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Author's Note: In this installment, Gertrude grapples with a partial failure, even after she had tried to do the right thing. Sometimes, life just doesn't go our way.

Deedle

Deedle couldn’t remember how long she’d been imprisoned, but it felt like forever. Her health wasn’t what it once was and she didn’t imagine living long enough to ever see the outside world again. 

VP | Windstorm Remastered

Gertrude & Halsin’s Romance

Part 1 🌱

Author’s Note: With this series, I’m taking my first steps into the world of fanfic writing. If you’re reading this, I’d love to hear your feedback! This series is a multi-perspective narrative centered around the experience of Gertrude (my OC).

At the time I wrote this particular story, I didn’t realize that owl bears do not have wings at all- I had thought they had vestigial wings used for gliding, but upon further examination noticed I was wrong! Oh well, I hope you still find it entertaining.

Gertrude

“Chase me,” Scratch barked.

“Too fast,” the owl bear cub whined.

“Chase me,” Scratch barked again.

“Too fast,” the owl bear cub’s whiny voice insisted. 

Sometimes Gertrude wished she couldn’t hear animals speaking. 

“Chase me,” Scratch barked again, crouching low to the ground with his rear end up in the air and tail wagging. 

Gertrude considered finding Gale and asking him for some sort of noise silencing spell. But that would require her going to talk to him. And his tent was by Astarion’s so she might get caught talking to him, too. And to get to their tents, she’d have to walk past Karlach and she would certainly want to stop and talk to Gertrude. No, it was safer to stay put. 

“Too fast,” the owl bear cub spat and stuck his head up in the air. But before Scratch could bark back, the owl bear cub launched himself at Scratch and the chase began. 

Gertrude only earned a minute of relief before they were back again, panting. It turned out Scratch was in fact too fast for the cub. But Scratch’s eyes were lit with excitement. His whole body wagged with his tail. “Again,” he barked. Gertrude rolled her eyes. This was ridiculous. 

“No,” the owl bear cub replied, but Gertrude knew it was only a matter of time before it happened again.

She started to daydream about turning into a giant spider, climbing out of camp without anyone seeing her, and wandering around the city alone. No one would talk to a spider. They would probably scream and run. She’d have solitude at last.

And she’d be able to roam around as her heart desired. Maybe she’d even find that zombie they were supposed to be looking for. Gertrude still couldn’t remember why they signed up for that quest. 

“Chase me,” Scratch barked a little louder. And then they were off yet again, as Gertrude had predicted.

She’d given the team the morning off after Cazador’s Palace. When they’d gotten back last night, Gale and Yenna had prepared an extravagant dinner for them. She suspected Gale had been stress cooking. He was always so nervous when he was left behind in camp.

Even though Gertrude was bone tired, she had made an effort to check in on everyone before sitting down to eat herself. She wanted them to have a chance to sleep in this morning because she figured they wouldn’t all fall asleep right away.

She’d told them to be ready by noon to head out. But that was still hours away and Gertrude was restless. 

Scratch and the owl bear cub crashed back into her tent after chase #2. Why did they always come to her?

Despite being breathless, Gertrude could tell they still weren’t done. As they began to repeat their earlier pattern, it occurred to Gertrude how strange it was that the owl bear cub wasn’t able to catch Scratch.

Owl bears are lethal creatures. She should know, she regularly transformed into one for battle. If the cub jumped and opened his wings just a bit, he could easily close the distance between them while they were running. 

“Owlie,” she called to the cub, then waited for his acknowledgement. He seemed not to have heard her.

“Owlie,” she said again a bit louder. He snapped his head her way and then cocked it as if confused.

“Yes, you,” she said, trying to keep the frustrated edge out of her voice. 

“What?” the cub rasped. 

“Why don’t you fly?” Gertrude asked. 

“Fly?” 

“Yes, fly.” Gods this creature was dumb.

“I cannot fly,” the cub stated simply. 

“Yes you can,” Gertrude insisted. “You’re an owl bear. Owl bears can fly.” Now Scratch cocked his head, too. The cub blinked at her uncomprehendingly. 

“Gods, didn’t your mom teach you?” Gertrude asked him. 

“No flying in cave. No flying in cage. No learn to fly,” the cub finally stated. 

With a groan, Gertrude stood up and said, “Well, come on then.” 

“Come where?”

“To fly,” Gertrude said with a slight smile. Then she transformed into her owl bear form, gently grasped the cub in her talons, and leaped high into the air. 

Halsin

A few hours later, Halsin came by Gertrude’s tent to see if she was ready to head out. He stopped short in surprise when her laughter reached his ears.

He stood and watched as Gertrude counted down from 10 and then Scratch took off at a full sprint. A half second later, Gertrude yelled “now!” and the owl bear cub launched from his position, spread his wings in midair, and landed right in front of Scratch’s nose.

Gertrude cheered and clapped her hands while Scratch barked excitedly. The owl bear cub had a look of triumph on his face.

Halsin chucked, not at all understanding what he was witnessing and loving every second of it. 

When Gertrude looked up and saw him, she patted both creatures affectionately on the head and told them to keep practicing because she’d be back later.

Author’s Note: This is my first venture into the world of fanfic writing. I would love to hear any feedback you have! This is a multi-perspective narrative centered around the experience of Gertrude (my OC).

Halsin

Halsin could see the exhaustion and fear in Gertrude’s eyes, but he didn’t think anyone else could. He knew she didn’t want to do this mission. He knew she was afraid of losing someone, and of it being her fault. But as she spoke, nothing in her tone of voice or body language betrayed her secret doubts.

As she briefed their squad on the tower walkway, Gertrude appeared calm, collected, confident even. He looked around at Karlach and she looked alert and eager, drinking in every word. Even Astarion, who he knew was petrified, looked more than a little inspired. This was why he loved Gertrude so much. Not because she was fearless, but because she had the ability to rise above her fears.

Her courage is what made Gertrude such a phenomenal leader. Leadership isn’t about winning a single battle, it’s about fighting a thousand smaller ones. Making ten thousand difficult decisions. Finding balance, even when none seems possible. And having the stamina to do it day in and day out, over and over again. Gertrude might not believe it, but she was a natural leader. And this, more than anything else she was saying, was how Halsin knew they would be successful. 

Gertrude

We’re all going to die, Gertrude thought as they entered the tower door and began ascending the ladder.

She’d just given the squad a rousing speech, but she hardly believed a word of it. They were not prepared for this. They could have used weeks more training, months even. But when a giant brain is threatening to attack, you can only dilly dally so much.

Gertrude hoped bringing Halsin wasn’t a mistake. He was a strong fighter, but not as effective as Lae’Zel. Unfortunately, her githyanki warrior was still trapped in Orin’s prison who knows how many miles underground somewhere. Gertrude probably wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Lae’Zel’s unshakable confidence in battle often gave her the courage she so desperately needed right now. At least she still had Karlach.

Mostly, Gertrude was worried about Astarion. He talked a big game about killing Cazador, but he wasn’t a very strong fighter in her mind. And lately he’d been saying things that made her question what his true intentions were.

When they’d visited the Dark Justicier temple, Gertrude had barely been able to intervene in time to stop Shadowheart from going down a dark path. She worried whether or not she would be able to keep Astarion in check. She had seen a softer side of him before, but he seemed to be increasingly twisted by his anger and pain. She wasn’t sure which version of him she would get when they confronted his tormentor.

Maybe that’s why she’d chosen Halsin, his wise words and comforting presence might be worth more to her on this mission than his teeth and claws. He should also be helpful with the trapped kids, assuming her squad is able to find them. And assuming the kids are alive when they do.

And yet in the back of her mind, Gertude knew Halsin was only there because of his love for her and if he died on her behalf, she already knew she would never forgive herself. In that way, he was a massive liability to have along with them.

Oak Father preserve us, she whispered desperately under her breath. Then she took a deep breath and focused her mind. Doubts cause hesitations and hesitations get teams killed. She had to trust her instincts now. 

Karlach

Karlach hummed a little tune in her head and tapped her toes in her boots, hoping no one could tell. It was incredibly unnerving to be walking right into a palace full of bloodthirsty vampires. She wished Lae’Zel was with them. That girl never balked at anything. When they’d battled Thorm, Karlach had caught a glance of Lae’Zel’s face in the midst of absolute chaos and seen the smallest hint of a smile. The girl was absolutely insane. They needed that.

Gertrude seemed rock solid, but slightly more tense than normal. It somehow calmed Karlach and put her on edge at the same time. Astarion was unreadable. She tried giving him an encouraging smile but received nothing in return. She couldn’t really blame him though.

Having Halsin in the rear definitely made her feel safer, he was formidable once he transformed. She was glad Gertrude had chosen him for this mission. But she knew it would be a difficult one. 

The first people they encountered turned out to be mindless thralls. It was a bit unnerving to witness. As they made their way deeper into the passageway, they eventually stepped into the palace itself. Red carpets and curtains adorned the space. There were high vaulted ceilings with chandeliers.

On another occasion, she could see this being a place full of merriment, laughter, and people. Instead, it felt empty and haunted. The sound of wings filled the air and when Karlach looked up, she saw a hoard of bats passing through. Disgusted and uncomfortable, she tried to ignore the vermin. This place was messed up. 

At the end of the hall, a huge elegantly ordained door loomed above them. Gertrude tried to investigate and open it, but was unsuccessful. As they made their way downstairs, Karlach made a mental note of how many neurotic servants were scrubbing away. Despite this place being completely creepy and likely unhygienic, she didn’t actually see any dirt around. What were they cleaning?

One of the doors glowed with an evil magic energy. Karlach warned Gertrude not to go in there, but of course, they did anyway. Something about an encyclopedia? A dictionary? They’d all tried to read the writing on the fancy door, but no one was able to so apparently the book was required. Karlach was all for anything that could get them out of this place.

Further in the basement, they found the room Astarion used to be kept in. And the skeleton that used to torture him. Karlach’s eyes filled involuntarily with tears. She had to look away. Her and Halsin turned their backs while Gertrude had a moment with him.

The whole place reeked of death, blood, and decay. Karlach couldn’t imagine being stuck in here for 10 minutes, let alone 200 hundred years or however long Astarion said. This was beyond messed up. 

Gertrude

“Unforgivable” Gertrude said, barely more than a whisper, unable to meet his eyes. Astarion stayed stock-still, arms crossed, in the middle of his former cell. Blood was streaked on the wall. There were mattresses flipped over, rats scurrying underfoot, and water leaking from the ceiling. The room was completely inhabitable. And yet he had inhabited it. For decades.

“Astarion,” she said, her voice catching in her throat, “you didn’t deserve this.” She saw an almost imperceptible twitch in his eyes.

Conscious that there were others listening, she continued in a low voice, hoping the others wouldn’t hear, “I love you Astarion, I hope you know how much we all love you.”

He exhaled long and slow. His eyes softened just a touch as she raised hers to meet them. Was that a smile? 

Halsin

Halsin stood in the middle of the ballroom, his paws soaked in blood. The whole room was drenched in it. Gertrude transformed back to her elf form, breathing heavy. That battle took more out of them than it should have. They hadn’t even made it to Cazador yet.

Halsin tried to catch Gertrude’s eye, but she wouldn’t look at him. She’s afraid, Halsin realized. Gertrude made her way around to each of them, using her healing spell. When she touched his shoulder, she seemed so distant.

He nudged her free hand with his muzzle and saw a wrinkle of surprise ripple across her face. Her eyes softened and looked into his. Not afraid, sad. She scratched under his chin playfully and smiled for just a moment. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. 

Gertrude

Gertrude had taken in a lot of animals over the years. It always broke her heart to see how badly mistreated they had been. It had always been a long and slow process to rehabilitate them. To get them to trust again.

Gertrude had known Astarion was hurt, but seeing this place and witnessing him seeing it… that was heartbreaking. She wanted to get him out of this place. She wanted to take him as far away as possible. And yet she was also astonished that he was functioning as well as he was. She hadn’t realized things were this bad. And yet here he was, trusting her.

“What’s it like being back,” she’d asked him in the hallway. He’d said it was strange, but not the strangest thing they’ve done. And then he’d said it could be the most satisfying thing they’ve done, but then stopped himself and with a playfully flirtatious glint in his eye said, “Well the second most satisfying…” She couldn’t believe he was still able to crack a joke like that at a time like this!

But that was before they’d entered the ballroom. The jokes were over now. 

Downstairs, they found a prison cell full of vampire spawn. Gertrude asked if Astarion knew who the prisoners were. And that’s when he recognized Sebastian.

Astarion had lured Sebastian to Cazador’s palace 170 years ago and remembered it like it was yesterday. Astarion seemed to remember all his victims. When they looked into the cell of Gur children, he remembered them, too. Gertrude was surprised to hear it was Astarion who had captured them.

She felt a wave of conflicting emotion. Sure, Astarion had been tortured and mistreated. But he also wasn’t innocent. And it was clear he felt the weight of that. It was obvious he’d hoped Cazador had killed the people Astarion brought him, that he’d made peace with that ending for them. But this? Turning them all into vampire spawn was worse than death and Astarion knew it.

Gertrude wasn’t even sure she knew what the right answer was here. Vampire spawn with uncontrolled hunger were dangerous. And there were so many of them. Could they free these creatures? Perhaps death would be more merciful. But then again, would Astarion ever find peace if they didn’t at least try to save them?

She could feel his emotions growing stronger and then more distant. He was withdrawing into himself again.

“You’re brooding about the prisoners. Stop it,” Gertrude chided.

“You’re right, I am. How could I not, after coming face-to-face with the ghosts of my past? Actually, ghosts would have been preferable over starving vampire spawn. But you’re right, this isn’t the time. Cazador is our objective- nothing can distract me from that,” Astarion responded.

Gertrude narrowed her eyes at him but got no more of a reaction. Unconvinced he was really focused, Gertrude decided to press on anyway. 

Halsin

Gertrude and Astarion walked side by side down the long staircase and into the center of the arena to face Cazador. Halsin heard Cazador call out to Astarion, dubbing him his “prodigal son.” And then Cazador immediately reprimanded Astarion for his posture. What an unpleasant creature.

Gertrude snarled back at Cazador “he doesn’t owe you anything” but Cazador brushed her comment off like she wasn’t even there. Cazador continued picking at Astarion, belittling him for his jokes and unceasing chatter… Around camp, everyone loved Astarion’s quick wit and sense of humor. It was gut wrenching to see that turned against him.

“No! Shut up!” Astarion screamed. Gertrude told Cazador he was going to pay and then Astarion yelled “you son of a bitch” and launched himself at Cazador.

That’s when they got their first taste of the vampire lord’s true power. 

Gertrude

Gertrude was glad they’d taken some time to use potions and extra spells before the fighting started. Otherwise, this would have been a massacre.

They had to fight spread out, targeting the positions of power around the arena. She’d been able to reach Astarion and free him quickly. They needed all the bodies they could get.

Her and Halsin’s elementals were doing a substantial amount of the damage. Cazador was tricky and hard to pin down, but as they fell into the rhythm of battle, Gertrude was able to see a path to success.

It was a methodical process of whittling down his defenses. They had to be patient about their movements and take turns dealing blows.

Eventually, Gertrude and Halsin didn’t even need to keep their wild shapes. They transformed to throw long range attacks while Karlach moved in for the kill. 

As soon as Cazador was down, he raced back into his coffin. Astarion rushed over to throw the lid off and ripped Cazador’s body from it like a rag doll. 

“No, no. No healing sleep for you! Wake up!” Astarion yelled as he whipped Cazador’s body at the floor. Gertrude had never seen Astarion so energized. 

Cazador, even when clearly defeated, continued to taunt Astarion.

“I am so much more than what you made me,” Astarion declared before looking directly at Gertrude, “I can do this, but I need your help.” Gertrude met his gaze, his eyes alight with a fire that shocked and excited her.

Gertrude wanted to help him in any way she could, but with a sideways glance at Halsin, she remembered that what Astarion needed wasn’t more violence.

“I want you to live a life you’re proud of,” Gertrude said, silently willing him to hear her.

“You-” he hesitated, “you’re right.”

Gertrude’s heart soared. He was good after all.

“I can be better than him,” he said, holding her eye contact.

Gertrude felt an upsurge of emotion, she couldn’t believe how proud she was of him.

Then unexpectedly Astarion added, “but I’m not above enjoying this,” as he drove the dagger straight into Cazador’s chest.

Gertrude suppressed an eye roll and a smirk, but then took a half step back as she watched him plunge the dagger in again and again and again. Too many times. More than was necessary.

As her foot stepped back, she stumbled on Halsin’s foot. He caught her arm, steadying her, and gave her a reassuring squeeze. Gertrude looked at him, uncertain, but he seemed unbothered by the display.

Gertrude looked over to Karlach, who was smiling slightly and subtly winked when she caught Gertrude’s eye. Gertrude blinked, surprised by their reactions. And then Astarion’s sobs cut through the arena. Tears fell down his face as he knelt before Cazador’s slain body. 

Astarion stayed there for a long time, panting. Gertrude was too stunned to move.

Eventually, one of Astarion’s siblings tentatively stepped forward and asked “is… is it over? Is he…?” Astarion responded, “Yes. He’s gone.” Gertrude felt chills run down her spine. They’d really done it. It was really over. 

Gertrude encouraged Astarion to release the other spawn trapped in the prisons. “They deserve the same chance you got,” she said. Halsin agreed saying, “nature will handle their fates from here.” Gertrude was amazed by how quickly Astarion took command of the situation. He ordered his siblings to take the spawn to the Underdark. Then, exhausted, he looked over to Gertrude and said, “I… I think we’re done here. Let’s go.” 

Astarion

When they exited the palace into fresh air and sunlight, Astarion felt a relief like no other. Their entire squad was shell shocked, still processing everything that’d just happened, but he felt somehow lighter. He was free now. He was safe now. 

He felt a quiet presence beside him and knew it was Gertrude even before turning his head. Her sweet face looked up at him, her eyes full of warmth and love.

“I’m so proud of you Astarion,” she said. “You did the right thing.”

Astarion wasn’t sure he had. He felt numb and disoriented. But what he did know was that this was the first time he was able to meet her gaze without a pang of guilt. And that was certainly worth something.

S1 E17 12:32 | After a tense moment with Whistler, Lucy goes to check on Ernie by asking him if he needs anything to eat or drink

S1 E17 12:44 | After repeatedly saying no while continuing to work, Ernie has the sudden realization that Lucy might actually be checking in on him while internally wishing someone would check in on her…

S1 E17 12:45 | Ernie fully turns around in his chair, makes direct eye contact with Lucy, giving her his full attention, and asks if she’s okay

S1 E17 14:20 | Instead of answering his question, Lucy changes the subject and starts asking Ernie about the code he’s running. Ernie tells her about it but still attempts to give her some advice

S1 E19 7:03 | Ernie hands Lucy an envelope with a document showing that he got her a session with a kahuna who can lead her through a prayer of healing and forgiveness because of what happened with Whistler (even though he doesn’t know exactly what happened). She says she’s fine and Ernie says he wonders if she could be more fine

S1 E19 23:15 | Lucy comes into Ernie’s office and he asks if she’s made her appointment yet. She responds saying she will and he can stop worrying about her. He gives her a knowing look that shows he doesn’t believe she’s fine

S1 E19 23:30 | Ernie leans in and asks Lucy how Whistler broke her heart. He lists a few possible causes. Lucy responds by putting her head down and saying “Ernie” like she’s about to tell him to leave her alone. And then Ernie says he hopes none of those things happened to her but he says something did happen and she’s sad. It’s a simple but powerful statement

S1 E19 23:52 | Without giving her time to deny it, he elaborates saying she’s really sad and he can read it all over her face. In my opinion, this is something only someone who has similarly suffered from depression could recognize in another person. And he’s not saying it to be rude or to pressure her, he’s saying it from a place of deep empathy and concern. And you can see her emotions bubble up as she is finally forced to admit it to herself, thus ending the denial stage of her grief cycle with Whistler’s break up

S1 E19 24:01 | Then he reassures her telling her she’ll be fine… Eventually. And he reaches out and tells her he just wants to help her be fine faster. In doing so, he makes the important distinction that grief needs to be felt and he is willing to support her in that process, not that he thinks she can just flip a switch and make all the grief go away. This is something most people consoling someone in grief get wrong. They try to cheer the person up and wish the bad feelings away. This is not what Ernie does. Ernie meets her where she’s at, points out that he can see her struggling, and then tells her that he’s going to be there for her and she works through the grief. So. Important.

S1 E19 24:09 | And then he does something else really important. He sits with her in silence for a moment and gives her space to feel and process. It takes her a moment to collect herself before she brings the conversation back to work and Ernie refocuses without pressuring her to keep talking and moves on to the work stuff

S1 E19 38:20 | Lucy comes by to tell Ernie she made her appointment and Ernie congratulates her and says to let him know how it goes. Pure support, no ego. And then he asks how Lucy and Whistler met, helping her relive a happy memory, which is so helpful when in grief ❤️