Better Male Answers to âNot All Menâ
For several years now, men who give the rote ânot all menâ response to bad male behavior are met with the appropriate âyes all womenâ response. And when this response comes from women it makes sense: centering the conversation on the women who are effected by men in general rather than the thoughts and feelings of individual men makes complete sense. But coming from men, the âyes all womenâ response is unhelpful at best and exculpatory at worst. A better response would be âyes every man.â
Saying that âmen are badâ is not quite complete. âMenâ are not bad because of something inherent in them: not their biological sex, not their gender assigned at birth, not the gender they choose to present as. Rather, each and every individual man is bad because he chooses to be. And this is not solely because of society, or because of the way the men were raised: every single man has a chance to be good regardless of his upbringing and chooses not to. There are men who model each of the acceptable behaviors that are necessary to be a non-terrible person. But no man exhibits all of the behaviors that would be necessary to not contribute to the marginalization, subjugation and elimination of women. Every man chooses to engage in these behaviors, and therefore âyes every manâ is bad. I donât want men to derail a âyes all womenâ by keeping the focus on men. But the men who say âyes all womenâ rather than âyes every manâ are generally doing so as a form of self-congratulation.












