Maybe I am a unicorn...
I’ve been thinking about me and my feelings about romance and relationships a lot recently. I realized awhile ago that I am grayromantic, simply meaning I do not experience romantic feelings very often. Even when I was younger, I didn’t have crushes in the traditional sense. I would really want to be friends with people, because of the admiration I felt for them. I would say I wouldn’t be opposed to dating them if I was asked, but I never was starry eyed in love with someone. My fondness for other people happens only after we’ve gotten to know each other better. I care greatly for my friends, and I’ve always valued friendships over a romantic relationships.
I’ve only been in two romantic relationships in my 22 years of life, only lasting about 6 months each. Otherwise, I’ve felt like a relationship is a big emotional commitment, and I don’t feel that I am emotionally prepared for that at most times. I think I’m weird because I feel like you can do most of the things in a relationship with friends. I give my friends gifts, go on “dates”, and even kiss etc. Maybe my brain is just too silly and I should open myself up to that, but I don’t like how limiting some relationships can be. It’s probably about finding the right person.
So why do I think I’m a Unicorn? Well I enjoy the times I’ve gotten to interact with the couples I have in the past. Both together and separately. I like being able to be there for either person and kind of being involved but superfluously. I can give them gifts and hang out, but not feel emotionally drained. But maybe that’s just because I’ve had a bleh time.
In any case, I’ve been thinking about polyamory and stuff like that for myself as well, I think it may be a part of my identity but I’m not sure. Unicorn is always like an almost derogatory word, but I felt like it was the best to describe my conundrum. It’s better than being called a whore in this case. Which someone did use as a way to describe me to an uninvolved party. Which I laughed at but still kinda felt weird... Learning about this part of my identity is really confusing.
