a constellation

all u need to know for now:

#comic -> comic posts #text -> text posts #ask -> ask posts #[name] -> posts involving/made by [name]

talking to more people and friends. thinking abt a lot of what people have told me. learning to accept things more

finally let flower take over for like . 10 hours sob. big thing btw !! (i usually keep pushing them away 🥹)

uhh they didnt make a post here because this blog is mostly run by me (we dont have internal communication so like .they dont rlly feel the need to post here cus it wasnt a group decision to make it) and also i think they were too anxious anyway (cus they did think about it but chose not to)

but they played their favorite games with some friends we haven't spoken to in a while and i think they had a lot of fun

idk. just a little update

i think they're all real. and idk. felt good to finally like.. accept it and let them be happy instead of clinging to that tiny semblance of "control" i had or whatever that denial was to me. that fear

i wish i could reply to everyone, but i think i got a little overwhelmed at how many people have seen it. but i wanted to at least say i do see and read your comments/reblogs/asks and i'm glad that what i've made can resonate with people, and im grateful for everyone who offered their support to me

a lot of what people have told me have genuinely made me try looking at things through a different lens. idk, it's still tricky to accept, but those people along with some friends i've spoken to have made me feel a bit better about things

i wish i could reply to all of you guys but i'm not kidding when i say i originally made this blog expecting maybe a handful of people to see it. an audience this big was... unexpected to say the least !! but i'm happy to have you all, even if it's a little intimidating

Blebh I'm rambling but as someone with a similar experience (right down to originally thinking I was fictionkin) I just wanted to pop in and give some reassurance that you're not alone in this + it's alr to be hesitant abt it! Oka that's all have a good timezone :,]

yeyea... thank u anon

and everyone else too. i'm a little hesitant to directly respond to everything but i've seen a lot of what people have been saying and... i guess it does feel good to be seen and hear the support. i wasn't really expecting much (idk what i really was expecting, i just needed somewhere to throw down all of my thoughts ig). i'm also happy that it can bring some sort of comfort to people in a similar boat as me... regardless of what i end up concluding, it does feel nice to be helpful.

ahh sorry i might just start rambling oops. but man.. fictionkins. i've called all of these 'parts' kins for years now and it's very strange to think that they might actually be separate people. a part of it feels like it makes sense ??? but i don't know if it'll ever stop feeling so fake. but i think i'm just getting too caught up in that denial. i've been kinda alone in my head for a while (which has significantly contributed to my denial) but my friend kinda helped me realize that i'm probably alone because every time i feel like someone else i shove them out forcefully and reject the idea that i could be feeling like anyone other than "me" (void). i just need to stop resisting so bad and just step back and let them exist... especially since lately it's mostly been flower trying to exist but they're not really assertive at all so it's easy to shove them away...

idk, i don't really want to ramble too much because it's already a little awkward being so vulnerable. i'm still not really used to so many eyes... i was expecting maybe like 2 or 3 people to find this blog but now there's so many... feels so strange to be perceived like this. but i'm a chronic yapper and so this is already way too long oops !! sorry about that

it's mostly out of fear of people we know finding this before we're ready to face things properly.. i don't know anyone who would but im just scared of someone going out of their way to track down who we are. maybe i'm just being paranoid but idk. this blog got a lot more attention than i thought it would and while i guess it feels nice that we aren't insane and people relate to our experiences it's.. not gonna be that easy for us to feel ready ig

(a part of me regrets making this blog but it was an impulse decision because we/i felt so isolated and wanted to get my experiences out there. i wasn't sure if they were system experiences but i wanted to just post silly comics of what happens in my head just to see if i was insane or not for worrying it might be plurality related and. well we're getting our answers i guess lol... originally it was gonna be a place to vent but i didn't feel like spilling out all of my struggles immediately so i went for silly things first just to test the waters)

we're... slowly getting more comfortable? finally talking to a couple friends about it helped but just. please not yet. sorry. we just need more time

after a long while of thinking about it, zee managed to come up with a humanoid design they liked... helped to think about it as themself shapeshifted/illusion'd as a human :) they'll probably prefer being depicted as a fox more often than humanoid, but having a humanoid version of their design might be helpful in the future.

AEEAEEEEEEE GUYS LOOK AT WHAT I JUST GOT IN POKEMON TGCP!!!!! IM SOSOSOOO HAPPYYY i've wanted this card ever since the new pulsing aura pack came out and my DUMB BROTHER got it before me and i forced him to promise me to trade it to me when he unlocked trades.. BUT I JUST GOT IT MYSELF!!! IM SO HAPPY!!!!!!! i mean if he wants to give me his so i have two i wouldnt complain heh... just saying... (i'll let him keep it he agrees its a really nice card, i can always get more eventually)

um. i know this is NOTHING to do with the theme of the blog i just needed to show everyone (aka like 2 people) eheheheeee