The fine art of bullshit.
Fanfiction, has it lost it's art? The art of spouting whatever nonsense of your favorite fandom? Putting 'y/n' in the most garbage outfits, that don't match and are such eye sores to imagine or even look at? Characters that are too smug for something that borders on sexual harassment? Pacing your room for hours and imagining your favorite character and you, your self insert, or oc interacting? Have we lost originality, has AI taken over what was delightfully shitty and made it ungodly shittier to a unforgivable degree? To answer that question; I say no.
Welcome to my fanfiction series starring my oc's: The fine art of bullshit. Where I spew unrealistic bullshit from my head, out on a tumblr post and expect people to find it as humorous as I do. Enjoy.
I like know I'm advertising my creative writing but if someone could let me know if you like this that would be super cool lol.
Chapter 1: Driving without a license to avoid a shitty dinner.
disclaimers: improper characteristics of someone under the influence of marijuana, shitty descriptions of driving. OOC Subaru (he has a job)
The house was silent. If one could even call it that, it was huge. It was so big that nobody could even hear Reiji, the second oldest brother whipping away at the kitchen, doing god knows what to the food he was making for everyone.
The game room was where everyone congregated, not to do anything but just be. Luli was a rather large girl, messing around with the pool table and playing by herself since nobody else cared to play with her.
Pumi was lounging on the small seating, the one that Reiji swore up and down was purely for decoration. She hadn't even spoken a word to another sacrifice since she'd been there. Just staring.
Kiyoko was actually reading. Squinting at the text on a book that had faded over the years. They weren't even sure if this book was in public libraries in it, it was so old.
Hana was doing her nails, filing them down and glancing over at the door every two seconds. She'd been complaining of not having her phone since she's gotten there, occasionally groaning in boredom.
Kenji wasn't any better, he's been destroying porcelain items since he'd been there. He wasn't even clumsy, he did it for fun. He was the reason the sacrifices had to have an accountability buddy, his buddy was Yuki.
Yuki was sort of the big brother to everyone. Having been there for not even a week and trapped in a huge home one could get lost in, away from family- someone had to be the 'adult' in the group.
Yuki had walked into the space, his eyes half-dimmed, not an ounce of life to it. Not like the light was there to begin with, that man had been dragged his whole life. "Reiji is making supper. He is pissed." He let out exasperated, taking a seat next to Pumi.
Hana huffed and looked over at him. "Pretty sure that guy's always pissed." She rolled her eyes, putting the nail file down.
Yuki looked over at Hana, blinking a bit. "Okay well, he's got something in the crockpot and he's.. just staring at it. We could be eating a head tonight." He wasn't even kidding.
Luli had looked over at him, running a hand through her hair. Neither side was winning. She sucked at this game. "Okay.. have you tried to ask him what's going on?"
Yuki stared at her bewildered. "No. The last time I did that, He just tried to give me his tea." He spoke, glancing over at Kenji who just shook his head. "Never take that man's tea."
Luli slowly nodded, looking back at the pool table and trying to line a shot. Kiyoko finally shut the book and look over at him. "Okay guys, I really don't want to eat what's in the crockpot. What if it's poisoned?"
Kenji scoffed, shaking his head. "I wouldn't put it past him."
Yuki nodded, fishing out something in his pockets. The metal clanked together and dangled in view of everyone. Even Pumi had glanced over, her elbow on her knee and her head in her hands.
"You have keys?" Hana squeaked out, immediately getting off the floor. "Car keys? We could have gotten out of this shithole like ages ago."
"Not exactly," Yuki spoke, swinging the keys in his hand. "Shu only gave me this so I can go to work. He did some shit to it and it alerts him if I go off course."
Everyone let out a groan. Kiyoko had looked like they could actually rip their hair out. Yuki put his hand up in defense, "But, Since I work at this pizza joint-"
"Wait I thought you were like a teacher assistant?" Luli hummed out, finally getting a ball inside the hole.
"I thought you worked at the cinema?" Hana stared at him unamused, her hands on her hips.
"Just fucking spit it out." Kenji whined, slumping in the chair. Yuki cleared his throat, with a numbed expression etched into his face. "Well, Since the car won't alert him if I went to Pizza-la, I thought we'd just go there for dinner."
Everyone began to scatter from their spots, Yuki had to bellow out "BUT, Luli has to drive. I'm too tired." He spoke, tossing his keys towards her.
She clumsily caught it, staring at it like it was the gift of life itself. "Why can't someone else do it?" Hana whined, scoffing her shoe against the ground.
"Well I can't drive," Kenji spoke, squinting at Kiyoko. "Neither can they." He pointed, then at Pumi. "She'd probably drive us into a wall, she looks like an active suicide risk."
Kenji finally looked at Hana, tilting his head where the bulging vein in his neck was prominent. "Any more questions, Princess? You drive anywhere?"
Hana squinted at him, a sneer forming on her lips. "Oh shut up, lets go already." She spoke, leading the way through the maze of halls.
Now why didn't any of the brothers bother to care that they were leaving, when they could hear them from miles away? I'm not taking questions at this time, leave me alone.
Luli had held the key in the palm of her hands, it was a hard weight in her hands. "Wait, I thought you and Kiyoko had drivers licenses?"
Kenji nodded, his lips pressed into a thin line as he opened the front door and held it open for everyone to pile out. As soon as the door closed, Kenji looked at her dead in the face.
"I am high right now. Kiyoko is also high." He spoke, passing by her, with a little pep to his step. He gestured for Luli to get in the drivers seat.
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Luli was a shitty driver. The car was full of silence, Pumi staring dead ahead from the middle seat in the third row. She drove slow, even slower on turns. "You can step on the gas just a fucking smidge," Kenji called out from behind Luli.
Luli licked her lips and slowly pressed on the gas. Yuki stared at her hands on the wheel, the way she barely seemed to blink. He decided not to mention it, she was probably scared of getting caught being out of bounds.
When she'd began to speed up more, traveling through empty streets that usually were more lively than this, Yuki just felt more and more uneased. Did she even know how to drive?
"This is more like it. We might even make it before it closes." Hana taunted out, earning a glare from Kiyoko, who was definitely feeling that edible right about now.
As Luli turned a corner, she had little time to react as a car pulled out of another street. She took her foot off the gas, her eyes wide and her hands gripping the wheel. She put her foot back on the gas, not realizing it wasn't the breaks.
She bumped into the back of the car, the trunk popping open. She finally stepped on the breaks and heaved. "Oh my god, Oh my god-"
"Luli, you fucking idiot.." Kenji drawled out, not sounding as angry as he usually would. Pumi was even shaking, her eyes wide and settling onto the car in front of them. Hana was shaking a little bit. Kiyoko wasn't reacting, just staring out at the window. They were an amateur.
Yuki just ran a hand over his face, digging through his glove box. "It's fine, I have insurance-". "Look!"
Pumi had yelled out, pointing at the trunk of the car. "No, I know we hit someone, it'll be fine-" Yuki began to say, filing the papers against his lap to prepare with the legality of this.
A hand smacked against the driver window, Everyone staring at the man who was begging to be let inside. "You have to help me! HELP ME!" He spoke, his hands bound in duck tape.
Luli stared with wide eyes, not so sure as to how to react. It wasn't like they had room in the car without it taking longer than ten seconds to arrange everyone.
When the man slumped against the car door, another man behind him holding a bloodied knife, Yuki had went into high gear. "REVERSE THE CAR!"
Luli looked down at the console, her heart racing as she tried to figure it out. "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!" She confessed. Yuki grabbed the stick and rolled it to R.
Luli slammed onto the gas, which caused them to go flying back. The man had ran back into his own car, not bothering to shut the door before swinging around and chase them, his car going just as fast.
Luli looked at the rearview, her bottom lip wobbling as she tried to swerve parked cars. Yuki had put it into drive, his eyes glued to the man driving right at them. The car pulled forward, screeching as Luli swerved around the man just enough to barely get a scrape on it.
Hana had pulled on her seatbelt, holding onto the 'oh shit bar' with wide eyes. Pumi was glancing behind them, occasionally letting out a breath. Kiyoko was a different story, not even paying attention to anything. This was kind of like going on a rollercoaster, they barely even paid attention as Luli swerved corners like a madman.
"What do I do? Yuki?" Luli cried out, trying to focus on the road as she sped down the road, looking for a police car that might even pay the smallest attention to what was happening. "Do we call someone??" She whimpered, Yuki was staring at the rearview mirror. "None of us have a phone, Lu." He spoke, biting his lip as the car clicked into sound.
'Alerted to Mister Lazybones, You are off course.'
Luli's heart rate spiked, her palms digging into the wheel. "Does that mean someone's coming to help?" She asked out, pulling into a different street. Yuki ran a hand through his hair. "That's only if Shu isn't asleep-"
The car began to skid and stop. Luli stared in horror, watching the car swerve itself into a parking lot and park itself before locking the doors. Luli banged her head against the wheel, gripping it with shaking hands.
The car had swerved into the parking lot behind them, and all Yuki could do is close his eyes. Hana ducked her head, Kenji as well. Pumi was staring at Luli, and Kiyoko was slumped into the seat, blinking a bit.
"Are we here..?" They asked out, not aware of the horrors happening. Luli put her hands together, putting her forehead against her knuckles as she began to mutter a prayer to herself.
'Please God, great leader above, I am sorry for not driving without a license. I'm not ready to meet my maker, I haven't been worthy of heaven yet- Please send an angel to rescue me and my friends. In god I trust, Amen..'
The silence and tension was high. It was too quiet for something like a serial killer about to kill them. Luli lifted her head, staring at the car behind them from the rearview mirror. The driver door was open, but no sign of the killer.
When a knock came to the window, a man with a bike helmet was at the window. Luli rolled the window slightly, her eyes wide as the man lifted his helmet shield. Subaru.
"You guys are a bunch of fucking idiots." He let out, blinking at her. "Subaru?" Luli let out, rolling the window all the way down. "You are so fucking lucky you parked in my shop or you lot would have been fucking skin pieces to furniture."
Yuki glanced at the shop. It was a mechanic shop. Shu's tracker put him to Subaru's shop. That made sense, kind of.
"Roll the window, get the fuck out of the car Luli." He spoke, opening the door and holding it open for her as she rolled the window. She stepped out of the car, walking with him from view into the shop.
"I think he's gonna chew her out.." Kenji muttered, eyeing the shop.
Whatever Subaru had said, or done, Luli had came back less shakey. She cleared her throat, turning to Yuki. "Uhm.. Subaru is gonna leave his bike at the shop, and he's going to drive us home.." She spoke, licking her lips a bit. "After.. After we get pizza."
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Thank you guys for reading! Kind of my first time in years since I wrote fanfiction. Please leave a comment of what your thoughts are! I'll still be posting, don't expect anything grand, lol.














