One Brain, Mark it Up!

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles | Episode 7B Mrs. Cuddles

WAI-

I drew a quick little comics essay today about a topic near and dear to my heart: horror for kids!

so i’m at petsmart paying the invoice for my cat’s nail trim, and the cashier is staring at me as he taps in the phone number. it brings up my mom’s name and i kind of wanted to assure him my name wasn’t carolyn so i went “haha, that’s my mother. motheeeer.” in what was apparently a distinctive and recognizable voice because he went, “you know, that’s so weird, because i was just thinking i’m gonna watch all the toy story movies tonight. how did you know that?”

i don’t even know that reference because i haven’t seen all the toy story movies and it’s been years anyway, so i definitely didn’t know that but i’m just here like, “haha oh, yeah, i’m a little psychic, sorry.” just a laugh y'know little things can be brushed off.

but he goes, “what color am i thinking of?”

in my head i’m immediately like purple but i tend to second guess myself so i went “uhh, hm. green.” and he went “nope, close,” and despite it not being anywhere close to green i just went, “oh, so it WAS purple.”

and he FREEZES. and he’s like. “…it was green first but i changed it to purple.”

so i’m like “…i thought purple first and changed it to green. nice.”

so that was apparently him trying to dodge my psychic beam and me trying to spare him but we intersected anyway. my jimmies are thoroughly rustled by this point.

but then he’s like, “alright, what number am i thinking of between 1-10.”

i don’t hesitate this time before i look him in the eyes and say, “3. or 4, i guess.” because again i always just give an additional option just in case usually to deter suspicion which. didn’t work because he got so quiet and shrank a little like “…it was 3. i don’t think i like this game anymore.”

Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers

[Caption start]

*Speaking quickly* So before Halloween I decided to get online and try to look for some abandoned cemeteries.

So I ended up finding one but it was in the middle of the woods so I decided to just plug some coordinates and take a chance. And I found something a helluva lot scary.

As I am walking the path to find this abandoned cemetery, um… *voice getting louder* Hands! Hands! Everywhere!!

By now you’re probably thinking to yourself, easyise, hands don’t just crawl what are you talking about? You would be correct.

Um- SPIDERS! FUCKING SPIDERS! DRACULARACHNIDS THE SIZE OF MY FUCKING HAND!!!

So after pissing myself and driving home, uh- I came home and looked it up on the internet and found exactly what it was I saw.

*Louder voice but not quite yelling* And here it is fam! Uh people like to call ‘em golden silk orb weaver *voice getting louder* but I like to call them NIGHTMARE FUEL DIPPED IN YELLOW FUCKING PAINT.

*Yelling* YOU SEE THE UNHOLY SIZE OF- THERE IS NOTHING AMAZING ABOUT THAT ON YOUR FACE!!

WHAT KIND OF ALIEN VS PREDATOR SCP SATAN SHIT-

IS THAT ONE EATING A FUCKING BIRD?!?!

THIS THING IS LIKE VOLDEMORT FUCKED A DEMAGORGON BUT SURE LET’S PUT IT ON A GREETING CARD!!!

*In a incredulous tone* SATAN DOESN’T EXIST?!?! THEN WHY WAS I MET WITH A FOREST-FUL OF THIS SHIT?

CHECKMATE ATHEISTS!