ColdVibeIsKing

WATCHED IN 2020 » Benjamin (2018) dir. Simon Amstell

I cannot stress how refreshing it is to watch a film with a homosexual couple in it, where the main plot isn't just about homosexuality!

There's so much more it talks about: self-esteem, mental health, friendships, identity and love.

Benjamin (Colin Morgan) is a man who doesn’t know how to put his thoughts into words, who doesn’t know how to say what he feels, and maybe doesn’t even know what it is he’s thinking or feeling. The main emotion that he struggles with is love, and don’t we all. Spoilers ahead! 

The film itself is nicely filmed. The immersion of media at the beginning was cool. It caught me off guard when the film I was reading to try and comprehend what the remaining eighty minutes of the film were going to revolve around was actually a film made by Benjamin and not Benjamin itself. As the film progressed, I have to say, Colin Morgan did an incredible job at portraying one of the most awkward people to ever walk the earth, a wonderful performance. 

The story is quite sweet, I think. When Benjamin first sees Noah (Phénix Brossard), the camera does a great job of picking up the instant fascination a person has with another and not being able to take your eyes off of them. Their first interaction was painful to watch, god the second-hand embarrassment! But, admittedly, it was cute. Later on, they stole glances at each other from across the table, and again, the camera picks the feelings so well. Maybe that should be a cheer for Morgan and Brossard’s great chemistry. 

I wanted Benjamin’s film to go great! Admittingly, I’m not sure if I watched it I would be a fan, but I’m not in that universe so that doesn’t matter. The shot of everyone walking away from him at his screening, painful. Getting dumped right after, even worse. Perhaps the failure of the film that had all to do how he struggles with love foreshadowed the failure of his new relationship.

Thankfully, Benjamin goes to look for Noah, and later we are presented with my favorite scene in the film. The intimacy in the bathtub scene was overwhelming. Have you ever just stared at someone without saying anything for a while, while completely vulnerable to them, I haven’t. But I hope someday I do. It was sweet, nice, tender, beautiful even.

The humor in this film is also quite good. I found myself laughing a few times which I always appreciate. However, the stand-up comedy bit hurt to watch. I’m aware that was the intention, so props for executing that perfectly. 

Benjamin and Noah separate again, I know, I know! How many times can a couple separate before you as a viewer are just like ‘give it up!’ I’m not sure. I don’t have answers. Neither does Benjamin, which is the reason for the split. What failed him in his previous relationship, what had prompted him to make the film that didn’t do so well, was his inability to know what he was feeling. Noah’s rightfully put off by this and leaves. Benjamin spirals. That spiral is what he needed, I think, to get it together at least a bit. He sees Noah again, singing a song about him. 

“if you feeling something, say how you feel

You know it’s safe to let someone hold you.” 

How touching and beautiful. It’s what Benjamin needed to hear. The reassurance that it’s okay to feel, it’s okay to feel love, it’s okay to be vulnerably in love and have that person care for you back.

After the show, Noah says he’s moving back to France. Of course, Benjamin is upset by this and begs him not to go. In response, Noah asks him to move to Paris. A few excuses from Benjamin, but of course, when a boy you think you’re in love with and has written a love song about you asks you to spontaneously move to Paris, you have to move to Paris. I like how the film just ends with an “okay”. An acceptance. Hopefully Benjamin learns to use his words. 

The soundtrack of this film was also very enjoyable! I looked it up on Spotify afterward and was pleasantly surprised at the format. It’s a mix of dialogue from the film, classical themes, and songs from Noah’s band which I think were good. I definitely recommend checking that out as well as the film! 

R, 85 min (1h25m), United Kingdom, Drama/Romance/Comedy, Director/Writer: Simon Amstell

Film Thoughts III

i see benjamin as someone who feels very little to no romantic attraction, and when he does, it's under specific circumstances. in the film he meets noah and he is immediatly in awe of this man, but he still struggles with romance and love in that relationship too. and it's a whole journey for him to be able to understand his feelings and actually feel something. it's hard for him to admit he loves someone, and part of it is because loving is scary, but i also highly suspect it's because for the most part he really just doesn't love people romantically, he barely feels that, and only under certain conditions

and it's interesting to compare to the sexual attraction he very clearly feels. he is physically attracted to people, he can easily have sex and enjoy it, he sees noah and is like "oh wow. that french guy singing over there is beautiful and hot". it's the romantic aspect he struggles with

i've never seen anything like this before and it's honestly so refreshing. even tho benjaming isn't explictly described as aromantic or anything, it's so easy to read him that way and i love it

i'm gonna quickly touch on why he's so heavily autistic coded. the way he navigates the world so differently from the rest of the characters, the way he speaks, the way he just doesn't stop talking because he doesn't understand how to have a conversation, the fact he's the most socially awkward person ever, all the random things he says to try to get somewhere in a conversation, and the way he struggles with social cues and what "normal" conversations and situations and relationships look like. the way he tells stephen "you're not allowed to touch me. don't touch me". all the problems he has with articulating his thoughts and explaining himself. how distracted and confused he is all the time. it all screams autism to me

"me too"

"we should get married"