Sophiz🪲🔮

one day you’ll know

one day you’ll know im not as weak as you think

one day you’ll know im not as tough as i seem

one day you’ll know how much you ruined me

one day you’ll know how you ruined everything for me

one day i’ll stop associating words and events with you

one day i’ll stop getting memories from you

one day i’ll think about how much i loved you and one day i’ll laugh about how much i thought i hated you

one day you’ll also realise how much you thought of me as a shadow of you

I disappoint everyone 

I never fulfill expectations 

And the problem is that I’m seemingly selfish but I’m not even happy

I’m not happy with what I am

What I do

How I do it

I’m not satisfied with any results that I get because I thrive for an approval and validation that I never get

I crave for someone to say they’re  proud of me and mean it

For someone to say I’m enough 

I yearn for a time where for once i could be seen for who I am and not who I could be

I’m sick of being told I have potential 

Because having potential means you’re never enough 

It means you could never be “the best”

People say I’m “imperfectly perfect” but i can never see the perfect part of it all

I only see what’s broken so maybe I am the issue 

People claim they love me so why do I feel so god damn unlovable?

Is it egoistic to run from my feelings?

Is it unfair to people that u cannot accept their kindness?

Is it arrogant to not show them my true self?

Is it selfish to try to please everybody around so badly that I only end up disappointing them?

Is it selfish that I’m not happy?

Is it ungrateful that I’m sad?

Is not having only positive feelings so bad that I have to be punished for it?

Does feeling good about being great at something make me a narcissist?

Do you hear the secrets that the wind carries? 

Do you see the words that the fallen flower petals spell out?

Do you try to uncover the mysteries hidden in the night sky?

Do you pay attention to the strays of sunlight peaking through the trees?

You don’t and I know it.

You don’t pay attention to the little things.

You never did.

You never noticed the way I tremble at your touch.

Never  asked about my interests.

Never cared to ask what flowers I liked or why my favourite characters were always the sad ones.

You never wondered why I refused food when offered to.

You never asked to read my poems.

Never picked up even when I needed you the most.

I don’t think you hear the song of the summer rain. 

I don’t think you feel the winter lingering in April. 

I don’t think you feel the salt in the sea,you’ve only ever known the water.

You only see the surface of earth but never cared to dig down to its core. 

You are like the moon, beautiful but distant.

Or maybe you aren’t. 

Maybe you won’t kill me in an instant,maybe it’s me who’s acting like an infant 

Who am I to blame you for something that may only exist in my head?

If I reach out would you bite?Are you full of spite? 

Will I ever know just how you see me in your eyes? 

Am I drenched in light? 

Do I move with grace? 

Does my message bring a smile to your face?

Or am I painted blue with shades of grey? 

Do all the flowers wilt upon my touch?

Do you pity me and do I crave it? 

Is it torture to keep me around? 

Am I the Sun, am I the stars?

Or am I Pluto-Easy to forget, unimportant and unwanted by the crowd? 

Oh,Moon,oh what id give to have a piece of your mind,to have a place in your heart,to rest in your arms and run my fingers through your hair.

What is that you want? 

What is that I could give you? 

Is it my soul,my eyes,my cries,my voice,anything and everything,all of me is yours and yet you won’t ever be mine for the taking.

I’ll pray at Aphrodite’s alter,I’ll leave  offerings and I’ll dream of your face but still it won’t ever be enough to call you mine.

So what’s a girl to do?

Summary: Beggars can't be choosers

TW: None.

Note: * Adam and Eve it = Believe it

Word count: 964

Chapt 10 | Chapt 12 TBD

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Your yell startles Spider Punk, which freezes him to the spot. The bullet graces his arm enough that there is blood. Spider punk holds his arm and turns to the man and shoots more webs to disarm him. The man is immobile by now. You run to Spider Punk and check on his wound.

“How could you be so careless, Hobie?” You used his name again.

Spider punk stutters, taken aback by your words. “Who—who’s Hobie?”

You look up at him, and it dawns on you that you have let the cat out of the bag. Spider Punk is speechless. He couldn’t fathom his identity being leaked like this. Especially to you. Before he can process the situation, he grabs you by the waist and swings off to a nearby roof.

As soon as he lands, he puts distance between you two. He assesses the situation as best as he can while bleeding out and in pain. He turns to you, speechless again. He needed to keep up the charade.

“Yer in shock.” He starts.

You are like the moon, beautiful but distant.

Or maybe you aren’t. 

Maybe you won’t kill me in an instant,maybe it’s me who’s acting like an infant 

Who am I to blame you for something that may only exist in my head?

If I reach out would you bite?Are you full of spite? 

Will I ever know just how you see me in your eyes? 

Am I drenched in light? 

Do I move with grace? 

Does my message bring a smile to your face?

Or am I painted blue with shades of grey? 

Do all the flowers wilt upon my touch?

Do you pity me and do I crave it? 

Is it torture to keep me around? 

Am I the Sun, am I the stars?

Or am I Pluto-Easy to forget, unimportant and unwanted by the crowd? 

Oh,Moon,oh what id give to have a piece of your mind,to have a place in your heart,to rest in your arms and run my fingers through your hair.

What is that you want? 

What is that I could give you? 

Is it my soul,my eyes,my cries,my voice,anything and everything,all of me is yours and yet you won’t ever be mine for the taking.

I’ll pray at Aphrodite’s alter,I’ll leave  offerings and I’ll dream of your face but still it won’t ever be enough to call you mine.

So what’s a girl to do?

sure sure sure