ConΩror

Divorce Journal – Aftermath

I attended a wedding today of a lady that I have a great deal of respect.  She adopted me as one of her sons as I was learning how to serve people in ministry.  Her presence was not only impactful on my life, but so many others during that season.  As a result, the wedding was a family reunion of sorts.  I was able to sit and fellowship with a number of people I had not seen in years.  The…

Divorce Journal – Coincidence?

We give power to whatever dominates our thoughts.  It is through our giving in to thoughts that create obsessions.  My thoughts were consumed with deep questions about marriage as we approached the day that our divorce would be finalized.  Those thoughts seemed to attract answers through a variety of sources.  Could ay of this have been a Coincidence? I was once advised that I can learn more from…

Divorce Journal – I Saw Her Today

It feels sort of strange to be surprised by the presence of your spouse.  At the point of this journal entry, we had not seen each other for nearly three months.  Our communication ended abruptly after announcing that I was finally filing for divorce.  She did reach out to me once to confirm that the divorce petition was actually registered with the courts, and that was the one exception.  But,…

Divorce Journal – I Need to Apologize

Somewhere in my life I came to the conclusions that words have little to no meaning.  I did not value promises or verbal commitments.  I learned to question everything I heard.  Even words written on a paper, especially those written for the purpose of binding a contract held little weight.  As a result, I became a man of few words.  I took the stance that my actions would say everything that I…

Divorce Journal – Memory Lane

Looking back is dangerous. You cannot move forward very efficiently if you are constantly looking behind you.  There is certainly an argument for being aware of what is behind you.  However, the goal should always involve putting yourself far enough out of harm’s way that your past has very little impact on where you are going. Divorce Journal – Memory Lane Some memories are worth having and…

Divorce Journal – Moving Backward

There are times when the appropriate direction is backwards.  The goal of reversing on a current course is the hope of creating new opportunities or understanding.  This action is most valuable when the current course seems to either come to a close or has all of the wrong signs.  But, it takes a great deal of awareness of your surroundings to identify the signs early enough to prevent committing…

Divorce Journal – On Counseling

Before committing to divorce a couple should pursue all methods available to repair their marriage.  One of the obvious resources available is martial counseling.  I would argue that counseling should be sought prior to and during a marriage.  A couple should seek the services of a counselor or relationship coach on a routine basis to prevent a marriage from getting to the point where divorce…

Divorce Journal – Goodbye Sex

Even before I had it I did not understand the concept of goodbye sex. (Divorce Journal – Goodbye Sex)  I mean I tried it once in high school, but it was an act of revenge on a cheating girlfriend.  I assumed that goodbye sex was some sort of parting gift to each other, not a malicious act to declare the end of a relationship.  But, I struggle with understanding the purpose of sharing in intimacy…

Divorce Journal – I Saw Your Wife

It would seem that making the decision to divorce would be the hardest part.  I would argue that dealing with the consequences of the decision are far more difficult than reaching the conclusion.  Once the decision to divorce is made, then you have to endure all of the opinions or reactions of those that know you and your spouse. I was not prepared for the “I saw your wife” or “I saw your wife’s…

Divorce Journal – Choosing Sides

Divorce involves the painful separation of a wife and a husband.  Marriages that produce children or blend families together must take into account that the children will also face the hardships caused by divorce.  Unfortunately, the hurt does not stop with these parties directly tied to the marriage.  So many other areas are impacted.  A couple that is considering divorce must be aware of how…

Divorce Journal – No Need To Respond

The purpose of journaling is to capture thoughts, feelings, dreams, and events.  Journal entries will serve as a measure of how far you have come, or offer an explanation to you or someone else of what was occuring in your life at a particular point. The experience of journaling seemed to be a worthy endeavor, especially if it could be used as a tool to measure progress.  But, what if there was…

Divorce Journal – “What Are We Doing?”

Every relationship should have routine check ins and check ups.  It is interesting that we will keep routine schedules to maintain our bodies, our homes and even our cars, but neglect to check in or get check ups for our relationships.  As much as I believe in this principle, I was not ready to answer my wife’s question.  She wanted to know, “what are we doing?”  This entry shares the struggle…

Divorce Journal – Sex

A willingness to hear each other’s hearts led to open conversations.  Open conversations gave way to deeper transparency.  Knowing what your partner is feeling, thinking and experiencing inspires compromise.  Compromising on a routine basis resulted in comfortability, and the desire to spend more time together.  The more time we, two people who were emotionally charge and comfortable with each…

Divorce Journal – The Tables Are Turning

You cannot treat someone a certain way and expect them to believe your words.  A reasonable person will respond in a manner that gives them the best personal outcome.  It is called self-preservation. Her reaction was to return to behaviors that placed the relationship in jeopardy from the beginning.  Wisdom would suggest that if something did not workout well over an extended period of time, then…

Divorce Journal – Conviction

It is interesting how everything seems to have meaning for your current situation when you are faced with a major decision.  You can watch a television show and one of the character’s storylines will seem to parallel your own.  The lyrics of a popular song played on the radio will seem to capture your every emotion.  You find yourself in earshot of strangers, and their conversation tempts you to…

Divorce Journal – A Softening Heart

Fast-forward approximately three months into my journal entries and I find myself questioning my own feelings.  Have I begin to change my mind?  In previous entries I discuss how my wife has basically ignored my decision.  She is continuing to treat me as her husband – as if a decision has not been made to divorce. During this period, I record in my journal that I would submit myself to prayer…