hey!!! I've been wanting to ask this regarding MYM; but like, what really made gojo fall in love with reader in the first place? like was it just sex, her physical appearance and then the awful kink that followed? i lowk found him so freakin gross esp with the 'if i want you i get you' stuff, and im not sure what that says about him as a person (actually, i am sure). anyhow! i was just curious. i suppose it's not impossible for two ppl having sex to end up bonding like that; but this dude had sex... a lot. and pretty much viewed MC as a set of holes before having even met her
omg i love questions like these regarding character psychology idk why ๐ญ but this was actually something i wanted to get into with that whole balcony conversation w/ geto yet i didn't because the conversation was getting way too long so thank you for giving me the excuse to dive into this. p.s. this is also going to be way too long so i apologize in advance, but i feel like yapping LMAO
to start, i think it is glaringly obvious that satoru did not love y/n at all in the beginning. their relationship was PURELY based on lust. of course, when she first came to usc she was the new girl with a famous qb dad and everyone wanted her, and satoru was operating with that very typical frat boy mentality of "i need to fuck her first", so in his mind she was literally just going to be that. she would be just another girl he wanted, slept with, and eventually moved on from like the rest. so yes, his mindset was GROSS. he was supposed to be unlikable at that point and he may still be unlikable for a lot of people, which i totally understand.
HOWEVER, what happened the first time they fucked is the point where she IMMEDIATELY became different from every other girl he'd been with. yes, satoru has had plenty of sex prior to y/n, arguably maybe even good sex, but before her he had never fucked a girl raw nor finished inside one, which off the bat made her different and is when everything started snowballing. because after that he wants her again and again and the more he sees her, the more time they spend together, and the more he actually gets to know her instead of her just being this girl he wants to fuck.
unfortunately, because i never intended on making this a series ๐ญ, a lot of that development happened off page, but i'd say they genuinely did become close. he learned about her life, her family, the way she grew up, etc. and i think he eventually realizes that they're actually a lot more similar than he initially thought.
they're both incredibly privileged people, who also, ironically, have spent most of their lives controlled by other people. y/n with her father and satoru with his parents, although he never really gave y/n the full picture of that control on his side as i think i've hinted at.
so somewhere along the way, y/n stopped being this girl satoru wants to fuck and became this girl he liked having around, and then THAT became i don't want her to ever leave. which is where satoru starts having a huggeeee problem as we saw. because from what we've gathered about his character, he has been taught all his life not to need, want, love, or dream things. so once y/n becomes something that could tick a few of those boxes, his first instinct is to drive her away. HENCE the blonde girl he posts on his story after the reallllyyy fucked up shit he said during sex with y/n the night before.
but when y/n ALMOST gets with the tke guy, satoru realizes that he cannot fucking handle the thought of her choosing someone else that isn't him. and instead of doing the normal and healthy thing of just admitting that he likes her and will become a better man for her, he thinks, oh let me just do something so that she literally can't leave me even if she physically does. which is absolutely fucked up, yes.
this is where his fixation on permanence really kicks into overdrive, because in his deranged ass mind, permanence = security. if something ties them together forever, such as a literal baby, he will never have to experience the vulnerability of wondering whether she'll choose to stay. and then, obviously, the pregnancy happens and that is when his feelings for her changed tremendously, because suddenly this idea he'd been treating like a fantasy has become reality. now y/n isn't just the first girl he's ever emotionally attached to, but she's also 1. carrying his child and 2. potentially going to become his family.
and with the most current chapters, it's been established that underneath ALL of satoru's bullshit, he's just a damaged young man who craves closeness SOOOO badly that it's borderline pathetic. he's never had that kind of unconditional closeness with anyone so now there's this possibility that he could create it himself with y/n and their baby, but of course we've seen how all that went down and how poorly he handled it and why ๐
so long story short, he didn't initially love her whatsoever or believe that she'd ever become important to him, but because of the first hookup she immediately became different to him, and that difference opened the door for everything else to snowball into where we are at now.
he definitely does love her at this point, but the problem now isn't whether he loves her, it's that he doesn't know how to love her without trying to possess her.
eventually, he'll have to learn how to love her correctly and healthily, just as y/n will have to do with him.
thank you for reading my yapfest if you've made it this far ๐ญ
