.

“We need to go,” she said, leaning down to Pleasance and lifting her to her unsteady feet. Small sobs shook her chest as rolling agony thrummed while Ela tied a simple sling from a cloth napkin. She grasped Pleasance’s right hand and hurried her towards the open door.

Pleasance could see now there were two more beasts in the room, feasting on bodies, seemingly uninterested in their escape. She could see Olly’s black shoes pointing upwards and shaking lifelessly as the creature gorged. They turned the corner, and he was gone.

They ran through the halls of the castle, now coated in blood and bodies strewn everywhere she looked. They ran down the stairways, ran across the Great Hall, ran out of the main gates and through streets and paths and alleyways. The smell of death hovered like a cloud and clung to every surface of the city. The monsters stalked, always finding another meal to eat that luckily wasn’t them.

Pleasance’s steady footfalls sent almost rhythmic beats of pain through her arm. She could tell she was losing a lot of blood, possibly too much, because the once pristine white cloth was now a deep red and dripping. A hazy numbness in her brain sang a siren’s tune to stop, to relax, to rest a peaceful rest, and dream the dream of nothingness. However, looking forward and observing Ela’s determined stride to get the both of them to safety held that song at bay with a somber wall of longing. She may not have another chance to tell her how much she loved her. If she waited until tomorrow, she doubted she’d be alive to say it.

“Ela,” Pleasance croaked out weakly.

Ela didn’t appear to hear her and continued to stare ahead.

“Ela!” Pleasance pushed out, before drawing a long, labored breath.

This time, she peered back and slowed them both down to a stop.

“What is it? We’re almost out of the city, and then I should be able to get help in…”

“Ela,” Pleasance interrupted, repeating her name for the third time as comfort for herself, tears welling in her eyes as she gazed into hers. “I do not know what’s going to happen, and this is not how I wanted this night to play out at all-”

“Same here, but everything’s going-”

“Please, let me finish. I had so much planned for tonight, I wanted everything to be perfect, but now I’m unsure if I’ll still be with you in the morning-”

“Don’t say that,” Ela said harshly, tears rolling down her face while her eyes darted to the blood-soaked sling. “Do not-”

Pleasance’s voice broke when almost shouting, “Ela, PLEASE!” She stepped forward and gently placed her working hand on Ela’s cheek. Continuing, much softer, she spoke, “Please. There’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I never built the courage to say it. I’ve been feeling-aaaaaAAAA”.

Her words twisted into a scream as she felt her leg snap backward. She collapsed onto her knees as she felt her bones, muscles, and organs begin to shift inside her body. She cried out again in throbbing pain. Pleasance raised her head to focus on Ela, who was now holding back sobs. Fear, confusion, sorrow, longing, dread, and agony all swirled around in Pleasance’s mind while she stared at the love of her life. Suddenly, another feeling wedged itself into her head, one that caused all others to feel like background noise.

Hunger.

With a final snap of her spine as it began to stretch, Pleasance’s world fell to darkness.

Sickly sweet iron. That was the first thing Pleasance could sense. The taste of metallic nectar coated her tongue. She felt the liquid caked on her lips and dripping listlessly down her chin. It wasn’t until her vision refocused that she could perceive the eviscerated body with dull eyes staring sightlessly up at her. His jaw had torn off, and his tongue was simply a jagged nub where it had once been. Limbs were missing. The closest limb was an arm that still tightly gripped a bow. His chest was an empty bowl only containing a pool of red. Pleasance shrieked as she leaped up from her squat only to stumble and almost fall. Her body wasn’t right. Her legs, they were too long, and her arms felt heavier. She also felt the absence of something. The pain, that had once felt like serrated knives carving into her arm, had vanished. She wanted to run, or hide, or shout for help, but it was the lack of pain that kept her where stood. Righting her shallow breathing, she inspected her surroundings and herself.

She was deep in lush woods. The soles of her bare feet felt the tiny pricks of pine straw. Vidale, the city she’d lived in her whole life, was nowhere in sight.

Pleasance knew already, but wiping the liquid from her chin proved it to be blood. She’d eaten this man, but she couldn’t remember anything. The last memory she held was staring into Ela’s tear-soaked eyes.

She was certainly taller. The ground was farther than she’d ever remembered it. If she had to guess, she probably grew about a foot. She was lankier, her limbs having grown the most. It’s as if her body had been stretched.

Her left arm had gnarled scars peppering it. Only when she bent it could she recognize it as the bite mark. They were reminders of the teeth that’d impaled her skin.

Her dress was now stained maroon and soiled with dirt and bits of gore. It resembled more of a torn rag that barely clung to her body. A few threads that hadn’t ripped were the only thing keeping her from being completely naked. The only other thing on her was a necklace with an amethyst pendant.

She froze, tears effortlessly beginning to fall.

‘Oh no. Oh no no no no no.’

Ela’s necklace was hanging around her neck.

‘Oh Torm, oh please don’t tell me I killed her, oh please please please.’

Pleasance fell to her knees once more and wept for what felt like hours. As she wept, her intense sorrow began to morph once more into what she’d felt before she had blacked out the first time: a deep, gnawing, insatiable hunger.

A bone cracked.

She blacked out once more.

The sun shone brightly above Pleasance. The breeze whistled soft melodies, and bursts of cotton in the sky provided occasional shade. She lounged on her back, and lavender flowers kissed her skin. She sat up. Her dress was neatly pressed, tucked, and beautiful ocean blue. Around her was a field of violet that shimmered in the wind. Pleasance lay back down; she closed her eyes and continued to relax. Everything was so perfect and peaceful…

So why was there a thought that continued to tickle the back of her mind?

‘This feels wrong.’

How did she get here? Where even was “here”? Why did it feel like she’d always been here? Why couldn’t she remember anything?

Her mind felt like a sieve; the questions she had about her circumstances and memory drained out the moment she would ask them. A heavy haze populated her skull, and the fog obscured her thoughts, leaving the soft whisperings of giving in and just relaxing.

The more she fought, the more the world felt wrong. The sun was just a little too bright, the flowers’ scent was a little too sweet, and the clouds’ shape was a little too perfect. The fog that seemed to be in her head was now a visible pinkish haze.

‘Why… why does this feel familiar? Like this has happened before?’

Pleasance stood up and raced forward. There had to be an end to the field. Maybe, she could find a town, or travelers, or Vidale… Vidale?

The name Vidale was a small crack in the dam holding back her memories. She didn’t know what it was, but it was a place she knew.

She was sprinting faster now, the stems and petals of lavender trampled quickly underfoot. She ran until she couldn’t anymore. It had been hours, and she remained in the field of purple. The sense of deja-vu overwhelmed her.

‘This has happened before; I have been here after the feast.’

Another crack, this one like thunder as a flash of a smiling woman formed and faded just as quickly. 

‘Who is she?’

Pleasance shut her eyes and tried to snatch at the wisps the burnt traces of the memory left. However, they were only that: wisps. 

Defeated, she considered listening to the pinkish haze and giving into tempting whispers to relax she could now discern from the wind. She reopened them and watched the stalks of lavender gently sway. For some odd reason, the scattered pieces of the woman’s face seemed more attainable. As Pleasance inspected the small rows of violet buds that comprised the plant, the image slowly reappeared, bringing with it a new one.

It was a garden with multiple beds of a variety of flowers, and a young girl was gawking at a bloom of lavender. Although the girl was younger, she could tell it was the same woman. Pleasance had known this person for many years, and she had to be important enough to be connected to the flower in her meadow.

‘My meadow.’

A series of breaks in quick succession. She was standing in her coping mechanism. It wasn’t supposed to be like this; it shouldn’t be stressful. No, that’s incorrect. This was always how her meadow appeared, but there was a reason why it’s calming that was missing. It’s because lavender reminded Pleasance of

‘Ela. It’s her favorite flower.’

The dam broke. Pleasance’s memories flooded back. The familiarity of the field wasn’t only because it was her meadow. She had been stuck here for a week after she blacked out in front of Ela, and now she returned after blacking out again. She was trapped here, in her own mind. Her body was being piloted by someone else, something else, or possibly another part of her. She could remember trying to regain control the last time. Nothing worked. Whatever it was, it had her neatly boxed away as it slaughtered and devoured, and she could do nothing to stop it.

Pleasance settled amidst the flowers. She felt like she could flood the ground with tears, but she had cried enough. Instead, she sat in the endless field of lavender under that warm summer sun.