i have no idea what im doing

WHEREDOIEVENBEGIN???????????

Right off the bat, they got the formula right with Legend of the Seeker. I remember seeing an advert for it when I was in college, telling me to watch the first episode on ABC. And I was like “What. Is. This. Corny. Freaking. Fantasy. Show? SO. MANY. HOT. PEOPLE. I CANNOT MISS THIS.” 

So I sat down all by myself, ready to have a blast and laugh, and maybe not ever watch it again. And an hour later, I was like …. shaking …. it was that perfect.

Because, listen. Not only are most of the characters hot (yeah I’m shallow, fuck off I’m allowed), the creators of the show understand that fantasy fans are male, female, gay, lesbian, bi, and all the colors of the damn rainbow, from all walks of life, and they give us SO. MUCH. TO. LOOK. AT. 

But there’s that age-old cheesy fantasy element to it, with the melodramatic dialogue here and there, and the cheesy special affects that are the perfect balance, because it’s just a smidgeon better than Syfy Original Movies, but not SO good that it’s not a real fantasy show. AND it’s filmed in New Zealand, so the setting is SO GORGEOUS and perfect, but also they actually hire a bunch of actors who aren’t just white New Zealanders but also Māori folks, and they all struggle so much with the American accent that it just ADDS TO THE PERFECTION AND ENJOYMENT. 

And the heroes of the show get EQUAL. TIME. Richard Cypher is your typical farmboy who is actually THE SEEKER–the one and only savior of the New World and the Old World–and nobody ever told him he was adopted and actually all powerful–he never asked for any of it, but he embraces it and stumbles through it all the same, making mistakes, letting his altruism take control and effing things up sometimes in a way that makes you go (rolls eyes) RICHARRRRRRRD. And he is fucking HOT. Like, hot DAMN that body. And the pilot OPENS with that man chopping wood shirtless. Like, WAY TO KNOW YOUR DEMOGRAPHIC, SHOW. YAS. 

And then Kahlan Amnell is just…the most AMAZINGLY radical female fantasy character. She is a Confessor and INCREDIBLY powerful–sworn by ancient laws to be the protector of the Seeker, just as generations of Confessors before her have been, and she has the power to make you do or say anything she wants you to…at a cost. And oh my God the ANGST of it is so beautiful, because they basically become her slave and it’s really upsetting and sad because death is the only way to break the spell, so she deals with guilt and responsibility ALL THE TIME. But also she is HOT and she fights with her long black hair all out and the show makes sure to make everything all slow motion so that EVERY EPISODE has at least two or three scenes of the PUREST HAIR PORN. ALSO she wears this stunning-ass white flowing dress with bitchin’ sleeves so you get a lot of white dress and sleeve porn too.

And then there’s Zeddicus Zu’l Zorander, an all powerful old man WEIRD-LOOKING wizard who’s been protecting Richard as he grew up in his foster home, safe from the powers of evil, pretending to be the crazy naked man who keeps chickens. SERIOUSLY. THAT’S WHAT HE DOES. HE’S THE CRAZY NAKED CHICKEN MAN. BUT ACTUALLY THE MOST POWERFUL WIZARD EVER AHAHAHA! And he’s absolutely hilarious and grumpy sometimes, but also such a sappy old man with a heart of gold, and he loves to eat food even though he’s super tall and skinny.

The three of them travel around and fight against Darken Rahl who is ALSO KINDA HOT BY HIS OWN RIGHT even if his hair is icky kinda … The Seeker is supposed to defeat Darken Rahl and save the people from his evilness and his evil D’Haran army. 

And the romance with Richard and Kahlan will IMMEDIATELY drown you. YOU WILL DROWN. And if you aren’t into hetero-love, there are the Mord-Sith who are basically an army of tight leather wearing torturess women warriors who are part of Darken Rahl’s army. And because they’re a bad ass order of women warriors, a few of them are sexually fluid. And it isn’t even male-gaze-y. Like, one of the Mord-Sith who becomes a regular character in season 2, Cara–I’LL GET TO CARA–is unashamedly and unabashedly bisexual. She has relationships with women and men in the show. But Cara. is. so. amazing. Such depth and inner angst and viciousness but she’s soft putty deep down … like if Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn-99 actually acted on the torturous threats she makes (and acted on her bisexuality AMIRIGHT???????) … HER EYE ROLLS ARE THE STUFF DREAMS ARE MADE OF. SERIOUSLY.

But the plot is just GREAT. We see them saving lives and stopping to help people, making mistakes, having to deal with their own inner demons…everything is just so beautiful. And the angst is GREAT. And it’s legitimately FUNNY sometimes, and heartwarming other times. And it hurts sometimes and feels really good other times.

There are so many orders of women who are leaders, sorceresses, fighters … they have so much depth, too. They aren’t just the stereotypical “damsel in distress”, nor are they the stereotypical “STRONG WOMAN” …. Even women who are generally just villagers have moments in which they rise to the occasion to do what’s right and there’s just so much awesome strength and depth in even side characters who are women.

The show was on network TV, but still dealt with sexuality in such an open, normative way … not just by showing bisexual characters and same sex relationships, but also by unabashedly addressing sex and even playing with sex/pain/torture with the Mord-Sith. Like ….. holy shit.

I’ll forever be upset and bitter that Legend of the Seeker was only allowed 44 episodes. Fuck ABC and fuck folks who thought it was a stupid cheesy show and didn’t turn it on when it first aired. BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO CREATED THIS SHOW DESERVED BETTER. THE FANS DESERVED MORE.

But I’ll cherish every single one of those 44 episodes because they’re PERFECT, flaws and all. The flaws are part of its charm.

✩ endless list of favorites ✩