find myself in time.

lyric starters from the movie. adjust as necessary.

what does it feel like? 

i need something to die for. 

i have no doubt.

it’s something like happiness.

just tell me what to do.

i need more.

have you ever loved someone madly?

i won’t be ashamed. 

please come to me.

i know who you are and i know you are loved.

tell me your secrets.

who are you in private?

i made a list.

you know what to say.

i try, but i can’t.

tell me that nothing makes sense but the sound of my voice in your head.

words are only glass on a string.

i feel like I’ve been too long with my thoughts anyway.

i’ll never forget it.

what is it you’re so afraid of losing?

when i was born, the nurses laughed hysterically.

when you can’t sleep , tell me how you survive it. 

how could you possibly remember that?

have you ever wanted something so badly you cannot breathe?

all i do well is kill.

would you give me yourself or turn and run?

every time i see you i am overcome.

everything’s there in your name.

i always only think of you by myself.

i nearly lose my vision.

why didn’t you say anything?

i’m right here, love.

i buried that man with my very own hands.

every word is like your kindest touch.

what i’d do to have thе one thing that you have.

i feel the same.

i’m nobody’s pet. 

i’m nobody’s pet. no one’s wife. no one’s woman.

the trials of the rеal world are what matter.

what am i supposed to say?

i’ve heard that line before.

even the sky looks like it’s behind glass.

every letter makes me lose my reason.

i won’t play that game. 

i have nowhere to go.

just talk to me like you do in your songs.

don’t you dare tell me you love me.

what do you do when you’re always waiting to find love at first sight? 

i learned to control my tears.

i’m alone.

i’m tired of yearning.

my first sight of you was my first heart attack.

i can’t resist and i don’t want to fight.

i’ve cornered myself in the loneliest place.

i’ve tried to look away, but i can’t resist.

the ink on the paper makes me nervous.

words can only get me so far.

she’s all i can think about.

i try to tell you.

i won’t let you lose me now that you’ve found me.

they cannot describe the way that it hurts.

i told her mother.

i barely knew that girl at all. 

if i’m naive why does all the poetry say that i might? 

i promised i’d be home all right. 

tell them not to cry at all.

halloween’s my favorite holiday.

i’ve held my breath since i saw her.

i’ve kept everything.

nothing’s even. nothing’s fair.

i can’t resist and i don’t want to fight.

i deserve a happy life.

no.

i can’t live without her.

i think i love her.

i have heard songs that say love conquers everything.

my heart has been burning.

i don’t let you go.

you just have to claim it.  

can’t you see i’m much more than you think?

am i asking for too much?

i deserve a little kindness.

i can still hear them joking.

they’d never seen anything quite like me, apparently

the way i feel is like falling stars.

these words are the truth.

i have no fear.

i’ll swallow my pride.

i don’t know.

i have them hell.

i deserve my due respect. 

you look at me with the kindest eyes.

i’d give anything for someone to say all the words i don’t have and i can’t put together.

i’ll swallow my pride and ask you to stay. 

i see you.

he isn’t well. 

why should i have to beg for what everybody wants?

i read to mysеlf until i go blind.

every morning i’m overcome.

the newly former filmmaker trembles where he sits as he watches cops bustle around his hotel room, going through his things, and talking amongst themselves. a few of them even laugh at some crude joke that the one who seems to be in charge makes, not caring that his body was still lying in the hallway where he'd fallen after being attacked. none of them seem to care that he was still somewhat warm, lying in a puddle of his own blood while the crime scene crew hovers around it. this was just another day for them, another gay man dead, another grisly visit to the cortez. nothing that they haven't seen before.

he brings his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs in an attempt to self soothe. mark was apparently dead, but not gone. somehow, he remained stuck on this plane of existence, bound to the hotel that he'd lost his life in. there was no hope of seeing his grandparents again. no hope of seeing roger again. no hope of seeing collins. no mimi or angel or anyone else he'd ever known who had been taken from him. he bound to the very earth that had been so cruel to him throughout his life.

a sudden nearby presence has mark glancing up from his spot on the floor. a man that he didn't recognize was in a chair and, it seems, he was bound to this hellscape the same as mark. the filmmaker starts to say something when their eyes meet and the entire world changes in an instant. color, brilliant beautiful color, instantly blossoms around them. his surroundings are now made of colors that mark could have never imagined and had long since given up hope of ever seeing.

📘 ── thomas had long since lost hope of ever seeing color. his entire life , up to his death was shades of grey, white & black. & since he was dead , it was safe to assume he would never see it. but that didn't mean he didn't dream about it. the soulmate part of the equation was something a little more complicated. he was an outcast in his childhood , & in his teens , brainwashed to conform to societal norms. he was afraid of his sexuality , but more so , will i be good enough for him ?

it's thoughts like this that remained with him through the years. countless scenarios ran through tom's head , wondering just how it was supposed to happen. as the final years of his life came to pass , it was nothing but an after thought in the back of his head. & when he died , all there was left was his deep seated anger manifesting in the hotel. sometimes tom is unlucky enough to remember the terrible violence he caused when his "other half" became in control.

the amnesia has blessed him on this particular day. thomas wakes up in a corridor , blood on his hands. , & all over his shirt fuck. in a panic he runs from the scene , not wanting to run into the soul he just killed. tom has no reason to fear them , grey will protect him , but the anxiety is too much. instinct is to run to the nearest empty room to wash his hands , but then he hears someone down the hall.

there is a vacant chair behind a small alcove he could hide in. tom takes the seat & pulls his legs up , willing himself to disappear but before he can he meets a pair of eyes. & suddenly , his world is filled with color. pupils dilated , he's skittish as he drops his legs to the floor. his blood covered hands laying awkwardly in his lap. a once over around the room , taking it all in. the cortez is unfortunately very dull , but it is exciting all the same.

❝ i should be asking you the same thing.  ❞ finally finding his words. who was this mysterious stranger ? the mysterious handsome stranger at that.  ❝ thomas m. brooks , i would shake your hand but --   ❞ this was really shaping up to be a disaster.