I'll Never Be The Same.

i love laughing about the friend zone because it’s so dumb like you know most of those dudes aren’t even IN the “friend zone” they’re in the “ugh god not this dude again” zone

one day im just gonna do it. im gonna vanish into the scottish highlands like god intended

people were writing “hot or not” lists on the bathroom stalls when i was in 8th grade and the dean of students came on the morning announcements and said something i will never forget “we’ve got some bad apples at this school… and it’s applesauce season" 

It’s funny how some people don’t realize like. When I was in elementary school every year we had “intruder” drills. They were always kinda spooky but I never thought anything of it when I was a kid. The teacher would turn the light off and lock the room doors and we’d all have to quietly hide under desks until the intercom announced it was over. Sometimes there’d be someone walking around and trying the doors to the classrooms to make sure they were locked. Never seemed strange to me as a kid, but talking with my canadian spouse they look mortified

It’s wild how much of life in the US revolves around the unending threat of murder and violence. And by wild I mean a nightmare.

you laugh, but they actually wanted to implement a cursing filter 

The great NSFW ban of tumblr (2017)

You are never too old to learn about necromancy.

i just walked past the apartment beneath mine and through an open window i could hear my downstairs neighbor crying faintly while the song jolene played in the background and im just like… bitch are you okay…?

I actually ended up going back downstairs to check on her and brought some leftover cookies I baked this afternoon. she’s very sweet and going through a Breakup Mood™️ after being cheated on. she’s coming over to my gf and I’s annual bad movie night on Friday and she even let me pet her cat named Clarence

my gf thinks it’s funny but very fitting that our downstairs neighbor was able to summon a concerned lesbian just by playing jolene while crying about being done dirty by a man