#upsetti spaghetti

"Hurty in your spagurtti"

my body is slowly deteriorating and theres nothing i can do about it but sit and stew in the pain it causes me

there are very few “gets better” moments and they tend to be drowned out because theyre so fast and fleeting - i get better just to get worse doing an everyday task

its easy for those im surrounded by to forget my pain but in my reality - its all ive ever known because its all i can remember so ill live with it from damn near birth to death

sometimes i look at someone whos being ableist n shitty n all i can think is that ive had more pain in a week than youll ever have in your entire fucking life - how is that fair you get to be an asshole with a working body while i suffer for seemingly nothing

would it be due to something i have done long before this life - maybe then it would be understandable

i grieve for the things ill never get to do that to other people it would be something mundane that they will be able to do easily - i fear that if i live long enough to adopt children because i doubt ill be having my own i wont be able to carry them let alone be someone they will see as strong in any way

i grieve for the loss of myself and my body

i grieve for the things ill never be able to do

i grieve for the things ill i used to enjoy and do

i grieve for the person i couldve been

i grieve for what i have become

i grieve for the things i cannot stop

i grieve for those like me

i grieve for how isolated and alone i have become

i grieve for the ostracization from the people ive known my whole life

UUUUGGGHHHHH

I lost a full two hours of writing and editing on my fiiiiic