bleeds light.

@conbusit liked this

     The redhead was humming and awwwing about whether she should tell her current companion about the group of ‘dingbat’ boys across the way from them in the mall, head tilting slightly before hands firmly place themselves on the food court table.

     “ Em…I believe those…boys are trying to get your attention? ”

           the text comes. his heart flurries to his throat and he contemplates whether or not he should get out and look around. he doesn’t have time, she is there, and he is stunned by her beauty.                       ( she is gorgeous, a breath of crisp air in the morning. the feeling of coming home resounds in his chest, in his mind, and he wants to curl up next to her. he wants to vanish with her, to create anew in a different place that they haven’t been to. )

           she is breathtaking. his heart swells.

                                 ❛❛hey.❜❜ his answer comes quick, and with steady hands ( he kept breathing, he kept trying. ) he holds the bouquet out for her. a gift he hopes she adores.                       ❛❛these are for you.❜❜

           please like them, his thoughts swarm, but there’s that inkling of she’ll hate them, she’ll hate you, this was a mistake. he rushes those thoughts to the back of his mind, and only now does he realize they match. light && dark blue. he is charmed beyond words.

                                 ❛❛you look …❜❜ astounding. beautiful. gorgeous. ❛❛like a princess.❜❜ elegant. regal. otherworldly.

&  all  the  air  is  stolen  from  her  lungs  .  she  spots  the  pink  roses  first  .  then  the  carnations  (  according  to  bob  washington  ,  her  mother  used  to  love  them  )  . there’s  a  dozen  others  as  well  &  her  cheeks  blush  as  pink  as  the  roses  .

‘  thank you  ...  they’re  beautiful.  ’

it’s  the  first  genuine  smile  shes  had  in  months  .  the  scent  of  the  flowers  is  masking  her  new  daisy  perfume  &  the  petals  are  pressing  kisses  to  her  cheeks  but  frankly  ,  she  couldn’t  be  happier  .

(  it  made  her  feel  wanted  .  like  he  actually  wanted  her  .  this  wasn’t  some  SHITTY  dare  date  .  he  wouldn’t  have  gone  to  so  much  effort  )  .

           the anxiety only intensifies when he finally arrives at her’s. but it’s matched with the feeling of anticipation. he feels as though he might burst from his skin, beauty and unrefined. the flowers are clutched close to him, protective of such a small thing.

           he nearly drops his phone tugging it from his pocket. nerves wracking his fingers and he takes a breath to calm himself. he remembered his meds today. he feels okay.                       josh looks up at the building, enraptured and vaguely annoyed of the ❛ father figure ❜ that lies within. he is reminiscent of a villain from a game, poised neutrality in the exposure of others. dangerous. no matter.

           that is not why he’s here.

                      【 to EMILY: i did anyways. i’m outside. :) 】

she’s  not  putting  her  shoes  on  until  the  risk  of  them  making  a  sound  is  long  gone  .  (  three  more  doors  with  heavy  locks  &  a  sliding  glass  door  onto  her  back  porch  )  .  tight  clad  feet  dash  across  the  tiles  ,  skipping  from  stone  to  stone  .  the  bright  lights  of  josh’s  car  catch  her  eyes  and  she  turns  ,  a  GRIN  wide  on  her  cheeks  .  she’s  risking  it  now  ,  high  heels  on  &  her  fingers  grace  at  her  hair  ,  adjusting  it  to  make  sure  it’s  perfect  .  

[ TEXT to : josh :) ] i c u

there’s  terror  in  her  skin  &  the  fact  is  that  she  might  ruin  their  friendship  .  or  they  could  have  a  wonderful  date  and  everything  will  be  sunshine  &  roses  &  they’ll  both  be  perfectly  happy  (  but  this  is  reality  )  .  

grasping  onto  the  gate  ,  she  exits  ,  the  edges  of  her  dress  almost  catching  on  the  gate  .  a  FLUSH  comes  to  her  cheeks  as  she  opens  the  car  door  ,  sliding  down  next  to  him  .

           he’s stopped at the flower shop when he gets the two texts, and josh recognizes the want to leave parents out of it. his contact with his own are kept to refill his medication and those family vacations he’s obligated to join.                       thinking about that would damper his mood. he pays attention to the bouquet in his hands, instead.

           a beautiful addition, rich in colour and vibrant in ways he could never be. he hopes she likes it. ( though, suddenly he’s acutely aware she could hate it. )

           【 to EMILY: i’m less than ten minutes away. i got you something. 】

           the road is familiar. he’s been to her house countless times. they’ve snuck off to be children enough times. it’s different now, though.

she  could  waste  all  the  air  in  her  lungs  TRYING  to  tell  him  that  she  doesn’t  need  anything  .  (  he’ll  never  listen  )  .  high  heels  in  her  hands  ,  she  patters  down  the  stairs  .  (  wincing  as  she  passes  her  fathers  study  )  .  noises  echo  around  from  his  room  &  she’s  telling  herself  that  he  WON’T  hear  her  .

her  dress  ,  deep  blue  &  velvet  ,  cut  at  her  knees  .  her  hair  ,  twisted  up  (  it’s  been  years  since  she  put  THIS  MUCH  effort  into  the  date  )  .  her  lungs  ache  ,  purse  in  her  other  hand  .  placing  down  her  shoes  ,  she  twisted  the  doornob  (  it  was  pure  luck  that  it  didn’t  creep  )  and  tiptoed  across  the  floor  .  with  a  delicate  movement  ,  she  closed  the  door  .  

she  doesn’t  ask  her  dad  before  she  leaves  (  uncommon  &  she  knows  that  she’ll  get  in  DEEP  shit  with  her  dad  for  leaving  without  permission  )  .  but  she  knows  he’ll  say  NO  .  it  won’t  be  words  so  much  .  more  a  cruel  laugh  &  a  backhanded  slap  .  but  maybe  this  is  josh  ,  finally  allowing  her  forgiveness  for  her  crimes  .  she  hopes  it  is  .  cherry  lipsticks  ,  vodka  ------  the  good  shit  ,  some  HIGH  QUALITY  victoria’s  secret   underwear  &  three  too  many  pairs  of  high  heels  .  what  is  she  EXPECTING  ??  

her  lipstick  matches  the  chipped  paint  of  the  cable  car  .  HIGH  HEELED   boots  cut  through  the  snow  as  she  waits  .  the  GORE  of  the  station  haunts  her  .  she’d  have  expected  josh  to  meet  her  down  here  .  or  someone  .  or  maybe  SOMEONE  else  being  here  for  the  PARTY  .  maybe  even  the  sound  of  music  ?  but  there  was  nothing  .  the  doors  were  unlocked  &  the  station  was  trashed  but  she  barely  noticed  it  .  just  moved  her  bags  into  the  cable  car  and  ignored  the  incoming  texts  from  her  phone  from  the  caller  id  for  SPERM  DONNER  .  (  he’s  no  father  to  her  )  .  

the  lodge  is  empty  .  a  LONG  drag  ,  pulling  two  suitcases  up  a  hill  in  heels  was  work  .  (  &  the  lodge  was  LOCKED  )  .  in  a  haze  of  p!atd  songs  blaring  from  headphones  ,  cold  fingers  tapped  over  her  phone  (  she  pays  extra  for  a  satellite  phone  .  no  more  no  signal  bullshit  for  her  )  .

[ TEXT to : josh w. ] bruh ??? u @ the lodge yet    ????  im  alon in the  cold  !!!

------    you play your muse perfectly. who gives a fuck what some anonymous shady bitch things? i swear that AT LEAST one person ( and me ) thinks you play them perfectly. love yourself. love your muse. the ud community has had its faults & bumps but we’re amazing ( esp. compared to others ). so don’t be a lil bitch and hide behind your computer and shit on people for trying their hardest and their best.