i was recently at a party discussing my reflex to reply "kill yourself" in response to sexual harassment. one of the guys in the discussion was like "isn't that a little harsh?" he should know better than to talk to strangers- strangers aren't always nice. "what if he was geniunely saying 'good morning, beautiful' in a kind way?" there is no 'kind' way to greet a woman with an unsolicited remark about her looks. "what if he's having a bad day?" that doesn't give him the right to actively make my day worse- he should kill himself
something I should add is that I did not attempt to convince this man that all men have ill intentions when they say 'kind' remarks. that is something I will never waste my breath arguing with a man about.
every man believes that when he delivers a compliment he has soley pure intentions, and therefore, so do (at least some) other men.
Of course, if you have an understanding of and first hand experience with objectification, then you know that regardless of intent, objectification always contributes to the othering women, marking us as a lower class available for consumption.
But, for men, this othering is the natural state of women and not a conscious act many are performing. If the natural state of women is that they are only valued for their looks, calling a woman 'beautiful' is an act of benevolence. He proclaims her worth as above the 'less beautiful' other women. This is only acceptable if you veiw women as natural competitors for the attention of men above all else. She's 'winning'- that's why she should feel flattered. Those are the 'good intentions' of his 'compliment.' This is chauvanism aka benevolent patriarchy.
Trying to explain the negative effects of objectification to a man with these such deeply held beliefs is futile. If a man challenges you as to how you knew another man had ill intention (in any scenario), simply answer "girls just know." Becuase we do. We just know. + Any woman within earshot of this conversation is likely to back you up.
